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Reflections of Mamie - A Story of Survival
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January BOTM Discussion
Thank you, Kirstin for beginning this discussion. I have read Mamie's book and am so happy her book won this contest as I look forward to discussing the unique aspects of this memoir with others. A few months ago when it first came out, I emailed over a thousand of my counseling colleagues on LinkedIn and recommended it as a very psychologically healthy book for anyone who has experienced childhood abuse (or is trying to understand how people can over come it). I look forward to discussing with others here, once others have had a chance to buy and read it, just why this particular book on abuse caught my attention above many others I have read in my profession. Have a great New Year and we shall all be starting it off positively with this great book to explore!
Happy New Year Everyone. My name is Rosemary “Mamie” Adkins but my friends and family call me Mamie and I invite you to do the same. I want to thank everyone for voting for my book and others for welcoming me here. It is an honor beyond any words I could say to receive this chance to be a winner for the January 2014 Book of the Month. It took me sixteen years to write this book fighting the demons that raged inside my heart while trying to recall yet forget the terrors that surrounded my journey in life.
The story begins in the early 1950's suburbs of Houston, Texas. Mamie is a young child of four who was unwanted, afraid, abused and with nowhere to turn, learned that she had to stand alone. Her only friends were her older brother, an abused child himself, and her nanny, who begged their mother to stop beating them. The father, though he loved his children, remained passive to the end. A victim himself, the only protection he offered was a warning to stay out of their mother's reach.
As you walk the journey with me, you will laugh and cry at the crazy plans I made to escape. Then you will learn how my spirit with the Never Give Up attitude works out in the end.
REVIEW:
12/29 Clayton Bye rated a book 5 of 5 stars Reflections of Mamie - A Story of Survival by Rosemary "Mamie" Adkins
bookshelves: memoir
Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival
by Rosemary "Mamie" Adkins
AVIVA Publishing, 2013
ISBN: 978-1-938686-53-5
Hard Cover
286 pages
Memoir
Reflections of Mamie is a book you cannot read without being touched. Whether it be the gratitude shown so clearly to many of us in her life or the support of such important charities as DREAM CATCHERS for ABUSED CHILDREN or the moment when she reveals that her mother used to beat her with a coat hanger until the flesh was ripped from her tiny body, Mamie takes our hand and guides us through her life, her dreams and her hopes until we finally see her for the vibrant survivor she is.
A member of my family bought Mamie's book and declared it to be the best book she/he had ever read.
"What was it to me?" I asked myself.
The answer is not simple. I admire Mamie greatly—for the strength of spirit she showed by writing a book about the private details of a life where the abuse never really ended until the day her mother died, when Mamie was a grown woman still looking for a simple "I love you." she never did get. I treasure her capacity to make friends and forge unusually strong bonds, something you can see developing as you read the book. And I love her for her ability to hold her dreams and her hopes close, to never let go of them in the face of tremendous adversity, both as a child and now as a mature woman. Mamie is a light for other victims and a teacher for those of us who will never know the kind of suffering she writes about in her memoir.
If I had to guess, I would say that Reflections of Mamie is garnering so many accolades because there is no guile in her writing. This book is an honest account of a child who should have been left irreparable but who refused to give up and who learned, as an adult, to trust and to love far more deeply than most of us.
Read it yourself...
Copyright © 2013 Clayton Clifford Bye
SPECIAL OFFER:
PAPERBACK: $15. which includes shipping Media Mail inside the Continental USA
Just write to me at:
E-Mail: [email protected]
I can invoice through PayPal and ship immediately
A signed book plate is available to anyone buying my book -just e-mail me.
Thank you Martha for your opinion regarding the ways you have found my book useful. I would be interested in hearing more from your point of view.Mamie
Congratulations on this amazing award Rosemary. I know personally just how hard you worked on producing this book and the heartache you suffered as you dredged up those horrific memories, that you might be able to help even one abuse victim to learn that survival is possible. Thanks for sharing how you managed to persevere through it all - by hope, dreaming and of course, never giving up.
Linda, thank you for the support given to me while I did walk through the maze of memories that have haunted me for years. I have always believed that if YOU NEVER GIVE UP, you can change most anything in life. You just can't give up yourself for anyone. Helping at least the one person wherever they are in the abuse chain does make it all worth while.
FYI: Correction to review post-The page count is 296 pages.My book is available through Amazon in both E-Book format as well as other sites and available world wide to order from any book store. You can visit my website for a few of the many locations it can be found on the shelves at: http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Have a wonderful first day of the year!
Amazing book of survival and child abuse. I am a friend of Rosemary's and can testify that this book is not a novel. It is a true story written from the heart. By sharing her story with us she has opened the door for others to come forward and know they are not alone.
Hello Marty,Your support over the years has been one of the reasons facing the demons were possible in order to write this book. I knew I needed to reach out and try to keep someone-anyone- from giving up. Your friendship (everyone needs to have that someone special) has helped me through these times and is a special treasure. I'm glad you enjoyed my book and believe it will help others. It's the most important reason I have for writing it. Thank You... My motto in life has always been: NEVER GIVE UP!
Hi everybody, I'm looking forward to this discussion.
HI Delinda,Welcome. I am excited to have you here and hope to answer any questions you may have.
Hi Rosemary - I read your previous book Extraordinary Dreams of an Ireland Traveler and loved it but Reflections of Mamie is your signature piece. Without being specific, do you get positive feedback from people that your book is or has helped? Hope is a wonderful thing and I feel that your book will inspire many to make the climb to their safe place.
Hello Linda,The best way I know to answer this is to tell you that when I first published my new book, because I wanted to reach out and help that someone who was lost, I printed my book with contact information to include my telephone number and address. People from all over have called or written and some I speak to on a regular basis and have become close to. They have shared it helped them feel connected to someone that has shared the same journey as they are either now in or have been in the past. I am NOT a counselor but I am willing to listen, share and suggest a place to contact to get help working through the many issues you carrying around from this type of life you have endured.
Being abused you find yourself not trusting easily but need a connection that won't judge you for the mistakes you make while trying to find that "normal life" and my hope was to be that someone you can trust. Without a support system or close ties it takes such a long time to recover or find yourself like it did for me-It took me until I was over 60 to really find out how I was defined without the stigma of abuse hanging around my head. Everyone deserves this peace and should not have to wait so long.
Linda, I hope this answers your question but if I can help further, please let me know.
Rosemary, I wanted to ask you a couple of questions about your book and experiences and I will ask them without giving away any book details for those who have not had a chance to read your book just yet. Here goes: As a counselor for many years, I found that there is a huge difference between how someone feels about themselves if they have never felt loved by a parent versus someone who has some memories of early childhood bonding with a parent and of once being loved and cared for, even if it is only a tiny fleeting memory of being cared for as you have in your book. I have been recommending your memoir, Rosemary, to people of severe child abuse and my colleagues in counseling because it demonstrates so beautifully that a person can recover one of these forgotten moments of bonding in childhood with a parent/s and how important it is to the healing process to allow oneself the time to access these important buried memories. As you already know, the positive memories are certainly not the first memories that surface to the consciousness of a person who has been severely abused as a child, but your book is a powerful demonstration of how persistent inner work on severe abuse issues (and in your case it was through writing your memoir) leads to hope and recovery through finding the jewel in the rough of your experiences. My questions are: DId you feel the impact of remembering and reliving the fleeting moments of being cared for as important in your recovery? And can you describe your process of remembering your story so others may follow your guidance?
Dearest Martha,Your interest in what's behind this process for my memory retrieval and your recommendation of my book has really touched me and I thank you. As I have said, feeling alone is a huge issue that takes a very long time to overcome.
As a child growing up when my friends would giggle with excitement about something they had done with their mothers it always hurt and I was envious of them because I did not ever experience those close bonding moments I could even reflect upon or so I had thought.
In fact Martha, it was years later when I decided to try to write again that all I could recall was hurt-bitterness-rejection and solitude. When I began to write, nothing good would surface and if there were any family outings, they were locked away in the depths of my mind with the painful memories of abuse. Even some of the worse abusive attacks remained locked so far away, I had a difficult time filling a page with anything of importance to discuss. Even with those memories I had recalled, I ask those that would know if I had remembered them correctly and told yes but to dig deeper as I had only scratched the surface!
Only sadness, despair and anger flowed through the pages and my mind that were really useless to anyone including myself. So again, I put it away for years and would try every so often to write but still the memories would not come back clear enough to write a chapter in my book until the day she-my Mother, moved on to another world leaving me wanting what I had never had. But had I?
One day I had been speaking with my friend Susan and told her I was stuck and she recommended a ghost writer that helped people recall memories with certain exercises. Although I did not use a ghost writer, I had every reason to want to find a way to recall my memories so I called her.
I had always connected my surroundings with the lyrics to music so her advise made perfect sense. She advised me to get out photos from the past-whatever they were and put them on a wall or board-maybe even enlarge them so I could look at it as viewing a movie screen. And guessing what age I was in the photograph, to add music from that time.
Martha! It was the most incredible break through..I was suddenly in the car with my Mother holding me trying to warm my badly frost bitten feet and legs telling me to stop crying and soon I would be ok. It was like a miracle-a revelation-my Mother had actually held me and given me, even if for a short time, the love I so needed. The impact of remembering that moment in time was huge! My book took a turn-in a different direction-one that could talk about my desire to escape but without all the overtones of bitterness and hatred. The words flowed and when I discovered that music was such an influence in my conscience mind, it got even better.
I just completely allowed myself to relish in that moment while memories of all other types came flooding back. I did not have a lot of these great memories but I had opened my heart and mind and was receptive to any and all memories good and bad for the very first time. And for the very first time truly knew what that fleeting moment of love felt like to own.
I moved further to help myself in memory recall by find a performer of piano music that brought tears of sadness and joy that I listened to every time I would write-perhaps you have heard of Charles Suniga but he lives at my favorite place on earth-by the sea and so his music flowed as though sweeping the troubles right from my heart and washing them away.
These exercises of memory recall worked and for me allowed me to feel love at some very brief episodes but was how my road to recovery began.
In closing, I would like to share one fact provided to me from Dreamcatchers for Abused Children and invite you and everyone to watch my video by clicking the link below.
Today 6 children will commit suicide:
My YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5DFx...
Thank you for Caring,
Mamie
Thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey with us, Mamie. What you have said is exactly what makes your memoir so special, that you demonstrated how to keep digging into the unconscious memory until one sees a glimpse of the light of day.
Mamie, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your heartfelt journey. You are an incredible person with immense strength.
Thank you Martha for the comments. I am filled with gratitude that you felt strong enough to share my journey with other professionals looking to help those that walked my path as well. Forgive the delay in response but today was such a busy one with our volunteer work. Please come again and offer us other helpful information when possible with just how other victims of abuse can find help. As I said, I am not a counselor -just a person willing to listen.
Good Morning Again!I was just informed the video link did not open or was incomplete-So Sorry but one worth watching so here it is again.
Thanks for your patience and we will return later for any questions.
Untreated child abuse increases the likelihood of arrest for a violent crime by 38 percent
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN0j6...
Thank you Cynthia. Deleting the wrong message this morning-I need another cup of coffee before posting but wanted you to know I appreciated your visit and hope you will come back!
Good Night Everyone.Another great day awaits us tomorrow morning but I would like to end the day with another fact abut child abuse provided to us by Dreamcatchers for Abused Children. Please remember to love your children and NEVER GIVE UP.
Untreated child abuse increases the likelihood of arrest for a violent crime by 38 percent
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5DFx...
See you tomorrow!
Mamie
I had seen your two YouTube videos before and just watched them again. They speak volumes about this serious issue of child abuse and capture the essence of this travesty toward children. I know there are many forms of abuse but in my view, none more tragic than that perpetrated against a helpless child unable to defend herself and whose only purpose in the relationship is to get her mother to love her. The music by Charles is hauntingly beautiful and an excellent selection. I am so honored to have a CD of his best selection.
Linda wrote: "I had seen your two YouTube videos before and just watched them again. They speak volumes about this serious issue of child abuse and capture the essence of this travesty toward children. I know ..."Linda, I watched Mamie's YouTube videos as well and thought they were excellent, very moving.
Good Morning Linda and Martha. Do either of you have a special chapter in the book that spoke to you or that you feel should be shared? An excerpt? I invite anyone that is in this abusive problem now or were to please let me know how you feel-perhaps share what you feel the public around us should do to help?
This video was created to provide an awareness of the types of abuse but only scratches the surface. The idea was not to upset the general population but to demonstrate the many reasons people need to REACT when they know of or witness abuse. If our society were to "get involved" which is what so many do NOT want to do, then perhaps this atrocity of abuse would not destroy so many that could be our leaders for tomorrow. Safeguarding our children needs to be our largest priority and they definitely need to be protected.
Thank you again for your comments.
Mamie
I thought carefully about which chapter best reflected the depth of abuse you suffered and could have chosen any number. One that stands out for me is Chapter 8, Sara's Revenge, wherein the abuse events had escalated to an unconscionable level. Yes, it continued to get worse, but most children would have broken at this point and perhaps have lost their will altogether but you found a way to survive.
Rosemary, as I have stated earlier, the parts of the memoir that were most remarkable were when you discovered fleeting moments of being nurtured by your highly abusive mother like the scene in the car as she held you tightly to warm you up. This was such a pivoting point and unfortunately many people stop reflecting before they get to that point of having a positive feeling memory.
Again, thank you Linda for your comment. Yes, the chapter titled Sara's Revenge was probably one of the worst to relive and certainly was an experience that no one should ever have to live through.
After this cruel beating with a weapon capable of delivering unmeasurable pain, for a brief few minutes I felt like giving in but instead, for whatever reason, I did find my strength. Can you imagine what it feels like to be beat with a coat hanger having your flesh ripped away?
I vowed that if she did not kill me this time I would not ever allow her to break my spirit- I would NEVER GIVE UP. Linda, it is again, how I survived the years ahead of abuse and found my way out.
If anyone would like to know more, I invite them to write to me. I'm happy to answer any question that I can - Is there anyone following this discussion that can add information for abuse victims or who would like to share a part of their own story? Sharing is how we help others and ourselves heal.
I invite our viewers of this discussion to write to me or visit my web site at: http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com and share.
Thank you again Linda and I hope you return.
Mamie
Martha wrote: "Rosemary, as I have stated earlier, the parts of the memoir that were most remarkable were when you discovered fleeting moments of being nurtured by your highly abusive mother like the scene in the..."Martha, I'm sorry, of course you did tell me about what you had felt the most important message in my book. Remembering the fact that shared moments of "love" were there for my mother and I. It was a memory in my book that felt so good to share. In time, I hope to remember more.
Martha with your background and the depth of your understanding this subject, I hope you too will return and offer us further comments.
I invite you to please leave any information you feel useful and return with any other questions.
Thank you again,
Mamie
Another day has come close to the end and I just wanted to share one thing tonight. No matter what you are dealing with, Keep your chin up as life will get better and NEVER GIVE UP!Need someone to listen. I'm here. Just write to me at:
http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Have a question or comment-please leave it here too and I will answer you. Want more information about my book, just ask.
Have a great night and I will see you tomorrow!
Mamie
My review of Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival speaks for itself. What I would like you to understand is that Mamie came through her childhood with a special gift intact. She never lost her capacity to care about others and to accept such care in return. This is a marvelous gift, one I have been lucky enough to experience. Mamie truly did survive her childhood--and then some!
Clayton wrote: "My review of Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival speaks for itself. What I would like you to understand is that Mamie came through her childhood with a special gift intact. She never lost he..."Thank you Clayton for such special words of compassion. I would love to invite you to ask me any question about the book or my life that may have you wondering what lies behind something you read.
I have received direct e-mails with special questions from readers but invite them here as well.
Once more thank you for stopping in and please come back with whatever comment or question you may have.
Mamie
Dear Mamie,Your portrait of your father is somewhat ambiguous. Do you believe he turned a blind eye to your mother's behaviour, because he wasn't capable of dealing with the abuse, or do you believe there was some other reason? I ask this question as his behaviour seems to have added to the abuse, rather than providing a much needed haven for you. Even more importantly your father did not act as a champion for you against your mother. What are your thoughts on this?
Clayton wrote: "Dear Mamie,Your portrait of your father is somewhat ambiguous. Do you believe he turned a blind eye to your mother's behaviour, because he wasn't capable of dealing with the abuse, or do you beli..."
Clayton I have thought about this for many years and the only thing that makes sense to me was that he was a soft gentle man that was overrun by my Mothers behavior of dominance.
Once that cycle began, he simply forgot how to stand up and have his own voice heard. She was not a bit intimidated by anyone nor did she pass up the opportunity to be both physically and mentally abusive to my Father.
Yes, he indeed was not a protector except in the times they separated and by he taking me along with him but he always returned.
For years, I never understood that either but when trying to comprehend it all, he really has not done anything more than I have.
I too always returned for that approval and love I longed for-perhaps that was his reason as well. I have always wished he had stood up for me and protected me but times were different then and I believe he may have felt that if he walked away from our lives together, he would never be there if things became worse than they were already.
Abuse in our home was triggered easily for all of us, he included.
Thank you Clayton for giving this issue so much thought. If I have not replied in a way that makes sense, please let me know so I can approach this another way. Do feel free to return with any other questions.
Mamie
Good Night All.Tomorrow I would like to invite you to ask whatever question you may have regarding my book, the abuse trail I walked and how I found my way out.
Learn why The Write Room supports Dream-Catchers for Abused Children. Mamie tells the story at http://www.thewriteroomblog.com/?p=1038
See You Tomorrow!
Mamie
Hello Rosemary - my sister is not a member of Goodreads but has asked me to add her question to the discussion because she has read your book. "Since you wrote about that one instance of your mother showing affection toward you when you were at the cemetery, has it triggered any new fond memories or was it just that once?"
Also, may I add to Linda's question: Did those fond memories influence your strength to write your memoir?
Linda wrote: "Hello Rosemary - my sister is not a member of Goodreads but has asked me to add her question to the discussion because she has read your book. "Since you wrote about that one instance of your moth..."
Hello Linda. Please thank your sister for caring to ask her question regarding my memories of any love connections.
I have been working very hard to retrieve any fond memories and then trying to connect them with a special bond with my Mother.
Recently I ran across a photograph of our family on burros as we rode them on a windy trail in Wichita Falls and for some reason it feels as though that may have been a nice memory but I have not yet retrieved it. The photo included all five of us so I certainly am hoping that good things return to my mind.
When viewing the photo, it is clear from body language that I sat tall in the saddle as though to project confidence but at this time I am unuclear as to it being because I felt that way or if it was that attitude I carried to Never Give Up!
I am not next to my mother - we are separated with my younger brother and then my dad and my older brother. That gives me a feeling there may have been yet another issue that day but I keep hoping.
I'm sad to say that at this time, I cannot recall any other happy or "feelings of love" connections between my abuser and myself.
Thank you again and I'm sorry if this disappoints your sister but I'm still digging. If there was one memory, there must be or hopefully are more in eighteen years living at home. I will keep on searching for those moments in time.
Mamie
Martha wrote: "Also, may I add to Linda's question: Did those fond memories influence your strength to write your memoir?"Hello Martha and thank you for returning with interest in what drove me to finish my memoir.
The memory shared in my book did not influence my publishing this book but there is one thing I can share with you.
When I began writing this book sixteen years ago it was written with hatred and bitterness so I abandoned the effort to write it as it was of no value to me or anyone else.
Each time I picked it up it was the same but drive to empty or purge these memories kept driving me to begin again and again.
The last time I pulled the papers out with written text I had hoped would become a book, I studied them in an effort to reach out finding clues of memories that could possibly allow me to finish a book with value. My work had been stuck in the first few chapters with little feelings of hope but I had finally found a way without so much despair.
Martha, once I discovered the happy or loved moment while writing, I was able to go back and rewrite text with a happier feeling-one that allowed me to hope for more. In this regard, that memory retrieval was a huge break through and definitely influenced the way in which the balance of my book was written and a rewrite of the beginning.
The strength I found knowing that "love" had played a part in my life growing up was such a surprise and it did reflect the way in which I presented the facts of my story. It did not change the facts of abuse but it allowed me to write them with a softer edge that did not break me so badly as it had for years prior.
I shed many tears while writing this book and retrieving those painful memories but strongly recommend anyone in the path of abuse to write even though they may have no thoughts of publishing. Because I did retrieve that one memory I wanted to share my story in hopes that others will 'Never Give Up' and know they are not alone.
It also allowed me or encouraged me to look for more.
Thank you again-this was a most interesting question posed by you and Linda. Actually, it may even help me keep looking in different ways to retrieve whatever happy times there may have been.
Mamie
It's that time again to wish you a good night.But before I go, I would love to ask a question and hope many will respond.
I love to use photographs in books and have included many in both of my books...do you think that the use of photos helps the reader to identify with the characters in he book?
One fact for today:
Did you know that 60 MILLION survivors are former victims of child sexual abuse in America today?
Talk Tomorrow,
Mamie
Good Evening Everyone!Tonight I thought I would close a bit early so you could respond sooner if you wish. Sharing below is an excerpt from my book Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival and taken from Chapter 8-Sara's Revenge. If you are squeamish you may not want to read this. The is one of the many memories of abuse that no child should ever know. As you read below, please remember it's the memory of a young child:
"Mother ripped the clothes from my body and dragged me by the hair into the bathroom where she shoved me into the bath and turned on the cold water full force. She waited until the water ran icy cold and then held me down until it took my breath away. As I surfaced, I screamed in pain, promising to be good and never do anything again to make her angry. I begged her to stop but she was just getting started. Out came the wire coat hanger which she beat me with until my hips were spurting blood. I could literally feel the jagged edges of the hanger tearing the flesh from my body."
Question:
Can a child ever do anything serious enough to deserve such a beating?
(Note - this was not a mere spanking but a severe act of criminal abuse with the use of anything that came in handy such as belts, buckles, coat hangers and boiling water. For more details about this beating, see Chapter 8 - Sara's Revenge)
http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Any comments are welcome.
See you again tomorrow!
Mamie
Rosemary asked: "Question: Can a child ever do anything serious enough to deserve such a beating?"
I am sorry that you feel you even need to ask that question, but abused children as they become adults in recovery do need to ask that question and reassess their past blame upon themselves. Answer is, of course, "Absolutely Never!" A child deserves unconditional love, never violence. As a counselor, I have listened to others reflect upon this extent of horror endured as children and there is always the feeling left in the child's mind that carries into adulthood, "I deserve ill and violent treatment.?" It is hard to recover a feeling of worth after such beatings. But feeling into the experience and talking about it with others does seem to give some fresh air and hopefulness to the horrific impact. Most people I have counseled with on a similar level of childhood abuse have never completely recovered and need constant love, support, and attention to help overcome the deep negative lesson that they had inflicted upon them.
You have asked a very important question and I also hope to hear from others on this question as it is at the seat of living with the experience of being an adult who endured childhood abuse.
Hi Rosemary,One of the things I've learned over the years is that people, as hard as they try, can't put themselves in the position of people whose experiences they have never before encountered--the severely depressed, people who have anorexia and the abused come to mind. So, while chapter 8 may have been terribly hard for you to write, it helps to pull the reader further into your world. Personally, I'll never forget the image of flesh being flayed off with a coat-hanger. I can't know what you went through, but the short image is horrific enough it left me with a brief insight to build on.
We need people like you who have the courage to build such images, to construct bridges to help us reach places where we might, just for a few moments understand the horror people like you have experienced day in and day out.
Clayton Bye
author, editor and publisher.
Martha wrote: "Rosemary asked: "Question: Can a child ever do anything serious enough to deserve such a beating?"
I am sorry that you feel you even need to ask that question, but abused children as they become..."
Martha, it is comforting to know that there are counselors that truly understand what an abused person feels and how it lingers into adulthood.
I had posted this question because though I feel I have finally come to peace with it, I understand that it was never my doing or my fault my mother did not respond to me properly.
This question actually lingered in my mind through adulthood as I longed to be loved and it took her death before I realized there was nothing I could have ever done to make a difference or to avoid the beatings. I also realized that it was never a deserved reaction between child and parent.
The one lingering effect of such a life as a child is in finding my self worth but I have much improved since the finish of my book. Even through adulthood she managed to undermine my confidence and sometimes I still feel the sting of her words.
You are so correct about the need to talk about it which I never did-I kept my silence with even my husband and daughter until the last year and by sharing am able to let go of so many memories that once tortured me.
Again, I thank you for your input as a professional.
Mamie
Mamie, I had a question as I read your deep and moving book and that is:
What was it like to spend time around your mother in adult life? I just can not imagine how that must have been for you.
—Michael
Clayton wrote: "Hi Rosemary,One of the things I've learned over the years is that people, as hard as they try, can't put themselves in the position of people whose experiences they have never before encountered-..."
Hello Clayton,
Your comments have touched me again with respect that my book can reach another author, editor and publisher. As with Martha who is a counselor and accomplished author, the comments from the two of you have certainly helped the cause in need of being worthy.
I worked with an excellent editor who held my hand while I relived these awful memories allowing me to describe the pain and torture in the scene you have been described as leaving you with a vivid image and impact.
I was once told by another reader that he felt he was watching a film unfold before his eyes in many parts of the book but I hope it also left he and you with many feelings of hope. There were many other memories I have not shared but I wanted there to be a balance inside my story between torture and the reality of dreams.
Not all stories have a happy ending but there have been so many positive aspects in my life that happy endings do offer me hope, all of which my readers can see and feel for themselves.
Please do come back and share again.
Clayton did you, Martha or anyone out there know that TODAY 6 children will commit suicide?
I know I have posted this video before, but after the question and comments today, I invite you to please view it again and tell me how it leaves you feeling.
Did you get the message we are discussing here? If so, please share this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN0j6...
Thank you again,
Mamie
Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival
http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Before I say GoodNight, I would love to share one more thing.The music arrangement in both my videos by written and performed by Charles Suniga of Moments in Time. It was with his blessings we were able to use this touching music and one very important ways I was able to focus while writing these memories of the past.
Check out his web site:
http://www.momentsofpeace.com/index.html
Click on the link BUY/LISTEN and hear it for yourself. I have bought all these CD's and thank him with all my heart for helping me find myself.
Now-Good Night!!
Mamie
Silver wrote: "Mamie, I had a question as I read your deep and moving book and that is:
What was it like to spend time around your mother in adult life? I just can not imagine how that must have been for you.
—..."
Hello and Welcome Michael
I want to thank you for your visit and interest for leaving me a question.
This question is a mixed bag for my reply as as an adult. This time in life was my choice to be around my Mother rather than as a child with no other choice.
Michael, as an adult while I spent time with my Mother, I was always after her approval and a connection so I put up with many of her demands on my time and on my very self worth. She was constantly asking me why I was not more like my younger brother or like the "new found daughter" she had found in a neighbor or elsewhere.
My Mother was very good at playing games with me.
She would make me feel as though I mattered and I ate that up like it was the very core of my being.
But, as soon as she found another person that she enjoyed (woman) then I was no longer the focus of her attention and would hear such things as "Why can't you be more like ???-the ? marks would and stands for whomever that persons name would be.
I was replaced easily with anyone else as her daughter. Michael, it was like a merry-go-round that I never got off of.
I took care of her when she was sick and took her places she hated to go alone but if ANYONE ELSE was ever available she always chose them making me crawl for the attention again.
This cycle went on for years and she would go through spells where she would physically throw me out of her home and not speak for months at a time.
Life with my Mother as an adult was really not much different than as a child as she never stopped abusing me. I still do not understand my returning for more but believe it was a normal reaction for my deep desire to be her "special daughter" which never came.
Over the years I tried so many ways to make her be proud of who I was or am but could never quite measure up to her expectations.
My relationship with her was just as lonely as when a child but it was me that kept going back for more in hopes of that approval and love she could show so easily to others.
Even on her dying day, she could or would not ever be the Mother I had always wanted-one that truly loved me for who I was.
I hope this answered your question but if there is still anything not answered, please ask again.
Many thanks for caring.
Mamie
Hello Again and Good Night.I would like to leave for you tonight one thought.
Statistics provided to me from Dreamcatchers for Abused Children stated that Untreated child abuse increases the likelihood of arrest for a violent crime by age 38.
If you know someone that needs help fighting demons of the past, please reach out and help them before their lives are lost forever just because someone abused them and none helped!
Thank you for visiting and please come again and feel free to ask any question you like about my book or life of abuse.
Mamie
Reflections of Mamie:
A Story of Abuse
http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Thank you, Mamie, that does answer my question. I do have one more question and that is "who were the positive influences in your life?" — both childhood and adult life — that helped you the most? I know from reading you book that your nanny was extremely important in childhood. Would you say that her early influence was vital and truly instrumental in your ability to finally recover?
Thanks, Mamie, for talking about this with us as I know it is very personal.
Michael
Silver wrote: "Thank you, Mamie, that does answer my question. I do have one more question and that is "who were the positive influences in your life?" — both childhood and adult life — that helped you the most..."
Hello Michael, This has certainly been a busy day but nothing more important to me than talking with you.
Michael, this is a personal question but I don't mind sharing the answer with you. I have given this thought throughout the day to find a simple answer but the truth is Colena, my Nanny and my older Brother, Herb were two of the most important people in my life while growing up. It was from their acts of love that gave me the strength to fight what was necessary in order to Never Give Up. Later I have discovered while healing the love from them were certainly instrumental in the long term healing process.
As I grew older, while I held tight to these memories of love, I made other friends that became life long relationships. One such friend is Ganelle whom I share in my book. She gave me hope of a new future and took me by the hand and helped me learn a profession in accounting where my life was a challenge but allowed me to build some self esteem.
Many years later came my husband Doug, and daughter Kecia that became my entire life and I was able to focus on loving and being loved. This was very different for me even though I had many opportunities to be loved, I couldn't as I just never knew how.
Over the years, I have found others that have impacted my life and each of these people offered their love and friendships that became a different focus for me to learn more about love and being loved.
A new career was taught to me by a professional that also gave me a chance to better my life and Tony showed me that friends and family were bonds that shared in ways that don't hurt one another.
Michael, I am not sure where to end the answer here but to tell you that through my life there have been many special people where I have found my place in life healing each day and giving thanks for each of these special friends.
Once I was able to find my voice and write again, I found yet other friends that shared my interest and a few that I grew a bond with and began to feel close as though they were extended family.
Though life started out in a cruel way for me, giving up was not an option and now, I feel blessed that the lessons, journeys, love and friendships were how I became whom I am today. Without these connections in life, things could have been so much worse.
Michael I would love to invite you and others again to stop in and say hello on an interview I am on tomorrow. It is Blog Talk Radio where they will be talking about my book: Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival. Child abuse that haunted me for years into my adulthood is a subject I can now talk about and hopefully help others. Stop in and join us if you can.
Details are below:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/clgammon... OR CALL in at: 1-347-989-8948
The program begins at 10 am Eastern, 9 am Central, 7 AM Pacific tomorrow-that's January 18. Check out my book at: http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com
Thank you Michael for asking your question and allowing me to share this with you and others. These special people and others are in my book as they entered my life giving me the love I was so starved to find.
Mamie
We are lucky once again to have the author as part of this group. Rosemary "Mamie" Adkins is a member, and I know would love to discuss this book, and any other questions you may have.
Please, let us know what you liked, what you didn't, what lingers in your mind... I look forward to hearing your thoughts.