SciFi and Fantasy eBook Club discussion

Meet Niko, from the Sacred Band and Thieves World, he joins me today on my blog. http://libraryoferana.wordpress.com/2...

http://libraryoferana.wordpress.com/2... Come and meet Princess Anyu from the planet Beinan.

The following is an interview with Beldar Battlehammer, leader of the Kingdom's most famous band of Hirelings.

GS: Beldar, how'd you get that scar?

BB: Bah! Which one?

GS: The one where you're eye used to be!

BB: Bah! Which one?

GS: Your right eye.

BB: I was headin' up Mount Misery last week when I ran into an Ettin. Thing tried to swipe me with his club. He was too slow and stupid of course! Ha, ha, ha!

GS: But the eye?

BB: Well, when I turned to run I ran smack into a tree branch. Blasted thing took my other eye!

GS: So I guess your adventuring days are done now that you've got no eyes, right?

BB: Naw, Glinny's working on a permanent true-seeing spell for me.

GS: That would be Glinny Farcaster, the group's spellcaster.

BB: Bah! You don't think I know that?

GS: How did the band feel about you putting them back together after six months?

BB: (Calls out to barmaid) Wench, 12 more ales! (turns back) Yes, what was that? Oh, yeah, well, they weren't too happy about it at first, but when I told them they'd get paid they changed their tune.

GS: The jobs they had weren't paying them, is that it?

BB: Ha! You call a few golds a day pay! Boy, you're dumber than that shambling heap I skwered with me axe last week!

GS: Yes, well-

BB: Bah! Begone foolish human, ye've tired me with your silly words and lack of facial hair.


Well, folks, that concludes our interview with Beldar Battlehammer. If you've like to read more about his band and their latest exploits, head on over to Amazon.

The Hirelings

The following is an interview with elf Theo Da’Covale, member of the Kingdom's most famous band of Hirelings.

GS: So I heard you stopped drinking.

TD: That’s right. The last time I hit the ale flask was six months ago now.

GS: Did you get help?

TD: No, I mainly focused on work.

GS: And what’s that?

TD: Theivin’ for the Bloody Fingers, what’dya think?

GS: But I thought the Bloody Fingers were replaced by the Bloody Palm.

TD: No, no, no. The Bloody Palm is the name of the bar where the Bloody Fingers hang out. You’re thinking of the Bloody Noses.

GS: Oh, alright.

TD: Don’t worry, it happens all the time. But the thing is, the Bloody Noses have a wizard and we just have a spellcaster…or did.

GS: Isn’t it rare for a wizard to be anywhere but the Academy?

TD: It is, but you see, he accidently removed his own voice and forgot where he put it.

GS: That kind of makes it hard to cast spells, doesn’t it?

TD: It sure does. He’s only good for farts, light shows, and parlor tricks. It’s why the Bloody Fingers are #1 in Dragstown!

The Hirelings

Greg wrote: "The following is an interview with elf Theo Da’Covale, member of the Kingdom's most famous band of Hirelings.

GS: So I heard you stopped drinking.

TD: That’s right. The last time I hit the ale ..."

Another home run interview!!! It's nice to have a good giggle to start my day.

Al wrote: "Greg wrote: "The following is an interview with elf Theo Da’Covale, member of the Kingdom's most famous band of Hirelings.

GS: So I heard you stopped drinking.

TD: That’s right. The last time I..."

Thanks!

The following is an interview with barbarian Dorn Two Handles, member of the Kingdom's most famous band of Hirelings.

GS: So why do they call you ‘Two Handles?’

DTH: It’s because I can lift two mugs of ale at the same time! (Takes a monumental drink of each).

GS: Alright, I can see that now, but–

DTH: (Blows ale spray into my eyes) Can you, lad? (laughs heartily) Can you see anything?

GS: What did you see when you went up Mount Misery?

DTH: Don’t talk about that!

GS: C’mon, everyone knows you and the others went up there, that’s why GQ sent me down here.

DTH: There’s unspeakable horrors in those tunnels!

GS: Right…so is that why you just sit around the Broken Elbow and drink all day?

DTH: (puffs chest out proudly) No, I also stand around.

GS: Alright, I think this interview is over, why don’t–

DTH: Ha! Why don’t you go get an interview with our orc, Boom! You know that’s the only word he can say right? Boom!

GS: Well it sounds better than most of the rubbish I’ve heard come out of your mouth, now good day!

DTH: Oh, ho, ho! I’ll drink to that! (finishes off the two mugs and calls out for more)

The Hirelings

Here are a couple of the latest character ones:
Tempus from the Sacred Band of Stepsons http://libraryoferana.wordpress.com/2...

Ghost Horse, also from the Sacred Band The Sacred Band

http://libraryoferana.wordpress.com/2...


Admiral Ruznak from In Treachery Forged http://libraryoferana.wordpress.com/2...

An interview with Buck Mathews, head of the Mathews Family. Mr. Mathews is a robust fellow, fit and a bit muscular, who admits to being in his early 30’s. He was kind enough to allow me some of his valuable time, it being time for Spring plowing, for this interview at his rather large, 6 bedroom home several miles north of Spokane.

Buck grew up on his father’s farm in northern Idaho, but went into management consulting in Spokane after he graduated cum laude from business school. It’s strange how fate sometimes takes us full circle. It did for him.

AP: So, Mr. Mathews …

BM: That’s just “Buck”.

AP: Okay … Buck. How did all this happen?

BM: You mean the end of human life? I have no idea. I woke up and everyone was gone. Just me.

AP: That must have been pretty shocking to you.

BM: Well, yeah! I mean, how would you feel if everyone you knew suddenly vanished from the face of the earth? Just a pile of clothes and a bit of desiccated dust.

AP: I guess I wouldn’t handle that very well. So what did you do?

BM: I went back to bed.

AP: Back to bed? How anticlimactic.

BM: Seemed like a good idea at the time. I think my subconscious needed time to process the situation. I’m sure I was heading down a slippery slope to madness. Whatever, it worked.

AP: So, what did you do next?

BM: Well, I took stock of the situation and figured that whatever had happened, it looked like I was going to have to live out my life alone and I’d better get back to basics really fast. So I scouted out a nice farm about the right size — this one — and stocked it with some animals. I also started “shopping” at all the stores in Spokane for food, clothes, and anything else I could find.

It was on one of these scouting trips that I ran into Jean.

AP: Jean?

BM: That pretty black lady over there (he nods towards a good-looking lady who looks to be in her twenties, slender with long attractive legs. She’s busy in the kitchen, rolling out some sort of dough on a counter. A bit of flour is smeared across her brow.

AP: Ah, very pretty. So how did you find the other lovely ladies?

BM: Well, Gloria (he indicated a woman slightly older than himself who looked like she belonged more in a saddle than the couch she was occupying. She looked up at the sound of her name, smiled, then resumed her reading) came to us. She spotted our smoke on her way to town and investigated. Harry, the boy who seems to be everywhere at once, was shopping in town when I spotted him and his dog. By the way, he’s not as normal as he seems; Jean, who used to teach school, tells me that his IQ is well over 200. Anne and Tess, the two you passed going out the door when you came in, were in Seattle when I went over there to “pick up” a generator for our dam.

AP: (I remembered an attractive older lady in her forties and a blonde bombshell who couldn’t have been more than 20, who filled out her shirt extremely well. I’d almost tripped over the threshold when she’d undulated by me.)

BM: By the way, did you see the dam? Nice swimming and fishing in the pond behind it.

AP: Yes, I saw it and it looks like it would be a fine place to swim in the summer, but not in this cold.

BM: Smiles tolerantly.

AP: So, what are you going to do with all of this? Marry the women?

BM: All of them!? Mister, I’ve been married before. How would you like to be nagged by four women at once? I’d as soon slit my throat and die without the torture.

AP: Still, it’s just you and the four of them. And the earth needs to be repopulated.

BM: If you want that kind of grief, you’re welcome to it. (He rises, indicating that the interview is over.) I’ve got to get back to plowin’ or the ground won’t be ready for seed when it warms up in a couple of weeks.

AP: (I shook his hand and headed back out to my car. The gas probably won’t hold out much longer. I’d best think about getting a good horse.

Buck’s last words on the women rang in my head. Something about how he said it made me think that he wasn’t entirely against the idea of taking on all four women as wives. He had that look of speculation in his eyes while his words denied it. But I didn’t want to press him on it. He’s a good 3 inches taller than I am and looks a heck of a lot stronger.

I’ll try to do a follow-up interview in a year to see what’s going on. That is, if I survive. I’d best think about getting a farm of my own. Maybe Buck will give me some tips on how to manage one. I grew up in the city and the selections at the grocery stores are getting a bit thin. Some of the cans are starting to show rust and the power’s been out for several months.)


Children of Destruction