Bisky's Twitterling's Scribbles! discussion

Are there any women in this group who are mothers? I'm wondering how you did with writing while pregnant.

I'm 14w4d right now, and I'm worried. I'm worried because I'm struggling to write--not because I've got writer's block but because I just can't bring myself to sit down and do it.

Most of January and February, I was exhausted. That's normal in the first trimester, of course. As I've gotten into my second trimester, I've felt a lot better. The nausea is hanging around but it's almost gone. My exhaustion lifted a couple weeks ago, even though I'm still tired by the end of the day. I'm able to motivate myself to do chores around the house and to goof off playing video games or on social media and to read (yes, even reading was impossible in my first trimester!). But I'm struggling so much to write.

I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself. I don't know if I'm using the pregnancy as an excuse. I've got the whole book plotted out and a nice plan that I could have stuck to quite easily when I wasn't pregnant. And I'm getting further and further behind the plan--which is based on wanting to get a sequel out six months after I publish my book at the end of April--and I'm feeling so awful.

It's not even that I can't get my butt in the chair, although I struggle with that, too. It's that when I sit in front of the screen, I feel like the words aren't right or that they are like squeezing blood from a stone. Like the artistry has dried up. When I go back and read it, it's my usual stuff (which I like and am proud of, even though of course it needs polish). I just can't get it out.

Am I crazy? Has anyone else been through this? I'm afraid it will last forever, even past the pregnancy. And even if it doesn't, I still have six months left of being pregnant! I can't just not write for six months. Plus am I just using the pregnancy as an excuse now not to do the writing I theoretically want to?

I dunno about pregnant, because I've never been obviously lol, but I have a condition called ME (CFS). When it flares up, it means I get exhausted for no reason basically, an no amount of rest makes it better. One of the big symptoms is a brain fog, where you just can't concentrate. Sometimes it feels like it will last forever but sometimes you just get inspired. I'd spend the time you can't write formulating stuff in your head. That white paper is intimidating when you're tired :]

Sam, congratulations, first of all! And I didn't write much while pregnant either time, quite frankly, and you know that's unusual for me. My mind was just too frantic, too excited, too preoccupied, and I didn't push myself. But AFTER I had the babies, I was on fire. Just the flood of emotion that comes with having a baby, and the hormones, and the ridiculous hours had me itching to write. I think I was really looking for a way to be ME at that time, too, instead of the milk machine. :P And the way I felt, especially after my first child, was unlike any depth of emotion I knew before. It really opened me up to writing with more intensity, and I think it will do the same for you. The sheer fact that you WANT to write so much is the greatest step in doing it. I have all the faith in you.

Thanks, guys, you're making me feel better. :)

Jennifer - I'm definitely more tired even now, you're right. I'm in my second trimester now, and the exhaustion lifted pretty early, as least compared to what people on my Baby Center birth month boards are saying. So I'm sort of forgiving myself for being exhausted, but now that I feel less tired, I'm like, "Gah, why can't I write!" But I forget, I am tired, just not AS tired.

Bisky - Ha, yeah, that's what my entire January and most of February was like. I just couldn't focus on anything. I laid in bed, staring at the TV, too tired to even lift a book. I didn't manage to get through my book's developmental edits, which was monumental, but it still just doesn't feel like enough!

Julie - Thanks! Your tweets are both inspiring and maddening to me some days. ;) It sounds like you have super fun kids (what am I going to do if it's a BOY??). But then sometimes I'm comparing myself to your progress on Running Away, which is completely ridiculous because not only did you start writing it long before I started on my sequel, but, um, there's no reason to compare. :P But hearing your progress inspires me to keep going!

I'm glad to hear that you got your energy back when the baby was born. I'm afraid this is just going to be a never-ending thing. Once the baby is born, I expect to be half-crazed from lack of sleep due to the every-two-hour feedings. But I supposed that doesn't last forever. I hope. LOL.

Thanks, Sam. :) My kids are superfun but they are ALL CONSUMING and sometimes I am just not in the mood for their brand of fun. Which is about 35% of the day, truth be told. You'll be wonderful no matter what beautiful baby you have.

I know it's irrational to compare yourself to others, but we all do it whether we want to or not. Having a competitive side is nothing to be ashamed of, and trust me, Running Away took me 6 long, agonizing months and it won't be out for another 4 I bet. Your book takes as long as it has to. It will all come together, I'm confident in you. :)

You are so not alone in this. I am 24 weeks and I swear I am having the hardest time of my life trying to get in the zone. I was super sick the first trimester and I hardly wrote anything. But now that I have more energy I still find it hard to sit down and write. I took a bit of a break this past month and just read, as much as I could, in a wide variety of subjects. In fact I turned gears and began reading with the purpose of doing research. I thought maybe that would help me get back on track. I think it's working. Today I spent 3 hours editing, which is more than I've done in the last 4 months. It is torture though. I used to spend three hours a day before I got sick, mainly because I woke up at 5am to write (with 2 other kids it was the only time that worked). Now, 5am sounds dreadfully early. I think I'm going to try a set time every day. 10-noon maybe. I work well with a schedule and I think it might make the difference between fighting with myself to make time and find the motivation and conquering this newly discovered frustration.

Julie wrote: "My kids are superfun but they are ALL CONSUMING and sometimes I am just not in the mood for their brand of fun. Which is about 35% of the day, truth be told."

I only have the one, and I totally hear you on this... I'm just not geared to loving the kind of fun my son loves all the time.

I managed OK while pregnant, but I was only working a fairly mentally-light temporary job through it... I found myself standing around in a photocopier room copying hundreds of student lab manuals and lecture notes... and then binding them... so menial... so much time to think my own thoughts! So I was lucky.
The first couple of years weren't too bad with my son... he slept well.
But it's got hard as he's dropped his sleeps and I'm feeling more and more driven as far as my writing goes... it causes a clash... childcare to the rescue...

Bisky, my sister has ME, fibromyalgia and various other things going on. It's not fun. At least you have your writing when you can get to it. But, does that put you off publishing, at all? The fact that people seem to publish 3-4 books a year... That's almost impossible for most people, never mind being ill!

I, too, get the brain fog now and then... but mostly that is because I run short of iron. And then there's the fact I'm trying to fit in writing with mothering and working part-time, and I just get to sleep too late too often... and a brain/body just can't cope with that forever! Hoping to be able to rest a little next month, once I get this draft completed.

@M.C. - This is so very helpful. It's good to know that I'm not alone. On the one hand, I keep thinking that it's the pregnancy that has made me feel like I'm slogging through molasses to create anything. On the other hand, I'm so worried that this is the new norm ... forever and ever ... It sounds like it's one of those other, unfortunate side effects of pregnancy they don't tell you about. And like everything else, it's not the same for everyone!

@Julie & Deb - The only thing I can compare this to is my own experience of how my mom and dad sometimes look at me like, "Well, we don't understand you at all, but we love you anyway." Sometimes I'm just like, "C'mon, guys!" But I imagine that's ANY parent/child relationship. It's amazing and awe-inspiring to be able to create life ... something new where nothing was before ... But weird, too. Hah!

@S. - I don't think it will last forever. You have to consider that we are always tired right now. I swear all I want to do is sleep. Even if my body feels somewhat good, my brain feels sluggish a lot. I can't get as much done anymore because everything takes twice as long to achieve, and as a result I am exhausted, overworked, and not in the mood for a lot of things. I will let you know how my little experiment pans out, so far I've been able to keep up writing for the last three days, even if just for a couple of hours. Good luck & don't give up :-)

Deb, It makes me want to publish even more xD I also have fibro and various things, tests are still kinda on going. I find being able to do something I love is good threaphy and gets me out of the bed when I'm really sore. I had a flare up in November, just getting over it now. It's kinda hard to get a job I can do without immense amounts of pain so If I can earn through publishing and promoting it's just a bonus xP I write pretty fast when I'm able but my editor means the world to me xD

Yesterday, much to my surprise, I discovered yesterday that I'm not actually feeling unexcited about writing, I'm unexcited about my current project. That's both good news and bad news. I was blaming the pregnancy before, worrying that I'd never be able to find my groove again, but it's not the pregnancy. Yay! Except, I DO want to write what I've been struggling with, but I guess it's just not the right time.

I've moved on to another project I've been considering for awhile, and I can't stop thinking about it. I've been sneaking note-writing between meetings and last night, I was plotting in my head while watching Once Upon a Time with my husband.

Yay for finding my motivation! I guess I'm burnt out on the world, since I just spent several months doing developmental edits on Book #1. I wanted to get Book #2 all queued up for publishing in a few months, but it's not even written. I think it's all the pressure I've put on myself, as well. Well, it's not gonna be done when I want it to be. But that's ok ... as long as I'm writing!

It will all work out as long as you keep writing ^^