Support for Indie Authors discussion

In honor of today being Talk Like a Pirate Day, here is a semi-cleanish pirate joke:

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sewn to the front of his trousers. The bartender looks at the steering wheel and says to the pirate, "Wow! I can't imagine that's very comfortable!"
And the pirate replies:

"Arrr! It drives me nuts!"

Add your own pirate humor below!

"Aye me hearty!" As Quasi from Octonauts would say :)

What's a pirate's favorite food?

Arrrrrrrtichokes!

What's a pirate's favorite hobby?

Garrrrrrrrrdening!

What's a pirate's favorite movie?

Farrrrrrrrrrgo!

What's a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?

Arrrrrrrrby's!

What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?

A pirate ship, duh!

Have ye heard o' the pirate what made speeches all the time?

He were very ARRRticulate!

What's a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it be "R" but it's really the "C"

A pirate went to sea, sea, sea
To see what he could see, see, see
But all that he could see, see, see
Was the bottom of the deep blue sea, sea, sea.

Now I know why I keep getting the theme song from Pirates of the Caribbean stuck in my head. Savvy?

As a young'un, I always thought there was a set of school style lockers at the bottom of the sea and one of them had been the locker of Monkees member Davy Jones. I had no idea why pirates were Marcia Brady level obsessed with him.

Christina wrote: "As a young'un, I always thought there was a set of school style lockers at the bottom of the sea and one of them had been the locker of Monkees member Davy Jones. I had no idea why pirates were Mar..."

I was totally the same when I was a kid! I kept wondering why the lead singer of the Monkees had a locker underwater. And even when I knew it wasn't that particular Davy Jones, I still wondered why there were lockers underwater.

I now realize that the underwater lockers are obviously made of brass and wood to match the treasure chests. ;p

A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. "Gimme rum!" he shouts.

The bartender says, "we don't serve filthy creatures like him in here. Get out and don't bring him back!"

The pirate says, "arr! Me parrot be not filthy!"

The bartender says, "I was talking to the parrot."

Yes. Old, old joke.

In the local tavern, a young man meets a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. Obviously, the pirate has had an adventurous life.

“How did you lose the leg,” he asked.

“Aargh, that was in a pitched battle on the Spanish Main. Canon shot came through the rails and took me leg clean off.”

“Wow! What about the missing hand?”

“Aargh, that was a fierce and bloody sword fight with the captain of a treasure ship that we captured near the Horn. I won the fight, but lost me hand and now I have to use this bloody hook.”

“Amazing! And how did you lose the eye?”

“Seagull poop.”

“Pardon? Seagull poop?

“Aye. It was me first day with the hook.”