Support for Indie Authors discussion

We all know what a pain writing a good attention-grabbing opening line for your first chapter can be. So let's have some fun with 'em. Give me your silliest, funniest, strangest and/or most definitely attention-grabbing first line/s. Can be made up on the spot or one you actually used for a story.

I'll start....

She was beautiful; flawless skin, curling golden locks, baby blue eyes and a figure that wouldn't quit. Too bad she was a blow-up doll.

Melissa wrote: "She was beautiful; flawless skin, curling golden locks, baby blue eyes and a figure that wouldn't quit. Too bad she was a blow-up doll. "

Maybe she was the morse code operator's daughter because she didit didit didit...

Ian wrote: "Melissa wrote: "She was beautiful; flawless skin, curling golden locks, baby blue eyes and a figure that wouldn't quit. Too bad she was a blow-up doll. "

Maybe she was the morse code operator's da..."

Hee-hee! :D

If you read this opening sentence, I promise the one that follows will be much better.

My dear reader, before you delve any deeper into this work of literature - and while I do not wish to alarm you - I feel it prudent to warn you that there is something of a rather disturbing nature currently standing behind you...

It's not everyday that one finds themselves hip deep in cooling jello while nursing a broken arm, but when Stanley found himself in this exact predicament for the third time in as many months, he had to wonder if the universe was trying to tell him something.

Petulant, rude, volatile, snarky, and flat-out evil at times...and that's just the protagonist.

One of the best was from the film script for As Good As It Gets:

Melvin Udall was a pain in the ass to everyone he had ever met.

Pardon me, I don't mean to sound like a whiny git, but how long is this rapture supposed to take anyway?

Christina wrote: "Pardon me, I don't mean to sound like a whiny git, but how long is this rapture supposed to take anyway?"

That one is great!

Oh...and I'd love to hear the answer to that question!

Jay wrote: "Christina wrote: "Pardon me, I don't mean to sound like a whiny git, but how long is this rapture supposed to take anyway?"

That one is great!

Oh...and I'd love to hear the answer to that question!"

I'm imagining a stuffy professor type, pushing up his glasses and checking his watch, completely oblivious to the death, destruction, and ascending souls all around, just walking up to the nearest angel of doom and asking the question. Of course, he's ignored as the giant angel of doom pushes over a building, narrowly missing our protagonist, who harumphs and mutters, "Well! How rude!" before storming off to see if anyone can answer his question. ;)

Christina wrote: "Jay wrote: "Oh...and I'd love to hear the answer to ..."

Excellent.

Here's one from a novel I'm working on:

Margo and Thomas Bertolli's marriage could frost beer mugs.

Here are a few of mine. Have fun.

Lieutenant Jane Gould pressed the button firmly and the stars began to go out. They faded first from the aft edge of the flight deck window, reddening and dwindling away as the field took hold. Then the orthodynamic drive lifted the ship right out of real space and she was looking at the other universe behind the darkness.

I was at my own funeral, staring into the empty grave, when Bridget Waters killed me for the third time. She used a sawn off shotgun, firing across the width of the hole, and hitting me in the thigh. I think she did it on purpose - if she'd gone for a head or chest shot it would have been over before I knew what was happening.

Gregory Shaw considered getting up from the pew, grabbing the nearest pallbearer, and shouting, "For God's sake stop! It can't be Rhiannon Price you've got in that coffin. I had an e-mail from her last night, look at the printout."

Naomi Winterfrost turned to face her pursuers and screamed, "You can put your damned implants in my dead body! You'll never have me alive!" Flinging the cap into the undergrowth she tipped the powder from the bottle into her mouth and swallowed hard. But instead of the bitter taste of burnt almonds there was only a cloying, sticky sweetness. Someone had replaced her entire stock of potassium cyanide with sugar.

"Fortunately," said the young squadron leader as the Land Rover bumped across the moonlit airfield, tyres hissing through the sprinkling of snow, "all seven reindeer managed to eject before it hit the ground, or we'd be scraping diced venison off the runway."

"Mr. Clark can you tell us what the 80's were like?" The interviewer cleared his throat. "Excuse me, the uh. 1880's."

Ronnie was no longer content with pulling the legs off crickets. That bored him anymore. As did wingless dragonflies and tailless lizards. So today it was Fluffy, the long-haired tabby with the blue collar that jangled softly with the cat's subtle movements.

(From my collection of short stories.)

L.F. wrote: "Ronnie was no longer content with pulling the legs off crickets. That bored him anymore. As did wingless dragonflies and tailless lizards. So today it was Fluffy, the long-haired tabby with the ..."

Whoa! I recognized that immediately-from your "Christmas Cranberries" short story. It was wicked, deranged...and it still disturbs me to this day. Thank you!

"A whip cracked. The sound reverberated through the air like a gunshot." This is the opening to my book Diamonds Fall. It's not silly but I was majorly proud of it. It was originally midway through the 4th of 5th chapter and I read it and had something of an epiphany, where I realised the opening chapters were irrelevant and I should delete them and start the book with that line instead.

Lance wrote: "L.F. wrote: "Ronnie was no longer content with pulling the legs off crickets. That bored him anymore. As did wingless dragonflies and tailless lizards. So today it was Fluffy, the long-haired ta..."

Haha, love a good disturbing story so may have to check it out!

"You, sir, are a slimy, despicable, dim-witted cad!"

"Whitfield, you're talking to a mirror."

"I'm aware of that!"

Janet sighed in relief as the bus rolled through the final checkpoint, the severed head still safely tucked away and unnoticed in her travel bag, even though it was starting to smell.

The movies were wrong. It's not possible to walk away from an explosion cool as a cucumber. Do you realize how loud explosions are?

It was a sunny and calm morning, completely unlike last night, which was dark and story.

[The importance of catchy first sentences has been debated (here?) before. I personally don't believe they are necessary or particularly desirable. Be that as it may...the following is the only one I've actually used and it just kind of happened; I wasn't scratching my head over inventing one...]

The Head was in a jar...more or less.

A lot of opening lines with severed heads lol.

Shane wrote: "A lot of opening lines with severed heads lol."

You're right. Time to diversify.

The beast would have had me if I hadn't hit it with the severed leg I'd found.

Lol

Shane wrote: "A lot of opening lines with severed heads lol."

In my case it's more of a severed body.

Christina wrote: "Jay wrote: "Christina wrote: "Pardon me, I don't mean to sound like a whiny git, but how long is this rapture supposed to take anyway?"

That one is great!

Oh...and I'd love to hear the answer to ..."

I can easily see this having some kind of title like "Stanley vs. The End of the World," in which he sprays Pestilence with bug spray, refuses to share his crumpets with Famine, yells at War for making too much of a racket, then sits down to tea with Death because Death needs a break from cleaning up the mess of the other Three Horsemen.

Ah!!! Yes! That's perfect, Melissa. Problem is, I'm not nearly British enough to write it, so have at it! ;p

Micah wrote: "Shane wrote: "A lot of opening lines with severed heads lol."

In my case it's more of a severed body."

More importantly wheres the body?

Christina wrote: "Ah!!! Yes! That's perfect, Melissa. Problem is, I'm not nearly British enough to write it, so have at it! ;p"

I was going to make various excuses as to why I shouldn't write this as well but... I kind of want to, now.

Can Death be a lady so you can include the line:
"No please, Death is so formal, call me Sally."

From my WIP. Still not sure if I'll keep that though.

Blood spattered my face and chest while the screams of the tortured man resonated within the walls of the chamber. The severed arm that fell in my hands almost slipped to the floor.

"Try two fingers," he grunted with frustration. "One isn't working anymore."

C.B. wrote: "Can Death be a lady so you can include the line:
"No please, Death is so formal, call me Sally.""

As it turned out, Death... that is, Sally... also enjoyed gardening, listening to old records and collecting antiques. The pride and joy of her collection was George Washington. She had a bit of a crush on him, it seemed.

Shane wrote: "Micah wrote: "Shane wrote: "A lot of opening lines with severed heads lol."

In my case it's more of a severed body."

More importantly wheres the body?"

That's answered 2 paragraphs down:

The rest of his body? Well, that had gone missing long ago. Or at least his original organic body had, the one he had lived in before becoming a Head. Don’t misunderstand; his body had not gone missing by any accident of fate. No, the Head had given it up freely of his own will. After all, that’s what Heads do, or did; there aren’t many of them about nowadays.

Creepy..

Melissa wrote: "Christina wrote: "Ah!!! Yes! That's perfect, Melissa. Problem is, I'm not nearly British enough to write it, so have at it! ;p"

I was going to make various excuses as to why I shouldn't write this..."

I wanna read it!!! :)

G.G. wrote: "From my WIP. Still not sure if I'll keep that though.

Blood spattered my face and chest while the screams of the tortured man resonated within the walls of the chamber. The severed arm that fell i..."

Dang, GG! You just keep getting darker and darker! :)

Ganny stared at the man juggling butterflies, while she lost her place in the here and now.

Here's something from a project I'm working on but keep rewriting.

"Marley pursued a man into a grimy alley as quickly as possible, backing the man he was chasing into a dead end. The hooded man pulled a fudgesicle out of his pocket, and pointed it at Marley, shouting “Don’t take another step, or I’ll turn all of New York into a smoldering crater.”

Marley stopped in his tracks, about 30 paces away from the man. “Don’t even think about it.”"

Here's the opening line to my latest manuscript I'm writing for The Ed Greenwood Group (TEGG) project:

“Rapture is the breathless silence of anticipation echoing through eternity.”

From my current project that's in the beta/proofreading stages (or, as I like to call it "nagging my beta readers to actually read the thing" stages).

"Once there was a spirit who was tortured."

Here's the opening line from my latest novel Opium Warfare:

As a boy I remember my father telling me a bedtime story about the day my grandfather was decapitated.

Another severed head. Lol

Shane wrote: "Another severed head. Lol"

I may have to rename the thread "Severed Body Parts Appreciation." ;)

Lol, hey it's a good way to get someone's attention right away!

It deserves its own thread for sure. There's quite an interest in missing body parts.

I haven't decapitated anyone yet, but several of my MCs end up as amputees. ;)

I also start a chapter in the book with a guy jumping out a window to his death.

Is that a popular thing too? lol