The F-word discussion

A memoir about life inside the Playboy Mansion - more conversations on the definition of sex-positivism?

I just got this from the library - the cover definitely made me cringe a bit - not sure I'm willing to read this in public!

I'm on page 38 and I honestly have no idea what to think right now.

All sorts of people voted that they wanted to read this!

Spoilers kind of but not really? Don't know that there is much to spoil with this one...

I actually got around to reading a book in time for discussion! I liked that there was talk about emotionally/psychologically/financially abusive relationships in a mainstream title like this. At the same time, there was obviously a lot not said about her time at the mansion. The only mention of porn was when she said she cringed when she found "girl and dog". I felt like how selective she was with leaving out any other talk of porn made me question how truthful her accounts were or what else she was omitting, though the only other books I've read that mention the goings on at the mansion were Linda Lovelace's two.

I'm interested that you ended up liking it - I have to admit I've been kind of afraid of it! It's sitting right on top of my to-read pile, and every time I look at the cover, I decide I can't bear it, and reach for the book under it.

Moreso I found something to like about it than actually liking it as a whole. There was a lot that annoyed me about it too but I was trying to pull out a positive haha. I read it on my ipad so didn't have to look at the cover every time, maybe that made it easier!

Ha! That's very noble of you!

So I was absolutely against reading this until it looked like Alexa was going to have to read it by herself - then I took pity on her and decided to join. :) This one is hard for me to discuss because I can't decide whether I have internalized misogyny clouding my judgment or not. I really didn't care for Holly or her book. I'd never even heard of her or the show that made her famous until I was made aware of this book. I decided to watch the pilot to see what it was all about, and I'm really shocked that it was popular enough to last 5(?) seasons. On top of all the gross vibes of an old guy dating multiple women young enough to be his granddaughters, toward the end there was a scene where the youngest girl had to ask Hefner's permission to watch a movie on the downstairs TV after he went to bed. What??? These are grown women and they have to ask permission to watch a movie in the house they live in??

So I know I can't stand Hefner, but I can't figure out whether I pity these girls or don't like them. I think it's kind of both. I don't know how much of this situation was their own fault and how much they were victimized. There seems to be both going on. I guess there's never clear-cut lines in anything, and that makes me uncomfortable here. Holly starts out by heavily blaming the girlfriends who recruited her, but she later does the exact same thing trying to fill the spot that was later taken by Kendra. And she never seems to have the self-awareness to realize just how much she's become the woman that she hated.

Something that I learned in a psychology class was how people place internal blame on others and external blame on themselves. In other words, other people's bad behavior stems from their personality (that's just who they are), while MY bad behavior stems from my situation. That's not really who I am; it's just how my situation is affecting me. Holly exhibits this a lot. The original girlfriends were the "Mean Girls." They recruited other women and gossiped and backbit because they were mean. When Holly does these same things, it's because Hefner has robbed her of her personality and she feels hopeless and depressed. A little understanding for others would have been appreciated - maybe they were all victimized in a way. Maybe they were all mean in other ways.

The thing that really got me to read this book was part of an article in The Daily Mail when I was looking up the book:

"Hefner would not let her see a psychiatrist, fearing the doctor would just tell Madison to leave the mansion. She ended up seeing one behind his back, and realized that Hefner chose girls that were vulnerable.

'We were all young,' Madison says. 'He wasn't interested in women over 28. None of us were from a big city or affluent backgrounds. None of us had ever seen the darker side of the entertainment industry.'"

This is what I thought I would get somewhere in this book - what kind of woman chooses to get into a situation like Holly did and WHY. And though she mentions not being allowed to see a psychologist, she never even says the things about Hefner choosing women who were vulnerable. There's no kind of insight like that.

Thoughts?

You read this just on my account?! That is so generous of you, and here I've just been whining about it all month!

Thanks for that really thoughtful analysis!!!

Haha, well that and I was too brain- dead to read anything of more substance. :) Also I was looking forward to more conversations about sex-positivism. But it's not even really about that in this book. It's more about using your body to get ahead? I'd like to hear someone else's thoughts on that.