Brantford Public Library's Online Book Club discussion

Aunt Alexandra hosts a coffee social in Jean Louise's honour. She tells Jean Louise that she is part of a genteel family and that she must act like a "lady"

Picture this same scenario in today's society. Is acting like a lady an antiquated notion in the 21st century?

What does acting like a lady mean in 2015, especially in contrast to what it meant in the 1950's.

Maybe I'm showing my age but I have said that very thing to both of my daughters at one point or another.

There is no doubt that socially acceptable behaviour looks a lot different now than it did 60 years ago, especially for girls, but I think it all comes down to manners. Acting like a lady (or a gentleman for that matter) is really about minding your manners and presenting yourself respectably.

I think the real question is do we still expect higher levels of behaviour from girls than from boys? I think the answer to that is probably yes but not to the extent of the 1950's. I think our current society is slowly starting to hold boys to higher standards, especially when it comes to their treatment of girls.

I think that the action of acting like a lady or a gentleman has shifted, or is shifting, to a more inward thinking than an outward appearance. In my home, I too have used the term "act like a lady" or "that's not how a gentleman behaves" but it is not the outward appearance I am concerned with, it is the inward thinking of my kids. It involves acting with integrity, compassion and empathy, rather than a concern for sitting with your legs crossed and chewing with your mouth closed (although I'm still working on those as well :)

Certainly the tea/coffee party is an outdated custom; maybe not in the UK upper crust though. But, we still need to be respectful and polite to one another and that is definitely a sign someone has been taught well by parents or learned themselves. I can say Chivalry is not dead as in the last week I've had the door held open for me by men younger than myself, same age and older. But, I in turn hold doors for others as well. It's manners as you say Anna.
I think Jean Louise is respectful of others and there is no room for social teas or coffee parties in her life. She is quite transparent in her thoughts and feelings; she is not there to play a part or game to woo friends, family or a beau.