Support for Indie Authors discussion

I'm working on the book blurb of for my first novel. This is a science fiction or speculative fiction novel. Assistance and advice welcomed.

Jo Leighfield is the youngest head of Linguist Department at Rutgers University and a thought leader in historical linguistics. She had focused on her career at the expense of a social life or friends. When the government agent contacted her about leading a team of scientists, she was restless and ready for a new challenge.

Jo agrees to lead the scientists in this mysterious project. Once at the secretive compound, where she will live and work until the project is completed, she learns that she will be establishing contact with an alien. Everything is not what it seems to be: the team, the government agency that hired her, and even the alien. She soon realizes that her life and the lives of her team are in danger.

The lives of the team and the future of earth in 2355 hang in the balance and it falls on Jo to save herself, her team and the future of earth all while being paraplegic.

A few additional questions:
-would this be considered a short or long blurb?
-would this be appropriate to go on the back cover and/or on a book retailer site?

This story sounds familiar. ;)

I would suggest, having actually read this book, that you move the mention of her being paraplegic (and perhaps, briefly, the reason) to the beginning, maybe stating that it's part of what drove her to rise to the head of the Linguistics Dept and sort of "abandon" her social life.

Make sure the entire thing is in the same tense (preferably present, from everything I've read on blurbs and jacket blurbs). I'd suggest cutting out or editing the three lines about the compound, everything not being what it seems, and their lives being in danger, as these feel more like synopsis than blurb material, and sort of spoil some of the surprises of the book.

Finally, I'd eliminate the mention of the future year and generalize it into "the future of Earth and the human race" or something similar.

Again, I have the advantage of having actually read the book, so here's an example of how I might present it. Hopefully others can give some more advice and suggestions, and you'll have a solid blurb when it's all said and done.

Dr. Jo Leighfield has never let anything - not her personal life or even being paraplegic - stop her from pursuing her passion: historical linguistics. But when a government agency offers her a chance to make history, she must decide whether her career is worth sacrificing in the name of science and personal achievement.

Once she decides that being on the cutting edge of science and history is worth it, she is plunged into a world of mystery and deceit, from which there may be no escape. The deeper into the project she gets, the greater the threat to her life becomes, and the closer she gets to solving the mystery.

And solve it she must, for the future of the Earth and the very human race hang in the balance...

Good luck, Cori. :)

Thanks Joe! I like it! Love it in fact! All I have to say is Wow. what a difference you've made in the blurb. Thanks!

It still feels a little repetitive between the first paragraph and the first line of the second, so it could still use a little polish. Surprised no one else had any suggestions on it yet.

I like Joe's suggestion although while the first paragraph is great I feel like the second needs a stronger opening sentence.
On the other hand I think the second paragraph of the original is strong while the first needs a stronger action to open with. The first few lines will be what sells the reader to continue..
The closing line in the original I would favor if the paraplegic part was moved into the body somewhere.

Okay, here is revision taking the Joe's and RJ's suggestions (thank you both).


Dr. Jo-Ann Leighfield has never let anything - not her personal life or even being paraplegic - stop her from pursuing her passion: historical linguistics. But when a government agency offers her a chance to make history, she must decide whether her career is worth sacrificing in the name of science and personal achievement.

Jo agrees to lead the scientists in this mysterious project. Once at the the secretive compound, where she will live and work until the project is completed, she realizes she and the scientists have been plunged into a world of deceit, from which there may be no escape. The deeper into the project she gets, the greater the threat to her life becomes, and the closer she gets to solving the mystery.

The lives of the team and the future of earth in 2355 hang in the balance and it falls on Jo to save herself, her team and the future of earth.

It's definitely getting better. I still think having the year in the final line is a bit superfluous; I feel like "the future of Earth" has enough sinister implications without having a specific year there that readers won't understand until they've gotten a fair portion through the book. But that's just a suggestion; in the end, you've got to be happy with it.

For nitpicks, eliminate the double "the" in the second sentence of the second paragraph, and add commas after "balance" and "her team" in the final line.

Let's see if anyone else has some pointers. :)

I think they are all good. The re-write on post 6 has the most urgency, especially in the first paragraph. I agree with Joe about the year 2355. It does interest me to know that it is 2355, but I would like to know that sooner. Also this version did not have the part about alien contact, but I think that is important.

What I would like to know right off :),

-Year 2355, provided this is when it takes place (because it makes me wonder about the tech at that time given she is a paraplegic, and what advancements might they have made, especially if there is world building). But if this is the projected year for disaster, and the story takes place 'now' - not in 2355, then that's different
- the fact that Jo is a paraplegic
- the fact of alien contact

Those are the 3 things that would interest me the most and then on to the rest of the blurb which is tying the story to those things.

As far as length of blurb, it seems 'medium' to me, verging on longish.

I think it could go on the back of the cover if it stays this length or less.

Good luck! :)

Just to add, if the cover is already telling some of what I commented on, then that's different.