THE Group for Authors! discussion

Could I get a little feedback on this book description? (Book "Grace In The Wild" is not yet published, but I'm looking to put something like this in the description on CreateSpace, which may become THE book blurb.). Needs field testing!

Recently retired from the Army Reserves and deeply entrenched in local politics, all Grace Bennett wanted was a couple weeks away to through-hike the Long Path. Was a little time alone too much to ask? And yet, she encountered her worst nightmare before she could set foot on the trail.

Detective Jack Mathias is former military as well, with a closet full of unaddressed issued. When Grace's body is found, he recognizes a scrap of Army equipment. Can he achieve absolution from his battlefield ghosts by helping a former comrade in arms find herself?

Will they each find what they are looking for, or will they fall even further into guilt and chaos?

Some edit suggestions. You know what you want to convey. First sentence is too long and too packed. I had to re-read through-hike 3 times to parse correctly. I don't hike so I don't know the term. This is just some noodling on the first paragraph:

Grace Bennett had earned a break. Retired from the Army Reserves, her new involvement with local politics was demanding too much. Hiking the Long Path would revive her spirits, right? Yet, before even setting foot on the trail, she encountered her worst nightmare.

I'm probably totally missing the point, but if Grace's body is found, isn't she dead? How is she going to find herself?

I wondered that too. Then I guessed the author was referring to a third person?

Well, since neither of us understands it, it needs to be rewritten.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll work on it more.

Just so you know, the story opens to Jack being called to investigate a body found, presumed dead. The first segment ends with the discovery that the victim (Grace) is not dead but in a catatonic state.

Maybe change "When Grace's body is found" to "When Grace is found in a catatonic state" or "When Grace's presumed dead body is found"? Or if you are trying to avoid spoilers change "...helping a former comrade in arms find herself?" to "...solving the crime"?

Like other posters "Grace's body is found" to me reads as "Grace's corpse is found."

Last year I wrote an article about "The Most Important 130 Words an Author can Write" about your book description for Amazon. I was completely ignorant of this vital piece of information until I'd written my sixth novel. My publicist at Penguin suggest submitting the article to Publisher's Weekly, and amazingly, they printed it. Here's the link: http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by...

Maggie Anton

This is a very apt and important article for all writers! I have to go check my Amazon descriptions. I wrote one the day after minor surgery when I was still feeling the effects of anasthesia.

Fantastic, Maggie. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. I'm printing it now for future reference.

Thank you for taking the time to share your information, experience and talent here.

I like Sheila's rewrite of Willa's first paragraph. Putting "worst nightmare" at the end of the paragraph gives it more punch. The second paragraph sort of wanders. I think Willa meant to write "a closet full of unaddressed issues" not "issued"--right?