Support for Indie Authors discussion

Years ago, when my beloved dog was ill and dying, I changed the course of a story and killed a character I'd grown to love. Writing her death scene helped me express my own grief. A couple of weeks later, my sadness turned to anger and I killed another character. One who actually deserved it. That, too, was cathartic.

I've just now held another beloved pet as he passed. My boy was a 19-year-old cat I rescued when he was barely two months old and he owned me all those years. And now. He's not on my lap now as I write, or making me stretch over his body to reach the keys. He's not following me from room to room listening as I talk out my plot, or providing feedback by either making eye-contact or licking his ass. I feel gutted and empty and I know this will eventually pass but I have no characters left to kill and don't know how to make writing matter when all I can think of is how empty I feel.

How have you gotten past personal issues to write? How have you made your pretend worlds matter to you even when you feel numb?

Firstly, bless you. I am sorry for your loss.
You will meet again on the Rainbow Brdige.
Om mani padme hum xx

But yes, I have used trauma as inspiration in my books (not verbatum, just as inspiration). Those are the bits that tend to make people cry; there is real emotion in those parts.

Take the emotion, write it, use it.
In writing there is a cathartic release.
Take something negative and turn it into a positive (if that makes sense).

Love & light,
xx

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm not the right person to answer your question. I lost a beloved cat a year ago this month and I don't think I'm over it yet. He was a year old when we got him (or so they think) and been our companion for 15 years so believe me when I say I feel your loss. You actually made me cry...

T.L. gave you great advices and much better ones than I can think of so forgive me for just rambling here.

I framed a main character in my novel after our family pet, a wolf-hybrid named "Blaze." She becomes the MC's companion in the story. She died three years ago at age 13. I still miss her.

Sorry for your losses.

I think it's common for us to take the stuff of our world around us and pack it into stories. One of my short stories deals a bit with a character being on life support. Around the time I conceived the story I was still getting over the death of my best friend and then had another good friend go into a coma and end up in the hospital. So, that story worked to help me through that time. Then I put it away for a fair length of time and reworked it later into more of a story.

Most anything I feel gets into my stories, even mild irritations of getting poor service at a local store.

Use it. It is experience that informs our writing.

Feel it. Write it.

I was watching a show about a blues singer, called "Boone" once. The young wannabe singer is talking to an old experienced singer who has been successful. He said before one performance, he got the heck beat out of him just prior to going onstage and was in severe pain. He sang anyway, belting out the most mournful sounds of his career. He said that he was hurting so bad that's all he could do. He said, "To this day, people are talking about that show."

Your personal experiences put an edge to any scene you write.

The first time I killed off a character I was 12 and coping with depression. My biological mother died when I was 6 months old. when I got older I wondered what it would be like to have an older sibling, depend solely on that person, and have the person taken away. the character I killed off was an older brother who gives his life to save his younger sister.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Arla. We lost one of our dogs in October and I'm still traumatized. What hit me hardest was noticing my bio when I was formatting my last paperback. In it, it said I resided with my husband and three dogs. Changing that to simply 'their dogs' was painful. But I ended up turning a horrible nightmare I had about the experience into a short story, so yes, in a way, that was cathartic.

I have loved all of my dogs and I feel your pain. When we had to say goodbye to our beloved Golden Retriever Jagger three years ago, it affected the entire family for months. I have featured one of my dogs in each of my books but still haven't been able to write about Jagger. I've told myself she'll star in my next book. We'll see. I'd like to think once I start writing I'll be able to look back on our years with her and smile remembering how sweet she was and how much joy she brought to our family. I think if you can turn your loss into something productive, you should look at it as your pet's final gift to you.

Write a poem or Memorium. Or an essay, a short story, or a children's book. Draw his picture, scrapbook, type his memoirs.

Or don't write. Wrap yourself up in a cozy blanket with your favourite comforting beverage and listen to the blues. Cry. Share with people who loved him.

It's okay to grieve and mourn. Even for 'just a cat.'

There's always ways to write! Journal, short stories, flash fiction, or just come up with a new story. If those things don't work for you right now, try reading. There are several good books which involve a character with cats. 8-) Hope you feel better.

How have you gotten past personal issues to write? How have you made your pretend worlds matter to you even when you feel numb?

You are now going through the stages of grief. It is normal to feel numb and as if nothing is normal. Recognize it and accept it. Don't push yourself to write if you find that you can't. Once you start moving through all the stages of grief things will improve and gradually you'll find yourself feeling more normal. And there's no set time limit for the grieving process in spite of what others may tell you. When you start feeling normal that's when you should give writing a try again.

Now, having said all that, if writing about your feelings and all the memories you have about your faithful pal help then do it. But don't approach it with the expectation that you're working on a "writing project". Use it as a catharsis tool. I was a beta reader for an author who contacted me because of an article I wrote on grief. He was convinced he was writing a self-help book for someone who was struggling with emotions over the loss of their pet. It was a disaster because it contained 95% of his feelings and memories of his beloved dog. There was nothing there of substance to help others navigate through the grieving process and have the book labeled as be labeled Self Help.

Trust! The writing voice will come back.

I'm so sorry for your loss (hugs). It's okay to just write a short story and take your grief out on those temporary characters then trash it or tuck it away for another day. If it is too much to try to write, then go outside, fresh air and let the tears roll. No time frame for grief.

When my brother died (many years ago), I actually gave a character I'd planned to kill a reprieve. I try not to base characters on real people (it gives me the wiggens), but this young man who lived had a lot in common with my brother. It made me feel better, and worked out for the (as yet) unfinished story (it got trunked for reasons unrelated to the character). He transformed from an entitled favorite son to someone who knew he was lucky to be alive (my protagonist saved him when she really didn't need to), and he turned out to be one of my favorites.

Thank you, everyone, for your kind and very wise words, and for sharing your experiences. Once I'm able, I will definitely put the essence of this baby into a story.

Margaret wrote: "you should look at it as your pet's final gift to you."

Margaret, this provided a beautiful moment of clarity and comfort for me. Thank you so much. Knowing my boy as I did, I'd say this is precisely what he would have wanted.

Every tough situation in life, especially tragedies could be looked as blessings. All our lessons and growth come from pain and grief.
The good times are great, but they are just for the ride. :-))

Perhaps your grief and processing your pain produced your best writing. :-) As Margaret said, it may have been your final gift.
I think history has proven the best writing /Hemingway, Faulkner, Dostoyevski, .....etc./ came out of a deep sorrow.

Every artist uses his/hers tools to process his/hers emotions.
Aloha & Mahalo for sharing your story.

xoxo