Our Shared Shelf discussion

I'm going to be real. I wasn't expecting to like this book based off the majority of comments in the book. I'm also not very far into it, so there's still time to change my mind, but so far I'm really enjoying it! bell hooks writes about how abuse in childhood changes our perceptions about love in such a real way that I hardly ever see addressed. It's refreshing and it makes me feel like the book is talking to me. Anyone else liking it?

I've almost finished it,only 3 chapters left. I really enjoyed this book cause it makes me think a lot of things that never come to my mind before. It make me ask myself some questions i don't have answers to,yet. Plus it makes me look into my heart even deeper and understand love better. So far,it's good.

At first this book really was a lot to take in, meaning everything she describes is in all reality real. I just never would have thought about it in this manner. Such as the abuse as children, this really makes sense and also helps me understand myself in a better manner in part of why I am like I am. Then, the chapter on lying as becoming a norm in society is also very interesting as lying is something that many of our parents taught us such as if we did not like something given to us we are supposed to thank and say we love it. I'm not too far into the book yet but , I am learning more about myself and love in general. I really am appreciating this book because the outlook ofor Bell Hooks is really an eye opener.

I agree with both of you! I think maybe a lot of the people who aren't liking it are having a hard time relating, because to me how relatable it is is what's making the book.I'd disagree it's a self-help book too, at least entirely.

I plodded through the book, reading a little bit every day for a couple of weeks and I'm glad I absorbed it in chunks. It allowed me to really stop and consider the work in the context of my own life as far as relationships with my family, my friends, my significant other, especially because as hooks points out, there's always dysfunction (and that's not a bad thing). The "Healing: Redemptive Love" chapter really resonated with me. It made me realize that although I'm in a "soul love" relationship, there are still traces of shame as a result of sexual assault/abusive (albeit short) relationship from somone with whom i was involved more than two years ago.

A lot of the subjects she talks about, I have tried to talk about with friends, whom felt uncomfortable. I find it refreshing that someone else has had the same thoughts as me.

The only issue I'm having is that, because I haven't really had people to talk to, all the uncomfortable feelings are finally getting addressed and felt and it's making the read a challenge.

My fight or flight mechanism is acting up and it's turning off to the idea of love...which is also mentioned in the book so I'm aware that this is part of the process.

Because of these triggers, I cannot really say I love the book. It's causing an emotional turmoil and now I want to take a nap.

I felt the same way you did Griselda, while reading through the book reading about certain aspects of love really hit me hard. It forced me to see my life differently. I almost didn't want to keep reading it at times, but I took it slowly really letting it sink in, and I am so grateful that I did because I feel so much better about healing about really loving and opening my heart again. The last 2 chapters were so amazing and inspiring. I feel more at peace now with myself! I know a lot of people didn't like this book and that's ok I get it, but to me it helped my life in so many ways!

I am still reading it, but everything I have read so far has made me stop and analyze my life. I want so badly to read this with my significant other, but he isn't a reader. I relate to the struggles and am glad that maybe I can explain them, and work on changing them. So far it has been a real eye opener. I want to let it help me, yet I want to stop reading it so that I can ignore..

My book arrived on the second week of the month. A few days later my Mum died. I still hadn't started the book and so started reading it days later when I had had a chance to breathe. I'm a big believer in fate and am still struggling with the poor relationship I had with her and how I'd come to the realisation that she was unable to show or give love. I was a bit unsure whether this book would be suitable for my first read after her death but any concerns I had melted away within a few pages. I'm still reading it (I struggle to read at times of great stress) and feeling enlightened. The way she talks about childhood and love, greed and materialism and the fear to self love, well, it has opened my heart up. This book has given me a little closure, I understand why she was unable to love. But it also tells me that in this difficult time that I have to learn to love myself as I am right now. I'm a big believer of fate and I believe this book was meant to come to me around her passing to guide me into the new chapter of my life. So yes, I do love the book and thank Emma for choosing this book for this month. Out of all the possibilities this book was chosen and for myself it couldn't have been a more aligned time. Thanks.

Thank you Dianna,

Not sure how to quote your post! How do you do it? Anyway, I thought I'd reply. It has been a hard day today and when I read your comment I felt better. It is hard to love myself knowing that possibly she and another family member does not love. But it's something I'm working on, to love myself as I am today in this moment. To recognise my inner strength and show myself the compassion I did not receive. All a process, one step forward two steps back but your comment uplifted me and that is an unconditional gift that I'm grateful to receive.

Thanks again!

Just finished this book, i found it really profound and interesting both from a sociological and feminist point of view. It was interesting to see how Bell Hooks considered the family and the way we are socialised to effect our future relationships and how we learn how to love. The feminism aspects were embedded in her book. However, I do not fancy reading more of the trilogy as their descriptions do not appeal to me.

Love the book:)

Anna wrote: "My book arrived on the second week of the month. A few days later my Mum died. I still hadn't started the book and so started reading it days later when I had had a chance to breathe. I'm a big bel..."

More strength to you Anna for having the courage to look at your life objectively, and actively trying to improve it, especially this close to your mom passing away. I agree with what Dianna said to you, and wish you all the very best on your journey.

Now in response to the thread, I also like this book in spite of having serious reservations because of the things I heard in this group. Hooks idea has grounded my own thoughts and provided a clarity to my life. Plus, her work has really stimulated my thought processes. There is not much in my life that truly makes me any more happier.