Support for Indie Authors discussion

Hi everyone. I recently commited to self-publishing my novel rather than going the traditional route, which has been both liberating and utterly terrifying at the same time. Since the manuscript is out with beta readers right now and I'm just twiddling my thumbs waiting for feedback, I figured I might as well make a cover and work on my blurb. The novel is a new adult dystopia and the first book in a planned duology. I'm more than happy to listen to all constructive criticism and suggestions. I think the blurb may be a bit too long but I'm not entirely sure what to cut.

Thanks for taking a look!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4O9...

(You should be able to see the blurb on the back cover there, but if you'd rather just read it here, I'll post it below.)
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Nearly 30 years ago, the PEACE Project rose from the ruins of a global war to take power over a new America. Operating from within the walls of a remote compound, the Project offers safety in exchange for absolute authority, managing every aspect of citizens' lives through each of its five units:

Protect
Enforce
Advance
Control
Eliminate

Raised in the Project since infancy, eighteen year old Zira has been trained as an assassin under the stern guidance of unit E-2's Chairman Ryku. After she makes a careless mistake on an assignment, the chairman partners her with Jared, the best operative in her unit. Their friendship grows as they work together and learn to rely on each other. When Zira encounters a small group of radicals trying to escape the Project's control, she begins to see through some of the Project's most carefully hidden secrets. Her deepest loyalties and strongest relationships are tested in a place where even a hint of doubt can be perceived as treason.

The life she knows is falling apart, and nothing will ever look the same again.

Hi Tanni!

I really like the cover but I can't tell what the black thing is that Zira is holding! As for the blurb, I don't think it's too long and it is informative without giving too much away. Honestly, after seeing the cover and the blurb, I can't wait to read it!

Good luck <3

Giana wrote: "Hi Tanni!

I really like the cover but I can't tell what the black thing is that Zira is holding! As for the blurb, I don't think it's too long and it is informative without giving too much away. ..."

Thanks! It is supposed to be a gun, but I can definitely see how it blends into everything else a little bit and might be hard to make out. I'll try to make it more defined or something. Thank you so much for the feedback!

Your blurb sounds really good and is probably not too long. That being said, if it was me and I wanted to shorten it, I would take out the two sentences about Jared. The rest is enticing enough imo. So after I read the blurb, I looked at the cover. The image was not quite what I was expecting but I think the fonts and especially your wording look really strong/good! Good luck with your book :).

Eeeek you didn't show me the blurb and full cover earlier!!

Love it. The only suggestion I have at the moment is to change the "friendship" part since Zira and Jared don't really start out as friends. Maybe something like "Their partnership turns (blooms? morphs?) into a friendship as they work together and..."

I may have more once I finish reading (ugh sorry I'm so slow!) because there are a lot of details that I can't remember, and I don't know what all changes you've made since I read the original version :)

And yeah, I hadn't really noticed the gun thing either just because I already knew what it was, but you might shorten the barrel slightly and make it thicker/more rectangular.

TRANSFORMS into a friendship. I knew "turns" didn't sound right...

Also, I read the blurb here before actually looking at the image, and I was totally gonna suggest putting the list of units in the center! Great minds think alike ;) I'd actually be interested in seeing what it would look like with them kinda "stepped." Not sure how well it will look on here, but let me try:

Protect
Enforce
Advance
Control
Eliminate

But still have it mostly centered. Or space them out enough that they take up the entire width of the regular paragraphs. AND, what would they look like in the Downcome font? Maybe clean up the edges just a smidgen since the messy font would be a little harder to read in a smaller font.

I'd also suggest reducing the spacing between the lines of red text and then move everything up a little just to give yourself a little more space at the bottom (I'm never super sure how much space the barcode takes up on the paperbacks so I always give myself extra room to be on the safe side).

But the blood splatter covering the feet looks great, and the clean sans serif font for the tagline and name look great! :D


EDIT: okay yeah the formatting for the list of units didn't work. *shakes fist at Goodreads comment formatting*

I like all of the suggestions made to this point! I also have a weird question, but why is the arm holding the gun blacked out in a strip on the bicep, and appears to be behind the man on the cover... or is he supposed to be grabbing her wrist? IDK, but it looks weird.

I will admit that is a bit nitpicky, because this is one of the best homemade covers I have ever seen. I would not have guessed that you were self-pubbed, let alone that you designed your own.

Do you use a particular stock photo company? Because I have been trying to find a decent one with edgier materials that won't break the bank and have had little success.

Heidi wrote: "Do you use a particular stock photo company? Because I have been trying to find a decent one with edgier materials that..."

This is a little off topic, but have you tried Pixabay? Not sure if they have any of the "edgier" stuff you're looking for, but they've got a decent selection and everything is free for commercial use.

E.J, thanks that is awesome. Definitely more artsy images than some of the sites I have worked with.

E.J. wrote: "Eeeek you didn't show me the blurb and full cover earlier!!

Love it. The only suggestion I have at the moment is to change the "friendship" part since Zira and Jared don't really start out as frie..."
I was debating whether or not to send it to you with the cover but I was still trying to figure out some of the wording, and then I didn't want to bother you again but I figured if you saw it here that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.

Good wording suggestions. I think I get what you mean about the stair stepping. I was trying to figure out a way to make it more obvious that PEACE is an acronym and that might be just the thing. And of course I would be more than happy to hear any further suggestions you have once you finish reading. Thanks!

Heidi wrote: "I like all of the suggestions made to this point! I also have a weird question, but why is the arm holding the gun blacked out in a strip on the bicep, and appears to be behind the man on the cover..."

I get what you are saying. The black strip is an armband that all the characters wear to distinguish which Project unit they belong to, but I have debated just coloring it in white like the rest of her arm to avoid confusion. I may end up having to do that.

Thank you for the compliment. I actually didn't use stock images for this. I am a digital artist as well as a writer so I drew the characters first ( http://tahernandez.deviantart.com/art... and http://tahernandez.deviantart.com/art... ) and then I just removed the background and adjusted the colors like you might with a regular photo. I figure I can reuse the artwork for other promotional/marketing materials so it was time well spent. Unfortunately I don't know any really great sites for affordable or free stock images (which is why I decided to just do my own in the first place).

Thanks for your feedback.

Wow, I wish I had that skill set! Alas, despite many attempts, I do not! Could you maybe make it a different color? Deep red would stand out and is a good color association for assassins. It would look great with the rest of the cover too.

Heidi wrote: "Wow, I wish I had that skill set! Alas, despite many attempts, I do not! Could you maybe make it a different color? Deep red would stand out and is a good color association for assassins. It would ..."

I'll have to experiment a little and see what works.

This is not the genre I would normally read, but your blurb is so good I'm tempted and have jotted it down. As for your cover, I do see the gun, the black armband and a large man behind or beside her. You might think about making the man a bit lighter so he can be viewed better and, perhaps, as someone suggested, the armband red. It is used in a lot of suspense, crime type covers, and I would think it would also bring the eye directly to the girl and the gun. I wish you well!

Pretty good blurb. I don't think it's too long at all. I'll have to agree with Giana about what the girl in the cover is holding, though. Otherwise, the cover is very eye catching.
Good luck.

Marie wrote: "Your blurb sounds really good and is probably not too long. That being said, if it was me and I wanted to shorten it, I would take out the two sentences about Jared. The rest is enticing enough imo..."

Marie wrote: "Your blurb sounds really good and is probably not too long. That being said, if it was me and I wanted to shorten it, I would take out the two sentences about Jared. The rest is enticing enough imo..."

I agree with removing these two sentences. Otherwise, I was very intrigued to read... Congratulations! Nice work :)

Very nice. Definitely made me want to read it.

Tanni, it's dicey to comment on a blurb for a book I haven't read. You've gotten some good feedback, and the blurb does work. Questions about length are mostly a matter of style: some people prefer more detail; others less.

If you're still concerned the blurb is too long, my suggestions would be: what can't the prospective reader go without knowing? Examples [just for illustration}:
"Operating from within the walls of a remote compound..."
Is that critical?

Or:
"absolute authority, managing every aspect of citizens' lives..."
"managing every aspect of citizens' lives" tends to imply "absolute authority" -- are both needed?

How important is it we know up front that the PEACE Project came about ~30 years ago?

The other question I might ask is, does the blurb reflect the tone of the writing? Again, just as an example, this line: "Jared, the best operative in her unit..." That's concise. But how is Jared described when he's introduced? Does a simple concise statement fit your style? Is something terse but more evocative possible?

The first paragraph feels a shade "passive" to me and ends up with naming the five units. But those names I think carry impact. If more tension in the blurb is desirable, what about turning the beginning around? Maybe something like [changing formatting for space considerations] :

Protect - Enforce - Advance - Control - Eliminate. This is PEACE in new America.
Arising from the ruins of a global war, the PEACE Project now manages every aspect of citizens' lives in exchange for safety ...

Again, just an example for purposes of illustration.

My last comment would be the last line:
"The life she knows is falling apart, and nothing will ever look the same again."

Perhaps there is some more specific way to characterize the critical dilemma Zira faces, or the central question? "...nothing will ever look the same again" is a fairly generic statement. Can it be personalized, perhaps?

Regarding this: ""The life she knows is falling apart..." Is it falling apart or is it being broken apart? The sense of the blurb suggest the latter to me. If so, maybe: "The life she's always known is being broken apart..."?

Not sure if I'm on track with what you are looking for here, but maybe there's something that you can use in these thoughts.

It sounds like you have an intriguing story. Best of luck with it!

Owen wrote: "Tanni, it's dicey to comment on a blurb for a book I haven't read. You've gotten some good feedback, and the blurb does work. Questions about length are mostly a matter of style: some people prefer..."
Great suggestions--thank you. I appreciate you pointing out specific parts of the blurb that might not be entirely necessary.

Thank you all so much for your feedback and kind words. I appreciate all the help and I will definitely be making a few changes based on your suggestions. More importantly, however, this has been a good confidence boost. This whole process terrifies me a little bit and I'm constantly worrying that I'm going to screw something up, so the support from you all on something as basic as a cover has been really encouraging. Thank you!

I really like your cover! It reminds me a little bit of that old video game Borderlands. The plot sounds really intense, can't wait to read it!

Given your color scheme, you could draw attention to the gun by making it red.