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Advice for White People Struggling with Current Events
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Humanity is just incredibly stupid at times and the events over the last few days are a perfect example of that. But as a white American male im often told to shut up when it comes to stuff like this. Doesnt stop me from speaking my mind but when i see black friends of mine make statements like "blood for blood" it just angers me. But it probably has more to do with cutting those kinds of people out of my life more than anything. Even if you have valid thoughts or emotions you will often be dismissed simply because you are white. Sadly, i see things getting much worse than better right now for America.
I think we just need to listen. At least that is the first step. I could be wrong about this, and someone correct me if I'm, but it seems to me that biggest problem when it comes to correcting things like racism, sexism, homophobia, and other forms of hates is that people don't listen to those who have are effect by it. We dismiss people's feelings of pain and sadness because they are either inconvenient to other lives, don't fit with certain world views, or people don't want to admit that they hold on to negative views of other because no one likes the idea that society can influence their behavior in such evil ways. So I think our first step is to listen to people who have been oppressed. Don't dismiss what they are saying. You can't have a compassionate heart if you're not willing to listen to someone. It can be hard and tough thing to do, but it's the first step we all need to take if we want America, and really the world, to be a better place. When you listen to others that is when you can work together to combat a problem. Unity is the only way change can come into this world.
Emily wrote: "I think we just need to listen. At least that is the first step...So I think our first step is to listen to people who have been oppressed. Don't dismiss what they are saying. You can't have a compassionate heart if you're not willing to listen to someone. It can be hard and tough thing to do, but it's the first step we all need to take if we want America, and really the world, to be a better place..."
I agree strongly with this. Also in these days of the Internet it is more possible than ever before to seek out black voices to listen to.
I agree with Emily -- I feel like it's our duty to sit down and shut up right now, and listen to what they have to say. Listen and do more to educate ourselves, especially when we don't understand why some people think the way they do.
http://www.candacehollingsworth.com/d...https://m.mic.com/articles/121572/15-...
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2016/0...
https://kinfolkkollective.com/2016/06...
Emily wrote: "I think we just need to listen. At least that is the first step. I could be wrong about this, and someone correct me if I'm, but it seems to me that biggest problem when it comes to correcting thin..."Emily, I agree that listening is the first step....but what next? I've listened and I've listened to the point that I can't listen anymore without crying.
What's the next step? Does anybody know?
Ashley *Hufflepuff Kitten* wrote: "I agree with Emily -- I feel like it's our duty to sit down and shut up right now, and listen to what they have to say. Listen and do more to educate ourselves, especially when we don't understand ..."I agree with your sentiment, but not the phrase "sit down and shut up"...my emotions shouldn't be invalidated just because someone has a better claim to being upset. We are ALL hurting right now, in various ways, and telling someone to shut up because their skin is the wrong color is wrong.
I think the current manifesto which Beyonce has published on her website is very impressive:http://www.beyonce.com/freedom
"We don't need sympathy. We need everyone to respect our lives."
Listen to the people who don't have a voice because they are silenced and use your privileged situation to make their voices heard.
Sascha wrote: "I think the current manifesto which Beyonce has published on her website is very impressive"Thank you for posting the link. Especially since it has links to contact your legislators, etc.
The second link in my message 7 is a list of 15 things towns can do to limit police brutality. Advocating for some of those things in your town could help. The first link has suggestions for things people can do on a more personal level like for example if you are in a mixed group of friends don't leave your black friend alone to deal with police, stay with him, say you are together. White teenagers don't encourage your black friends to get up to mischief with you in public places because "whats the worst that could happen?" your worst and their worst aren't the same. Don't create peer pressure to override the things their parents teach them to do to try to keep safe.
Hi all!I haven't been tuned in on what's has been going on lately, I may not contribute much but I just wanted to say that I think you already did the most important step by showing concern and seeking advice on how to do your part. people like you and others on this thread make me believe in the power of humanity above all. good luck!!
Bunny wrote: "http://www.candacehollingsworth.com/d...https://m.mic.com/articles/121572/15-...
http://www.p..."
Thank you for these links. I've spent most of my day reading and re-reading them. (Some things need to be read more then once to fully sink in)
Thanks for those links, especially on community policing. Ultimately, a lot of these changes come down to the local level, as policing in the United States is locally based.
I have been struggling with this expression of violence since the 60's. We really did think we could change things and save the world!I feel so sad that it is still an issue, that so many things divide the human family-race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, profession, politics etc. And distance us from the earth and nature. It's always been an us vs them kind of thing that i have trouble wrapping my brain around. We are them, they are us. I feel anger,but mostly frustration. How did things get so bad? And, with you, what do we do? I wish i had some answers. My heart is broken for humanity. I really thank all of you for expressing your thoughts and feelings so freely. It's been my exposure to people here, and communicating with my grandchildren that allow me to just barely, glimpse a ray of hope. So maybe the answer is to continue the dialogue, tell the stories, listen, and honor each other
Bunny wrote: "The second link in my message 7 is a list of 15 things towns can do to limit police brutality. Advocating for some of those things in your town could help. The first link has suggestions for things..."Now that I've had a chance to go through your links more carefully, I wanna say thanks again for posting them, Bunny. Plenty of things to think and act on!
I think it's perfectly fine to be angry or upset or whatever other emotion you're feeling. All people have worth and dignity, and we've seen our fellow humans treated horribly. As a friend of mine says, "feel your feelings," and adding guilt to the other things you're feeling will not help with the feelings of anger or sadness. I don't think you should let other people censor your emotions. Show your friends and family affected personally empathy and let them know that you recognize the inequality, too. Apologize if you offend someone. I like the links posted by Bunny. But I disagree with the sit down, listen and be quiet advice. Listen and do, but also speak. Consider what is looks like if you don't say anything: qui tacet consentire videtur. (He who is silent is taken to consent.) If white allies (or straight allies or male allies, etc.) collectively decide that we will only listen but not speak up, it will appear that we are not allies at all. We will help the "only angry black people" narrative from those who oppose equality. While it is vitally important to listen to those belong to historically oppressed minority groups and take cues about how to be effective allies from them, we must also speak up and express that we - white people - do not accept authority figures treating people differently based on racial stereotypes.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-lev...
Did you hear President Obama's speech today at the Dallas memorial? I really liked what he said about how we have got to come together as a community to heal and do better and not give in to despair and division in the face of loss.
I also think we have to remember that the people who have acted in ways we don't approve of are not necessarily representative of the whole country. While there may be a fair chunk of the population that is in agreement with these atrocities (on both sides of the issue), not everyone is.
Laurenhill80 wrote: "I think it's perfectly fine to be angry or upset or whatever other emotion you're feeling. All people have worth and dignity, and we've seen our fellow humans treated horribly. As a friend of mine ..."Thanks Laurenhill20...I think you expressed how I feel better than I did. :)
Judy wrote: "I have been struggling with this expression of violence since the 60's. We really did think we could change things and save the world!I feel so sad that it is still an issue, that so many things di..."yes, we did think so. i was in one of the campus demonstrations back then. i don't understand how things have escalated to this point. americans killing americans because of skin color, backlash killings of police, and then we have what happened in nice, france, yesterday. more killings in the name of god. i just don't understand! where has this madness come from?!
i wrote a piece this past week, a word of the week thing i've been doing for years. in it i wrote 'black lives matter' as a way to show support for the movement (i don't live in the u.s. but i am american) and got some strange responses because of those 3 words, angry and confrontational responses. i thought it was a simple statement, a show of support, harking back to those days in the 60's. apparently, even that kind of support today is a hot button.
if we have made so little advancement in being united as a people, feeling a sense of community with one another in such desperate times in all these years, well . . . i just don't know what to make of it. the sadness and anger for what's going on in the world just continues to grow within me.
I think its important to recognize that there is a lot of terrible stuff going on in the world and feel the sadness. At the same time its important not to give in to despair or cynicism. The only way I know to change it is to put one foot in front of the other, to put one good or kind act on top of another, hold each other up and keep learning and trying.
http://www.laweekly.com/music/henry-r...Things are bad, but I would posit that they have been this way for as far back into American history as you want to go. What has changed is the amount of information available to the average citizen. Thanks to cellphones and people employing social networking to spread news quickly, what goes on minute to minute has crossed the line into overload.
Now that you can watch people die on Facebook, your evaluation of the facts and the sheer amount of information you want to deal with is up to you. But you can no longer say you don’t know what’s going on.
...If white America experienced a fraction of what black America deals with regarding law enforcement, incarceration, the court system, employment and countless other facts of life, they would immediately and collectively lose their minds.
There are at least two different Americas. They have existed in an environment of almost unbroken mutual exclusivity. That’s over now.
Reading everyone's comments and articles (SO much info which is amazing) over the last few days has got me thinking about how difficult it can be, as a white person, to find the right balance between being:a.) a supportive ally who my black friends and family can rely on to speak up and join them in their fight
b.) someone who stands down and doesn't put myself in a place where a black voice should be. Someone who listens.
It's not easy...and when emotions are raw, there are some people who will find fault no matter what I do. And that's OK. All I can do is keep trying to find the right balance.
After a couple weeks of not speaking up, of listening, of reading a large number of articles, of listening some more...today, I finally posted something on my Facebook to let my friends and family know where I stand.
"Many people have been posting articles about a study that recently came out from Harvard University stating that there is no correlation between race and police shootings/violence. I've seen a lot of headlines talking about how this is a "crushing blow" to those who "hate" officers, etc.
I have a pdf copy of the study if anyone is interested. I'll email it to you. It's 63 pages, but you don't have to read the whole thing to understand how the media is twisting this study to fit their agenda. I feel strongly that if we're going to fix the problems we have as a society we have to know what is really going on. That means studies like these need to be conducted and they need to be discussed.
From the abstract...
"We argue that the patterns in the data are consistent with a model
in which police officers are utility maximizers, a fraction of which have a preference for discrimination, who incur relatively high expected costs of officer-involved shootings."
Please message me if you want a copy of the study. This will probably be my only Facebook post on the subject. <3
#BlackLivesMatter"
". . . a fraction of which have a preference for discrimination, . . .etc." doesn't that say right there that there can be a correlation? i, by no means believe that most law enforcement officers have the type of mentality we've been seeing, but that doesn't make the truth of what's been happening any less true.
http://www.snopes.com/2016/07/15/harv...Firstly, not a Harvard study, but a preliminary working paper posted on the internet by an economics professor at Harvard who has done some statistical analysis of some police reports and has not yet had his results peer reviewed or edited for publication.
So the Times is jumping much too fast on a very early draft of something that may or may not pan out to be relevant.
Secondly, its unclear from the paper what his methodology was for selecting which reports to include or exclude, and how much weight to give them. Which is, perfectly reasonable for a working paper that is in the process of being edited and considered but is not in final form.
Thirdly economics professor. Not criminology or sociology. Part of the process of working on developing the paper would be to have some people with a background in criminology and sociology look at his work and check whether he's reading the reports correctly, since it isn't his field of expertise. Which again, working paper. That's what you do with a working paper.
What you don't do with a working paper is report it in the Times as a completed study when it isn't. This is something that is a continual problem with scholarly and scientific work, the media jumps in with both feet and reports things that aren't conclusive as if they are, and then later when the not conclusive results don't pan out they jump in again with both feet and report them as now debunked. They can't be debunked if they were never "bunked" in the first place. Its a fundamental mismatch between the methodology of scholarship which is the gradual building up of a picture with lots of checking and reviewing along the way vs. a media that wants a big simple story and wants it right now and as exciting as possible.
I read this a while ago and bookmarked it:"4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions Without Bringing the White Tears"
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/w...
The third point sounds particularly useful for this context.
"3. Excuse Yourself If You’re Having Strong Emotions"
Here's also a collection from only a week ago with five different topics:
"Black Lives Matter: 25+ Resources for Your Conversations on Police Violence"
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/07/p...
@Sherrie - that user has been around a few threads. I can't ping the moderators from my phone, but this isn't the only case. It is really unsettling!
Mod
I chose to go off Facebook for my sanity. Yes, I recognize that it's my privilege that allows me the space to do that.
My question for our group is how can we support one another right now? How can I express my feelings without stepping on the toes of those who are feeling this much more viscerally than I am (i.e. my black friends and family)? What can I do to be supportive of their emotions effectively?
I'm really looking forward to hearing what y'all have to say on this topic. Thanks for taking the time. <3