Our Shared Shelf discussion

How would you (specific) handle this?

Loan officer comes into my house (doing a refi) and as we go to sit down states that a red light camera (if not familiar: revenue generator/at the intersection by my house) "got her".

She seems rather tense throughout the singing, but don't think much of it as I believe it has to do with the red light camera.

As she is leaving she makes mention of her husband: That she called him about the camera; that he was getting the mail at the time, then mentions he is a police officer and stops short of saying something else.

Her voice and body language seemed that she was concerned about...something.

I almost asked her if she was safe, but stopped as I was not sure if I should; and thought later that I may have been reading too much into it.

So, again, how would you handle that?

She was maybe projecting her discomfort at being in your home? Next time meet her in an ofc or coffee shop? Maybe she was rattled at having run the light. Seems you handled yourself appropriately to me. I would do nohing further.

If I was in a similar situation as you were, I think my reaction would depend on how she interacted with me in the first place. If she seemed very open (on a personal level) then I probably would have asked her if everything is okay. If she was closed off and friendly only on a professional level, I would have said nothing, because I would assume she didn't want to offer anything personal anyway.

That's my personal opinion on the matter :)

Maybe she felt indeed uncomfortable to meet at your place. Or maybe, as you thought, there was something more serious. This woman could need help. Although it is seen as rude to enquire about things that are "none of your business", in case of domestic violence her life is actually at risk. A person victim of domestic violence would not come and casually discuss the problem if no questions are asked ahead... maybe you should listen to what your guts tell you.
If you meet her again, mention that you're there if she needs to talk. Are there some services she can call to talk about that and get some help? (I know there are some numbers to call in France, Canada or Belgium, but I have no clue about what is available in the USA...)

Judy and Elena:

At first she just seemed rattled for running the red light.

Had to be there (I am, again, possibly [most likely] reading to much into it) It was the way she offered up the information about her husband as she was leaving; It just came out non sequitur; her tone and body language, and the look in her eyes (A look that I am long familiar with).

I hate being stuck in that limbo.

Offer help, being a complete stranger to her?

Leave it alone and hope?

I don't know...I really don't know....

Adam wrote: "...revenue generator/at the intersection by my house..."

If she was uncomfortable meeting you at your house, then as it is something she must do frequently for her job, I would say it is incumbent upon her to schedule paperwork signings in a more public area. So, in your situation, I may have offered assistance in as non threatening a way as possible. (I'm assuming you wonder if she is in an abusive relationship.) But I would not have pressed if she wasn't inclined to discuss it, especially given the dismal chances that a perfect stranger could effect positive direct intervention in domestic violence.

Maybe wear a tee shirt with your local domestic violence shelter's logo boldly emblazoned across your chest the next time you have to meet for paperwork, and then leave the next move to her?

As someone who almost lost his sister-in-law and infant niece to a red light runner, I have to take issue with your defamatory language about red light cameras. It's entirely possible her shaken demeanor was PTSD about a time she rammed a car full of innocents when the light was a deeper shade of orange than she had judged.