THE Group for Authors! discussion

I am struggling to leave my book description/blurb alone. I always feel that it could use a little more tweaking so I decided to post them here to see what anyone thinks. Any thoughts, criticisms and different ideas are welcome.

Here is the original blurb that i used:

I hadn’t always been such a lost cause. Not long before my life was consumed by the poisonous chemicals pumping through my body, I was an active participant in what was considered society. I had a beautiful wife, a home, a decent career. To an outside observer, my life seemed perfect. But my story isn’t a happily-ever-after fairy tale. It’s the darkest parts of life, an internal battle of demons and, maybe, redemption.

Then I changed it to this one, which i am currently using:

Life is full of suffering, sometimes its just easier to hide.

Walking Through Quicksand is a heartbreaking psychological journey through addiction & the toll it takes on life.

In the cities dark corners, just out of sight, the lost causes of the world gather to suppress the pains of life. They wander the grim alleys, always looking for the next hit, ignoring the fact that each step brings them closer to the end.

The book is about addiction, where it can lead in both a physical and psychological sense and the guilt and mental torment that drives it.

For what it's worth, as a reader in any genre...and I'm an avid one, with just over 12,000 books in my personal library at the moment...I am turned off by blurbs which include promotional hype.

That's what the use of "heartbreaking" is in the second version. That says, "See! My book is so well-written it's going to break your heart/have a profound impact on you."

Take the word out of the sentence and you have a factual statement about what the book is about.

Also, note that if you're referring to multiple cities having dark corners, etc., there would be an apostrophe to make "cities" possessive. I think it makes more sense to refer to a single city (implicitly wherever the book takes place) and just say: "In the city's dark corners...."

And in the first sentence of the second one, the word is "it's" because it's a contraction for "it is just easier to hide."

Personally, I prefer the first one.

Just my USD .02.

I hope no offense is taken, because none was intended.

Eric

Maggie Thom is an author on this site and she has a blurb questionnaire to help you write one. If you message her or go to her Facebook site I am sure she would send it to you.

Eric wrote: "For what it's worth, as a reader in any genre...and I'm an avid one, with just over 12,000 books in my personal library at the moment...I am turned off by blurbs which include promotional hype.

Th..."

None taken at all, i appreciate the feedback and now that you have pointed it out the "heartbreaking" does seem promotional, i've actually toyed with removing the entire sentence that it is in. I as far as the grammatical and punctuation errors, i just wasnt paying enough attention and thanks on that too.

J.L. wrote: "I am struggling to leave my book description/blurb alone. I always feel that it could use a little more tweaking so I decided to post them here to see what anyone thinks. Any thoughts, criticisms a..."


Hi J.L.

I liked the first one better, If I would see this anyother day I would want to read it.

Belle wrote: "Maggie Thom is an author on this site and she has a blurb questionnaire to help you write one. If you message her or go to her Facebook site I am sure she would send it to you."

I will look into her questionnaire, thanks.

hi JL... please allow me to throw my two cents worth in... my feeling is that I would write the last paragraph something like this;
"This book is about Addiction, and how it can affect all facets of the human condition, be it physical, mental, or psychological, and speaks to the ensuing sense of guilt and mental torment that drives it.

I am an Addiction's Counsellor... and have read many books on the subject and have experienced first hand, its ravages... oh, yes, and I am also a Writer and Editor.

J.L,. I prefer the second blurb.

I prefer the second blurb as well. My problem with the first blurb is all the "I's." I dislike blurbs written in first person.

I love the first blurb. From the point of view of a reader who is not an author, the first blurb makes me want to obtain your book immediately. It really speaks to me.

Hi J.L. Having recently struggled with my own book description, I feel your pain. Taking some fodder from Susan's and Lenita's comments, here's my two cents' worth. This version avoids the first person and reduces inactive verbs. One issue I had with your two versions was the missing benefit to the reader.

Sometimes, it’s easier to hide.

Shortly before poisonous chemicals pumping through his body consumed him, the author led an active life, had a beautiful wife, a home, a decent career. Life seemed perfect. Walking Through Quicksand takes you on a journey through addiction, how it affects all facets of the human condition—physical, mental, and psychological—and how it speaks to the guilt and mental torment that drives it. Can there be redemption from its internal demons?

I like it Chris...compelling...

How about replacing "the author" with your first name? That might enhance the personal connection.

Thanks, Susan.