Support for Indie Authors discussion

I wonder if there is anyone here who would read the first chapter of my novel Hidden Duchess and give me some feedback. I've had previous readers say they don't feel any empathy toward the main character, so I've tried to make her a little more human.
Also, I've chopped a heap of stuff out from the beginning, and I need to know if the story still makes sense, and that questions formed as a result of the first chapter are the right ones :-)
Can anyone help? It's historical romance, but there's no mushy stuff in the first chapter!
Thanks in advance!

I can if you want.

Me too

If you still need anyone, count me in.

Ditto. I'd be willing to look at a chapter.

I would love to help. It may take me about 7-10 days to get back to you, but I have been in that exact same spot and spent more time rewriting my first chapter than I care to remember!

Historicals are hard to set up, much like Sci-Fi. You have to educate the reader and paint a whole new system of rules, culture, and plug in emotional ties.

I had a traditionally published civil war writer come alongside and help me establish a template of what was allowed to make it in those first 10 pages, and what was not. He honestly didn't even have to read past my prologue. Even though my story is 19th century Ottoman royalty, (no Honest Abe and zero artillery, LOL) it was crazy how easy that template worked for me!

I think we tend to muddle our first chapters, thinking we have to really get in there and showcase stuff. And instead, the real magic is in keeping it simple, giving them only what they need to know to flip that next page. Everything else can be revealed in time.

Finally, I'm not sure how many of you guys are fans of screenwriter, Blake Snyder. But I have never found a writing book more helpful than "Save the Cat." This book is not only hilarious to read, but it is so spot on it's almost scary! I know it's intended for screenplays, but it's more than anything about creating a tight, memorable story. It gives you a beat sheet for what happens when and where. I just changed the algorythym slightly for a novel page count, rather than 110 page screenplay.

If you can splurge on getting a copy (pretty cheap, like $10 - $15) it will quickly rival your favorite coffee mug as your best friend.

P.S. Alexis... I love you for your Katniss Everdeen reply!

My son loves "Save the Cat"- he used as a templet for all his books as well as screenplays. He says it keeps him from going off on tangents.

My hubby teases me because when we watch movies I usually know what's coming next in the storyline, all because of Save the Cat.