First Monday Book Club discussion

Why do you think Don and Rosie's relationship works? Is Don a new kind of romantic hero?

Don, will never be a romantic hero, IMO, because he is not in touch with his feelings as they have low value to him. The other problem with Don, is that due to his intelligence, he believes he is right and that others will eventually figure out that he is "right." Not the most endearing quality, because he may not be able to "hear" what the other person is saying, or even value their input if he believes his position is superior. What Don is good at is showing up and doing what he will says he will do. That means a lot, especially to people that have been left high and dry by others in the past. I think that is the quality in Don that makes the relationship work for Rosie. I think the relationship works for Don because Rosie is not only remarkably beautiful (that certainly helps!), but she is able to accept him as he is and work around him as needed.

Interesting - I haven't read the book yet (and it has been a couple of years since I read the first one) so I will keep your thoughts in mind as I get reacquainted with Rosie and Don. I do agree with the importance of showing up and following through.

Knowing Don’s social limitations, what he does for Rosie could be considered romantic. While what he experiences might not be love, per se, he is still concerned and caring, and he exhibits it in his own awkward way. **I would deem it ‘heroic’ for someone to swoop in and try to solve or take care of issues so that I might not have to. Granted, being that Don is rationally (rather than emotionally) driven, it could potentially generate more side issues. Then again, that’s the way he’s always navigated the world, and he knows what to factor in to have things work out, or bumble into horrible messes and have to rethink things to extricate himself.

** Some years ago, I had read an interview with Celine Dion, where she spoke of her husband, Rene, negotiating and managing all aspects of her career without her being in the room, so that she would not be distracted or stressed, and was therefore, free to focus only on her singing. He also never disclosed any of the details to her, neither the good, the bad, or the ugly. She, in turn, trusted his judgment and wisdom. --- This was an arrangement that worked for them, as the dynamic between Don and Rosie worked for them.

In the book, Don had done so many things for Rosie – so as to avoid her getting stressed while pregnant – problems that she did not even know had arisen. He did not even breathe a word after it had been resolved, because to him, the matter had been neutralized and is no longer worthy of receiving any more time or attention. Even in the parts of the story when he had to come clean (after the fact), I wouldn’t have been surprised if he recounted it in a ‘sterile’ narrative, and not inject the stress-evoking dread / dire if one had personally undergone it at the time.

This arrangement had worked in the earlier part of Don and Rosie’s relationship (‘The Rosie Project’), because they entered a courtship, and subsequent union, knowing and accepting the strengths, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies of each other. It was only when a child came into the picture, and Rosie’s nesting instincts kicked in, that she started to re-evaluate what she would want in a mate, in the context of what would be best for the baby, that the equation started to shift in Don’s disfavor. Also, at the time that expectant Rosie herself was needing to be padded with feeling safe and secure – an assurance that a hormonal female might feel at first-time parenthood – she was left feeling incompetent, what with Don’s meticulous textbook application of prenatal care. All in all, his (cerebral) heart was in the right place, to the extent of being ‘willing’ to let her go, if it was in her (and the baby’s) best interest. It’s hard not to be rooting for him.

Anita, I love your take on Don. Thank you for this well thought out review showing that even the difficult are lovable and bring positive and valuable elements to the relationship.