Goodreads Authors/Readers discussion

I need a ton of help. I wrote a new synopsis for my book. Imagine you are looking at it online and tell me if the synopsis would make you consider buying it. Here goes:

Vespias Firstlight is tenacious. In her savage world, that means that she has a chance. A chance to bury the pain and doubts of her past. A chance to beat back the undead horde that ravages her home. A chance to bring her people to safety and a chance at finding her elusive happiness. She is determined to win these battles, but at what price?
At some point you will wonder, how much can one heart endure?
Vespias is fighting the world around her as well as the one within. But, she has help. She has General Salaris Woodward to help her defeat the primal terror of the undead. She has the charming Bel to help win back her soul from her inner demons. And she has her strong-willed family for support.
Even with all this, her odds are lean. With every breath, with every hoof beat, failure increases and hope diminishes. Heartbreak and sorrow resume their quest to imprison her in their grasp. Her home is lost, her family scattered. Her soul begins its slow return to darkness. Her two worlds become a test of faith and strength and Vespias may find that her past holds the key to her future…

If this were a genre I would read, I would be intrigued. It's well written and it gives enough information to entice but not too much to bore the reader from going to the next book on the shelf.

Hey Ed!

First off, this is a blurb - what you put to sell the book is a blurb :) The synopsis is like a cliff note on the whole book including the ending that you send to an agent or a publisher when you hope they will take on your book.

I do like this one - you have the gist of it. There's some repetition going on, and you can certainly trim it for more impact, but it is going in the right direction.

Thanks Effie. Thanks Zee...I knew it was a blurb, but the book on synopsis writing I've been reading was calling it a synopsis too. I figured maybe I was wrong so I went with the book's definition. I'll certainly take your critique to heart and work it. Thanks for the feedback, both of you!

Yes, it's a back cover blurb. When you are asked for a synopsis, usually the whole story is described. I have a few versions of each synopsis. Sometimes I'm asked for a full synopsis with spoilers and other times a more condensed version.

Aloha;
Ed,

You characterize her family as strong-willed. You characterize Bel as charming. What about the general? What trait, or attribute does he possess which helps to explain why he is an asset to her, or meaningful to her struggle? Take advantage of the personalities each of your characters have, to enhance the appeal of your tale.

Ah yes, thank you J...very good point!