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Writing blurbs is not my strong point. If you could kindly point me in the right direction. The book is "Cadet Adam"


Psychics are on the rise. The Ancient of Days, leader of the Most High Federation of Planets, is unaware of their existence or of their plot to usurp the throne. Only Adam, winner of the prestigious Ninharsug Award for Science, can save him. But someone needs to save Adam from the clutches of the Psychics.

Following his cribbie, Evie, to the Fleet Academy against the wishes of his family, Adam learns lessons about love, leadership, and what really happened to his mother. Cadet Adam is a coming-of-age action adventure.

It seems like the Ancient of Days is an organization and not an individual person. Mentioning Adam's cience prize isn't very powerful because we don't know the association. Perhaps finding a similar way to let us know it is prestigious and Adam is super intelligent would be more effective. What is a cribbie and why wouldn't Adam's family want him to go to the Fleet Academy? The lessons he learns there seem important but it feels as if he has forgotten that he is supposed to stop the Psychics and save the king. I'm sure it's intertwined but it reads like two separate books.

Hope this helps a bit. The story does sound like something I would read!

Thanks, Erin. Let me chew on this and have another go at it.

Tell me if I'm going in the right direction.

The Ninharsug Award for Science is rarely given. Adam has won it. With it he can choose his future. Rebelling against his parents, Adam follows his crib-mate, Evie into the Fleet Academy. Once there he falls afoul of the Psychic Wing, the menacing new branch of Space Fleet, who has recruited Evie. He is determined to save her.
But first he must save himself. The Psychics plan to usurp the throne of the Ancient of Days, leader of the Most High Federation of Planets, and Adam stands in their way.

Bill wrote: "Tell me if I'm going in the right direction.

The Ninharsug Award for Science is rarely given. Adam has won it. With it he can choose his future. Rebelling against his parents, Adam follows his cr..."

Wow!! Pretty much flawless - I got the storyline effortlessly and the tone is much more dramatic! My only question remains what is a crib-mate? A childhood friend? Otherwise, nice! :)

The second blurb is much much better. In fact, I'd say you've got your blurb right there! The only adjustment I would consider is maybe connecting some of those truncated sentences. However, that's a personal preference call; so long as the blurb is in "your style," it's right.

Thank you. You were most helpful!!