THE Group for Authors! discussion

Name of book: wip (working title) is missing
Gene of book: Science Fiction
Sub Gene of book: Romance
Sub Gene of book: thriller
Page Count: 250ish
Blurb: As night sets in a man steps off the last train to Necropolis in the hunt for his lost his brother in the end what awaits him in town will change his world forever.

I’m going to keep how much I post to a min but I have learned much to my dismay that if no one wants the book or that I should change something I better star finding out now.

Steve wrote: "Name of book: wip (working title) is missing
Gene of book: Science Fiction
Sub Gene of book: Romance
Sub Gene of book: thriller
Page Count: 250ish
Blurb: As night sets in a man steps off the last ..."

Steve,

A couple of things.

Typo first: It isn't the "gene" of your book, etc. It's genre.

I'm assuming the first 5 lines are just to provide us some background rather than starting out the blurb.

It would really be better to give us the working title, because when you read a blurb at AMZ or elsewhere you're reading it in the context of the title.

The rule of thumb I'm most familiar with is that it's roughly 130 words you see at the start of an AMZ blurb, without clicking "more" to read the rest. So the theory is you have to capture a reader's attention in that space.

Your blurb right now is a single run-on sentence, which would kill interest for most people, I think. Your second sentence actually begins with "In the end."

I think you're going to have to give us more about the setting. Necropolis (which suggests to me "city of the dead") carries more of a fantasy connotation than scifi/thriller, in my never-humble opinion.

Just my USD .02.

Eric

p.s. My apologies if offense was given, as none was intended.

Eric

I agree with Eric that you need to check for grammar and punch.
As Eric says, a little more info would help us to help you. Here's a suggested amendment based on what you have so far.

A man steps off the night train to Necropolis. He's searching for his brother, but what awaits him in the town will change his world forever.

Hope that helps!

P.S. I also agree with Eric that it reads more fantasy than sci-fi at present. Maybe amend the word 'train'. Is it an 'interstellar train' (or interstellar shuttle) perhaps? That would give you a more sci-fi feel.

Actually Eric and Nicki that prefect, the grammar and punch maybe the last thing i work on. The reasoning behind that is because of the wording of both Necropolis and train so i will need to fix that to make it more science fiction based and as Eric said make it longer.

So thank you two very much I will get right on it.