Call Me by Your Name discussion

I just finished this book and absolutely adored it. One question that I am left with is this: throughout the story there seems to be an implicit understanding between Elio and Oliver that their relationship cannot proceed further, beyond their time together in Italy. Why do you think that is? Is it the age difference, or the fact that it is a gay relationship, or is it something else-- perhaps, for example, it is mutually understood that this is a thing that can only survive in it's own capsule, and that it would be destroyed by every day life? I just sort of want to understand why it was never even brought up for discussion between the two, that they might be together?

I think their relationship can't precede due to outside circumstances, mostly on Oliver's part. Oliver chose a simpler life with a wife and his occupation as a professor. Elio was always ready and basically waiting for Oliver somewhere in the back of his head. Elio's favorite moment was when Oliver didn't care for the people who saw the two of them kiss in public, suggesting that Oliver wants much more of a discreet relationship with Elio because he's afraid. It's much more the social stigma of being gay in 1980's being a barrier to Oliver's happiness with Elio than anything in my opinion. Oliver even mentions that his choices force him to feel like he's living a parallel life/ coma with his wife and kids, that his parents wouldn't approve of a gay relationship. He's initially reluctant to start his relationship with Elio because he's afraid of his desires. Oliver chooses the parallel life and Elio in-turn suffers through it as well, in a metaphorical way of saying they are the "same person" who have made the same choice.

Age and opucation are not what separates the two of them, while they are initially attracted to each other by sexual desires, but they fall in love due to their intellectual sameness. The way they speak and think and their faith are all similar and they seem to catch onto that. They both make comments suggesting they are the same person such as "call me by your name" in the sex scene, all of Elio's comments on their sameness, and their shared clothing. It's interesting that the author doesn't even mention plain out that this is love because it's totally obvious. A lot of readers seem to think that there's more physical desire in this book than actual love, which I disagree with. With Elio mentioning Ovid and other bards, I am reminded of the greek myth of humans who share two heads, four arms and four legs but were too powerful, so were split in half and forced to spend the rest of their lives finding the other half of themselves.

By the end of the novel, Elio still loves Oliver and while Oliver has obligations with his family, he still loves Elio. Oliver has the Monet postcard and has inscribed, heart of hearts, or an idiom denoting his truest feelings, a nod to the place they first kissed. The postcard symbolizes Oliver's need to hide his truest feelings, on the back of a beautiful painting. He also admits that he's felt as if he had awoken from a coma when meeting Elio again that he's been living a parallel life this whole time. There's no question Oliver loves Elio as much as Elio loves Oliver. In the end when Oliver visits Elio again at the same house, Elio is afraid that Oliver hasn't remembered the small details of their relationship. When referring to billowy, Oliver looks onward as if he doesn't know what it was anymore. Elio does the same by not mentioning Oliver's ghost spot by the pool or by the tennis court. Oliver tells Elio that they are still the say and they mimic each other's sentences still but Elio is paranoid that Oliver has forgotten, "call me by your name". Elio is afraid Oliver is no longer the person he fell in love with. It seems that Oliver's true feelings are hidden like how Elio's are at this point, I'm assuming he intentionally tries to not recall "call me by your name" or the looking onward while not knowing billowy because he's afraid it will make things that much harder for himself, who at this point devoted his life to hiding his passion. Eventually Oliver's choices bring both him and his other half, Elio, down, having both lived lives they regret or at least could have been more successful.

I would like to see more Oliver's emotions and thoughts though. I'm judging based on Oliver's actions.

"Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot."

Think about your first love and why it didn't last. And why first loves almost never last for anyone. The exact circumstances differ from couple to couple of course, but in general terms it's a combination of immaturity and instability.

Even as the book is filled with Elio's inner thoughts, not once does it show Elio pondering why the affair couldn't last. It's simply accepted that the relationship was doomed.

Alex wrote: "I think their relationship can't precede due to outside circumstances, mostly on Oliver's part. Oliver chose a simpler life with a wife and his occupation as a professor. Elio was always ready and ..."

That is a wonderful summation of where Elio and Oliver 'lived' in the years after their relationship. The ending is so sad because Elio knew it was better to speak than die and yet speaking (and loving) killed a part of him anyway. And Oliver, in my opinion, turned out to be the weaker man because he could never fully come to terms with being in love with Elio - he justified his own decision to live a parallel life because, for all his bravado and charisma and being ok with everything, he was not ok with himself and that is equally heartbreaking.

Anna (the anonanimal) wrote: "I just finished this book and absolutely adored it. One question that I am left with is this: throughout the story there seems to be an implicit understanding between Elio and Oliver that their rel..."

"If not later when, was my shibboleth." When Elio admits this to us, perhaps here he was foreshadowing his folly in accepting that their 6 weeks together didn't have to be the end of their love story. But that is how the story laid out, That is where a big part of the tension came from. The clock was winding down for poor Elio, so he thought.

I was watching an interview with Luca the director of the cmbyn movie, in which he describes Oliver as extremely insecure. It all makes sense the overly confident outward appearances, Later!, the long nights by the beach thinking, his father disapproving, the reluctance to start the relationship , the constant absences from elio, and his choice. In the end I know that he truly loves elio yet he forsakes himself, as well as himself in elio, to keep up the facade of confident Oliver. I bet it killed him inside. In the end of the book, he’s still hiding his feelings behind a picture frame, yet convincing elio he’s happy with his life. I’m assuming he’s regretting the life he hasn’t lived as he stares blankly at the empty villa during the final moments. I found Oliver pretty hard to see through, honestly we don’t see enough of his viewpoint. On the other hand, elio is outwardly shy but is confident and trusts in his feelings, maybe too much but I guess everyone will always Love their first love. His final words just confirm that Oliver and elio aren’t the same person, maybe they were for one tiny moment, when they both chose to enjoy each other.

There’s an interesting metaphor I’ve seen somewhere online that describes their relationship as a fire. Sparking with bits of flirtation, raging with an intense passion, but only to quickly fade into ashes. The real question is how do you sustain a fire like that?

Well I feel like I’ve finally mastered the relationship between the two!

Alex wrote: "I was watching an interview with Luca the director of the cmbyn movie, in which he describes Oliver as extremely insecure. It all makes sense the overly confident outward appearances, Later!, the l..."

I disagree that they weren't the same person at the end of the book.. Their relationship never really "ended." It exists in their souvenirs of each other, their meetings every few years, and in their minds.. I will share this online reading on the end of the book written by someone else :
My personal reading especially of the ending, is that these two guys are halves of each other. Reading between the lines I think that the idea of calling someone by their name and the way Elio reacts to the idea of Oliver dying insinuates that they think, act, feel the same even if they are different people. So in the end, Elio didn't really need to say the words to Oliver, because Oliver felt and thought the same thing. It was better to know that they both felt the same intrinsically, and to be mature and not have to complicate it by saying it aloud.
At the end when he's thinking to himself something like "if you really feel that way, look me in my face and call me by your name."
I think saying "I love you" would be a disservice to reality don't you? It's implied, I think, and their passion extends far beyond those words. My impression is the author didn't want to dumb their relationship down to that phrase, no need spelling it out.
Very interesting read! Definitely a cause of not being in Oliver's head. To be honest with you, I think their love is equal/very different. Oliver is very fraternal, paternal, and lover at the same time. Elio is naive and impassioned. Both very different vibes to the way they love each other. I think we see how much Oliver cares especially in Rome (the wall/throw up) and the way he delicately handles Elio. I think it's hard to say who loved the other more because it was just so different for them. I definitely got the impression that Elio was also Oliver's first/only man.
I too wondered for a while if Oliver was just humoring Elio. But I think the fact he kept the picture/postcard for so long would insinuate there is definitely a lot of lingering emotion. I also think these lines justify a reading that he is not humoring Elio. This part comes when they share a drink:
"He smiled. It was obviously my turn to ask the same question, but I didn’t want to embarrass him. This was my favorite Oliver: the one who thought exactly like me."
I think there's a tremendous amount implied here. Especially for the rest of the book -- they are in part the same. Also Oliver's own answer to his question, "would you start again," suggests that everything is still there. They can blame it on the alcohol all they want, but there is so much under the surface in that scene and the end that I just can't see how it couldn't be love.
I also don't think that by marrying and having kids Oliver ever moved on. That idea of dipping into a jar of happiness - he can sometimes be happy with that life, but the total jar is what he missed out on by leaving Elio.
Unfortunately, with the novel taking place completely in Elio's head we have to decide as the reader how much we can trust what he thinks/says. There's definitely a strong possibility that he is unreliable, and all of his assumptions about Oliver are untrue. However, I think there is enough in the dialogue to prove their love existed and continued on well into old age.

Interesting comments!

Was it Elio's mother that claimed Oliver was a shy boy, the rationale for his behavior?  At midnight, when Elio came to Oliver, Elio observed some of that as well, the vulnerable side of Oliver showing.  On the bed, it was Elio that actually drew Oliver out of his shell, and got things going, until Oliver got warmed up, and set the course.  Off and off and off and off!

We learned Oliver’s own father was not open minded like Professor Perelman, and we might be a touch sad about that, and wonder if that is how Oliver became such a mature, overachiever, one that still displayed a rebellious side:  leaping over the garden gate;  not caring who sees his Star of David flopping around against his skin or who hears him smacking his lips in delight at the apricot juice; willing to pursue a longing for the beautiful Elio, a longing society shunned.  

One can't deny all the mature things we learn about Oliver, and his assertive side:  cook, bartender, caterer, gambler, investor, academic and so on.  He also had an emotionally intelligent side and in fact had a huge heart; spending time in the kitchen with Mafalda and Manfredi, taking an interest in Anchise, cultivating a relationship with Vimini, taking great care not to push Elio into a relationship he might not be ready for.  

We find out Oliver had been spending time alone at night thinking about Elio and only Elio.  And in Ghost Spots we learn he never forgot about Elio, after 15 years.  So would the words "I love you Elio" have made sense, or would this have been a disservice to the readers?  Or would Oliver have been overstepping, saying such a thing to a 17 year old?  Not that it would be wrong.  But Elio at some point did need to admit whether it was fun and games or not, without influence to say something he might not really mean.  Perhaps Oliver was nearly desperate for Elio to grow up.  Was Oliver waiting for Elio. By that note did he mean "Admit you love me, unless you don’t."  

If we are willing to look at the story how Aciman presents it, how Elio narrates it, we might know the story tells us that yes, Oliver loved Elio, shown in deeds not so much as in talk.  What kind of deeds?  The following occur to me, but I am likely forgetting other important ones.

Oliver learned about and then made sure to give Elio the experience in the Roman alley that Elio had thought about since the errand boy.  Thanks to Oliver, Elio was able to drink in fully what such an experience is like, to wrap his leg around this broad shouldered lover who held Elio against that wall, one of the two spots in Rome Elio never forgot.  

Oliver told Elio before even finishing the peach, "don't ever claim you didn't know."  

Oliver vetoed Elio’s idea of taking the tourist girl back to their room in Rome, where one must assume Elio would have shared her with Oliver.  Isn’t it clear why Oliver didn’t encourage it?  It was the last night together.  Oliver was not about to share his beloved Elio with anyone, and rightly so. Ultimately, it was the last time they ever made love.  

Oliver proclaimed Elio was his cor cordium.  He reframed the postcard and kept it on display in his office all the years.  

Oliver kept track of Elio’s professional achievements over the years. Elio never bothered to share any or them. Nevertheless, Oliver wanted to know how Elio was doing.  

We aren't Elio.  So, unlike Elio, perhaps we can allow ourselves to admit Oliver did the best he could in the situation, to admit what it was, what happened to it and that it never died, this feeling for Elio inside Oliver's heart.  And we might feel sadness for Oliver, what he was left with in life.    Elio was perhaps too young at 17 to grasp it.  Though it was just six weeks, I remain convinced what was created between them in Oliver’s heart.  It was love.

Outside the post office Oliver admitted to Elio more about how important Elio was to him, more important than just the fun and games of a 17 year old, and that Oliver was scared. Is that fear connected to or is it evidence of what stood in the way of Oliver pursuing Elio past their 6 weeks? What exactly was that fear? It wasn't explained in detail. One can imagine the turmoil a man might feel suddenly falling in love with a 17 year old male. And the stigma attached to it.

For Elio's part, can one expect a 17 year old to give up the rest of his teen years to go live with this American man? Elio likely couldn't grasp what his options might be and only just realized the two of them never broached the subject. They could have.

Alex wrote: "I think their relationship can't precede due to outside circumstances, mostly on Oliver's part. Oliver chose a simpler life with a wife and his occupation as a professor. Elio was always ready and ..."

I retract my earlier statements. Elio is obviously unreliable and it’s hard to get a sense of Oliver’s intentions as clearly as possible. Even after so many years, elio still doubts. As Andre says about this book, many things are ambiguous and all we know is that they have a place for each other in their hearts forever. It’s too simple to tell one another that they love each other. Love and passion are complicated like the humor, shame and lust in sharing the peach. It will be interesting to see the movie sequels takes on what they do. Luca mentioned Andre possibly writing them.

Thank you all for having these of explanations, I got what the story is.

Alex wrote: "I think their relationship can't precede due to outside circumstances, mostly on Oliver's part. Oliver chose a simpler life with a wife and his occupation as a professor. Elio was always ready and ..."

This was a wonderful summary in depicting Elio and Oliver's conflicted feelings with one another and themselves (after the separation), also I've read this article of Aciman a few weeks ago and decided to screenshot this. This answer particularly struck me, he is messing with our feelings.

Chloë wrote: "Alex wrote: "I think their relationship can't precede due to outside circumstances, mostly on Oliver's part. Oliver chose a simpler life with a wife and his occupation as a professor. Elio was alwa..." Where is this article? Are you able to provide a link to this? Thank you!

http://www.vulture.com/2017/12/andr-a...

Ambiguity is great theme in this book. It's clear that Oliver leaving in the middle of their intense relationship caused many problems for them in the future. His reasons, not as clear as they should be, are carried to the end of the novel in which there is a ambiguous relationship between him and Elio, mostly likely one based in fear and love. I think it's unhealthy to dwell on the subject further. Message of the book: don't avoid your emotions and desires to stay safe, you'll live your life unhappy.

''You'll kill me if you stop?''(Kill me if I stop while biking???)
What does this mean guys???? Please????

Then how about the ''traitor'' he was imagining that night? then he said traitor after he heard Oliver closed the door?

(No, There'd been another time yet. In my sleep, when he came into my bedroom and lay on top of me. Correction there again: in my sleep, I'd heaved ever so tightly , just enough to tell him, You're welcome to go on..... )
Is it true in the book or Elio's dreams only?

Victor wrote: "Then how about the ''traitor'' he was imagining that night? then he said traitor after he heard Oliver closed the door?"

Oliver suggested he'd stick around (after the nosebleed) but then he didn't, so Elio assumed the worst.

Victor wrote: "''You'll kill me if you stop?''(Kill me if I stop while biking???)
What does this mean guys???? Please????"

Isn't this more of Elio playing games? Is he just verbalizing about his dreams and his daydreams. Oliver isn't going to have a clue what any of it means. Maybe Elio is must tired of keeping it all wound up inside so he yells this nonsensical thing from his dream
out loud.

Victor wrote: "''You'll kill me if you stop?''(Kill me if I stop while biking???)
What does this mean guys???? Please????"

Much of the book relies on the reader figuring out Elio is very unreliable narrator and deciphering his hormonal and poetic thoughts. Personally for this one, it comes from Elios neurotic behavior but also alludes to a few concepts in the book. Like becoming someone to love someone. Much of call me by your name also includes themes from Greek myth and philosophy. The title of the book may allude to Plato's symposium in which they discuss the greek concept of soulmates, searching for each other and not willing to separate. This idea is carried throughout the book in which they note each other's similar traits, thinking, and talking or Elio's feelings of coming home or being complete with Oliver. "You'll kill me if you stop" therefore refers to a weird primordial force, as cruel as it sounds, residing in Elio, which he himself isn't sure of. The concept of becoming who you love is also present in the book. When Elio first thinks of the phrase he dreams of Oliver saying it. But he himself says it the first time they have sex. This phrase is in direct relationship to the concept of Monet's berm, a symbol for Elio's heart, which is shared with Oliver. When Oliver leaves Elio, symbolic of Elio dying, he takes Elio's Monet's berm postcard, and symbolically his heart, and writes "cor cordium" on the back of it. Elio even mentions that Oliver's had the Monet's berm postcard, his heart, longer than he's ever owned it. So the two trade "something" in their relationships. Cor Cordium, a big sign that Oliver will always truly carry Elio in his heart, is a reference to Percy Shelley's heart. While Percy Shelley was killed in a boating incident, his heart refused to burn when he was cremated and was taken to his wife to keep in a jar. So the postcard contains themes of both Elio and Oliver's true desires, and also that they share the same desires, but also of Elio's death, or the concept that they can't be together. There's a similar thought Elio has about Oliver dying at sea in the book and him cutting out his heart and preserving it in his shirt, and Oliver also mentions Shelley's heart right before Elio confesses his attraction to him. All this symbolism says a lot about Oliver and Elio's complex relationship by the end of the book.

Yes I got it, Thanks Marc!

So Elio is not really sure of What
"You'll kill me if you stop" means right? I misinterpreted it for figuratively losing his life when Oliver wont talk to him or show around. Like he can't stand it- when he doesn't show.

“At one hundred, surely you learn to overcome loss and grief—or do they hound you till the bitter end?” Is it in Piazzetta and who said this?

Guys, is it normal to feel depressed after reading the book and watching the film????? I am so sad and still cant get over it till now. It is so so so good.

Victor wrote: "So Elio is not really sure of What
"You'll kill me if you stop" means right? I misinterpreted it for figuratively losing his life when Oliver wont talk to him or show around."
well I think it speaks to his emotional inexperience but also the feeling of heartbreak of someone leaving you. There's a lot meaning like I talked about above. When you're young you say and think a lot of stupid things because your emotions are more raw and I don't think Elio knows what he means exactly but again it has a lot of meanings.

Victor wrote: "“At one hundred, surely you learn to overcome loss and grief—or do they hound you till the bitter end?” Is it in Piazzetta and who said this?"
This is Elio after he confesses his feelings for Oliver. He's thinking about how humans evolve and grow old and new generations forgetting the past. Wondering what it's like to grow old, another sign of his emotional inexperience. He wonders if something so brave and beautiful, his confession, will be remembered. Will anyone will have known this happened here.

Victor wrote: "Guys, is it normal to feel depressed after reading the book and watching the film????? I am so sad and still cant get over it till now. It is so so so good."

I think this book and the movie are meant to make you think. Nothing is resolved, hearts are broken, and happiness is a forsaken dream. It mimics feelings of heartbreak very nicely. That feeling that there are somethings you may never know went wrong and only rot inside you more with time. The movie does a great job with this because "Visions of Gideon" by sufjan Stevens summarizes everything nicely. The lyrics, "I have loved you for the last time", are so nicely written. This is Elio thinking: I'm forcing myself to love you for the last time even though I can't, because loving you will just hurt me more. "Is this a video?" referring to pure feelings of disbelief and sadness; Elio relives and breaks down his memories with Oliver. Personally, I think books like this leave me in a bad shape. I constantly end up having to analysis things and trying to master it, hoping to find some resolve but ending up just having a bunch of random information(probably enough to teach a college class on this book). Don't hurt yourself thinking about the ambiguity too much. Aciman does a great job writing the ending and this work reminds me a lot of marcel proust and little tricks on how humans actually work. Andre perfectly juxtaposes concepts clear symbolism with the ambiguous nature of desires and emotions, so that the ending catches off guard. Humans can never truly master their own feelings, emotions and desires because they are out of our control, so beat yourself over the head too much. This book fills you will a lot of intense emotions but you have some sense of control to where that intense emotion can lead you: into feelings of thought and retrospect of your own life or to feelings of sadness and fear.

So in the book it’s a lot more about the projection of what Oliver is and what he represents to Elio, and in the movie, They found the essence of Oliver as a person not just as a representation of Elio. In the book, it's more of subjective interlocutory of Elio to Oliver. But the film gives Oliver chance to be understood.

I don’t think you should get too caught up with things like that. All we know from the book as well as the movie is that Oliver is outwardly confident to hide his emotional insecurities. These signs are present in both the movie and the book, more so the book if you look close enough. They just stand out more in the movie. Even in that interview above I think aciman talks about how unsure he is about Oliver’s intentions so it’s safer to assume he just chose the simple life over the right life. The book and movie depicts a short lived relationship from one side only.

Did Oliver ever said I love you to Elio in the book? I am still not done reading. Pl;ease give me a hint, my heart is already tearing.

Alex wrote: "I don’t think you should get too caught up with things like that. All we know from the book as well as the movie is that Oliver is outwardly confident to hide his emotional insecurities. These sign..."

But Aciman said, Oliver for him is still and remains enigma.

Victor wrote: "Did Oliver ever said I love you to Elio in the book? I am still not done reading. Pl;ease give me a hint, my heart is already tearing."
Re-read the peach scene. What do you think Oliver means there?

Victor wrote: "Alex wrote: "I don’t think you should get too caught up with things like that. All we know from the book as well as the movie is that Oliver is outwardly confident to hide his emotional insecuritie..." Yes, but Elio was only 17 and he himself admitted to Oliver (and us) not understanding the things that matter, e.g. that Oliver is in love with him.

Victor wrote: "Alex wrote: "I don’t think you should get too caught up with things like that. All we know from the book as well as the movie is that Oliver is outwardly confident to hide his emotional insecuritie..."
Yes but I already said this above, that Oliver is a mystery to even Aciman. This doesn't mean Oliver lacks obvious character traits. The reasons for being the way he is is unknown.

Victor wrote: "Did Oliver ever said I love you to Elio in the book? I am still not done reading. Pl;ease give me a hint, my heart is already tearing."
You really shouldn't be here unless you finished the book. Spoiler love is never mentioned in the book. Aciman likes being ambiguous and words like love are too simple. some passages or things people say have more hidden meanings.

Thank you so much for explanation, i am about to end the book

I wanted to share my thoughts guys but you already enlightened me with your lovely comments, All your thoughts are clearly said and they are very understandable.

Oliver was still chewing the peach, looking at Elio, when he said "don't ever claim you didn't know." A 24 year old might want to tell a 17 year old the words "I love you" yet if Oliver is not trying to get the point across, how deep it has gotten for him, then that statement doesn't make sense. Agreed, we can tell Oliver was an enigma in Elio's estimation, but that goes back to how Elio doesn't understand the things that matter. But for Oliver, he was broken hearted over Elio. He kept loving Elio over the years and the story gives evidence how that love never died.

Marc, Why do you think Elio mentioned about how little he knew about things that matter? Please answer me because I have the answer too maybe I can relate to your answer.

When he says he knows little of the things that matter, elio acknowledges his own emotional immaturity and inexperience, although he’s very intellectually smart. This is one of the examples of acimans great writing as it reveals a lot about elio as a character with this confession of his feelings. It shows how outwardly shy but emotionally confident elio is, how he is so wise beyond his years that he is even aware of his lack of emotional experience, and how he’s still vaguely protecting himself by saying something that wouldn’t be considered a confession if Oliver didn’t have the same feelings.

Victor wrote: "Marc, Why do you think Elio mentioned about how little he knew about things that matter? Please answer me because I have the answer too maybe I can relate to your answer."
Victor, Is it about desire? I'll tell you what I think but you have to tell what you think, ok? :-)
Is Elio trying to emphasize that even though he knows how to transcribe music and translate the classics, even though he might be the smartest guy in town, he doesn't know how to manage his desire and his feelings? Remember in San Clemente Syndrome when we learn how beautiful he must be, that the errand boy and all those other boys laid eyes on and wanted Elio, but Elio didn't do anything about it. He finally wants to do something with Oliver but doesn't know how. He feels clueless what steps to take to satisfy his desire.

Ok, got it, it still actually resembles the way I thought coz Elio himself is emotionally confident but still shy of how to express it and tell Oliver he matters a lot to him. That is why he always puts himself down. I just want to move on about the story whether the film or book coz its still breaking me. I am sorry.
Always know that Oliver and Elio are the same in some ways and different in some ways to. Oliver- the outwardly confident but emotionally shy and Elio the Emotionally confident but outwardly shy(however he eventually let him know that he liked him.)

Thank you guys, especially Alex and Marc, for such terrific and helpful comments.

Btw, it dawns on me that Oliver is actually bisexual!!! I can't stop thinking whether it is true or not!!!

Tu wrote: "Btw, it dawns on me that Oliver is actually bisexual!!! I can't stop thinking whether it is true or not!!!" Yes, that seems to be the case. Perhaps Elio is as well, how he predicts one day to return to the piazetta with his wife and kids.

I've suffered the same panic and loathing as Elio after making love for the first time. And I've suffered the anxieties of Oliver, being with someone who is not really prepared for the give and take of deep lasting love. Either way, true love is a form of death. The loss of self is exhilarating and terrifying. Then follows the fear of being discarded, left an unburied corpse on a battlefield. Oliver has more fear, and a lot more to fear than does Elio. Beyond the history of his judgmental family, he's older, more fully formed, and there's simply more self for Oliver to lose in this conflagration than there is for Elio. Elio will come to realize this as he grows older, and if he still feels the same perhaps one day they'll be on a more equal footing and they can be comfortable together again.

Was the gardener really sinister? Did he do something to Oliver? The has to be a reason why everyone is so freaked out by him...

Karley wrote: "Was the gardener really sinister? Did he do something to Oliver? The has to be a reason why everyone is so freaked out by him..."
Good question. I've wondered about that too. I believe Professor Perlman, that Anchise has a heart of gold. It seems he was drummed out of the army. Is that a clue that Anchise is gay? Aciman gives us a lot to think about but not too much evidence. Later we learn that Anchise was not old, so perhaps he did try with Oliver.

I just saw the movie. i have a question. The movie took place in 1983 but in the end, Oliver call Ellio and said he is going to marry a girl and it has been going on for 2 years. So the call is in 1985 and they haven't met in 2 years? Somebody tell me the timeline please!!!

Oliverandellio wrote: "I just saw the movie. i have a question. The movie took place in 1983 but in the end, Oliver call Ellio and said he is going to marry a girl and it has been going on for 2 years. So the call is in ..."
When Oliver called Elio he is going to get married, that only happened in the movie but in the book, he went back on Christmas that year then told Elio he was going to get married-(Oliver had to follow his parents decision because before he went to the Villa, the marriage was already fixed, it just got on and off.) then they lost communication after that even though Elio studied in the States too.The professional Oliver had his family,
and after 15 years, Elio went to Oliver and after 20 years, Oliver went back to the Villa where everything started, Elio's father died, Anchise and Vimini too.

“And on that evening when we grow older still we'll speak about these two young men as though they were two strangers we met on the train and whom we admire and want to help along. And we'll want to call it envy, because to call it regret would break our hearts.

What did they mean by
this guys?

Marc wrote: "Interesting comments!

Was it Elio's mother that claimed Oliver was a shy boy, the rationale for his behavior?  At midnight, when Elio came to Oliver, Elio observed some of that as well, the vulne..."


Oliver vetoed Elio’s idea of taking the tourist girl back to their room in Rome, where one must assume Elio would have shared her with Oliver. Isn’t it clear why Oliver didn’t encourage it? It was the last night together. Oliver was not about to share his beloved Elio with anyone, and rightly so. Ultimately, it was the last time they ever made love. (i cant find this on the book-which part is this please?)

Victor, can you explain this part again, kinda confuse. You said"The professional Oliver had his family,
and after 15 years, Elio went to Oliver and after 20 years, Oliver went back to the Villa where everything started, Elio's father died, Anchise and Vimini too", what is this mean and will they end up togerther?