SCPL Online NonFiction Book Club discussion

Toward the end of the book, Ansari touches on topics such as sexting, cheating, snooping, etc, and I am interested in hearing your thoughts on some of these controversial subjects. On page 183, Ansari talks about “sexting” and mentions that while some think it is an indulgent, reckless behavior, others feel it is an empowering, healthy form of sexuality. What do you think? Were you surprised by the data presented on sexting?

When the topic of cheating is addressed, I can’t help but think of recent articles I’ve come across referring to a new term: “micro-cheating"; basically, using the privacy of your phone to secretly connect with someone on social media or send a flirty text. Do you think social media encourages infidelity? Have you heard of "micro-cheating"? Do you believe it is a valid concern? Is there any marked difference between micro-cheating and cheating-cheating?

While we have already established that people are doing lots of dating online these days, it is also revealed that more people are breaking up online as well. I will be honest: I was broken up with via text message in 2008, the relationship was not even particularly serious, and I’m still bitter about how rude and impersonal it was. I’d had coffee with him earlier that evening! Why couldn’t he tell me over coffee? That being said, I've had to make those dreaded breakup calls, and I can kind of see the appeal of just sending a text instead. What are your thoughts on text/social media breakups? Should we accept that this is the new norm?

Finally, I want to talk about snooping. Have you ever snooped, or been tempted to snoop on a partner? Is snooping ever justified? Once people are invested in a committed relationship, is there an obligation to share passwords with one another? (I’ve had some interesting debates on this topic). Do you think social media leads to more jealousy between partners?

This will be the last discussion post for Modern Romance as we’re starting our February read, A History of Canada in Ten Maps, later this week. I hope you’ll share your thoughts on the questions above, as well as any final thoughts you have about the book in general. Thank you for what has been an excellent conversation thus far!

My opinion - if you have to hide something from your partner - its probably cheating - there are levels and each person reacts to cheating in a different way.

I don't think snooping is justified in a healthy relationship - if you feel tempted to snoop, there's probably something bigger going on, see above.

I think as with anything, people have their own lives and relationships and just as romantic relationships can play out on social media, a lot of friendships are maintained through social media. I haven't seen one of my best friends in about 2 years, yet we keep in touch through texting and social media etc.

I tend to agree with you, Lillian. If you're hiding something, it may not be "cheating" in explicit terms, but it's quite likely something that could damage your relationship. I also agree with you about snooping. I admit that I have been that jealous snooper at least once in the past, and it's remarkable how different it is when you're in a healthy relationship. I've never once thought about reading my husband's texts or emails..there's complete trust there.

That being said, I've seen many people make the argument that partners should share ALL passwords. I honestly don't agree with that logic myself. It's kind of like the argument I've seen about separate bank accounts...that if you aren't willing to share all passwords/share all finances it means you have something to hide. My thinking on it, though, is that even if you're married/committed everyone has a right to some privacy and if there's honesty and trust on both sides, it shouldn't be an issue at all!