Horror Aficionados discussion

Hello Horror Aficionados!

I have signed up for an ad campaign on Goodreads for my debut novel The One and Only and I'd like my fellow aficionados to weigh-in on my hook. Would you click on the ad if you read this:

"Ruby is gifted. Governments want her. A twisted, fast-paced dark-fantasy thriller of betrayal, survival, and love. A nail-biter."

If you like it, great! Would love to get reassurances!

BUT...if you would pass, could you share why? I'm trying to have the best hook possible since getting reviews is key here. In fact, if you have any suggestions, I'm eager to learn!!!

Thanks, Julia Ash :)

Corinne wrote: "I was out on "Governments"."

Thank you so much for responding Corinne!

The U.S., Russia, and China want to use Ruby's gifts for their country's benefit (they think her blood holds the key to a zombie cure). So I'm curious....is it the word "governments" that's off, or do you just prefer books without this sort of theme?

Corinne wrote: "The latter. For me, I prefer that military, government & "realistic" war are not part of my reading.

I understand all of us have wildly different reading preferences. I even admit I may be foolish..."

Okay, thank you so much for taking the time to share! I appreciate the help very much :)

Corinne wrote: "You know reading the summary makes it sound like a good read. So really it was that key word in the blurb that stopped me from reading the summary. But when I read it, I didn't get that immediate p..."

Aw, thank you for that! The ad blurbs are so short it is hard to know which aspect to capture. What was the most appealing aspect of the brief synopsis? (If you don't have time, no worries! I was just curious!)

I tend to agree with Corinne. I like the description of the second half, but different info about Ruby and the novel's theme would provide a better lead. Maybe something like "An extinction level infection threatens the world, and Ruby may hold the solution. A fast-paced dark-fantasy thriller of betrayal, survival, and love." Might be too long, but you get the picture.

Jon wrote: "I tend to agree with Corinne. I like the description of the second half, but different info about Ruby and the novel's theme would provide a better lead. Maybe something like "An extinction level i..."

Thank you, Jon! Great ideas! Maybe...

"Ruby may be able to stop an Extinction Level Infection, if she can survive the uninfected--those who want to control her gifts. A fast-paced..."

Thoughts?

Better?

Corinne wrote: "Julia wrote: "...What was the most appealing aspect of the brief synopsis?..."

I'm so glad Jon jumped in because idk. A mom, ready to let the rat race go and stay with her baby. She is wrapping up..."

Haha! Yes, her baby is well cared for and actually has something to do with the story, which is why she is mentioned!

Did you see a possible rewrite? It doesn't include the mother aspect though; however, it steers away from an in-your-face political thread. Would this be better?

"Ruby may be able to stop an Extinction Level Infection, if she can survive the uninfected who want to control her gifts."

May need some work....writing "out loud!!"

Corinne wrote: "haha that is better. she may be able to stop it, if she can survive the bad guys."

Yes! She's more at risk from the uninfected than the undead :)

Corinne wrote: "Julia wrote: "Yes! She's more at risk from the uninfected than the undead :)"

nice. I like that direction.
Thanks for listening to my opinion. Good luck with your choice and your book."

Thank you soooo much, Corinne! You and Jon have been a big help!

You lost me after "Governments want her." because between that and the next sentence it seems like a lot is missing. She is gifted and govt's want her aren't much of selling points. They tell practically nothing about the plot of book. Is it horror? Sci-fi? Political thriller?

Alan wrote: "You lost me after "Governments want her." because between that and the next sentence it seems like a lot is missing. She is gifted and govt's want her aren't much of selling points. They tell pract..."

Thank you for replying, Alan! I appreciate it! So with feedback from Corrine and Jon, I've changed it to this....

"Ruby is more at risk from the uninfected than the undead. Which makes it hard to save humanity."

What do you think?

The first sentence is a big improvement, but the second one loses me again. Not that I'm an expert in this area of writing, and not sure if this is exactly where your story goes, but what about something more like:
Ruby has the gift to save humanity. But she may be (is) more at risk from the uninfected than the undead.

Oh, Alan, that’s it!!! It puts the fact first, followed by the intrigue!!! I appreciate your feedback so much!!! Now....Goodreads might be frustrated with me for changing the ad so much, but I think it’s been worth it!!! Thanks again!!!!

Haha!!! Teamwork makes it happen!!! :)

Much, much better! Maybe I'm jumping back in a bit too late, but if you could start with "New mother Ruby...", along the lines of Corinne's comment on highlighting the mother aspect, that might make it perfect (maybe for a future campaign?).

Thank you, Jon!!! I’m so glad I posted because you all have been so helpful!!!

Hadn't replied before now 'cause I forgot what thread this was called. Glad you liked my input. Good to see my college degree in advertising paid off for something. :P

Hope things work out well for your book.

Thank you so much, Alan! Yes, your advise was great! And thank you for your well wishes for my book. Appreciate it :)