Authors-Readers Connect discussion

I wrote in the Promotion thread about changing the book blurb of my first book to make it more reader friendly (and therefore generate more interest and sales.) This is my first revision of it. I'm also posting it to my writer's group for feedback as well. I'm open to thoughts, suggestions, etc.

Julia is the daughter of a wealthy family living in 16th century London. She falls in love with Adam, a servant’s son, and is heartbroken when her family forces her into an arranged marriage. He is neither kind nor merciful and Julia struggles to keep those she cares about safe.

When tragedy strikes, a stranger arrives and offers her a deal that can change her life forever. If she agrees, she would be given the very things that she had been denied as a human, the promise of things she had wished for her entire life. A reunion with the only man she had ever loved.

There’s only one catch. Accepting the deal would mean agreeing to join the Vampire Resistance to fight the King.

In the second paragraph, where you say 'He is neither kind nor merciful...', I feel it would be better to say 'her husband...' rather than 'he' as it could refer to Adam.
Otherwise a good blurb. It roused my interest, although I'm not a lover of vampire novels.

Vivienne wrote: "In the second paragraph, where you say 'He is neither kind nor merciful...', I feel it would be better to say 'her husband...' rather than 'he' as it could refer to Adam.
Otherwise a good blurb. It..."

Thank you Vivienne. That's a good catch! I appreciate your thoughts.

You're welcome. Hope it helps.

Vivienne wrote: "You're welcome. Hope it helps."

Yes, it does! Thank you very much!

This is the latest working version of the blurb:

Julia is the daughter of a wealthy family living in 16th-century London. She falls in love with Adam, a servant’s son, and is heartbroken when her family forces her into an arranged marriage. Her husband is neither kind nor merciful, and Julia struggles to keep safe those she cares about.

When tragedy strikes, a stranger arrives and offers her a deal that could forever alter her destiny. Agreement would give her what she had been denied and grant her fondest wishes: the freedom to do as she pleased and a reunion with her one true love.

There’s only one catch. Accepting would also mean joining the Vampire Resistance to fight the King.

Yes, that's clearer. Interesting blurb. It will probably catch vampire lovers.

Vivienne wrote: "Yes, that's clearer. Interesting blurb. It will probably catch vampire lovers."

Thank you again for your thoughts, Vivienne! I appreciate it very much.

New blurb looks amazing, Theresa!

Marie Silk wrote: "New blurb looks amazing, Theresa!"

Thank you very much, Marie! I have learned so much from all of you on this thread over the past year, including re-evaluating book blurbs.

I haven't been checking the other threads, as you can see, Theresa. But I agree that those who read Vampire novels would be drawn to find the answers to just how does her husband treat her, what's the tragedy, and who's the stranger that promises freedom? Nice blurb.

Groovy wrote: "I haven't been checking the other threads, as you can see, Theresa. But I agree that those who read Vampire novels would be drawn to find the answers to just how does her husband treat her, what's ..."

Thank you, Groovy! I think it's much better than the original. I'm hoping that will draw in new readers.