SciFi and Fantasy Book Club discussion

Disclaimer: This is a newly published book, but I'm torn on the classification.

This is almost an equal split between Thriller/Horror/SciFi and I'm struggling with the best genre to categorize it in. It's certainly not hard SciFi (no spaceships, galaxies, etc), but it's closer to Stephen King meets Ancient Aliens. How do I classify that?

Here's the blurb (and the eBook is free until Sunday):

On a remote mountainside in the Italian Alps, a rich and diverse world of characters collide as they seek to understand the discovery of the Dark Wave.

Brad and Cora, colleagues from M.I.T., are surprised by a rogue meteor storm that is eerily reminiscent of the Australian Incident which left several people dying with—itchy voices in their heads. One of them becomes infected.

General Keller, the head of a black-ops company and father of a son who died with—itchy voices in his head, wants to recover a sample—of debris, or anyone infected—and learn what happened to his son.

Ian, an African-British military analyst, and Pr0m3th3us, a non-binary dark-web hacker, form an unlikely alliance as their needs drive them into the dark underworld of Internet secrets.

Finally, as Cora’s A.I. creation–Ali–uncovers the significance of the infection-discovery; a theoretical force it describes as the Dark Wave—a theory that if proven would rewrite the history of humankind—Ian and Pr0m3th3us fight to save Brad and Cora; Ali works to protect the discovery and the general fights to capture them all!

DEVEL DJANGO, a near-future thriller, whispers at the fundamental question of humankind—Where did we come from? —and gropes at the undefined space between science and religion. It is a unique tapestry woven with coarse threads of horror, hybrid metal synapses and detailed with a fine, ancient brush from a long-lost palate of knowledge.

Academic categorization is different from marketing categorization. So pick the one that gets you the highest sales placement.

What’s with the weird dashes?

The em-dashes? They signify a longer break in the original sentence. An interruption in thought.

I’m a former editor and proofreader and they make my head hurt because half of them are misplaced. Especially when you repeat things like “with—itchy”, a construction which makes it seem like you’re creating a new word.

Dashes require spaces around them to indicate a pause in thought or interruption in thought. Without spaces they become compound words. You really need to fix that, because it is borderline unreadable.

When a character is searching for a way to complete a thought, it is generally better to use an ellipsis, which indicates a trailing-off as they think about it. A dash generally indicates a sudden interruption and redirection in thought or speech. They read very differently. They should also be used sparingly, because it puts up a wall between your prose and the reader.

Once you’re Stephen King you can redefine grammar. Until then it is best to follow the rules.

I appreciate the feedback. Word seemed to have an issue with how it wanted to format around the em-dash, so I assumed it knew what it was doing. I also understand the use of the ellipse, which I don't believe applies to the passages above, but maybe a few of those sentences would be better served by semi-colons?

One of the other issues is that when I pasted the blurb in, I lost the italicized words, which originally made it easier to identify that "with itchy voices in their heads" was something special.

And no, I certainly wasn't comparing myself to King, it's just the quickest way to describe the style of story, hence my initial question on how to categorize.

I agree about the dashes, they don't clarify anything the way they are being used. Just re-type it with italics.

For classification, key words can help the categorization.

As for the blurb itself, I think there is too much going on in it. I counted six different individuals (including the AI). I didn't have a glimmer of connection with any of them. You might try constructing the blurb around one or two.

I'm not an editor or proofreader but I am your target audience...

...and I haven't a damn clue wtf is going on in your book.

Those dashes? Get rid of them - I totally agree with Trike.

This "with—itchy voices in their heads." no. Just, no. describe the issue one time - and let it go. It's a blurb not a paper.

You also reference things in caps - giving the impression that this is common knowledge. To me, that is a hint I'm reading a later book in a series.

ALso, too many people without real indication as to how they fit together. yes, I saw that some protect the other...but why?

All in all, I suggest you start with the incident: what happened (non-spoilery) and when. Who was impacted?

Next, name your principal players and their most basic (non-spoilery) goal.

Finally, wrap it up. Your final para works fine for me.

Fair enough and I really do appreciate the feedback, but I'm confused as to what is unclear. Outlining the blurb I get:

Incident: Rogue meteor storm similar to something that has happened before, and one of our MC's get infected

Antagonist: General Keller has resources at his disposal and is after MC's

Secondary Characters: I agree, they could go away

Cauldron setup: The general is trying to capture them all (i.e. some may not survive) and the great discovery may be lost

Caps: The acronym M.I.T. (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) and title of the book.


However, I agree that the compound sentences need to be cleaner.

You might check the blurb in Amazon (not the one in GR) for "The Atlantis Gene," which also sounds like the category for this book.

I had no idea who the antagonist was. That should be more obvious.

Antagonist: General Keller has resources at his disposal and is after MC's

To answer the original question, I’d go with thriller. If readers aren’t expecting it to have dark elements / detailed torture or whatnot you’ll get negative reviews from the ones who don’t care for it. I don’t draw much difference between thriller and horror but I suspect thriller may have more readers searching that category. They’ll get the Sci-fi from what you keep in your blurb.

I would recommend making your blurb about half as long. I have seen a few others as long as yours and always find them a turn off. I prefer to get an impression of what the book is about from the blurb while allowing the book to tell the story. Don’t tell the story in your blurb. It’ll make the make the opening of the book tedious as you’re reading what you already know.

D. wrote: "but it's closer to Stephen King meets Ancient Aliens."

I wouldn't use that comparison as King already did that with The Tommyknockers. Just my 2c worth :)

This is just an example using your blurb with of course some placeholders. It's kind of short. :)

On a remote mountainside in the Italian Alps, researchers seek answers to the Dark Wave.

M. I. T. scientist Brad Smith suspects debris from a meteor shower is related to an unknown infection which killed ten people. Not until he becomes infected with the same disease does he learn it involves hybrid metal synapses, to which there is no antidote. But can the disease be used to advantage? There are those who believe so, and they are not friends or colleagues.

M.L. wrote: "On a remote mountainside in the Italian Alps, researchers seek answers to the Dark Wave.

M. I. T. scientist Brad Smith suspects debris from a meteor shower is related to an unknown infection which killed ten people. Not until he becomes infected with the same disease does he learn it involves hybrid metal synapses, to which there is no antidote. But can the disease be used to advantage? There are those who believe so, and they are not friends or colleague."


^^

Winner, winner chicken dinner

Caps
Dark Wave
Australian Incident

The caps make them into proper nouns. Dark Wave could default to meteor shower? Or is it the disease? Or is it what you call the people infected? Get what I mean? If you are going to properly name it in the blurb...do it in a way that brings the audience along with you.

Australian Incident - Something happened in Australia...and it is an incident. Which is waaaay too much info for the blurb if you aren't going to explain it. Or you need to call it something like "the mysterious thing being called the Australian Incident for lack of any other details."

OK, I see your point, but both the Dark Wave and Australian Incident are important concepts to be uncovered in the book (and hopefully incite some intrigue), which is why they're not fully explained.

The blurb on the back of the paperback is a bit shorter (below) but may still need to be modified?

On a remote mountainside in the Italian Alps, a rich and diverse world of characters collide as they seek to understand the discovery of the Dark Wave.

Brad and Cora, colleagues from M.I.T., are surprised by a rogue meteor storm that is eerily reminiscent of the Australian Incident which left several people dying with—itchy voices in their heads. One of them becomes infected.

General Keller, the head of a black-ops company and father of a son who died from the same infection, will stop at nothing to recover a sample—of debris, or anyone infected—and learn what happened to his son.

As Cora’s A.I. creation, Ali, uncovers the significance of the Dark Wave—a theory that will rewrite the history of humankind—a deadly chase begins, only to end in a stunning twist in the final pages.

DEVEL DJANGO, a near-future thriller, whispers at the fundamental question of humankind—Where did we come from? —and gropes at the undefined space between science and religion. It is a unique tapestry woven with coarse threads of horror, hybrid metal synapses and detailed with a fine, ancient brush from a long-lost palate of knowledge.

I'd go with thriller as well, but just to add to the ongoing blurb revision discussion, you lose me at a "rich and diverse world of characters". In my opinion, if you have to say that in the blurb, it's unlikely to be true in the writing.

My preference would be to talk primarily about the illness/disease/infection and leave all of the various characters to the inside of the book. There's too much given away on the surface and none of it has me feeling any iota of interest in learning more about them. Pique my curiosity with an infection that apparently causes "itchy voices in your head" and make me wonder what and how and why, and then I'm with you.

And I concur with the others in nixing the dashes entirely.

Yes, it still needs work. Like the others, I couldn’t understand what the story was about. No one is trying to be mean here, we’re giving you honest feedback. If everyone is having trouble getting the message, the fault isn’t in the reader.

Look at M.L.’s rewrite of your blurb. THAT book sounds interesting. M.L. is an author who writes killer book blurbs. Go look.

You’ve no doubt heard the aphorism “kill your darlings”. What that means is that you can’t get too attached to any particular aspect of your writing. You have to be ready to jettison anything that’s getting in the way of your story. Your blurbs are the same way: you’re overly attached with being clever and telling us every little detail. Don’t. Let the reader discover the depths of the story as they read.

Give us the elevator pitch. Explain your story in three or four lines. Make it enticing so that we want to know more.

Check out this description of The Hunt for Red October:

Somewhere under the freezing Atlantic, a Soviet sub commander has just made a fateful decision. The Red October is heading west. The Americans want her. The Russians want her back. The chase for the highly advanced nuclear submarine is on—and there’s only one man who can find her...

Brilliant CIA analyst Jack Ryan has little interest in fieldwork, but when covert photographs of Red October land on his desk, Ryan soon finds himself in the middle of a high-stakes game of hide-and-seek played by two world powers — a game that could end in all-out war.

If you’ve read the book, you know the story is both deep and broad, with numerous important characters and incredibly detailed descriptions of a whole variety of military tech. It’s an epic story that spans half the globe, but none of that is on the cover. But damn if that doesn’t make want you to read it. It’s 6 lines long and only names one character.

(Also notice the dashes.☺️)

Regarding the 'rich and diverse world of characters'; that came from a friend of a friend who is in book marketing. I know... too many chiefs. Anyway, here is a complete rewrite. I feel like I'm leaving a lot out, but I'm a pretty detailed person, so maybe that is part of the problem...

M.I.T. scientist Dr. Brad Bradley was determined to become an Astrobiologist and make ‘the world’s greatest discovery’, despite his drunken father’s harsh words.

Exposed to infection by a rogue meteor storm that previously left several people dying with ‘itchy voices in their heads’, Brad and colleague Cora are thrust into the disturbed world of General Keller—a man warped from his own son’s terrifying yet similar fate.

As the significance of the Dark Wave infection is realized, Brad and Cora fight for their lives, the general fights to capture them both and the greatest discovery of humankind may be lost forever.

DEVEL DJANGO, a near-future thriller, whispers at the fundamental question of humankind—Where did we come from?—and gropes at the undefined space between science and religion. It is a unique tapestry woven with coarse threads of horror, hybrid metal synapses and detailed with a fine, ancient brush from a long-lost palate of knowledge.

Better. I stumbled on "the general fights..." and would not have if it had been "Keller fights..." but maybe that's just me. Also, that same sentence needs either a comma after both or an 'and' instead of a comma before "Brad and Cora fight."

The allusion to the backstory of the drunken father seems a bit off to me but I'm not sure how or why.

And I'm reluctant to say 'make it longer' but the AI seems like an important part of the story and some of us are always looking for books with that feature, so figuring out a way to mention it (if indeed it is significant) would be good.

Definitely a thriller though.

Once again, great feedback. And yes, the drunken father backstory isn't nearly as important as the A.I., so here is another flogging of the horse.

Dr. Brad Bradley, M.I.T. professor of Astrobiology is surprised by a rogue meteor storm in the Italian Alps. Hoping to finally make his ‘great discovery’, he accidentally exposes himself to a forgotten virus that decades ago left several people dying with “itchy voices in their heads.”

Tracking the rogue storm is General Keller, a man warped from anguish over his own son’s terrifying yet similar fate; a man that will stop at nothing to discover what really happened to his son.

Cora, Brad’s brilliant but troubled colleague, and her breakthrough A.I., Ali, begin analyzing the infection, realizing this may be the greatest discovery of humankind—proof of our origins—but only if Brad can survive it.

As General Keller deploys all his resources to recover a sample—of storm debris, or anyone infected—Brad and Cora are thrust into his disturbed world and a deadly chase ensues, threatening to end their lives. But the general wants them alive.

Much better than the first. Much more coherent. Makes clear it’s a SF thriller type book.

I think it's getting stronger! But, you know how when a friend is telling you a story about people you don't know, and they keep making sure you're clear on the details? That's what dropping a bunch of names feels like in a blurb. We don't know these people yet. Your job in the book is to introduce us. Your job in the blurb is to make us want to be introduced.

Also, "yet" implies the previous deaths were either different than the general's son's or the same but not terrifying. Is the general going to torture them? Is he worse than dying? Is he the main character? This makes it sound like he's the focus.

Maybe something like this? (Though I like ML's a lot)

Dr. Brad Bradley, M.I.T. professor of Astrobiology is surprised by a rogue meteor storm in the Italian Alps which might finally be his "great discovery" and answer the existential questions of mankind.

General Keller is also looking for answers. Broken at the loss of his son to an unknown disease which killed its host with "itchy voices in the brain," the general is prepared to use the full might of his army to learn the truth of his son's death.

Unfortunately for both, Dr. Bradley's discovery has exposed him to the same virus, and now the clock is ticking. Death waits. The question is whether the virus, the general, or the truth will be the thing that kills him.

The number of characters to include in the blurb is the tricky part. As it turns out, Cora is extremely important, and for reasons I don't want to give away, has a stronger character arc than Brad.

The general is retired and has a blacks-op company, which may not be important in the blurb (but makes him feel more rogue IMO), but also has an A.I. known as 'Syi' at his disposal, so it's quite the battle of the titans. Add in the fact that different characters view the infection-event through different lenses; science vs religion, and there is so much that isn't making into the blurb, it feels very bland to me.

Add on top again, Cora's traumatic back-story and her struggle to overcome it, while trying to save Brad and while fleeing the general, and the depth of the story simply isn't portrayed in the blurb.

But I certainly understand the need to be succinct.

I won’t edit it as there’s enough good feedback coming in on - just toss in the thought to keep in mind that the blurb is an example of your writing.

If it is too wordy, then I don’t get the book. I figure the author can’t edit back and I don’t want to slog through a book that’s a mish mash of too many words. Given your first start at your blurb, you might want to have an editor look at your book before you publish it. That may be beneficial to making it an even better book.

D. wrote: "The number of characters to include in the blurb is the tricky part. As it turns out, Cora is extremely important, and for reasons I don't want to give away, has a stronger character arc than Brad...

....Cora's traumatic back-story and her struggle to overcome it, while trying to save Brad and while fleeing the general, and the depth of the story simply isn't portrayed in the blurb."

Nor should it be. You need to sell the sizzle, not the steak.

Look at the Clancy blurb again. It names one character, and although the entire franchise is built around Jack Ryan, in this novel he is practically a secondary character. The main character is the Soviet sub captain Marko Ramius.

Ramius intends to defect to the US during a Soviet wargame pitting his experimental submarine against the best existing sub, commanded by Ramius’ former protege and probably the best living commander in the USSR. Ramius told his superiors that he was going to defect, so now the entire Soviet Fleet is after him. Meanwhile, Ramius is lying to his crew about what they’re doing, so the other 200 men aboard have no idea they’re defecting... or that the USSR intends to sink them. Plus, Ramius murders the political officer, creating a locked-room mystery for his subordinates to figure out, on top of everything else that’s going on in this story, which involves Russian history and the politics of the Cold War.

Yet the description merely says, “a Soviet sub commander has just made a fateful decision. The Red October is heading west.”

That’s it.

One of the reasons Red October was such a hit is because readers discovered unsuspected depths inside a multilayered story. Everyone was like, “Wow, this is way more intricate than I expected!”

Instead of giving us that long list of details about all these characters and what’s going on, you just need to distill it down to the very basic elements, and make those sound fascinating.

Sounds like Science Fiction to me.

...And ! My goodness if you haven't had a capable editor look over your work, you should strongly consider it.

Actually I'd consider reading the book blurbed in msg. 21.

Stopping there might be appropriate... especially if you haven't gotten this much help with the novel itself... nothing pisses me off more than a perfect blurb for a book that turns out to be poorly finished.

Again I suppose it's just me, but promising one thing and delivering something lesser, or even just different, is gonna get a star taken off.