Support for Indie Authors discussion

This is where my first novel stands. I have finished it, and it's been published since April. I felt very good about it, and I still like it. (Of course I do, it's my book) But the problem is that its not grabbing hold of people like I want it to.

I ran a Facebook ad, which did pretty well for me. I reduced the sale price of my book to 99 cents and its free with Kindle Unlimited, and saw some actual movement on it. The problem is that I can't track how far people get with the ones that were actually purchased. But you can with KU downloads to an extent, so that's what I've been looking at.

From what I've seen, people barely get started with my book and put it away. I mean definitely under 20 pages and they quit. This has been consistent from when it was published. I would say about 50% to 60% of downloads go unfinished. That's bad!

So what I was hoping is for some feedback from people that have no idea who I am. All my beta readers have been friends or family and that doesn't work well.

I am looking for people to read the first 20 pages of my book and let me know what's wrong with it, if you feel anything is at all. Any advice would be great.

Here is the blurb:

A virus… Chaos… Devastation…

Human populations were decimated once the Almawt virus hit—very few were immune to its touch. Modern societies collapsed and survivors scrambled to sort through the violence and disorder.

Xavier never saw it coming, never even considered the possibility of what unfolded in front of him. With the end of the world thrust upon him and with no extraordinary skills, he did what he could to survive. He outlived his sister, has no idea where his mother is, and now that his father left to find her, Xavier finds himself alone within the confines of an abandoned high school, the post-apocalyptic town of River’s Edge. He thought the worst was behind him, but quickly found there may never be an end to this nightmare.

With the arrival of a dark military force within the region working to consolidate the remaining population under its own vision of how the world will be reshaped, Xavier and his town have come directly within the crosshairs of this juggernaut. When Xavier finds himself immersed in the beginnings of this war, he must make the choice—submit or fight.

Please send me a Goodreads message if you are interested in helping out!

Thank you.

The blurb is too long and contains too much information. Emphasize five short points; 1) A plague has come 2) Xavier escapes to what he hopes is a safe haven 3)is family are dead or lost 4) a dark military force intend on conquering all the lands 5) Xavier must choose to surrender or fight. A blurb should not be a synopsis. Shoppers will be slowed down with too much information like the human race is in decline, the name of the virus, the names of his family members or the name of the place he goes, It just has to quickly attract attention by showing potential readers the terrible trouble your protagonists are in. As the old adage goes, "You can't sell a stake, you have to sell the sizzle."

David wrote: "The blurb is too long and contains too much information. Emphasize five short points; 1) A plague has come 2) Xavier escapes to what he hopes is a safe haven 3)is family are dead or lost 4) a dark ..."

I appreciate the feedback.

My cover and blurb have actually done well in attracting people to purchase or download my book when I've advertised. I've suspended my recent advertising, because I would like to work this kink out of people not sticking with the actual story.

If you're willing to take a look at the opening of my book, I would appreciate it. That's really what I'm hoping to get from this.

David wrote: "The blurb is too long..."

We've already dissected Robert's blurb quite a bit in the blurb workshop. The thread is still open if you want to go over there and look. In this thread he's asking for beta readers.

Hello Robert,

I'd be glad to look at your first 20 pages. Send me a PM.

Matt

I'm willing to take a look. I look forward to hearing from you, Robert.

Hi Robert! I'd be glad to read it. Send me a PM.

Sorry, I haven't been on here in a while. I actually got a lot of feedback from some others. I appreciate everyone for expressing interest. I heard the same thing over and over, so I know what I have to do. Thanks guys.

Robert wrote: "Sorry, I haven't been on here in a while. I actually got a lot of feedback from some others. I appreciate everyone for expressing interest. I heard the same thing over and over, so I know what I ha..."

Glad to learn that you found what you needed.

I'm in

Sure. Ill commit to 20 pages.