CLOG - Comedy Literature Only Group discussion

Zdras-tvuy-te Comrades,

I see there is a 'Challenges' shortcut on the CLOG home page. I clicked on the word to see what fun and larks might be contained therein, and was dismayed to be informed that, 'This group currently has no challenges.' Incidentally, the collective noun for larks is a 'springul' of larks, although Wikipedia fails to confirm whether a springul of larks are more likely to indulge in harmless mischief than other songbirds. In the light of this omission, I wish to propose a challenge and, as there appears to be no means of filling the void on the 'challenges' page, I am forced to post said challenge as a discussion topic. 'No! please go into more unnecessary detail!' I hear you cry, but I think I have said enough for the time being other, of course, than to state the nature of the aforementioned challenge in terms that may, hopefully, inspire you to participate.

As you know, I have an obsession with the quaint collection of luncheonettes that go by the name of McDonalds. Your mission, should you choose...etc, is to provide phrases, statements or questions that would never, under any circumstances, be uttered in a McDonalds restaurant. To get you started, here are a few examples that I believe to be irrefutable.

"Hey Mum, I really hope I dream about that clown tonight!"

"...and now a few words from the bride's father."

"Oh Timothy, stop making a fuss! Your ears are meant to bleed when you suck on a triple-thick shake."

"Excuse me, can you tell me where the drive-through is? All I can find is a drive-thru."

"You're quite correct sir, Mr McDonald was originally from Wigan."

"... and could we have a bottle of the house red."

"Hey Mum! My burger looks exactly like the one in the picture!"

Hoping that has whetted your weapon, look forward to your suggestions.

With happy meals

Sav

In my experience, you'd be least likely to hear: "Ah, Mr Gregson. So nice to have you with us again."

However, two close contenders:

"Hey, fellow workers: let's all go out and make sure there's not a scrap of waste packaging anywhere within a mile's radius of our store."

And:

"You know what? I really am lovin it."

Well, I couldn't resist this.

I would hazard, 'Yes, Madam, you are right: we do sell sell junk food bursting with salt, sugar and additives that is guaranteed to shorten your life by five minutes with each mouthful. It's only by accident, though.'

Or maybe - with a nod to a scene in one of Rob's previous books:
'George/ Anne/Dick/'Julian yelled:
"Three cheers! A jolly old chocolate brownie."
They all strained their necks to get a good look at it.
Timmy barked, "No, it's one of Cookie's stale chocolate buns."

...Believe it or not, I did really hear the following conversation within a group of two mothers and some children in West London a few years ago:
Small boy: (looking at snacks in a health food shop window) Mum, can we try those?
Small girl: Yes!
Mother: No. You wouldn't like those; they don't taste nice. We're all going to McDonalds.
Chlidren: (sounding disappointed) Oh.
Words fail me.

Lucinda wrote: "Believe it or not, I did really hear the following conversation within a group of two mothers and some children in West London a few years ago."

Oh dear. That really is depressing.

(And that, ironically enough, is a phrase you might well hear in said restaurant.)

You might indeed, Rob!