The Writing Desk discussion

...

December turned the lock and key, letting all things fall into place. Her hair, her eyes, her face, they were all just so... She didn't even have words to describe it. They just shouldn't have been, they shouldn't be. They should...
She could feel herself slipping, falling away, slowly being pulled toward a black oblivion, a wide expanse of inescapable sea. It was difficult to hold on, but easy to let go; harder to fight, but easier to give in. So she did. She let herself fall, giving in to the heat of the summer as she drew the blade across her wrist.
Everything was better then, sharper. She deserved the pain. She let the flow. There was no need to stop it. It would carry her away, a tide of red, lovelier than the sea of black that threatened to drown her out; warmer, sweeter, thicker. But it would not drown her. It would only carry her, carry her back.
Back to reality, back to the sea.

Grace walked in to where December was and saw her, she sighed. Tears started to fill in her eyes.

December let herself slide slowly to the ground, her knees curling up in front of her like a shield against the outside world, cradling her arm to her chest as she sank away from reality. It was easier this way. Better. Nobody would have to worry, nobody would have to care.
All things would be better.
Until they weren't.
It was hard to describe the sensation, the feeling, that tore its way through Cecily's guts at that very moment. She never would have been able to communicate just how it felt; she was no good at vocalizing personal problems.
The thing was, she had locked the door, hadn't she? But then there stood Grace in all her finery, tears welling up in her eyes at the scene before her:
A scene she was never supposed to see.
"I'm fine," December, Cecily, consoled, trying to comfort in the face of fear, "it's not deep enough. I'm okay. Just a little tired."
She felt herself falling farther away, dragged down by the current, and let herself go.
But her dreams were to be more horrifying than her reality.

She got some bandages and got on her knees right beside her. 'You are not ok' she told her wrapping up her wrist.

December didn't argue. She didn't move.
For all she knew, she could have been dead.
But she wasn't. She was just asleep, dreaming.
She didn't need help, she didn't, she...
she was falling upward, melting skyward, more than silence broken, and time...
Time lived again. For just a moment, but it did. It did.
Enough to make the dead switch graves.
((borrowed some lines by Sleep Token XD))

She finished wrapping up her wrist and carried her to bed and layed her down. She sat next to her stroking her hair out of her face.

((cheater lol))

((nope. they're a band XD just borrowed the lyrics "melting skyward, more than silence broken, time, lived again, for just a moment, til' the morning comes..." and "something in the way you live, enough to make the dead switch graves, you take your leave..." XD))
Cecily awoke, sometime in the early light of a new dawn. Grace hovered above her, ever silent, and her head ponded, a single name running across her lips in her delirium:
Will.

'good morning sunshine' she said softly and stopped messing with her hair.

"Will?" Cecily repeated, still not quite within her usual state of consciousness, "why...how..."
She dropped off, sitting up and rubbing her eyes, her head swimming with the effort of staying upright. Turning, she blinked, her line of sight revealing that Will had never been there at all. Just Grace.
"Morning," she replied, still sleepy, and lie back down, not quite strong enough to stand.
What had she done?

'Who is Will?' she asked helping her back down. She saw that she wasn't well. If only she had come sooner she could have saved Cecily from this. If only...

"Brother," Cecily replied lazily, closing her eyes, "what day is it?"
It couldn't be Monday... It couldn't. Could it?
She opened her eyes.
"I swear, if I miss my test.." she began, not quite sure what she would do if she did miss it, "my world will end. I will die," she laughed, being quite dramatic at this point; a fractured disguise.
She so hoped it wasn't Monday...
Any other day, any other...

'it is only Wednesday and you are not going to die.' she said running her hand across her cheek.

"I might," Cecily replied, sleepily, relaxing, butterflies flipping in her stomach at Grace's touch. She didn't want to, she didn't, she swore she didn't. She didn't want to like girls. She just wanted to live alone for the rest of her life.
And that was going to be the way it was.
"What time is it?" she inquired, reaching for her phone on the bedside table, noting it for herself:
12:33pm
Not the dawn, as she had initially thought, but the afternoon.
"Gotta run," she stated, cheerful, "muffins are calling. As is Calculus. See ya' later!"
She smiled, jumped out of bed, and grabbed her car keys, out the door without a second to loose; a false image of hope and forgiveness, a fake remodel of joy embodied.
She was going to survive the day.

She just shook her head when she left, 'silly girl' she said laughing. She as well went to her class.

Cecily got in her car and drove the short distance to Dunkin' Doughnuts, headed straight for the drive through for a chocolate muffin and a Thin Mint mocha.
She hadn't lied, she was hungry. And she definitely did have Calculus; in a couple of minutes.
She sighed, sipping her drink impatiently as she headed back toward campus, hoping she would make it on time...

All Grace had to do was walk to class. She was happy though cause they both had the same class. She didn't really know what to do. She didn't know if Cecily thought she liked her or not, well she did but still.

Cecily walked through the door of the classroom just in time, the bell going off behind her as she took her seat.
It was going to be a long day, but she could make it through. Maybe. As long as everyone kept their opinions to themselves and Ella stayed where she belonged:
In the past. Dead.

(that got dark fast lol)

Grace saw Cecily walk in and sit down as the bell rang. She wanted to tell her how she felt, but she didnt know how.

((you're telling me XD Ella is big sister btw... read character file to find out more as I just finished it XD))
The time passed, homework was given, the teacher droned, the bell rang.
And then Ella appeared, back from the dead, not where she belonged, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, her sweet voice marred as she began to scream in agony.
It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real.
Cecily repeated the phrase to herself over and over again, a continuous string of thoughts.
Ella was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it, nothing she could say.
But it still drove her to the brink, right to the edge, down to the shore, right at the line of where the blackened ocean met the safe, warm sand. It still made her want to let go.
Why?
Because it was her fault.
Will blamed himself, Mama claiming the fault was her own, Papa trying to blame the whisky and cards, but Cecily knew the truth. She knew, deep down, who's fault it was. It was hers, her own. Ella never would have left if Cecily hadn't frozen, hadn't of hesitated. She could have lived, but the chill of December ran right to Cecy's bones and froze her solid to the spot. And her sister died. Just like that.

((sorry notif. is broke :( )
Grace looked over at Cecily, wondering why she hasn't moved yet. She walked over o her and put her hand on her shoulder, 'you ok?' she asked worried.

Cecily gave a start.
"Yah," she replied earnestly, shaking her head to clear her brain, "I just saw something... But I guess it was just a shadow. I don't know."
She shrugged, honestly not disturbed, and stood, giving her friend a hug.
"Things have just been really weird," she admitted as she stepped back, shrugging her slight shoulders once again, "but I'll be alright. I've got English to worry about now, so that should occupy me for a bit; you?"
She had just enough time for idle chatter before she had to leave again. Things just got so cluttered and frantic sometimes...
"Also, I need to take a walk," Cecily added, a small smile spreading across her features, "come with?"

She hugged her and smiled. 'I have the same work as you girl... I would love too' she said still smiling.

Cecily was happy with Grace's response, honestly glad to have some company. Maybe then Ella wouldn't come back, and there wouldn't have to be any more debate as to why she had died; who had killed her. Then December could quit blaming herself, wishing for her life to end. Things could get better. But not with a ghost. Ghosts never gave you the time you needed to heal.
She walked toward the english building, mildly distracted. How could you block out the past when it kept throwing itself in your path, tripping you up, slowing your progress?

Grace was walking with her when she noticed something was off. 'are you sure your okay?' she asked giving a worried look resting her hand on her shoulder.

"Yah," December replied, "just a bit distracted, I guess."
She had no other words.
Nobody knew about Ell, and things were better that way.
Even Will was a mystery to most, though even Cecsy couldn'y figure him out most of the time.
"Maybe a bit nervous about our english test."
She would blame it on anything but the truth.

'okay' she said smiling, she knew something was wrong, but if she didn't want to say, it was fine with her. 'Yeah, I am so nervous about that test... lets just hope I don't have an anxiety attack because of it... you remember what happened last time dont you?' she asked still walking with her,.

"No, I'm not quite sure that I do," Cecily admitted, embarrassed over her self absorption.
Other people suffered too.
"Why don't you tell me about it?"

'well last time we had a test and I completely forgot about it. The day I walked in and the teacher announced that we had a test that day, I started to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking all over, thankfully the teacher called a nurse and had me taken out, it took almost an hour to calm me down.' she said wondering if she remembered now.

"Ah, yes," Cecily stated, "I remember now. Things like that are bound to be memorable. I'm sorry. I've just been lost in my own list of problems. But I think the test will be fine. We can study for it before class starts or something..."
She dropped off, not quite sure what else to say. It was always uncomfortable when you had to be reminded of a traumatic event in someones life. Especially when they were your best friend. Things like that weren't meant to be forgotten.
"I'm sorry," she said again, but this time she was talking to a whole list of people, not just the one beside her.
It was a very long list...

'Cecily, its fine really. You dont have to keep saying sorry.' she grabbed her arm and sat her down on the nearest bench and sat beside her. 'what's wrong? And don't tell me "nothing" and don't lie to me' she said sternly and looking in her eyes.

"It's not," Cecily sighed, letting Grace pull her onto the bench. She was so tired, so stressed, that she hadn't stopped to consider anyone other than herself.
"I should learn to be a better friend," she added, genuine in her words, staring at her knees.
"I just... I've been juggling a lot lately, and things get hard, ya' know? But I really don't want to talk about it... It just makes everything worse."
She felt her shoulders slump, her head drop.
How did you explain that your dead sibling was giving you nightmares? That every time you spoke about her, the pain just got worse?
The answer:
You say nothing at all.

She just sighed and hugged her tight but not too tight to hurt her. 'If anything bothers you, you know you can come to me right? And I can tell when something is bothering you, please dont avoid me' she said giving her a small smile

"Of course," Cecily nodded, "but I hope you know that I don't avoid you. I just like to keep some things to myself."
She shrugged, hugging her friend in turn before jumping up with new-found energy.
"We're going to be late if we don't hurry up," she said, dashing off toward their next class.

'Yes, I know and understand.' she said smiling a little more.
She looked at her with wide eyes, 'shit, yeah we are' she sprinted to their next class and got there just in time.