Let's Just Continue Our Conversation xD discussion

Have a great day *hugs*

Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "Why'd you ask..?"

Just wanted to talk for a bit now that I got free time :P

Though, we can chat later :]"

Later...
I hope it's okay...?
Sorry... :/

Allerglance wrote: "Have a great day *hugs*"

You too :) <3

Deepthi wrote: "Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "Why'd you ask..?"

Just wanted to talk for a bit now that I got free time :P

Though, we can chat later :]"

Later...
I hope it's okay...?
Sorry... :/"


Yeah :D
No worries :]

Deepthi, I gotta go sleep now..


Goodnight, Deepthi, sleep well


Hope you're feeling better

Hey there, good luck today even if you don't have exams today

:]

Allerglance wrote: "Hey there, good luck today even if you don't have exams today

:]"

Had math today XD
Thank you :)

How are you?

Could i ask for a hug...?

Deepthi wrote: "Could i ask for a hug...?"

Of course :]

*hugs*

How's chu today ?

Deepthi wrote: "How are you?"

I hate spam spread.....


Thought, good!

The prof literally went:"go bring popcorn! Even your breakfast! We're watching a movie next meeting!" XD

sjskskskskskskskk

Also, our class played a card game to learn the history of the school :0

Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "Could i ask for a hug...?"

Of course :]

*hugs*

How's chu today ?"

*hugs back*
Sorta okay...?

Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "How are you?"

I hate spam spread.....


Thought, good!

The prof literally went:"go bring popcorn! Even your breakfast! We're watching a movie next meeting!" XD

sjskskskskskskskk"

Aw :/
You had it for.. dinner?

That's good :)

:o
Man... That guy is too good! XD

Allerglance wrote: "Also, our class played a card game to learn the history of the school :0"

:o
Wow.....

You're lucky, hehe :)

How... How can he just assume something like that...?
And this isn't the first time it's happening... This has been going on since two fucking weeks.....

You know that I have my exams right now, isn't it..? I have History, Civics, Geography and Economics on Friday. My mom and him were talking about who would drop me to school on Friday, and my mom asked him to drop me. I have a habit of explaining all my chapters to her as a sort of revision before the exam, so I prefer her to drop me, at least during exam times... When she told my dad to drop me, I just said, "Amma... You only drop me, it's Social Studies on that day." Hearing that, my dad suddenly got angry, and... he started cursing out.. He was like, "How dare you insult me like that?! You're living in my house, eating my rice, and you dare to insult me like that?! You have no fucking gratitude. That's the problem with you. You aren't grateful. Just go and die somewhere instead of torturing your own parents like this. I can raise two other kids with the money I spend for you, and they'll at least be grateful. We're all taken for granted over here, aren't we?" Then he went on saying what I had against him.. I DON'T have anything against him! I need some quiet and peace to do some last minute revision, otherwise I'll be completely blank at the exam hall.. And he keeps trying to make me talk over there, which results in me not responding properly, and him getting angry, or it results in me talking with him, and messing up my paper...

And I am fucking grateful... for some things. He started talking about how some people were unlucky to not have fathers and all.. I know that. I really do. But he can't go on and assume something out of the box!

Before that, he was talking about some girl, a family friend, who was, apparently, extremely lonely. And then, he again started talking about how lucky I am..
I know this is wrong, but.. I literally had to resist saying that he was so blind as to not notice his only daughter being suicidal, right in front of his eyes. He couldn't see her.
I resist cutting every single day, because.. I haven't told you this.. I'm sorry.. But.. Last week, it happened again... And I almost mutiliated my left leg enough to almost make it need stiches...
But that's not possible, so nevermind that.

But seriously... Right now...
I'm thinking over what he told.. before he went out for a meeting..
I'm thinking about ending it all... If, as he says, I only hurt people, then there really isn't a point of me being here. I'd rather die than hurting the people I love.
And I don't think it'll make any difference in my online life too...
C..Could you look after Felix...? Please.... He needs someone...
Chad and Annie have each other... They'll stay strong...
Iby... I'll ask Annie to look after him...
Irl too.. it won't make a difference...
Gayathri has Disha, Sonal and Chandana too...
Diya has Priyanka....

It really won't matter...
And.. Most probably, it'll also be for the best...
But I'm also scared to end things... Fucking scaredy cat....

Also... Since two or three weeks, I've been trying to distance myself from mom....
She isn't even noticing any change.....

Am I so.. clingy and annoying...?

You kept asking me, isn't it...? About what was wrong...
Everything... Music doesn't help me anymore.... Everything's spiralling down....
I'm regretting being born...
Last week, Diya... We had Bio practicals, and they'd given us needles to, you know, separate tissues from some leaf thing... I had been poking my wrist repeatedly, without me noticing it, and.. She noticed it...
I'm thinking about dying for something like nineteen out of twenty four hours.... Every single day.....

It's getting hard to breathe... Every little thing is triggering me... And I'm becoming sensitive to everything...

Am I really so horrible..?
I really am.... isn't it...?

I'm sorry for spamming.... For venting out everything....
Really....

Deepthi wrote: "I'm sorry for spamming.... For venting out everything....
Really...."

*hugs you tight and nods*


I accept your apology. Thank you. Yes, your venting and we'll, I'll tell you now that you haven't really spammed me. You've had exams, we've had a break before talking again, you're just venting now. Bad as it is, you're carrying a lot in your back right now.

*pats the sofa* come rest if you'd like.


First of all, you've already seen Hailey been gone for a while and a few other people, and how many got worried. *nods slightly* I don't want you to get worried, or at least make you feel guilty about it, but you also know how worried you got for them. I'd be worried if it suddenly stopped. Cause, I wouldn't be able to tell you if ever I'll be coming to your country. I won't ever know where you are. I will miss you, Deepthi, like every second I do when I don't get to talk to you.

You father is a total dumbass right now. I mean it cause he's literally being a toxic parent gaslighting you. As much as he says he provides for you, know that prisoners are also fed in their cell. Just because he gives money doesn't necessarily mean he loves you, because if you were just born to appreciate him and not be yourself, growing, being the best of yourself as a daughter, then he is an ungrateful father.

Your mother takes his side. Though, I do sometimes worry if she does it willingly. I'm guessing your mother notices it, she just knows not to say anything to keep your father shut-as bad as that sounds..

And, if you were clingy and annoying, I'd be on the same page as you. What we do here, sometimes I think I go a bit too far with my affections, though you always keep my mind at peace when you just surprise me with a hug or just tell me more about your day as we feel both as kids on the floor talking.

*makes you look up*

Now, Deepthi, don't put your head down as much as you may feel, I'm not mad at you or any negative feelings. I want to help, and I want to see you, personally in the same place where we can high five for real. Killing yourself, as much as you want won't do anything better. You'll prove to your father how ungrateful you are, best to prove him wrong. Being scared about, well, that saves your life doesn't it. I mean, I was at my cousins place but I'd forgotten they had cctv cameras everywhere,it was only good the shot at the kitchen was a bit blind when the knife went through me. Though, I stopped knowing how awful it would be I'd end it all on that day, suffering. I wouldn't be able to do a quick jab, so I'd suffer myself to death, bleeding. It would be an agonizing death, and that scared me. Fear is always nice at times, because at that time you also get to realize what something you'll leave behind. Because as much as that pain may be painful, I know that I'll be leaving the world without a friend. Wherever we go, I'll still be alone. I won't wait for anyone I'll just go and watch all the spirits have their fun, because I have no friends.


Deepthi, you are my Friend with a capital "F" intentionally. Like how people use it to discern "god" from "God," you're my Friend. I wouldn't want to lose you, please stay alive. Even as nothing works. Today you break, tomorrow rebuild. That's what I do everytime I bury myself on the bed and choke my myself on the pillows. I wake up and see that I hope I make something better.

Look at me now, I'm doing quite well and talking to some people for a change than my whole life back at school to high school. 16 years, though at 17 was I bale to slowly truly gain Great friends and be able to be myself. You're 14, and you're the smartest witch of this age, you can't just die that easily, even for yourself. You're tough as dragon scales, and you have the knowledge to know that it's wrong to do it.


Also, though you've cut again, know that I'm still proud of you. You've kept your word, and though you broke it now, you're still alive. You're still kicking and going. You can still make another streak of not cutting. I still believe in you Deepthi.


Lastly, please stay for a bedtime story, I don't think I haven't at least told you how I think I met you in a dream. But let's just say, when I got see your face, there's something familiar about in my dream.

*hugs back*

Please.

*hugs tightly*
I dunno what to say right now.... but okay.....
I'm not ending things right now.... I'm sorry for scaring you....

I.. I guess I really wasn't thinking last night.. and vented everything out....
I'm sorry.....

Deepthi wrote: "*hugs tightly*
I dunno what to say right now.... but okay.....
I'm not ending things right now.... I'm sorry for scaring you...."

*hugs back*

Thank you

Deepthi wrote: "I.. I guess I really wasn't thinking last night.. and vented everything out....
I'm sorry....."

*nods*

Rarely people ever do get to think well at a time like this, it's alright with me. I get where's it coming from.


How are you, Deepthi?

Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "*hugs tightly*
I dunno what to say right now.... but okay.....
I'm not ending things right now.... I'm sorry for scaring you...."

*hugs back*

Thank you"

*nods slightly*

Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "I.. I guess I really wasn't thinking last night.. and vented everything out....
I'm sorry....."

*nods*

Rarely people ever do get to think well at a time like this, it's alright wi..."

I'm not going to lie...
Bad....

Hbu..?

Deepthi wrote: "Allerglance wrote: "Deepthi wrote: "I.. I guess I really wasn't thinking last night.. and vented everything out....
I'm sorry....."

*nods*

Rarely people ever do get to think well at a time like t..."



I'm bit bad here, my block mate wanted to drink though I contested to only had a few..

But today will be good, my prof is just going to make us watch a movie XD

*hands you some tea*

Hope this helps, it has cinnamon :]

How are you there, Deepthi?

How are you there, Deepthi?

Hey, Lance :)
Sorta okay, hbu? :)

Though... Tbh...
Now.. I'm more active on Discord, tbh... Discord and Wattpad.........

So.. slr...

*nods and hugs*

It's alright, Deepthi. Thanks for telling me :]

*hugs*

Wow.... This place has been dead for a long time.....

*Yawns*

Not really, we just took a nap and talked in our dreams at discord :]

*hugs*

We're back at the library again :0

Allerglance wrote: "*Yawns*

Not really, we just took a nap and talked in our dreams at discord :]"

Yep ^^

Allerglance wrote: "*hugs*

We're back at the library again :0"

*hugs tight*
I missed it here... It's good to be back!

Hello there, Deepthi, hope you're alright

Deepthi, how are you there? I hope things are great for you, please, i hope you're safe

I really miss you......

DEEPTHI, HOW ARE YOU

I MISS YOU

what's up? Are you alright?