Gay lives and relationships have a long, necessarily-independent history of improvisation and invention, all born of a gay sensibility. Without traditional social models to draw on, gay men have had to discover ways to be themselves in a way that straight men with a ready-made life plan never have. For gay men, married or not, the task of discovery continues. The benefits of improvisation and invention are considerable: they allow us to be and live as ourselves. Gay lives and relationships are often more expressive of the natural, inborn range of human feelings and experience than conventional marriage models prescribe or allow—for men and for women. Relationships between gay men—human, good, and valuable relationships—are not only expressions of traditional romantic love, they are also often fraternal, paternal, non-monogamous or polyamorous and communal, and they are often thoughtfully and honestly so. I discuss these issues in much more detail in chapter 7 of "Out of the Shadows: Reimagining Gay Men's Lives."
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