Blue Lake Academy discussion

This is a dorm room for Charlie Reeves studying languages.

Tobio had gone to his art class, wondering how Charlie would react when seeing him. He wasn't sure that Charlie would even come over to him. What he hadn't been expecting was that Charlie would skip class. He figured Charlie hadn't come because of their little spat. It wasn't even really a fight so much as a sudden release of emotion. Tobio sat for two minutes in the classroom until class officially started. He walked along the side of the classroom so as not to be noticed and went up to his teachers' desk. He crafted a quick statement that wasn't exactly a lie but would cover for them both.

"Ahm, Charlie and I are meeting somewhere else today, I know other students are leaving the classroom for work as well can I just sign us both out?" He asked quietly. The teacher smiled and nodded, wishing them both luck on their project. Tobio thanked her and left the classroom. He wondered where Charlie could be. He wouldn't be at work or anywhere outside on campus. He figured Charlie could have gone either to a cafe of sorts or to his room. He quickly swung by the cafe to check and ordered himself an iced mocha and Charlie a passionflower sage tea.

He walked back to the boy's dorms, taking a quick glance at at the directory before heading the Charlie's room. He hoped Charlie was there, if not he'd have to find him. He knew that Charlie was volatile at times but in the mood he was in last night he had aimed for the throat with the intent to kill. Purposefully trying to get someone to hurt wasn't something he'd figured Charlie would do besides to guard himself, and maybe he was. It had still been scary though. Tobio rode the elevator up three stories, the top floor. Tobio actually had the room around the corner and down the hall from Charlie's. He went up to Charlie's door and knocked gently.

tick-tock. Tick-tock. the rhythmic ticking of the clock on his bedside table had been Charlie’s only company since 8:00 am. The relentless noise had soothed his anxiety, which had flared up the moment he woke with the name Tobio gracing his lips. He had managed a blissful night without a single dream or nightmare of the ghostlike boy, but the moment his eyes flickered open he couldn’t get the boy out of his mind. He hovered like an image in one’s peripheral vision, just present enough to notice but not solid enough to be understood.

Classes started at 9:00 and Charlie usually got up an hour before to take a shower, eat breakfast and prepare himself for another day. This morning though he couldn’t convince himself to move from the comfort of his bed. He was still exhausted despite having fallen into a deep sleep during the night. Instead he lay among his pillows and crumpled sheets and watched the clock hand tick away, signifying that he was missing first period, and the second period...and then lunch.

By lunch he dragged himself out of bed to the window to smoke on his empty stomach. It was a funny scene, a hawk-like boy with eyes as sharp as brown glass clad in only pyjama pants smoking out the window of one of the most reputable schools in the country. He looked even more out of place in his own room. Despite his dark and grunt clothing and cynical attitude, his room was light and airy. Cream white duvet covered the dorm bed, set up beneath a gallery of hastily pinned up drawings and posters. Three of the four walls were covered floor to ceiling with bookshelves. Two of the sides were populated with an array of classics and newer books. The third one was dedicated completely to romance. Old ones, new ones, terrible ones, amazing ones, all stacked haphazardly in the shelves.

Charlie had tried to read but his attention kept getting drawn back to the clock. He pushed down a feeling of disgust as he realized he was missing art class. It made him feel sick on the inside, but he couldn’t stand to see Tobio. Not when everyone else was around watching. Instead he smoked another cigarette and doodled absentmindedly in his notebook. The silence of the room was broken by a knock on the door. The sound was soft but Charlie jumped, accustom to the deep quiet of his room.

Putting out his cigarette he stared at the door for a long moment before pulling it open. He was met with the face he had dreaded seeing as much as he had wished to.
“Tobio. What are you doing here?” He asked. His voice sounded rusty and scratched from disuse. Tobio was the first person he had spoken to all day.

Tobio wondered if Charlie was even awake or wanted to see him. He thought about setting down the tea and dashing off but he felt like there was something he needed to do or say. He wasn't sure what, for all he knew maybe he just needed to see Charlie. He stayed and waited for some sort of movement. He got that feeling that someone was nearby, but they weren't moving. And then they were. Closer, closer, Tobio glanced behind him as the door in front of him opened and he spun back around looking directly up into Charlie's chocolatey eyes. He was topless.

Tobio couldn't form a thought for a moment o he handed Charlie his tea.
"Passionflower sage." He said, "It's supposed to help with nerves, anxiety and mentality but it also just tastes good." He glanced past Charlie for a moment. He could smell cigarette smoke and the window was open.
"I don't know why you're doing it but Newport has the most nicotine. I have a pack if you want one." He said, he was pretty sure Charlie had been smoking Marlboro's but he wasn't sure. He rocked on his heels wondering if he'd said the right thing.

Charlie's room, from what Tobio could see past his frame, was more like the inside of Charlie's mind instead of his outward personality. Sophisticated and calm and more like Charlie when he wasn't surrounded by surroundings. From what Tobio could tell, the less Charlie was surrounded the more he could think. The more he could breathe and exist in his world. Charlie seemed more natural in this place, despite the stark contrast he still seemed more natural. Tobio looked away from Charlie, down of his boots instead, they were comfortable to him. Despite the extra inch or two they gave him he was still much shorter than most people he knew.

Charlie ducked his head slightly to look Tobio in the eye. He managed to directly look at him for only a second before his gaze slid away. He didn’t know why he couldn’t look Tobio in the eye. Perhaps he felt guilty about last night. Or maybe he felt ashamed about skipping art class. Likely it was all those things combined. Not to mention the natural intensity that Tobio naturally brought with him. Charlie could almost feel Tobio’s intensity pushing back at his own. Never had anyone put up as much as a fight against Charlie as he was. No one would expect such a fight from a boy like Tobio. Someone who was practically a ghost had no right to be so tough on the inside. Charlie actually found it unfair. He had to put so much energy into being a fighter, Tobio just was. Not physically, but mentally.

Leaning against his doorframe he glanced at the cup in Tobio’s hand. Obviously he had come prepared, just in case a repeat like last night happened. But Charlie was much more calm than he had been, although the tea might help sooth his lingering anxiety. Not that he would ever tell that to Tobio. Taking it out of his hand he glared at it as though it were some alien poison. Taking a careful sip he let the heat warm his chest and throat. It was amazing. Fruity and sweet, but also just bitter enough to be interesting. He had good taste in tea it seemed. Taking another gulp of the drink, Charlie cupped his neck with a hand in an almost sheepish gesture. Just in body language, it was the closest Tobio would get to an apology for last night. Charlie would never verbally apologize but he hoped that his body language spoke for itself. He was baring himself to Tobio, all in just that one motion, but it was up to Tobio to notice.

Charlie stiffened when Tobio mentioned the cigarettes. He had been sort of hoping that he wouldn’t notice. Charlie’s mind kept coming back to the day in the coffee shop with Andrew. The way Tobio had looked at the cigarette in such disgust. Charlie didn’t want Tobio to look at him that way. But he didn’t like disgusted, just calm and steady as always.
“I thought you hated cigarettes.” Charlie muttered with a skeptical expression on his face. He almost always kept the window open but the smell of smoke still lingered. He didn’t smoke often though and it wouldn’t be long until the acrid scent disappeared into the breeze.

“Do you want to come in?” He asked almost uncomfortably. Moving aside he left the door open for Tobio to enter should he wish to. Turning around he pulled the blinds open wider, letting light flood his room. It caught on all the pastel colours of his furniture and pillows, further adding a soft cheer to the room. Charlie retreated back to his desk and lit another cigarette.
“Why are you here. Ain’t the art kids gonna miss you.” Charlie muttered, raising his eyebrow.
“And I’ll take those Newports if you’re offering.” He added o ha side note.

Tobio was mildly relieved that Charlie had met his gaze, that relief was short lived though. Charlie looked away and Tobio couldn't read whether it was because he couldn't or didn't want to look at him. Either way he wondered what he could do to fix it. He figured Charlie taking the drink was a good first step, which he did luckily. And after a tentative first sip took another, Tobio was glad he found it palatable at the very least. He had tensed a bit, preparing for the hot tea to land right back in his face but it didn't. He hoped maybe he'd be able to help Charlie sample more teas in the future.

He was stuck on the idea for a moment before wondering if there would even be a future past this assignment for them. Tobio didn't want to completely lose Charlie after this. He wrapped his loose hand around his drink to avoid it visibly shaking, now having something to focus on keeping still. He took a sip and looked up at Charlie again. He was being vulnerable in stance, his head was down. Tobio cleared his throat and muttered a quick "Don't worry about it." In response to Charlie's unspoken apology. At least he hoped that's what Charlie was doing, that's what it seemed like at least. Tobio knew Charlie would never outright say it so he figured that this was as close as he would get.

Tobio saw Charlie's stance harden and raised an eyebrow.
"I cant say I like them but when stuff gets bad it takes the edge off. I go thru a pack over the span of a few months so it's not too bad." He admitted. Tobio had picked up smoking when he'd stayed after school one day. Some of the older kids were checking out his motorcycle and offered him one. He'd been pacing around because he needed to get home but could tell he was having some sort of attack. One of the kids had come over and offered him a smoke and out of mild desperation he'd taken it.

"Sure," Tobio replied walking in behind Charlie and shutting the door. The rest of the dorms didn't need to know that they were smoking.
"Other kids were leaving too," He said pulling the Newports from his bag. "I told the teacher we were meeting somewhere else and left." He lit his off the end of Charlie's already lit cigarette and placed an unlit one on the desk for when Charlie was finished with the one he'd just lit. He took a drag and blew the smoke out of his nose.
"Kids don't miss me there. They hardly know I exist. To them I'm just a signature on a canvas." He replied taking another drag and blowing it back out in a thin stream of smoke. He usually didn't smoke for recreation but right here and right now it felt okay. He was comfortable doing it here with Charlie and all these books in the bedroom that was more Charlie's mind than anything else.
"How are these organized? Dewy? Last name? Date of publication? Genre? Are they divided and then organized? Placed wherever? Cuz I can see that that wall," he gestured with his cigarette before placing it in his mouth and speaking around it "it filled with romance."

Charlie pretended not to hear Tobio accept his apology. If he heard it, that would mean he had to actually admit that he had apologized and while Tobio had changed something in him, Charlie still had his pride. Charlie hated saying sorry, hating knowing that he had done something wrong. He hurt people constantly with his snide comments and dark glares but so long as an apology wasn't demanded from him, he could pretend that he hadn't. He pushed people away by hurting them but he took no enjoyment in it. He didn't feel that hurting others to protect himself was an evil thing, it was just a part of surivival. But by acknowlaging to Tobio that he was sorry, he was acknowlaging that he had hurt him unnecessarily. Never before had he wanted to push someone away more than he wanted to shove Tobio out of his life. The boy got to him, and Charlie didn't know what to do about it. But no matter how hard he tried to hurt him, scare him, hate him, Tobio kept coming back. Charlie had only ever met one other person with such a tenacious personality and that person was himself. Perhaps he and Tobio were more alike than he had originall thought.

Every muscle tensed up further when Tobio closed the door. Charlie didn't want the entire dorm knowing of his smoking habits, but neither did he feel comfortable being alone in the room with Tobio. Every time he got close to thy guy he didn't know if he wanted to hit him or kiss him. He was extra nervous because Tobio was the first person he had ever let into his dorm. There was something terrifying about letting someone into the place he slept, his home-base. It felt like baring something he wasn't sure he was ready to show anyone. But it was too late now and he watched Tobio take in the room as he took a drag of his cigarette. The relaxing buzz of the nicotine was helping to take the edge off of his nerves but he still felt unusually anxious about this whole interaction.

He smiled, although it looked more like a grimace than a smile.
"Maybe it's better they don't know you exist." He replied, drawing the curtain away so that he could feel the light playing across his skin. He hadn't been outside all day and it was nice to have a breath of fresh air and get some light.
"No one can hurt a ghost."

"Genre and then last name." He replied after letting out a stream of smoke from between clenched teeth. Charlie was horrible at keeping his books organized because although he tried to keep them in some order, he took them out so often that it all got messed up. Most of the books were second hand and many had been opened and closed so many times that they were falling apart. He took a slight intake of breath and strode over to the romance bookshelf, taking off a random book from the shelf.
"You like romance books?" He asked absentmindedly before heading back to the window.

Tobio could feel Charlie's wall, half up, half down, unsure whether to take it down or build it up the rest of the way. Charlie seemed to leave it halfway but put barbed wire on top. There was a gate there, if only Tobio had the key. He could see and feel Charlie's every move, all the tension, all the anxiety, all the anger. It faded only mildly with the cigarettes Tobio realized that he was also sensing his own internal motions, after sorting it out for a moment he felt mildly confused. He wondered why he felt guilty for Charlie's outburst last night. Then again he felt guilty for many things that may not have been his fault. He felt guilty for his brother being homesick. He felt guilty for smoking while his parents weren't aware. He even felt guilty about his over active mind that led him down imaginary roads of possibility, that made him think he and Charlie were more than this assignment and that maybe Charlie actually cared about him. But Charlie had said from the start that his goal was to break Tobio. He wondered if that also included putting him back together.

Tobio had expected to feel trapped after he closed the door, if anything though, he felt better now. With the door closed he could smell the books, they weren't all particularly old but they still had a scent, homey and kind of sweet. He could feel that this place was lived in. It felt natural and welcoming, unlike it's inhabitant. Charlie wasn't a particularly welcoming person as far as Tobio could tell, but he seemed to be okay with this. Okay as in not shoving him out the door, not accepting it though.

Tobio watched as the sunlight warmed Charlie's tan, freckled skin. His face changing into maybe the closest thing to a smile Tobio had seen since he'd met Charlie. That was one thing they had in common, neither of them smiled.
"Maybe." He replied, "But nobody can make a ghost happy either."

Tobio started looking at titles finding where specific genres started and ended. Tobio had read a lot of these books, he'd only seen others and the remainder he'd neither seen nor heard of. He started taking mental notes of titles that interested him. He pulled one out of the romance wall, keeping his finger in it's spot. He read the synopsis on the back and gingerly pushed it back in.
"I like lots of genres, but romance is probably my favorite." He replied joining Charlie at the window. Charlie was facing the outside world, Tobio turned his back on it, letting the sun warm the back of his neck and arms.

Charlie pinched his lips together, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. It was very true that ghosts could not be made happy, but how could humans be happy anyways when they lived here? Surrounded by people who only cared about clothing and makeup and who they were going to sleep with tomorrow night. One might as well turn into a ghost if it meant getting away from all of this. Tobio was different though. Charlie still wasn't sure exactly what mattered to the other boy, but it wasn't the same things that other teens cared about.

He reminded Charlie of a snowdrop flower amid the faceless flurry of snow. He was so fragile, breakable even. A tiny flower thrown about by frigid rain and howling winds, and yet, he still surivived. Beneath the purple shadows under his eyes and his pale, pale skin, there was a backbone of steel. Because no matter how much Charlie threw curses and hate at him, he came back and that took strenght. A kind of strength that Charlie didn't think he'd ever have. But how could Tobio hide all of that strength with that pretty face. It was a mystery, one that Charlie was desperate to solve. One that he wanted to solve right now.

Taking another drag, he held his breath for a long while, staring out the window pensively. It felt like the whole world was holding it's breath with him sometimes. As if it knew how much he needed silence that it was willing to stop breathing long enough for the entire world to go quiet. Tobio was so quiet beside him, Charlie had never met anyone so quiet before. Sure, he had met people who hardly ever spoke but their existance was still loud. Tobio though, he could stand right next to Charlie and even if he were to talk a mile a minute, Charlie knew that his presence would still be quiet. The sun lit up Charlie's skin, making him want to stretch out like a cat in a windowsill. He glanced at Tobio from the corner of his eye, watching how the light played across the other boy's skin too. The sun made him look more alive, but also more transparent. Like how a ghost disappears in the sunlight.

He tilted his head to the side, still watching Tobio out of his peripherals. Of course he liked romance novels, they were far to similar for that not to be the case. Did Tobio understand how alike they were? So many questions and no one to answer them.
"How do you do it." He asked suddenly, turning to look at Tobio full on. He left the cigarette on the windowsill so that both his hands were free, and before he could stop himself, he brought a hand up to Tobio's cheek. His skin was cool against Charlie's palm, a snowdrop against flames.

In theatre people always said that when two people were standing this close together, they either had to kiss or throw a punch. Charlie was never sure which one he wanted to do.
"How do you hide it all in there?"

Tobio felt like he was watching Charlie in slow motion sometimes. Maybe he was over-analyzing but it felt like the was he observed Charlie was different. People, he guessed, looked at Charlie and saw anger an then they would walk by fast with their heads down. Hoping, praying that he didn't look their way to pick a fight. They looked at him so quickly. Tobio on the other hand felt that when he saw Charlie he brushed away the anger. There wasn't actually anger there sometimes, it was just the was his face rested. He would look beyond that and see that Charlie was softer on the inside. He was still hot and static, but he was softer nonetheless.

Charlie wasn't as stoic as people wanted him to be. People thought that he was a misunderstood bad boy wannabe and that he just kept everything inside. He was misunderstood, Tobio could vouch for that. And depending on what definition of "bad boy" was used he could see that too. But he was no wannabe. Charlie was exactly what he needed to be. He didn't keep everything inside. He had his explosive moments. He had the times where things just needed to be let out. Tobio was unsure if it was simply him being perceptive or if it was truly something that others could see but when he was with Charlie he could tell when he was feeling something. He couldn't always tell what but he knew it was something.

Tobio could feel Charlie watching him. Neither of them moved but he could tell. He was watching Charlie too though. The sun felt good on his skin, he felt like he was melting out into the world. Melting more into the world that Charlie was a part of. Charlie was out there somewhere but he was also right here and Tobio could feel that. If they were celestial bodies Tobio would be the moon and Charlie would be a supernova. Charlie was beautiful to look at and the more you looked at the more you noticed. Tobio liked to look at Charlie and to find more and more things about him to like, love even. Tobio simply sat among the stars and watched as Charlie, the product of one beautiful thing, became another, reborn from the ashes of his prior self as a phoenix is.

Tobio could see a shift in Charlie's muscles and turned his head in time to see Charlie's cigarette leave his fingers, laying abandoned on the windowsill. He looked up as Charlie was moving, turning, facing him and Tobio moved too. He wasn't fully aware he was moving until he was facing Charlie completely and Charlie's hand was on his face. Tobio became instantly aware of every part of his body being colder than that one spot on his face. He knew that spot would be coldest of all when Charlie moved his hand and was suddenly desperate to keep Charlie's warmth.

Tobio tilted his face more into Charlie hand to look at him , half his face brightened by light, the other in stark contrast from the shadows cast by his own visage.
"When you're a ghost," He said softly, almost whispering "you aren't noticed. You don't have to hide it because no one is looking. I'm not hiding it from you though. I'm not a ghost to you. You can see me can't you? I know you can see me. You can feel me. You know."

((UGH Okay, I wanna go for the kiss... but it's also impulsive. What do you think?))

((Well I think that from what I can tell charlie is a very impulsive person when he experiences a lot of emotion. He seems to be experiencing a lot of emotion right now so I'd say that it seems appropriately in character.))

There had never been a moment before where Charlie had felt so absolutely helpless while also feeling strangely in control. He had always been a reckless person, his emotions bubbled up and he was yet to find a good way to stop them. It wasn't that Charlie didn't think things through, he over-thought little things all the time, but that didn't mean he could control what he did. Sometimes he decided to do one thing but once the moment came, he did the complete opposite. When he was in elementary school, kids liked to ask each other if they'd risk their lives for someone else. Most people answered yes, but one never knows if they really would until it happens. Charlie lived his entire life that way. It was scary to live with little control over his own actions, especially when somethings as dangerous as Tobio was standing right in front of him. He didn't know what he would do every time Tobio stepped into a room which was terrifying, but it was also a constant. No matter what, he would feel uncertain if the other boy was present. That was certain and there was some kind of control and power in knowing that.

They were like the moon and the sun, Tobio and Charlie. One calm and gentle while the other burned away everything in his path. But they were both light, shining some sort of path into the future. Charlie could only wonder what that future was. He knew that this was all just for an art project, that he should be focusing on finishing the painting rather than on their future. But it had been so long since Charlie had hung out with people he actually liked. It had been so long since he had experianced what it's like to have a friend. While he wouldn't consider Tobio a friend quite yet, he was someone and that was more than Charlie had had in a long time. Even loners like him got lonely sometimes.

He felt Tobio lean into his touch and let out a startled breath. His skin was so cool beneath his fingers that Charlie truly wondered if there was any blood underneath Tobio's paper-white complexion. He had always run hot so Tobio's skin seemed even colder than normal.
"All I can see is you." He hissed back, his face only inches away from Tobio's as he tilted his head downwards slightly.
"And you should be hiding from me."

His other hand came up from his side to explore Tobio's face as a sculpter might examine their model. He traced Tobio's cheekbone with the pad of his thumb, curling his hands trajectory downwards to his lips. No ghost could have such beautiful lips. That was a mouth meant for talking, for saying intelligent things that mattered, even if it didn't say much what it did say was important. There were no thoughts going through Charlie's mind, everything had quieted as he explored Tobio's face. He was not perfect, but there was beauty in that imperfection.

Perhaps it was the silence that made Charlie move so impulsively, or perhaps it was just Charlie being Charlie. But one moment he was simply drinking in the sight of Tobio and the next he tilted the boy's head up gently and kissed him. His lips were soft and cool against his own. Charlie had kissed people before, at parties when kisses were made bitter with beer and vodka. This was different though. He wasn't drunk, he was fully aware of his every movement and although he knew he should pull away, he threw himself even more into the kiss.

Like everything else in his life, when Charlie did something, he did it 100%. There was no inbetween for him. He was kissing Tobio, so he was going to really kiss him, no half attempt at it.

Tobio blinked once, holing his eyes closed for a moment. Charlie looked like he was thinking, he looked mildly perturbed but it was as if he was trying to sort out that feeling of fearful confusion. Tobio couldn't tap into Charlie's mind to help him out, he wished he could though. He wasn't sure Charlie knew he was being as expressive as he was but it was almost foreign the way his eyebrows clenched. sure he'd done it when he was upset but this was different. The thoughts in his mind were so obviously intense and kind of scary, Tobio wasn't sure what to do to ease them so he just looked at Charlie, directly in the eyes, calmly and softly. He was mentally reaching out to him, using his eyes instead of any words, hoping, pleading almost, that Charlie would be okay.

Tobio's eyes traveled over Charlie's face, memorizing it, mesmerized by it. His eyes were a prominent feature, his eyebrows rounding out the sharpness of his face overall. He wasn't as scary as he seemed up close. He had a faint widow's peak, it didn't come all the way down but the concept was there. Charlie had an interesting face in a way that Tobio couldn't place. He certainly liked Charlie's face, he thought it was attractive, but he couldn't figure out why it was so different or intriguing. It just was. Maybe it was better for drawing. To have charlie as a muse would be so simple, he could picture him without him being there. Tobio began thinking that maybe, no certainly, this wasn't fully platonic anymore. He thought about charlie too much for it to be platonic.

"I could never." Tobio replied, hardly speaking. They were so close, two or three inches apart at most and Tobio quickly realized just how close that was. two and three inches was hardly any space at all. In this case, he certainly didn't mind though.

Tobio, for once, didn't flinch when Charlie touched him. The heat of Charlie's hands warmed his face, Charlie was warmer than others. The sensation of charlie's fingertips trailing over his skin gave him goosebumps. He watched Charlie's mind slow to a stop. He wasn't thinking, he couldn't process anything, neither could Tobio. His hands were rough, used and worked. they felt nice, better than soft hands. Soft hands were underused, they had no experience. Rough hands like Charlie's were relics, cherished, loved, needed. He liked the feeling of Charlie's hands.

His head, what was happening? Why was he looking up? These questions crossed his mind suddenly as Tobio realized that Charlie had lifted his head to him. Charlie's hands were a welcoming heat, fire, melting his icy skin. Tobio shivered. He closed his eyes and let Charlie melt him. Tobio felt a momentary hesitation in Charlie's kiss but then a fiercer intensity. Charlie was still holding Tobio's face and Tobio's hands were dangling limply at his side, one with a cigarette, now burned out, between his fingers. The cigarette dropped onto the windowsill next to Charlie's as his hands moved on their own. He took a step closer to Charlie, wrapping his arms round Charlie's waist.

Their bodies were together now, hot and cold, fire and ice, cancelling each other out and creating steam. The thin streams of smoke had dissipated from the room now, they weren't missed. Tobio was fully aware of what was happening but unaware of how they'd come to this. He was also fully aware that he didn't care, just that it felt right.

Charlie registered a slight surprise when Tobio wrapped his arms around his waist and returned the kiss, but mostly his mind was focused only on the feeling of Tobio's lips on his. It had been a long time since he had kissed someone, he had sort of forgotten what it felt like. Although he wasn't sure that any kiss he'd ever had had felt like this one. He felt as though he was burning up despite Tobio's cool skin. As if a flame had been lit inside his very veins and pure fire was coarsing through his blood. Every time he touched Tobio's skin, it was like ice kissing his fingers. Charlie wasn't unexperianced persay in the art of romance (or at least the physical parts of it) but this was all very new to him. He had never even shown anyone else his dorm room, let alone invited them in to smoke, and then kiss. The last time Charlie had been in a relationship, it hadn't ended well. Surprisingly, he hadn't been the one to end it. A boy named Alex had been his first real relationship, and when he had broken it off with Charlie, Charlie had thought he would never love again. Alex had been the love of his life. Little had he realized back then that there was so much more life to live after Alex was gone. Tobio was the first person Charlie had even looked at romantically since.

He wondered momentarily why Tobio wanted this. The fact that he was kissing him back showed that he was certainly alright with this, but Charlie couldn't help but wonder why. He knew Tobio's last boyfriend, Tevi. They had a class together and while Charlie didn't know much about him, he knew that he and Tevi were nothing alike. Tevi was a shining sun, the one that could talk anyone's ears off and was always grinning at something or other. He did have a tendancy to get into trouble a lot, but never anything really horrible. He was also a star athlete, here studying just about every sport there was. He couldn't be more different from Charlie. So, what was Tobio's type exactly? Perhaps he didn't have one, Charlie didn't either.

He could feel the gentle pressure of Tobio's arms around his waist and it felt oddly comforting. It had been a very very long time since he had seen his parents, and been hugged. This wasn't quite a hug, it was far too romantic for that, but it was still the same general idea.

Charlie pulled away from a moment, resting his forehead against Tobio's as he tried to regain the breath Tobio had stolen from him. He had not missed what Tobio had said before and relucantly answered to his comment with another kiss.
"If you don't hide from me... i'm worried i'll destroy you." He whispered against Tobio's cool lips. He was being completely honest, he might as well be. He had already let Tobio so far into his life now, why not take this extra step. There was still so much the other boy didn't know about him, although perhaps Charlie wasn't as good at keeping secrets as he wanted to be. Especially with Tobio who seemed to be able to tell what he was thinking every time he thought at all. But this little sliver of truth just seemed right in the moment, and Charlie liked trusting his gut feeling, it was usually right.

Charlie was feeling a lot, he wasn't thinking but he was feeling and Tobio could feel it coming from him. It was a lot of jumbled up messy things but it was warm. Maybe it was the heat of anger and love mixed up with the cold of sadness and hate. Tobio wasn't sure but he didn't want Charlie to feel bad. He felt like he was mature to be thinking about how he wanted Charlie to feel and not being able to put it any way but good. He wanted to be able to articulate it to himself but he couldn't. He wasn't sure if it was the boy in his arms or everything else weighing on him mind or that fact that he wasn't actually able to process almost anything right now but he simply could not figure out what he was trying to say to himself.

Tobio hoped that Charlie wasn't doing this to break him, that had been his original goal besides the project. Charlie had wanted to crack him open like an egg and fry his insides. But now he wanted to kiss him.It had been maybe day three of their assignment but they had spent easily the better half of their time together. It reminded him of the book where the two protagonists fall in love in a day. Charlie probably had it somewhere on this wall. Tobio was somewhere on this wall and so was Charlie, Charlie was inside this room and outside of this room and outside of this galaxy. Charlie was everywhere. Charlie was the fiery sun, he was the supernova, he was the Amazon river, he was the Sahara Desert. Charlie was in everything and he was everything because as of right now that's everything that Tobio could process.Charlie.

Most importantly, in this moment, Charlie was here and now. Tobio had Charlie, and vice versa. They had each other. He hoped Charlie knew that he had Tobio. Tobio couldn't leave Charlie now, not after this. If Charlie left that'd be different but Tobio wouldn't be able to leave.

Tobio would be there for Charlie hopefully longer than fate would allow. Especially after Charlie spoke, confirming that this was either one of two things. One: a masterful illusion meant solely for the sake of this project. Or two: much more than a project.
"You won't." Tobio responded quietly. He pulled back and rested his head on Charlie's shoulder with his eyes closed. He felt Charlie's heartbeat, proof that he was alive. It was comforting. Charlie was thinking now, Tobio could tell, about what he was't sure just yet . He wasn't looking so he wasn't sure but he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Perhaps all of this was only for the project. Perhaps somewhere in his twisted mind, this was only so that he could further explore Tobio for his art piece. Even Charlie didn't know at this point why he was doing this. He wanted to pretend that it was for the project, that way he didn't have to think about the fact that maybe he had caught feelings. It was easier to convince himself that this was all just a way to break into Tobio, to pull him apart piece by piece until he had enough information to make a drawing. If he could get Tobio's trust, he could break him better.

Really, Charlie didn't need to fake it in order to get to know Tobio, he could do that through a real sustained relationship with him. But that required trust, and commitment, things Charlie had readily given before only to have his heart smashed into pieces. Not just by Alex, but by his mother when they packed up and moved to the U.S. It meant leaving his father behind in Germany, something Charlie has never really gotten over. The worst thing about it, was that he knew Tobio wouldn't require any of those things from him. He would give Charlie his trust even if Charlie wouldn't do the same. He was so understanding that it made no sense. He was so trusting, even in someone who had screamed at him and hurt him just for the sake of it.
"How do you know that?" Charlie asked, genuinely curious.

He liked the feeling of Tobio's head resting on his shoulder, it made him feel needed and it had been a long time since he had felt needed. He wasn't a ghost like Tobio, so he wasn't invisible, but no one needed him. No one would blink if he disappeared suddenly and if they did, it would be out of relief. He knew that his rocky relationship with his peers was all his fault and he didn't want it any other way but sometimes it still hurt to realize he had zero friends. Although maybe that zero had just been bumped up to a one. He absentmindedly tilted his head and kissed Tobio's hair before letting out a long breath.

Finally drawing away, he picked up his cigarette again and took a long drag before putting it out. He wasn't in as desperate a need for nicotine bliss as he had been before Tobio had come in. He'd save the extra Newport for later, he'd probably need it later when the reality of all this came crashing down on him.
"So what now?" He asked, but it didn't really come out as a question. His commanding nature was slowly rebuilding itself and he sounded more demanding than questioning.

Tobio let fleeting thoughts pass through his mind. Was this real? Or was this all a ploy to snap him? He pressed those thoughts down eventually, becoming mildly annoyed by their persistence. He felt that if he were to dwell for too long on any negative portion of a thought that it would become true. That wasn't typically the way things worked but he didn't want to jinx it either. He wanted to enjoy Charlie being as he was. He tuned everything out, the constant beat of Charlie's heart pumping in his ear allowing him something to focus on. To think one muscle in conjunction with one other had the ability to keep all of Charlie not only alive but constantly thinking and moving.

Charlie's voice trembled through his chest and Tobio thought for a moment.
"Just a hunch." He replied. He actually had a whole explanation but it would take too long. He figured that if Charlie was only doing this for the project then he wouldn't be surprised. For as much trust as he had that Charlie wouldn't hurt him it would not be jarring if he did. Tobio was always expecting the worst. He knew that Charlie was a certain way and he could work with that. It was but also wasn't a challenge to be with Charlie. Tobio wanted to be with him though. If Charlie decided to ghost him after this project was through then so be it.

Tobio felt real for once in his life. He felt seen instead of projected upon. Maybe he needed more conviction when it came to showing who he was as a person, but he couldn't start that now. Besides it being 'too late in the game' it just wasn't in his person. It wasn't exactly his fault that his personality made him ghost-like. He just ended up floating through life because nobody took the time to notice him. When they did notice him, they saw a blank canvas. Nobody realized there was paint there, nobody looked close enough to see the greys that created his figure and face on the canvas. They tried to splatter it with color but it dripped off and they got aggravated when it didn't stick and they left. Tobio could act, but he realized it just made everything harder so he stopped doing it. Not entirely though. If Tobio had stopped acting completely he would never leave his room. He didn't see a point to it, now he realized that maybe there was a point to it, maybe he wasn't acting with Charlie.

Tobio let himself be released and leaned back against the windowsill. He burnt out the rest of his cigarette in one long drag before expelling it the same way Charlie had earlier. He put it out and looked up at Charlie.
"I have no clue." He replied. He really wasn't sure what to do at this point. He wasn't sure what Charlie's purpose was with loving him like this. If it was real he'd know what to do. If it was fake he'd know what to do. There was a fifty-fifty shot here and Tobio couldn't decide.

Tobio was so horribly vague sometimes that Charlie couldn't stand it. Whereas Charlie was straight forward and definitive, Tobio could manage to leave even the simplest of questions unanswered. It was aggrivating because Charlie needed things to stay simple unless he wanted to go crazy. He already thought so much, about everything that he needed things in his life to stay easy and understandable. Tobio was neither of those things and yet Charlie found himself helplessly drawn into his mystery. He couldn't help his intrigue, which was slowly turning into something more than just general interest. There was something beautiful inside the puzzle that made up Tobio, and even if Charlie didn't know what it was, he could feel it. A 'hunch' was not a satisfying answer to his question but Charlie knew well enough that he wasn't going to be able to get anything more than that. Instead of pushing it, he just rested his cheek on Tobio's snow white hair and let his eyes flutter closed for a moment.

Brushing ashes off of the windowsill he gritted his teeth together in slight annoyance at yet another vague and unuseful answer from Tobio. It seemed the Charlie was going to have to be the one to figure this out since Tobio didn't seem inclined to give him any answers. Just like that, the romantic feelings of before disspiated. He found that he was ravenously hungry and his stomach clenched angrily.
"Well i'm getting something to eat." He said, his voice neither inviting or refusing. Tobio could come if he wanted to, but it was up to him, Charlie didn't care if he decided to come or not.

Grabbing the keys to his dorm, Charlie was about to walk out the door before he realized that he still wasn't wearing a shirt. Grimacing he pulled open a drawer that held his neatly stacked and organized clothing. He kept everything in his room clean, another reminder of his need to control his surroundings. When things got too out of hand, his mind went absolutely haywire. It was hard to tell in his every day life considering that he often looked grungy and messy, but Charlie actually kept his life extremely organized. Picking up a perfectly folded black T-shirt, he tugged it on, brushing a hand through his hair, not looking back at Tobio once. He briefly considered the fact that he still only had pajama pants on but decided that it wasn't worth it to change. Plus he didn't really care if anyone found it weird.

Opening the door, he finally looked back at Tobio with an expectant look, he couldn't exactly leave the other boy in his dorm room.

Tobio wasn't sure what to do with Charlie sometimes. Not in the sense that he was angry with him, just baffled. He knew what to do with Sebastian. Sebastian was perky and sunshine. He needed that uplifting phrase. He needed that extra cup of coca and some coffee in the morning. He couldn't cook so it was better for Tobio to do it for him. He had known what Tevi needed. Tevi had needed Tobio to chill and not apologize for every little thing. He needed that loving touch and support. Tevi didn't require constant attention but he did like it from Tobio most of the time. Tobio could figure out his parents. Parents were easy, they wanted you to be okay and responsible and maybe even get in a little trouble. He knew what his sister needed. He could not though, not for the life of him, figure out what Charlie needed. He could tell sometimes but not to the degree that he could tell with everyone else. He realized too late that Charlie wanted more than either of those answers.

"I've never done this before." He said in response to Charlie's blank statement. He stood awkwardly still, stiff as Charlie moved about his room. When Charlie had the door open Tobio took his cue. He grabbed both their drinks, still warm, abandoned on the desk, and followed him. He felt out of place suddenly. In the hallway instead of Charlie's book filled room. Suddenly things looked too bright and smelled more sterile. Similar, but not the same as a hospital.

He looked at Charlie, trying to find some solace in him but he was blank again. He figured that maybe Charlie wasn't blank, but he wasn't looking close enough. Tobio moved closer and looked at Charlie, walking backwards in front of him and flipping back to walk by his side. He was unsure but it seemed he was mildly annoyed, most likely by his answers from earlier. He'd have to remember to start explaining himself if he could. He then wondered to himself if he should change for Charlie. If this was serious then yes, if not then no. But now e was overthinking and needed to know.

"Please, stop. I have a question." Tobio walked in front of Charlie and then stopped, putting his hands up. He was unsure how to phrase it at first but figured that it would be best to be direct with Charlie.
"Is this real?" He asked at first, his voice a bit pitchy as it broke. "I-I mean, do you, is this, for more than the project? Are you serious about th-this?" He asked kind of panicked and spastic.

If Tobio thought he could use his inexperiance to explain his vague answering, he was wrong. Charlie wasn't any better at this than he was, he'd only ever been in one other relationship and it had started much differently than this. Despite being equally inexperianced, Charlie still gave solid answers to things. He knew he was unfairly annoyed at Tobio, the other guy couldn't possibly know how much vague things not only annoyed Charlie but messed with his head. It wasn't something Charlie would ever tell Tobio, it was something he would just have to figure out if this relationship was going to work. Scowling, he set his shoulders and started striding down the hall in his usual Charlie manner of things. When Tobio started walking in front of him, he raised an eyebrow, forming a dry unspoken question mark until he returned to walking beside him. He didn't stop walking when Tobio finally spat out his question and before he knew it, he was only a couple inches away from Tobio, pulling himself to a quick halt. Instead of answering right away, Charlie let his gaze roam around the empty halls, as if searching for an answer in the air itself.

The hallway and other dorm rooms were empty besides one where a student rifled around madly for something, his door propped open with a boot. Kids were always running back to their dorms because they forgot assignments in their rooms. It was useful living on-site because it meant that forgetting things was never a huge issue. For Charlie, living in residence was a blessing and a curse. He enjoyed the ease of it all, the smooth movement from home to school that only took a few seconds. He disliked the fact that he was constantly surrounded though. He glanced at the walls, an off white colour that had always bugged him and then to the floor, wall to wall carpeting that was always left full of dirt when kids came back from classes. Finally he knew he could put off the question no longer and returned his look to Tobio. He was much too beautiful to be framed by this old hallway. He deserved to always have surroundings that matched his wide eyes and wild hair.
"Today it's real. I can't promise what to tomorrow will bring." He said gently, but his voice was as harsh as steel. He was being completely honest once again. Today this was real, what he felt for Tobio was true but Charlie knew his moods were as volitile as fire and he couldn't vouch for how he'd feel the next day, or the day after that.

Having given his answer, he skirted past Tobio and continued on his way to the cafeteria. Shoving his hands in his pocket he started walking even faster before stopping suddenly and turning back to Tobio. His normally ice cold eyes were softer, almost pleading.
"Don't blame me if I hurt you Tobio. I don't mean to, but I did warn you." His voice was steady as ever but there was unspoken plea behind the words. He didn't want to hurt Tobio but he couldn't help it. Sometimes he hurt people and by the time he realized it, it was too late.

Tobio stood terrified in front of Charlie for what felt like an eternity even though only a few seconds had passed. Charlie didn't make direct eye contact until he answered Tobio. He looked uncomfortable but not badly enough to make Tobio think that he wouldn't answer at all. He felt like a cartoon character, his pose funny and his question lingering almost tangibly in the air between them. He realized he must have looked goofy as well. A drink in either hand with only his first two fingers on either hand jutting out from the sides for emphasis. He was slightly hunched over, his head drawn down into his shoulders as if protecting himself. From the waist down he was simply standing. His face matched his arms for once. For as little expression he had it was still there. He was confused and worried and scared and even if it only showed in his eyes they ruled his face so it was apparent.

As of right now Tobio thought of this as a candle in the wind. He figured they would burn bright but it would also appear to be going out sometimes. Wavering too much for either of them to be comfortable fully. He wanted to take the candle inside and keep it lit. He wanted it to create an ambiance and a mood for them to enjoy. He would have to get through the remainder of the week then figure out if Charlie would stay. Tobio knew that even if it got bad he'd stay for Charlie. He figured it wasn't the most healthy thing but he wasn't the most healthy person and he felt that even if Charlie didn't say it,he wanted Tobio's company. At least Tobio hoped he did.
"Okay." He responded quietly, thinking. Charlie was struggling with this as well and Tobio knew it.

Charlie brushed past Tobio and kept walking, Tobio immediately spun on his heel and followed, nearly slamming into him when he stopped again.
"I won't blame you. I understand to a degree. And I have another question. If you'll allow me to ask." Tobio replied taking a step back so he could look at Charlie properly.

Charlie hated the way looking at Tobio made him feel. Tobio wasn't handsome like a model, he wasn't confident enough to make people think he was worth spending time looking at, but he was beautiful and Charlie couldn't help but realize that over and over again every time he looked at him. There was just something so delicate yet tough about his face that you had to look twice, and with every glance, he just got more and more intriguing. It gave Charlie shivers, it made him feel uncertain and nothing made Charlie feel worse than uncertainty. Yet it was as if Tobio could take that uncertainty and absorb it into himself. He was always so calm that it could also make Charlie calm. Whereas Alex had made him feel like he wanted to spin around in circles with happiness, Tobio could still his troubles if only for a moment. How was it that of all the people who in the world who had the ability to do that was the boy standing in front of him? Looking unsure, hands clenched around their drinks as if he had been dropped into the hallway and had forgotten why he was here in the first place.

"I know you won't blame me. But you'll hate me." Charlie responded in a factual voice. Even if he hurt Tobio without meaning to, and Tobio didn't blame him for it, that didn't mean that he hadn't hurt him. Plus who knows how Tobio would feel when it actually happened? And with Charlie, it was definitely a when not an if.
"You don't have to ask my permission to ask questions." He growled, digging his hands deeper into his pockets and turning around again, head tilted down as if he were walking through a fierce wind.

Class wasn't over so the cafeteria was mostly empty. A few kids had spares this period and were spread across the room, heads buried in books or typing away madly at computers. The silence was perfect for Charlie, allowing him to think freely about what had just happened in his dorm. Throwing open the door, he held it open for Tobio, a gesture he had never done for anyone before. A student nearby looked up vaguely but quickly looked back to her work. Dinner hadn't been made yet and lunch was over but there were always snacks and stuff that could be taken, fruits and cereal that kind of thing.

Tobio walked with Charlie. There were long pauses in their conversations as they were each choosing their words very carefully. To articulate to each other was almost like speaking a foreign language. They had to think of what they were going to say and then say it in terms of each other and the way it would best get across. Some things obviously got lost in translation as things often do but Tobio believed that if they did it enough it would become second nature. Kind of like art. Foreign language was an art but he thought of Charlie in terms of art lot. The small smile on the Mona Lisa. The switch in moods from one side of a Picasso face to the other. The clearly unclear sky of Starry Night. The terror of The Scream. He found Charlie in all of these and decided he knew what he was going to do for their project now.

"I don't hate easily. If you were to break my heart and crush it to dust and let it drift off in the wind I'd apologize you before I'd hate you." Tobio replied keeping pace with Charlie.
"My reason for asking permission was more of me being sure that you wanted to answer questions. I just want to be sure you're in the mood to speak to answer questions before I ask you things." He said.

Toobio thanked Charlie and walked into the cafeteria. It was quiet besides the typing,page turning and scribbling in notebooks. The girl at the table nearest the door was in their art class and Tobio could vaguely see sketches of bodies in her notebook. She was putting off the math that was sitting next to her. It was only about three o'clock so there was no food made, therefore nobody was really in the cafeteria. This allowed for free range of the little snack bar and seats in the expansive hall. Of course though, Tobio,unless alone, didn't go anywhere without the guidance of the person with whom he was accompanied. He did an about face towards Charlie, ready to follow.

Charlie hated how unaggressive Tobio was. Perhaps Tobio thought that he was being helpful and kind by telling Charlie that he would never hate him, but it only served to make Charlie more anxious about this whole thing. Charlie didn't care when people hated him, in fact he preferred it. When people didn't feel the need to be kind to him, they didn't interact with him so Charlie didn't have to deal with too many stupid teenagers each day. It was a win-win situation. The worst that happened was he would get into a fight once in a while but really it was a good way to let off steam so once again, Charlie didn't mind. It was much easier to live with hate than it was to live with love. Hate is predictable and steady whereas love if full of sudden drops and changes and Charlie hated change more than anything. His moods were so volatile that he needed the rest of his life to be very stable. So the fact that Tobio would never hate him actually served to make him more nervous about this whole relationship than comforted.
"And that would make me hate you more, for letting me walk all over you like that. Or do you enjoy being everyone's doormat that they can wipe their dirty feet all over?" He growled back with an unamused glare. He didn't like people who let other's push them over as if they were no more solid than the wind.

Making a beeline for the snack table, Charlie reached out almost automatically and grabbed an apple and an apricot granola bar. It's what he ate every day when he came in for a snack when he had a spare. Day in day out, he ate the exact same apple and granola bar unless they didn't have those that day in which case he just took some crackers. He didn't look back at Tobio the whole time, as if the snacks were much more interesting than the boy standing next to him. Charlie wasn't sure if Tobio knew just how enamoured he was with him. The truth was that every time Charlie looked at Tobio, he saw an angel and a devil and he was still wondering how that might be. He had never thought so much about one person in such a short amount of time.

"I won't know if I want to answer your questions until you ask them." He said sharply, fed up with Tobio's vague and hesitant responses. There was a table in the back of the cafeteria which Charlie always sat at. He was willing to kick someone out of the seat if he had to. Luckily today it sat empty along with most of the tables in the cafeteria and they had the entire back of the room to themselves. Sitting down he regarded Tobio with a glare, that if looks could kill, would have murdered him in a second.
"So just ask the question before I get impatient and walk away."

((Hi, hey, hi. I'm so sorry. I'm back at school now and I have volleyball (first game was yesterday) and work as well so this has kind of fallen on the backburner. Hopefully I can be more consistent since I'm more used to the schedule. I'll let you know if I have any overnight school trips or big things coming up. Again I apologize deeply.))

"I don't mean to be a doormat. I'm not really. People don't talk to me enough to use me like that. If you hurt me I might pull back but never fully away unless that's what you want me to do." Tobio said mulling all of this over. He zeroed in on something before speaking again.
"I want to give you as much control as possible over this relationship without it being one sided." He clarified as he followed Charlie. He looked so routine in what he took and where he moved that Tobio was sure he'd done this before. Tobio followed Charlie to the back of the cafeteria and sat down across from him, finally setting their drinks down between them. He folded his hands and crossed his legs at the ankles with them tucked under his chair. He looked at Charlie and began picking at his behavior.

charlie grew frustrated the more Tobio gave his normally vague answers that everyone seemed to accept meaning that he didn't like people being vague or indecisive. He preferred someone willing to compromise or someone who would put up a bit of a fight. Who else would put up a fight besides the other kids here at school. What did Tobio not have in common with those kids, he knew Charlie. The others would not have the opportunity to know him because, he realized, they would not bother trying to get past his personality. If Charlie didn't like that Tobio was willing to just go with him that meant that Charlie preferred someone to butt heads with. Tobio deduced from this analysis that Charlie preferred the colder stoicism with which the other kids addressed him than the flowy nature Tobio had.

He had been staring intently at the table about three inches in front of Charlie for nearly twenty seconds now without making a sound when he suddenly looked up and asked
"Do you feel as if the world is against you?" Completely out of the blue but hopefully not an unwelcome question. Based off of the answer he received, Tobio had some follow-up questions he'd have to ask.

((Don't worry about it at all! Good luck with volleyball, I hope your team does really well!))

"Why do you care about what I want you to do? I certainly don't care about what you want me to do." Charlie shot back at Tobio. He wasn't taking these answers about why Tobio's gentle manner was so acceptable. Tobio just so easily compromised or gave way for other people. He let everyone live as though he didn't exist except to take from. He was like the giving tree in that Shel Silverstein book. He kept giving and giving and perhaps it was because he liked to. He liked seeing other people happy. But one day he was going to give everything he had and before he would even realize it, he would have nothing. To his surprise, Charlie didn't want Tobio to end up with nothing. With most people, he wouldn't have cared. If they want to ruin their lives, why should he try and stop them? But when Charlie looked over at the softly spoken boy, he felt an urge to help him. Even if this relationship didn't work it (which was highly probable in Charlie's opinion) he didn't want Tobio to end up giving everything he had away only to end up with nothing.

Despite his internal wishes to protect Tobio, Charlie knew that wasn't what he would do in real life. He had a lot of trouble controlling his own actions and he knew that he was a difficult person to be in a relationship with. He knew that he took energy and mental space in other people's minds, and he didn't really know how to stop that. He would bleed Tobio dry if he wasn't constantly cautious of his own behaviour. He would keep taking and taking and no matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to stop himself. It was almost like there was a disconnect between his brain and his action, as if someone else was controlling him. But he had warned Tobio and the other boy hadn't even blinked.

"Look Tobio. I'm going to take control either way. You know that, I know that, it's just the way I am." He said in an almost weary voice. Tobio didn't need to give him the control, he'd take it anyways. Even if he didn't want to, he would. Taking another bite of his apple he let the silence fall over them. He didn't mind being quiet, especially with Tobio. With some people it felt awkward being silent, but with him it felt normal, relaxing. He didn't answer Tobio's question right away, instead narrowed his eyes slightly and pinched his lips together. He knew what his answer was going to be the moment he heard the question, but he didn't quite know how to say it. Finally he spoke, a tiny smirk curling up the left side of his lips.
"No. It's an indifferent world my friend, it's not against me. It just doesn't care." He snickered softly before glancing up at Tobio again.
"Do you?"

((Thank you. We kinda really suck right now but we're also military so we don't have that cohesion like other teams.))

"Because, besides control I want you to be comfortable. I know I'm worried about us because relationships have ups and downs but they're not exactly volatile. I try to balance with the people I'm around if I can and to balance you I, by nature, just get more calm and complacent. It's not as if I'm giving away my organs, I'm just giving my time and effort to those who need it in order to see them happy. And that makes me more serene, knowing that I can make people happy is nice." Tobio explained this all to Charlie in the hopes that he would understand. If he didn't then so be it but at least he'd gotten it out. He wanted Charlie to see that he was willing to put in all the effort that was needed for this relationship.

Tobio couldn't understand why charlie was so adamant about his complacency. Charlie wasn't exactly explaining it in full, leaving it for Tobio to infer. His thoughts were whizzing by at lightning speed. Charlie was insistent on telling Tobio he was going to hate him and that he was going to take control no matter what. Add voice inflection and Charlie seemed to be almost pleading with Tobio. If that's the case then on a deeper mental level Charlie didn't want that to happen but on the surface mental level he couldn't help it. On the flip side Tobio figured he may be thinking too much into it and this was Charlie's way of telling him that he wasn't interested. Insisting on being hated. Maybe it was a learned behavior and therefore a cry for help that now he was saying this. Tobio had his choices at 33.3% for each and was completely at a loss as for what to do about it. He made a mental note that he knew he wouldn't remember later and brushed it aside. He figured it would keep him up tonight instead of interrupting their current conversation. Tobio blinked and came back down to earth about half a second before Charlie started talking again.

"Well now you can bypass the hard part. You don't have to take the reigns by force, I'm giving them to you and enjoying the ride." Tobio took a sip of his drink and folded his hands in front of his face, leaning his head down onto them and taking a moment. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, deeply, inaudibly. He lifted his head again and rested his chin on his folded fist.
"No, I know the world doesn't think of anyone. I don't have a say in that indifference. How has the indifference treated you thus far?" He asked.

((Cliche I know, but practice makes... better. So you go to a military school? Sorry if i'm making an assumption but wouldn't that mean that team-work is a big part of your curriculum?))

Charlie finally let himself be lead away from the topic of how much Tobio was giving him in order for them to be together. Charlie knew, and he figured that Tobio knew that they didn't belong together. They were polar opposites and people like them weren't supposed to work out. But then again, Charlie was sure he wasn't meant to end up with anyone. He just didn't have a personality that was compatable with others. After his break up with Alex, he had resigned himself to the fact that his first love was likely to be his last. Alex had been something special and he knew he would never be able to find anyone like him ever again. Tobio was nothing like him... but he was still something special. Maybe he didn't need another Alex, maybe he needed someone more like Tobio. Someone who saw the little details that helped a relationship thrive. Charlie knew he would never get used to the reality of how much Tobio was giving him up for him. Sure, it wasn't his organs but time was much more important than most organs. It wasn't replacable or transplantable once you wasted time on someone, you could never get that time back.

He leaned back in his chair once more and finished his apple in another concise bites. Every time he looked at Tobio now, he knew that he should end this before it became something truly real. Relationships were messy, they took time and thought and Charlie didn't know if he had the wherewithal to give those things. He couldn't do messy, it got too complicated for him. He did things he didn't want to do when things got tangled up. But occasionally his gaze would trail down to Tobio's lips and he'd remember how right that kiss had felt. Even worse was when he allowed himself to meet Tobio's eyes and he would truly see the boy in front of him and realize just how much he wanted him. Not physically, but emotionally. He wanted to watch movies with him and go for walks with him. It had been a long time since Charlie had even had a friend and Tobio was something even better than a friend. Charlie had never wanted anyone like this before.

"Fine." He answered shortly before getting up and throwing away his apple core in the garbage. The indifferent world was just that, indifferent. It didn't treat him badly or well, it all just depended on who you were that changed how the world treated you.
"The world might not hate me, but I hate it. So, that changes things." He finally added after a moment as he sat back down. He didn't know why he hated people so much, why things just bugged him sometimes.
"Why are you asking me all these questions?" He asked with a dark look in his eyes. What was Tobio trying to get at here?

((I am at a military school. But the cohesion I mean is that we don't have the whole experience of being with each other for years on end. I've only known some of the players on my team for a few months, we don't have much time to bond and stuff.))

Tobio had nothing but time on his hands, and others had so little. He wanted to give his time to others even if it bothered him. He'd stayed up late or even all night talking to people because they felt like talking and they loved him for it. That was before he switched schools though. He was only well known because of Sebastian and some of Sebastian's friends had thought of him as "mysterious" then dropped him when it was clear he wasn't interested romantically. That was how Sebastian became the "better looking identical twin" and how Tobio began to have more and more time on his hands. He didn't use people for his entertainment, that was a common misconception. He took his own time and gave it to them because it was important. Because they needed it more than he did and he was willing to give it away. It's not as if he invested his time in every single person he met. Just those who bothered to get to know him well enough and now Charlie had joined those ranks. Though he was definitely higher than everyone else on the list. Granted there were less than ten people on that list but nonetheless.

Tobio watched Charlie move, He was graceful and fluid yet so sharp and jerky and Tobio wasn't sure how he did it. Almost like a rusted robot doing ballet, but a lot better looking and with a personality. Tobio saw Charlie kind of similarly to a Picasso painting. Two different people in one person, but not exactly. He was one person with two sides that showed in mixes. They were never really separate but he could differentiate between them. Or like "The Scream" by Munch. The person wasn't going crazy, the world around him was and he was simply reacting. Tobio believed that Charlie's world was indifferent but it was still crazy and all he could do was react.

"How so?" Tobio asked. He wanted to know what changed simply because Charlie hated the world. Sure his perception and reaction to it changed but was it something deeper as well?
"Simply out of curiosity." Tobio said. And that was the truth. There wasn't an ulterior motive. He just wanted to know what Charlie thought of the world.

(((ohhh, yeah bonding is really important. I've been on a couple soccer teams in the past few years and none of the players ever even try to talk to each other before or after games... probably why we aren't so good either.))

The endless stream of questions was beginning to bother Charlie more than he wanted to admit. He was strangely uncomfortable with the amount of attention Tobio was giving him. Charlie had never cared if people paid attention to him or not. His dark clothing, flaring temper and total disregard for the feelings of others meant that often he was the centre of attention, but that was simply because of the nature of his being rather than Charlie himself seeking attention. For the most part though, the attention he got was negative. Teachers knew he was smart and were bothered when he spoke back to him and students were afraid of him. He was an outcast in every society BLA had to offer. He scorned athletics as a waste of time, he had no interest in gaming or T.V, he much prefered to be left alone when reading and despite his artistic interest he hated the bubbly art students who filled the academy. So, he was content to be feared, misunderstood and scorned because he was used to that kind of attention. What Tobio was doing differently. He wasn't talking to Charlie as if he was an idea. To most kids, that's all he was. To some he was the idea of rebellion, to others the idea of mystery but to no one was he simply a person... until now. Tobio was talking to him as though he were just another person. He wasn't a 2-dimensional character cutout. He had sides to him and even if he wasn't going to let Tobio in one those parts of him, he liked to know that Tobio recognized that they were there.

"Because I assume the worst in everything, even the most benign things." He said with another careless shrug. He always saw the worst in people before he saw the best in them. For most, he never ended up seeing the good parts at all. He saw the world through the gaze of someone who wanted to see the worst in people because that way he wouldn't have to feel bad about the horrible parts of himself. Perhaps that was why he hated his step-father so much, because the things he hated about his step-father were things he hated about himself too.
"Curiosity killed the cat." He replied offhandedly. He was done with the questions and wanted to turn the conversation back at Tobio.
"If the world is so indifferent, how are you so kind?" He asked archly, somehow making what could have been a compliment sound like an accusation.

((Alright, sorry. I've had a game three days a week then practice the other two and catching up on homework and a tournament over the weekend but all I had to do today was practice and an art project so I've got time now.))

Tobio studied Charlie's face in the moments before he replied, there was hardly any remarkable difference but Tobio caught every movement. A tiny twitch of the eyebrow and his nostrils flared briefly. Whatever he was thinking had him bothered. Tobio could think of a few different causes but the most reliable was that he didn't like the questions being asked of him. While Charlie didn't say so he said something that vaguely resembled 'Stop asking me questions.' and so Tobio did. If Charlie was going to be upset by it he wasn't going to do it, simple as that.

"Satisfaction brought it back." He replied just as offhandedly before looking at the table as Charlie asked him his own question. Tobio studied the drink in front of him for a moment before answering, picking out his words carefully, in a near meticulous manner.
"I think, that because the world is so indifferent, you never know how someone's life is going. Therefore, being kind is the only way to ensure that one good thing can happen to any given person on any given day." He replied. He looked back up at Charlie, wondering if his answer would suffice.

The ghost of a smile turned Charlie's lips up at the corners. No one could fight back against him as easily as Tobio did. He always had something to say in response to Charlie's mean or offhand comments. Everyone else he knew would flounder for a response, struggling to come up with an insult to shoot back at him. For Tobio, he seemed to be able to come up with an answer to Charlie's angry comments before he even said it. As though there was a bank in his mind that stored the future comments of everyone Tobio ever met. He liked having someone who could match him, it was more interesting that way. He was tired of feeling like the smartest one in the room. Charlie was not afraid to admit that he naturally assumed he was the most intelligent person in any given high school class. The only beings who inhabited this building that were more intelligent were the long dead authors of books that lined the library shelves... or at least that had been the case until now. Looking at Tobio, Charlie had to admit that perhaps the boy was just as smart as him, or smarter.

If he were so smart though, he wouldn't be so kind, so idealistic. To believe kindness is a virtue requires a naivety that could only come from not knowing. Yes, one never knew what was going on in someone's life but that fact did not require you to be kind to them. If someone was having a bad day, so be it. Why should others feel responsible for changing that fact? Charlie believed that minding your own business is highly important. You deal with your issues, and no one else's. To do otherwise would be out of the realm of human requirement. But Tobio wasn't quite human was he? More and more he seemed like an angel sent to earth for others, and a devil sent from the ground to torture Charlie.
"Why must there always be good?" He asked, eyebrow arched.
"Life is not meant to be good" He sneered suddenly, teeth glinting sharply as they caught on the stark lights of the cafeteria. Life is life, not meant to be good but rather meant to survive through. Charlie knew that he was here for a reason, he didn't believe that his life was coincidental but whatever reason he was put on this earth, he was yet to find out. All he wanted to do was get through high school and run away from it all... and maybe just maybe it would result in a good life. But for now, life was not meant to be good, only to be suffered through.

((Totally fine! You sound crazy busy. Just make sure you get enough rest and don't hurt yourself!))

((Okay I had a whole thing written out for you and just accidentally deleted it and I'm so upset. So let's take it from the top I guess. I'm really sorry I've been gone, juggling everything is a lot. My season is supposed to end in mid October so hopefully I'll be more active then. I really like this roleplay so I hope you'll bear through it with me.))

Tobio could see what there was of the smile that Charlie allowed on his face. Charlie seemed to be feeling some sort of satisfaction, he wasn't being smug. This was just Charlie being happy. He knew he wouldn't be seeing much of this so he took a mental snapshot for later. He needed to draw it. He hadn't done any drawing lately. He decided that when he got back to his room he'd lay out papers all over and draw and paint every Charlie that came to mind. He'd put onto paper everything that reminded him of Charlie, romance novels and cigarettes and coffee and who knows what else. He'd mimic art styles and do his own thing. He didn't know what else but he'd do a lot.

"There musn't always be good. If there were we'd become so desensitized to it tat the good would simply be average. The bad would be 'meh', the tragic 'bad'. The extravagant would be 'good' and no further. But to answer your question, good is spread so that it will hopefully be a small light. A candle say, in a dark room and it will spread it's light and warmth until it s simply daylight. And yes there are rainy days and natural disasters but it only serves to help us appreciate the days when the sun does shine."

He watched for Charlie's reaction as he sipped on his coffee again. It was still hot despite how long he'd had it. He could fee where he'd burnt it earlier as he drank. He, for once, stopped his mind from drifting during the lulls in between the conversation. his mind went to him having said 'Musn't' though and he regretted it almost immediately.

((Ugh that is the worst! Sorry for taking so long. I've had a ton going on as well and my life has been: wake up, go to school, work like hell, go to sleep. So I haven't really had time to write a reply! Both of us are busy so don't worry about taking a long time! I love this rp too.))

Charlie listened to Tobio's naive (in his opinion) words. That candle that Tobio spoke about so earnestly did not exist in Charlie's world. His whole world was an endless craze of lights turning on and off within his head. Most of the time he sunk into a deep darkness within his mind. The one he retreated into when he was too angry or too happy. He stepped back into the murky ink-black of his thoughts where he could settle into a state of semi-dreaming. Other times it was as though someone had flicked a switch and he was left with all the lights on. Like a prison cell where there was 24 hour artificial light Charlie felt himself going slowly crazy whenever he got into those moods. As though someone was shining a flashlight into his eyes and he could almost feel his brain fizzing angrily at the constant light. There was no in-between. Either it was pitch black or neon bright. The comfort of a small candle in the middle of a dark room was not an experiance Charlie had. Perhaps though, it was an experiance he would learn about from Tobio.

"Sometimes light has a funny way of hiding things in the shadows. I prefer the darkness." Charlie responded with a smirk.
"But I musn't argue with you, after all you seem like quite the expert." He added with a sneer. Tobio with his strange vocabulary and speech patterns, they did make him sound smarter than he was. Or perhaps he really was a smart as he sounded. Once again, Charlie wasn't used to conversing with intelligent people. Those kinds were few and far between at BLA. Considering that BLA was a specialized school, there were definitely even fewer intelligent people in the general high school population.

He had finished eating and while talking to Tobio was interesting, he couldn't sit still for too long so he shoved back his chair and grabbed his headphones from his pocket, putting one in while leaving the other hanging. Finally looking back at Tobio he gave him a hard look.
"If this is going to work. I'm going to need you to stop being you." He growled softly, a frown pinching his eyebrows together slightly.

Tobio knew how to talk of this candle because Sebastian would talk about it all the time when people called them the sun and the moon. Sebastian liked to say he was more of a candle, he wanted to just start things to make others happy. Tobio complimented him by considering himself the smoke, the annoying thing that could sometimes make the room smell better but usually people didn't like it. If Tobio was to be considered separate from Sebastian he was the smoke from a stick of incense, a thin stream of smoke that could me blown this was and that without extinguishing the source. He preferred to be incense but he wasn't allowed to exist outside of being 'Sebastian's brother' that was almost all he ever was because everyone who they had ever known had known them as the twins and if they didn't then they knew Sebastian. That was his darkness. The shadow he lived in was the same size as him, it had the same hair, the same eyes, the same nose. It practically was him. But it wasn't.

Tobio could tell Charlie didn't think his answer was as logical but it was as deep as he wanted to bother getting. Any deeper and Charlie might break him.
"The darkness is nice, once your eyes adjust you can see the shadows." He said. "No, I prefer intellectual argument to an agreement unless it's because you really agree." He said. He hated the blind agreement of some people. He could spout bulls pizzle and they would agree if he used the right words. He could form a cult or convince the general populous that the aliens were invading if he used his extensive vernacular the right way.

"I'm moldable." Tobio purred back, standing to walk with him. He figured they would sink back into their own type of silence, immovable by outside forces. He didn't mind though. He grabbed his coffee, finished it in one final swig and tossed the cup, compostable, into the recycling bin before following after Charlie.

"Oh I must, musn't I?" He smirked again, letting his tongue rest on the word musn't as though it was as sweet as honey. With Tobio's eloquent linguistic skills and the words he let slip out of his pretty mouth with such ease. Charlie liked how he used such formal words. It made him different. Charlie loved language. He loved art, and language is a way to create art. Like all artists, Charlie liked his creations to be individual, different. Every teenager seemed to talk the same today. That's why Charlie enjoyed changing it up a little. Saying things like 'ain't' and 'Troubadours' and other strange mixes of old english and slang. It made the voice he brought out into the world different, unique. Charlie didn't care too much for trying to be unique but the ideas that his voice would be the same as every other person in the world bothered him for some strange reason.

As he walked out of the cafeteria he glanced at the clock. Despite the time that they had taken out of class there was still about a half an hour until art was over.
"Good because I will mold you into exactly what I want." He said carelessly, once again his strict voice somehow normalizing the strange commands he reeled out like other people said "hello" and "goodbye". He wandered down the hall, one earbud playing screaming music in his ear, training his eyes in front of him even though the presence of Tobio next to him was horribly distracting.
"But even someone as malleable as you.... can break." He murmured during an instrumental break in his music. He liked when his thoughts lined up with his music. As though matching his thoughts to the beat of the music might help to make some sense of them. He wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to break Tobio. In some twisted way he still did. As if to see what the other boy's breaking point was. Charlie himself felt as though he were teetering on the edge of breaking and he wanted to know how Tobio always seemed so calm about... everything.

A couple of kids were sprawled outside of the art classroom, laying out while trying to brainstorm ideas or working on sketches. They glanced up momentarily when Charlie and Tobio walked by but otherwise no one seemed surprised as they walked into the class. Not that Charlie was expecting anything different. He had a tendancy to wander in and out of class. Plus the teacher had let kids leave the class for this period.

Tobio continued to walk with him, turning different words over in his mind, he wasn't even fully aware he was thinking until he realized that he had come across the word hallway while they were walking down the hallway. He thought about compound words a lot for some reason when he was thinking like this but now that he was conscious of his own stream of consciousness there was one word, or name rather, on his mind. Charlie. He was an enigma, but one that he was beginning to slowly piece together. Very slowly. So slow it was agonizing. But he was still managing something and that way saying something. For the type of person that Charlie was he didn't think he'd be able to get to him at all but he managed to get to him and piece bits of it together.

"No, you musn't, aside from the fact that I'm no expert I know you're much smarter than that." Charlie seemed cunning and sly, like a fox and Tobio liked that. He liked how Charlie was so quick-witted and where others would call him controlling Tobio would say that Charlie was in need of that power simply because that's where he felt comfortable, in power. Tobio preferred Charlie to be more in charge though, it was comforting to know that someone knew what they were doing.

"You're not wrong, I fully expect you to break me at some point, whether it be getting me to smile or cry or yell or something else entirely. I have faith in your ability to do so and I expect it to happen. What I'm... hmm... apprehensive about," he said picking his words gingerly, "is what will happen after you break me." He confessed. He was sure Charlie was aware of his worries but nonetheless voicing them was better for conversation.

As they walked back in the art teacher gave them a warm smile and went back to their work. The usual look from other students was present as always but he didn't mind. Nobody knew what had happened in the tie they were gone and, to his knowledge, nobody would. Unless Charlie felt somehow compelled to stand up and proclaim to the whole class that they had kissed, he was almost certain that it would not be common knowledge.

Charlie couldn't help but smile faintly at Tobio's confession. He was impressed by the calmness Tobio took on even though he knew that being in a relationship with Charlie was similar to giving a glass figure to a particularly distructive child. Charlie might be amazed by him, fragile and glittering, for a few moments but then he would likely smash the thing for no other reason than his own amusement. He might regret it later, or he might not. Even Charlie himself didn't understand his actions sometimes. Things just happened and while he liked to think through things before he did them, often his plans didn't turn out the way he wanted them to. He sometimes felt like he was a puppet who didn't know he was a puppet. He thought that he had free choice of his actions, but occasional he would be thrown around by invisible strings, controlled by some sadistic puppet master. Over his teenage years, he never quite learned how to control this evil master, but rather learned to expect what his next move might be. From past experiance, he knew that if this thing with Tobio continued, he would leave the other boy utterly shattered if he wasn't careful.

"Have someone else to put you back together." He replied with brutal honesty. If there was one thing you couldn't say about Charlie was that he was a liar. He told truth with such abandon that it kept most people far far away from him.
"I'm not about to risk my artistic hands picking up broken pieces." He added dully. A commment like that would have usually been accompanied by a sneer or snicker but this time it came out forced, as though he felt obligated to say it, but his heart wasn't really in it. He was once again just being painfully honest.

There was a boy sitting at Charlie's usual spot, probably trying to find someplace a little bit quieter to work. He was so intent on his work that he didn't notice Charlie come up to his table until Charlie slammed his sketchbook down onto the desk. Jumping slightly, the boy looked up with wide eyes before sweeping all his art material into an arm and scrambling off to find someplace else to work. Charlie flopped down in the recently vacated chair and flipped open his sketchbook. Already the book was filled with crude sketches of Tobio. None of them had colour and most had been done during other classes since they had met. All of them were sharp and angry in their pencil movements. Charlie had been pressing so hard with the pencil that he had actually ripped through the thick paper a few times. He couldn't get Tobio right. He kept trying, and failed over and over again, his drawings become more and more aggrivated throughout the book.

((Sorry for disappearing, busy past couple weeks!))

((Same here. Lo siento.))

Tobio knew that Charlie was closer to a perfect storm than anything. He's rage, strike where he knew it hurt, make noise and make a mess. Tobio knew that he could not tame Charlie, nobody could domesticate a storm like that. But that wasn't Tobio's goal. His goal was simply to stay alongside Charlie as long as he would tolerate him for his betterment. If Charlie wanted him gone he'd leave for a bit and then return. If Charlie wanted to break him Tobio was sure he'd find a way. If Charlie was sure he'd ruin their relationship, was dead set on it, then Tobio would let him. But Tobio knew how to put glass back together in different shapes, make it look new and pretty and different. Their relationship didn't have to stay as one thing. Sure eventually the pieces would be so broken that it was simply a fine dust, but that was as shimmery and soft as snow. And snow silences.

"I can scrape and cut my own hands doing it. It's nothing I have't dealt with before. Maybe not the same caliber but I've done it nonetheless." He said, he knew that Charlie wasn't poking fun, just speaking from the mind. One of the students nearby glanced at Charlie. Tobio guessed she'd heard the strange comment and he met her gaze. She looked concerned, Tobio's remained level and steady and blank. She tried to see what was past those blank eyes but gave up and turned back to her partner.

The kid that Charlie had scared out of his seat looked at Tobio and he offered him soft, doe-like eyes as recompense for what Charlie had done, the kid nodded and sat down a few rows away. Tobio sat down and drew a quick box with four figures, each smaller than the next. He wrote "Michael Cheval: Evolution" at the top of the box. His sketches were soft and hard all at once. He wrote a one above the biggest figure and a two on the next and three and four and then wrote them down the side of the box. One, he labeled as Saturn Devouring His Son by Francisco Goya. Two, he labeled as The Scream by Munch. Three, he labeled Charlie, and four he labeled Myself. He'd been hit by a slight stroke of artistic genius and this was the first time he'd actually gotten down to drawing something regarding the project which was due in three days. He continued to sketch lightly here and there coming up with a background similar to a cross between Starry Night by Van Gogh and Burning Giraffes by Dali.

((Tis a busy life, don't worry about it. Any ideas where we want to go next?))

Charlie twiddled his pencil between his fingers. Like most of his pencils, it was shorter than any good pencil should be. He went through pencils as fast as his friends went through cigarettes. Half the trips he made out of campus were to go to the art store and buy new pencils from the mall. It always seemed he had just gone and yet he had already gone through his package of pencils. The reason he had gone through them particularly quickly this week was apparent on his sketch book. The dark, harsh lines that crossed the thick cream paper of his sketch book were a wasteful use of graphite. He was pressing down too hard on his pencils, destroying them quickly and efficiently. One of the critiques he often got from his art teachers was that he pressed down too hard on his drawings. The lines that should float across the page were hard and angry on his drawings. It only happened when he cared about what he was drawing. He knew that technique, he knew when he was supposed to press hard or lightly or use a softer pencil, but when it came to emotional drawing none of that mattered. When it came to Tobio, it didn't matter. He knew that he was drawing him wrong, the lines were too sharp. Tobio was ghost-like, hardly even there at all whereas Charlie's drawings of him spoke of someone with an intense presence. But while Tobio might not have much of a presence in the outside world, he seemed to have a lot of it within Charlie's mind. Which bugged Charlie because it had been a long time since he'd given anyone a time of day. Which meant that his drawings of Tobio were all sharp and wrong, and then Charlie would get annoyed because the drawings didn't look right and that would bother him even more. It was just an endless cycle of annoyance of Charlie's part.

He knew the should just get a new partner. Why bother himself with this emotional torture? He could ask anyone in the class to switch with him and they would. They were too afraid of him to say no. Not that he'd give them much of an option in the first place. Charlie had an ability to make choices seemed like commandments. He would have made a good politician in that way, or rather a tyrant. But somehow he couldn't bring himself to do that. Not because of his feelings for Tobio, but for the art. He couldn't let such a beautiful boy go to waste. He knew no one else would be able to do Tobio justice in their drawings. Charlie wasn't sure he could either, but he did believe he was the best chance at success. If only he could let go of the anger and manage to encompass the true ghostly lines that made Tobio so angelic.

Forcing his mind to wander, Charlie let his hands move across his sketchbook, not really paying attention to what he was doing. It was like muscle memory, the way he hands moved across the page. Except it couldn't be memory because this was a drawing he had never done before. It was like missing something that you never had, possible in some paradoxical way. When he stopped to really see what he was drawing, it was an absolute mess. It looked as if someone had stabbed the page, leaving a mess of blood and gore behind. Charlie himself wasn't sure how he had gotten there. Jagged lines split the pages, dripping ground up graphite dust left by Charlie's heavy hand. He looked up at Tobio, sitting quietly behind him. How had such violence come from the thoughts of such a peaceful boy?

((Pre-warning. I know absolutely nothing about art. I'm a drama person, so I love theatre, but i've never been a visual arts person. So I am so sorry for all my vague descriptions! Also, this post might be an absolute mess... sorry.))

((Maybe to when they're showing their pieces to each other the day before the project is due? I really don't know, it just sounds like it could be fun. Or like, I don't know how you want to portray Charlie actually breaking Tobio but if you have any ideas that would be a cool thing to do.))

Tobio wasn't fully sure what Charlie was thinking but he was obviously peeved to say the least. There was a vein on his neck that popped out and his face looked harder and more angular than usual, as if someone had cut away all the softer lines and he was left with a statue, pre-sanding. Tobio rested his head in his hand and let his eyes wander. He drew little circles up in the corner of his page, overlapping, un-touching, smaller, bigger, all less than half an inch in diameter. He switched to squares and then triangles and diamonds and stars and every other little shape until they were practically spilling over each other out of the corner of the page. They toppled around the sketches and words, hardly leaving enough room to discern what they were saying and covered the page. The pencil marks were soft as bubbles and sharp as knives. He looked at Charlie again for a moment, then back at his page of shapes. He tapped Charlie on the hand with the pad of his index finger.

"Contrast." He said., tapping his notebook. He didn't mean anything but for Charlie to look and if he took it any other way he was sure he'd pay for it heavily. He noticed that in Charlie's hands the veins were prominent. "Can I take a picture of these?" He asked gently tracing one of the veins on his hand.

He glanced at Charlie's notebook, the carnage was unbelievable. Unbelievably beautiful, he'd never seen anyone cut so deeply with a pencil and not break it. Charlie was silent with it too, there was a certain finesse to his work and Tobio thought it was utterly breathtaking.

((I really don't either. I'm much more english focused, (technical writing and creative writing) I just like to look at art haha. And I actually really appropriate the way the drama comes through in your work. It brings a certain vitality that I don't usually see with other writers. It's quite beautiful and I aspire to be able to write as well as you do someday.))

((I feel like all Charlie wants is to see Tobio get really angry, or sad or happy y'know? That would be his "breaking" him. Because Tobio is such a pacifist and such a calm presence, Charlie wants to see him get really mad. Find out what he cares about, what makes him tick. The only way I think he could get Tobio really angry though is by going after his brother? Maybe we could rp something with Sebastian involved?))

Charlie startled slightly, hand jerking away from Tobio when he tapped him on the hand. His mind hadn't been in the real world, not for a couple minutes at least. It had wandered off to the blank spaces between dream and reality. He hadn't been thinking about anything, just existing while his hands moved for him. Tobio brought him back to earth with that gentle tap, jarring him back into real life. Despite his initial reaction to pull his hand away, he let Tobio trace the back of his hand, following the veins down towards his wrist. His touch was so soft, just the whisp of a touch. Charlie watched through the side of his eyes as Tobio's slim fingers moved about carefully. Charlie himself was relatively pale although most of his skin was covered with a generous layer of freckles. Next to his skin though, Tobio looked snow white. So pale you could see the blue veins on his wrist with perfect clarity. Such delicate things, humans are. With so thin a protection between life and death.
"Thanks for the notice." He muttered sarcastically, glancing over at whatever piece of art Tobio wanted him to look at. In all honesty, it was sort of cool what he'd done. Contrast for sure. Charlie had always enjoyed constrast, it was more realistic. In real life nobody was just one thing, people are paradoxical and surprising and evil and good all at the same time. Contrasting.

He would never tell Tobio he thought it was interesting though. Why? Charlie wasn't quite sure. It wouldn't hurt him to compliment the other boy, it wouldn't cost him anything. But it had been a long time since Charlie had complimented anyone. His ability to be kind felt like a muscle that had been long out of use. It was painful relearning how to act around other humans that he actually liked. Or cared about... or.... Charlie didn't really know how he felt about Tobio at all. He nodded his head ever so slightly at Tobio's question. No one had ever asked to take a picture of his hands before, but Tobio wasn't exactly like anyone else Charlie had ever met.
"You have a twin brother. Sebastian." He stated, eyeing Tobio with an appraising look. He had seen his brother around occasionally, although they didn't have any classes together.
"Is he like you?" He asked after a silent moment.

((I can certainly tell you are english focused! You have such a beautiful writing style! I love the metaphors you use and just the general flow of your work is so pleasing to read. I love Tobio's character so much and you do such a wonderful job shaping him and his thoughts. Thanks so much for the compliment! I think we both love each other's writing then. Hopefully we'll both be able to learn from each other on writing))

((I can totally pull Sebastian for something, he's a lot more emotional anyways so it'd be easier for Charlie to get a rise out of Tobio, they've got an older sister to but she handles herself so I'm not sure that's as much of a reward.))

Tobio's instinct was to jerk away from Charlie as soon as he moved, but he didn't, instead he let his fingers just barely trace over Charlie's veins. Nobody would know where they were in his project, but Tobio would and Charlie would too and that's what was important to him He knew what he wanted to do with them. Charlie seemed to be so dark and angular, he wanted to turn the very thing that helped keep that up into something soft and light and life-like. Charlie was contradiction come to life. The very thing that was supposed to make him seem more lively only served to make him seem more haggard. Tobio loved it though, he thought that Charlie was one of the most unconventionally handsome people he'd met simply due to how rough he was. He was chiseled but not smooth. Spiked, not sharp. He'd cut you in all the right ways to make you feel wrong.

"Couldn't help it." Tobio replied softly. He glanced at Charlie, who was studying his notebook quizzically. His face softened somewhat from a stoic look to careful study. Tobio was taking mental pictures of Charlie all the time.He couldn't really help that either. Charlie was something he couldn't ignore, and even more so, didn't want to.

He pulled his hand back from Charlie's to grab his phone when Charlie nodded, his fingertips immediately colder because the contact was broken. He focused the camera on his phone and snapped a few pictures for later. He wanted to hold Charlie's hand, he had the strong urge to do so, but his better judgement said that it wasn't a great idea. He was starting to think that everything that had happened earlier may have been some wild fever dream that he still hadn't woken up from. He wanted it to be real, but knowing Charlie, that may have just been something to he was doing to get to Tobio. He had effectively gotten to his heart but he might just break it now. He was wondering where they would go when Charlie mentioned Sebastian. Tobio's fingers twitched around his phone.
"We have some similar interests. But we're not much alike at all. Polar opposites really." Tobio replied nonchalantly. He probably shouldn't have responded the way he did, it may have given too much away just in the tone of his voice.

((Aww wow, honestly this is really the only place I can do this kind of thing, it's terrifying to show it to other people. I'm so glad that you appreciate my writing, it's such a high honor. I agree, hopefully we can learn from each other.))

((I just feel like if Charlie goes after Sebastian, he might just be able to get a rise out of Tobio. Wanna go to a scene with him after this one?))

A slight shudder passed through his hand to his arm as Tobio drew his fingers across his veins. Because Charlie always seemed to run relatively hot, Tobio's cool finger's seemed even more chilly against his warm skin. He was the kind of person who always kicked off his blankets in the middle of the night, even in the winter. He mused over this as he felt Tobio's cold touch. He had always liked cold things; winter, ice cream... Tobio. Although whether or not he liked Tobio or was simply intrigued by him, even Charlie didn't know which was the answer. It had been a long time since he'd liked anyone. He wasn't sure he'd recognize the feeling even if it stared him right in the face. Or perhaps he would, and instead would choose to ignore it. The last time he had given his heart to someone, they had smashed it to pieces.

Charlie watched Tobio's body language carefully when he started talking about Sebastian. The body has it's own wisdom, and it tells the truth even when the mouth lies. Charlie had learned to trust the body, it's subtle movements and ticks rather than the words people spoke. When you listened to someone's words, it was like learning about them through blinders, you couldn't really see the whole picture. Watching their body language though, that was how you got to the truth of who they were. That's why Charlie had always liked full body drawings, the face didn't say enough. It was in the bend of the elbow, the curve of the spine, that's where you learned the good stuff.

Tobio's body was a masterpiece to Charlie. He was so fragile and yet so tough. His stance helped him disappear but there was a strenght underneath it all. There was a sureness to his motions and Charlie could tell he was an athlete of some sort. Only athletes could hold themselves in the balanaced way Tobio did. What Charlie's eyes were always drawn to was the slight curve of his shoulders into the small of his back. It was the kind of non-linear outline that was perfect for drawing. Charlie half wanted to run his hand down Tobio's shoulders, between the shoulder blades, just to learn the curve exactly.

He jumped on Tobio's answer, analyzing each tone and twitch he made when he answered.
"Oh, but you'd do anything for him wouldn't you?" He smirked, eyes glinting with the beginnings of a plan forming in his mind.

((Yeah that sounds good to me.))

Tobio could feel Charlie's arm shiver in his light grasp. He was so warm. Even after this class Tobio was sure he'd be drawing Charlie for a while. He wanted to know where all that heat came from. Charlie seemed like such a cold person. Again with the contrast in this boy. He was dark and brooding, yet warm in a way that made Tobio want to fall into him. He wanted to capture that contrast somehow. It seemed nearly impossible. It was like a geometric storm cloud that held the sun in it.

Tobio could tell Charlie was studying him again. He could tell exactly where his eyes were at all times and could only imagine what he was thinking. His shoulders, why was Charlie staring there. His gaze was intense but so soft. Maybe admiration? Maybe he could see something there that Tobio couldn't.

Tobio felt Charlie do a full sweep of his body and zero in on the uncontrollable twitch in his fingers. Charlie most definitely knew. How he figured it out Tobio didn't know but Tobio knew that Charlie knew. And he was pretty sure that Charlie was going to go for the throat next. He was intuitive and he knew that Charlie was too. Tobio could have been upset that Charlie was probably going to break him now but he'd be more upset with whatever he did to Sebastian. He felt Charlie's eyes lock back on his shoulders, in that tense area.

"Of course." Tobio replied, unaffected. Inside he was worried what would come of whatever had just hatched in Charlie's mind.

Charlie knew he felt something for Tobio he hadn't felt for anyone in a long time. He was special. Not in that cliche way that people always describe true love to be. He wasn't the only person Charlie had ever been attracted to and he would most certainly not be the last. Many people believe that there is always the "one" out there for you. One person who will complete you. Charlie believed there were certainly people who seem perfect for you, but they were one of thousands. The Greek myth went that humans used to be connected. But because they were too strong Zeus decided to cut them in half. Even though humans were split apart, they will always search for their missing half. If they manage to find their lost half, they will be completed for the rest of their lives. It was a sweet tale, but Charlie didn't believe in the idea it generated. There was no one perfect person. Regardless of that though, there was something intriguing about Tobio. From the curve of his spine to the solemn look in his eyes.

Despite his disconcerting feelings towards the other boy, Charlie wasn't planning on deviated from his original intentions. He was going to break Tobio and maybe, just maybe, he would be feeling kind enough to put him back together again. Although he Tobio knew what was good for him, he wouldn't let Charlie go near him again. He'd find someone more caring, more gentle than Charlie to try and to pick up the pieces left behind. Perhaps he'd go running back to his old boyfriend. For some reason, that thought bothered him a little bit.

Charlie didn't really understand himself more than anyone else understood him. Simultaniously he wanted to destroy him and also be the person he came to when he was hurt. He wanted to be the hand that comforted Tobio but some animalistic part of himself also wanted to be the one to push him down. Charlie didn't actually want to cause him pain (or so he hoped) rather he wanted to find out what made Tobio angry, what made him sad, what would cause something to flicker up behind those ever calm eyes. To do that, Charlie would have to wreak some havoc.

"Good. Because i'm going to put that to the test." He smiled lopsidedly at Tobio, eyes as dark as midnight with a new moon. He wanted to make Tobio nervous, make him on edge. He wanted it to be obvious he was up to something, but make sure no one was every quite sure what until it happened. Right on cue the bell rang and Charlie swung his bag up onto his shoulder.
"See you around." He smirked again before strolling out the door and down the hall.

Tobio liked the way Charlie was an uncontrollable force, he liked the challenge and the ease. It was a contradiction. He was fascinated by it. He wondered if he and Charlie were ever entangled, he wondered if that would explain his attraction to him. Their particles may have shared a state once and were now forever entangled no matter how far apart they were. Tobio was sure his particles were entangled with plenty of peoples but Charlie was the one he wanted to have been entangled with.

He felt like he was standing on he edge of a cliff with Charlie. A cliff he couldn't see over. He knew he had feelings for him, romantically and platonically. He wasn't sure how deep they were just yet though, he was afraid to take a step over that edge. He wasn't sure how far he'd fall. He wasn't sure how far he'd already fallen. He had been against Charlie breaking him at first but now he wasn't sure he cared as much. If it would make Charlie care more or trust him more then why not? He was sure that he could pick himself back up and put himself together again. He'd done it before, it wouldn't be hard to do it again, hopefully.

"What?" Tobio said looking up again quickly. Was Charlie threatening Sebastian? Charlie could threaten Tobio all he wanted but Sebastian was something else,more fragile. Tobio flinched when the bell rang and swept his stuff into his arms following quickly behind Charlie as he sped away. He managed to shove everything into his bag and catch up with Charlie.
"What do you mean put it to the test?" He said walking with Charlie.