Clean Romance Book Group. discussion

Pulling into the driveway my mother slowed to a crawl. Twelve or so hours from home I felt all alone, empty.
While pulling into a spot, my mom and I looked up. I knew this was insane.
Rushing from her front door my dad’s sister- a short bubbly woman with curly brown hair and a large smile on her face- looked as if she was restraining herself from running to the car.
“Mom” I tried one last time, “can I just um go um home please?”
She sighed, “Elsie please, we already went over this.”
I tried again, “But…..” She waved her hand signaling the discussion was over.
Getting out of the car my mother started to talk to my dad's sister who inevitably had been waiting on me.
Pulling my pink backpack out of the seat beside me, I walked over to them.
Noticing me instantly, they stopped talking and looked at me. “Hi” I said Shakily.
“Elsie” my mom started to introduce me, “this is your aunt Lauren, Lauren this is my daughter” she motioned to me.
“Pleasure” we both said together. Everyone burst out laughing.
Lauren spoke first, “ Let's get you settled,” she turned Mom and gave her a hug saying, “ I will see you soon. Have a safe trip home,” as if dismissing her. With that we promptly left to her big front doors.
I liked her already.
Once we were inside, the big glass door automatically shut.
Lauren pulled two shopping bags to the steps and then sat them down. Following her I looked around.
In front of me there was a stairway, not small but not big either. Beside that, a small door that I suspected went under the stairs. The kitchen behind us had bright red paint and was rooster themed. There were windows everywhere.
“Shawn” she yelled up the stairs. Turning to me she sighed. “He'll be down in a second, hopefully,” she added softly.
“I didn’t know you had a son.” I tried to make small talk.
“Oh I don’t.” She smiled, “He is staying the summer, like you. Best friends will do anything for each other.”
Around three minutes later a Russell came from upstairs.
“Shawn?” Lauren called up the stairs calmly, but with the look of impatience in her eyes.
“Lauren, this shirt doesn't really fit me,” came a deep voice from upstairs.
Who I guessed was Shawn, a tall, muscled, brown-haired boy with green eyes came rushing downstairs. I stared at him for a moment then blushed.
“Shawn” Lauren almost yelled. She inhaled sharply. “This is Elsie.”
He looked down from the first landing, and finally noticed me. Raising his eyebrows was an understatement. He lifted his eyes and his head too.
Lauren still astonished, blubbered, “Get dressed right,” She paused, shaking her head and talking fast, “Your shirt.”
We both finally noticed his shirt. Green with a tint of blue, it looked shrunk. But not just shrunk, shortened and then shrunk, and stretched to fit over him.
I looked away, still blushing. I heard thumps up the second landing, some struggling and finally a rip.
“Shawn.” Lauren looked slightly worried, she leaned forward as if to see around the corner. “Shawn” She called again.
I saw something move behind me. I gasped, turned around, and crouched. A tall, bold figure stood behind me. I swept my leg out around me and knocked whoever it was over.
“Shawn” Lauren said sternly. “Why on her first day here?”
He shrugged from the ground as I felt myself blush again. Trying to change the subject I stood up brushing myself off, then turned to Lauren.
“My mom said you had horses?” She actually didn't but, I smelled horses as I got out of the car so they had to be close. Right?
“Yes!” Lauren said looking at me excited, “Let's get you settled upstairs then we can go see the horses and get you in for lessons!”
She tried to drag my luggage up the stairs. I put my hand on her shoulder, grabbing my bags. I headed up the stairs behind Lauren.
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I think it takes away the paragraphs I had when I do this. Sorry.

Feel free to give me feedback. I am only sharing this piece (for now).

Okay! There are a few commas missing and unnecessary capitalization for some words, but other than that, I think punctual wise and stuff like that, it looks good. There also may be a few words missing too, that need to be there in order for the sentence to make sense. Also, in the beginning, I don't really "feel" what's going on, could you maybe add a flashback or an introduction before or after this chapter/page/section, so the reader knows where Elsie is coming from?? Also, a blurb would be nice, if you have the idea of the story all planned out. Be just a little bit more descriptive and I think I'd give this section 5 stars after you fix all these things. Just some suggestions! You absolutely do not have to do any of this :) Overall, I give this piece of work a 4 out of 5 stars! Well done, Ruby!!

Thanks!

You're welcome!

Does this story have a title? :D

Not yet. I am going to finish it first... I have about 33 pages. This is the first and a small portion of the second pages.

I like it! But what is Shawn’s relation to Lauren? If he’s not her son? Other than that I really like it so far!

Excuse me but what exactly is this story about? Genre, storyline, etc.? Sorry, I'm just curious, I moderate a writing group and love all things about literature :) :) !!!

It is kind of romance I guess, but I am still thinking.

Shawn is Lauren's best friend's son.

Oh nice!

I sense some romance in the future...hehe

Yes.

I really enjoyed reading it. Looking forward to more :)

Thank you!

Same! I enjoyed this piece a lot! :)

Thanks again! I am so excited to finish it...

I enjoyed it! Hope we can see more of it!

Let me think about it, I still have some editing to do and stuff so it might be awhile, that and I have a few reserves on it.

Ruby wrote: "Let me think about it, I still have some editing to do and stuff so it might be awhile, that and I have a few reserves on it."

Ok!

Okay! Let me fix it up a tiny bit.

As promised about 30 minutes later Lauren’s bushy brown curls, bobbed in front of me as we walked down a tight trail to the barn.
“...... So the reason we put the barn all the way back here was to make it so people wouldn't sneak up and steal one of our horses.”
“I can see how that worked” I sighed.
The trail continued for a little while longer until the trees and bushes just stopped. I almost fell over from the sight.
The big red building stood surrounded by huge paddocks. Beside the barn stood a huge sanded arena. On the other side was a giant pasture and the start of trail rides. A big map marked the start.
People swarmed everywhere.
“Now we use the trail as a privacy barrier.” Lauren concluded.
A particularly large crowd of people stood in front of us. Lauren walked right up to a girl with thin blond hair and started petting her horse.
“Sandy, how are you?” She addressed the girl who I imagined was Sandy.
“Perfect!” Sandy smiled. So this was going to be the adult pleasing person, steering clear I tried to go around them. “And it looks like Blossom is glad to see you too.” She hastily added.
“Elsie, this is Sandy, she is awesome. I hope she is in your lesson!” Sandy noticed me, scrunched up her nose and gave me a look of disgust. So she was.
“See you soon Ms. L” Sandy waved and the whole
group left.
The whole way up to the barn, people looked at me and Lauren. Some waved, some smiled, some ignored us, and some just looked curious.
Some boys toward the front of the barn stopped laughing and a few girls around them scowled.
The barn door was wide open and like everywhere else, it was full of people. Some were grooming their horses, and there were some just standing around talking.
A girl with tight brown ringlets rushed over when she saw me. “Wow! She is here! Hi I am Alyssa!”
“Alyssa” Lauren said.
“Yes, oh right. Morning report!”She took a very loud deep breath, “All the stalls are cleaned nicely, saddles are almost all out being used,” She tapped on her chin, “All the horses have been ridden but, you know who, Sandy used a whip wrong on Blossom today, she thought nobody saw but I did and wanted to let you know.” She nodded, “Thats, it.”
“Good” Lauren said, “I will talk to Sandy now, and you two can get to know each other better while getting Elsie a horse. Let her get who she wants out of the 6.”
“Ok." Alyssa nodded as Lauren walked off. “So” she said, turning to me, “Shall we?” She raised her eyebrows as a cute brown haired boy walked by and glanced at me.