Support for Indie Authors discussion

I thought I'd start up a fun topic -- non writing related. Just for kicks.

What's your most embarrassing moment??

And since I would never ask a question that I wouldn't answer myself, here is mine:

While I was pregnant, my husband and I were out Christmas shopping. When we left the store, we started looking for our car and couldn't find it, no matter how many rows we went up and down. I tried the alarm button, but no alarm sounded. So I rushed back into the store, convinced that our car had been stolen and proceeded to ask them to call security. . . . . .and then my husband called me and told me that he'd found it a section over from where we were looking. Apologizing to those bewildered women in the store without bursting into tears was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Your turn!

Haha yeah I always have problems remembering where the car was parked myself so I could relate to that.

My worst moment? I was riding the bus on my way home after work. It was full, so I was standing. Suddenly an urge to sneeze that I can't stop. I turned away from the person sitting in front of me. After all, I don't want to sneeze on her. When it finally came out, air rushed out of me from both ends. Instead of sneezing on her, I farted on her. I wanted to disappear. I muttered an apology. She just laughed and said (and I quote) "Shit happens..."

Oh I have another one I had forgotten about, maybe because I was about 15 when it happened. Such a long time ago. :/

I was having dinner at my boyfriend's house and his mother offered me licorice chewing gum. I hate that flavor with a passion. I refused politely, saying that I didn't like the flavor of 'clitoris'... His mom frowned. She looked a me then at her son and back at me again before she said, "Do you know what a clitoris is?"

I said, "Yeah, it's what they use to make that awful chewing gum."

Her eyes opened wide before she replied, "LICORICE, not CLITORIS. You may not know what the other is yet, but believe me, it'd be better if you don't say that in front of anybody."

The boyfriend who became my husband and then my ex-husband still teases me about it 40 years later.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with embarrassing stories!

It was my 15th B-day at Lake Mohave with my family. I'd gone off by myself to talk to a cute blonde California girl, doing my best to convince her I was 16. We were getting along great, went into the cafe together. I sat down to eat with my family and they surprised by singing Happy Birthday and bringing out a cake with 15 on it! Caught in a lie in front of the CA girl, OUCH! Ah the angst of teenage years. :-)

Sounds like something my husband would do! :)

Victoria wrote: "Also a pregnancy story. I was in my ninth month of pregnancy with my first baby. My husband was in a bowling league, and I kindly offered to accompany him, even though it killed me to have to watch..."

I would give anything to erase a few of my teenage years! They were so awkward!

Michael wrote: "It was my 15th B-day at Lake Mohave with my family. I'd gone off by myself to talk to a cute blonde California girl, doing my best to convince her I was 16. We were getting along great, went into t..."

It would be difficult for me to choose one incident as my most embarrassing moment.(please excuse any typos... I am on my phone) However, sometimes embarrassing equals a funny story... After the fact. I was on vacation with my family and like all women, my wife has a thing about riding horses. I don't particularly care for it but what makes momma happy sometimes makes me happy. It is important to understand that it isn't that i dislike horses. I just happen to have one artificial leg and it is very uncomfortable for me to ride. I agreed to go riding with her anyway. You know how this goes. You go to a place to rent horses and they take you on a few trails for a couple of hours. We were in the corral with a group of maybe 20 or so other people waiting for our guide to help us mount. It is finally my turn to mount my horse while the others watch. When i go to through my leg over the rump of the horse i accidently brushed the horses rump with my leg. You must keep in mind the release button for my artificial leg is located on the inside of my lower leg. Yes, you guessed it. When i bumped that horse it released my leg. My leg prceeded to slide out of my pants leg like a projectile. It hit the fence of the corral and fell into a pile of dung. I hqd to ask the guide to wipe it off and slip it back up my pants leg so i could refasten it. My wife still gives me crap over it. I love horses.

G.G. wrote: "Haha yeah I always have problems remembering where the car was parked myself so I could relate to that.

My worst moment? I was riding the bus on my way home after work. It was full, so I was stand..."

STILL LAUGHING! Haha, sorry.

Oh dear, I'm not sure I could pick a single moment. I'm gradually exorcising some of my most embarrassing times through my short stories. I've probably got at least a million words' worth still to go...

The newer designs are better but i probably have a dozen stories where my leg fell off at the right moments to cause memorable laughter.

This one is a bit more awkward than embarrassing, but I thought I'd include it.

I worked for a strange company who mostly sold hydraulic jacks, but for some reason they decided to buy a shipment of folding bikes. When we couldn't sell them, I got sent to a couple of trade shows to try to get them out of our warehouse.

It had been a year since my horrendous break up and I had just "gotten back out there" by joining eHarmony.

At the first trade show, another booth owner gave me his number and told me to call him if I ever wanted to hang out. Seemed nice enough, but eHarmony was going well so I dismissed him. At the second show, my coworker had a family emergency and left me stranded with no car at the show.

Then a guy that I had only begun talking to on eHarmony showed up (somehow figuring out that I was working this particular trade show) And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the guy to leave, nor could the woman in the booth next to me. So who did I call? The guy I met at the previous trade show. . .I promised to explain everything if he would just come to my booth and pretend to be my coworker. Which he did. Immediately.

And after about an hour of awkward conversations from the eHarmony guy including "I've looked at bikes before. At Wal-mart. I like Wal-mart. I go there a lot. But not too much. That would be weird." he finally left and my trade show friend stayed with me the rest of the night and then drove me back to my car. . . . . . . .we've now been married for 2 1/2 years and have an adorable son.

But having to explain why a creepy online dater was looking for me at a trade show and just the whole situation itself was quite embarrassing!

Ann, that is a very cute story! What a sweet guy your future-husband was. :)

I write apocalyptic and fantasy. I do plan to write this story someday. :)

Victoria wrote: "Cute story, Ann. Sounds like the makings of a cute romance novel, with a few complicated twist thrown in of course. What genre do you write?"

Thanks! He is still a sweetie -- even after 2 1/2 years of marriage.

Callista wrote: "Ann, that is a very cute story! What a sweet guy your future-husband was. :)"

I agree, that is a great story Ann.

My first conversation with my wife was about shoes. Sure, it lacked any "game", but it proved my theory true. If a girl likes you it doesn't matter what you talk about - or maybe I just got lucky. Either way it worked out for me.

That's funny you say that. The first thing my husband ever said to me was " I like your purple shoes." You guys were obviously on to something!

Ann wrote: "This one is a bit more awkward than embarrassing, but I thought I'd include it.

I worked for a strange company who mostly sold hydraulic jacks, but for some reason they decided to buy a shipment ..."


Ahh so sweet! clicked 'like' ... Oh how I wished that button existed! :P

Most embarrassing story....where to begin. There are just so many throughout my whole life, a lot of them before I was even 10.
Like the time I was in my catholic church for school in kindergarten, before I convinced my mother of the EVILS of private schooling, and I sang Scooby Doo songs instead of choir songs. The pastor didn't care, he was just happy I was singing for God.
Or the time I ate Nightshade berries, had to be rushed to the emergency room, and puked on the receptionist behind the desk before they would see me.
But my personal favorite will always be the Burger King story. This is the one my Mother to this day uses to embarrass me back.
I was five years old and we had just been stationed in Germany. My Dad was a Sargent on the base sent to teach the Germans how to work on our tanks. We went to visit him one day, stopping to order lunch on the way in.
My mom was having a bad day, she was late and had been pulled over on the way. As we're standing there my father's Captain walks in and takes a seat. He looked nice and clean cut, I remember. Another man joined us in line, he was dressed immaculately.
I'm five, as intellegent as I was, I didn't know any better. I struck up a conversation with the man, impressed by his shiny uniform. In his dress uniform he looked nothing like my Dad when he left for work. "Excuse me, sir, are you a Captain?" I asked him innocently enough.
He smiled, pointed to the shiny new medal on his chest and said, "No, son, I'm a Sargent, I was just getting an award and had to dress up."
I boldy looked up at him, a twinkle in my eye and replied, "Oh, so you work for a living." The Captain happened to hear this from across the room, and started to bust up laughing. After, he came over and said hello to her before heading on his way. My mother was mortified.

Riley wrote: "I boldy looked up at him, a twinkle in my eye and replied, "Oh, so you work for a living." The Captain happened to hear this from across the room, and started to bust up laughing. After, he came over and said hello to her before heading on his way. My mother was mortified,..."

ROFL!!!!!! that made my day, thank you!

Ann wrote: "Then a guy that I had only begun talking to on eHarmony showed up (somehow figuring out that I was working this particular trade show) And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the guy to leave, nor could the woman in the booth next to me. So who did I call? The guy I met at the previous trade show. . .I promised to explain everything if he would just come to my booth and pretend to be my coworker. Which he did. Immediately.

And after about an hour of awkward conversations from the eHarmony guy including "I've looked at bikes before. At Wal-mart. I like Wal-mart. I go there a lot. But not too much. That would be weird." he finally left and my trade show friend stayed with me the rest of the night and then drove me back to my car. . . . . . . .we've now been married for 2 1/2 years and have an adorable son. "

Awesomeness.

This one time...at band camp...

I was on a Boy Scout tour of the U.S. Razorback, a mothballed submarine open for tours in the Arkansas River near Little Rock. At the end of the tour, all of us had to climb a ladder to the top to exit. I got half-way to the top, and the release latch of my prosthesis pressed against the metal ladder, and my leg came off. Right--half-way up the ladder, with the Scoutmaster and about 10 boys below. My leg fell about 15 feet and missed the Scoutmaster's head by about a foot. It was only funny because I didn't put him in the hospital, or worse, kill hm.

Morris

G.G. wrote: "Haha yeah I always have problems remembering where the car was parked myself so I could relate to that.

My worst moment? I was riding the bus on my way home after work. It was full, so I was stand..."

OK. I'm not gonna be able to top that

Ann wrote: "I write apocalyptic and fantasy. I do plan to write this story someday. :)

Victoria wrote: "Cute story, Ann. Sounds like the makings of a cute romance novel, with a few complicated twist thrown i..."

Your tradeshow story would be such a great beginning to an apocalyptic book.

Charles wrote: "This one time...at band camp..."

.......yeah?

So of course mine has to be "off color."
When I was about 14, I went through a phase where I thought the "pull my finger" joke was funny. Yeah so you can see where this is going.
After my buddy pulled my finger, my expression went slowly from one of amusement to one of horror. Meanwhile, his face had changed from an expression of boredom to hysterical laughter. While I went to get cleaned up, he, between fits, told my mother, my father, my sister, I'm pretty sure he called his mom and told her too.
I no longer do that joke.

I once told a client "I love you" when ending the phone call. I was quite tired and had juat read a text from my husband.

And by once, I mean all the time. I've even told drive through workers "Okay, bye, love you!" On more than one occasion.

Then there was the time I called my boss mom...

Christina wrote: "I once told a client "I love you" when ending the phone call. I was quite tired and had juat read a text from my husband.

And by once, I mean all the time. I've even told drive through workers "O..."

.....how did he feel about that?

Who? My husband? He laughed at me, of course!

When I was in high school, I took a creative writing class. I turned a short story for an assignment. A week or so later, another English teacher comes up to me, tells me she thought my story was well written, showed a lot of talent, and then: "I didn't think it was pornographic at all.”

I almost fainted. (I was no kind of rebel -- I was the quiet, meek, socially awkward kid.)

Turns out that my creative writing teacher had convened a department meeting, handed out my story, and demanded a "ruling" on whether it was "pornographic" or not.

Another teacher also came up to me and expressed support for my work, and I was giving to understand the "ruling" was in my favor. Nonetheless, I was mortified for weeks.

I do think it did spur my writing though. Since that incident, I haven't been much fazed when someone pitches a fit about my work.

Owen wrote: "When I was in high school, I took a creative writing class. I turned a short story for an assignment. A week or so later, another English teacher comes up to me, tells me she thought my story was w..."

Much better response than I would have given in highschool. I'd have probably written a porno, just to show them the difference. That's probably why I was suspended from school more than once, authority and I tend to clash!

Riley wrote: "Much better response than I would have given in highschool. I'd have probably written a porno, just to show them the difference. That's probably why I was suspended from school more than once, authority and I tend to clash!"

I seem to have this odd propensity for people (of a certain kind?) seeing "porn" in stories I write that contain no overt sex, or no sex at all. I guess some people are just suggestible that way.

And yes, these days my temptation is to give them something to talk about.

I'm not sure if this is my most embarrassing moment, but it would be way up there.

When I was quite young, too young to remember this, my dad would ask me, "who plays first base for the Chicago Cubs?"

He'd trained me, like a parrot, to say, "Ernie Banks!"

Somewhere in the late eighties, I had a chance to go with my dad, my cousin and my brother to a baseball card show where Ernie Banks and Billy Williams would be signing autographs. We got there before the ball players and I was busy milling around, looking at cards. I was a collector at the time.

Whispers began to pass through the building that Ernie and Billy had arrived and my brother, cousin and I thought we'd start making our way to where they would be so we could get in line. I was looking forward to talking with them for a short while. But, as soon as we started to go to the front, I could hear a familiar voice over the loudspeaker. It was my dad. He was telling everyone how I used to get excited and hop around when he asked me who the first baseman for the Chicago Cubs was and I would gleefully yell out, "Ernie Banks!"

To make things worse, when I could finally see my dad, he was standing with his arm around Ernie and Ernie, quite frankly, looked really uncomfortable and confused. My dad introduced us and I said something profound that I am not sure the spelling of, but it was kind of like this, "uhyoommmuhh..." Since I couldn't seem to bring myself to say anything more intelligent than that, I shook Ernie's hand and walked away.

I did get Billy Williams autograph, but I could not look Ernie in the eye again.

So Owen, you realize we all need to see that story, now. Right? Or just send it to me, if you want. [email protected]

Owen wrote: "Riley wrote: "Much better response than I would have given in highschool. I'd have probably written a porno, just to show them the difference. That's probably why I was suspended from school more t..."


Owen wrote: "Riley wrote: "Much better response than I would have given in highschool. I'd have probably written a porno, just to show them the difference. That's probably why I was suspended from school more t..."

I'm chickening out and telling about when my daughter embarrassed me. She was about 18 months old we were standing in line in the grocery store with our full cart of food. She was standing next to me and this little old lady with a very wrinkled face leaned down to say hello to her and my baby totally freaked out in fear, laying on the floor and screaming.
The poor lady was so hurt, and I couldn't hush her, so I ended up taking her and leaving the cart with someone to put away.

Likely not the most embarrassing, but I was about ten years old when Like a Virgin came out. My mother heard me singing and wanted to know if I knew what a virgin was. Obviously, I was a good little Catholic who knew that Mary was "The virgin's mother" so baby Jesus was a virgin. Also, I was rather clever and inferred from Madonna's lyrics that a virgin had never been touched, so I told my mom a virgin was a baby who was just born and no one had touched it yet. Yep, didn't live that one down for some time.

(And for those who saw my post in a different group about "Howard be thy name," yes, church was rather confusing at a young age)

Jim wrote: "So Owen, you realize we all need to see that story, now. Right? ..."

Alas, it was lost long ago ion the mists of time with my other adolescent hand-scribbles. I don't even recall the plot, except that the protagonists were a husband-&-wife spy team ... and it was fantasy? Not sure anymore how that worked.

Christina wrote: "Likely not the most embarrassing, but I was about ten years old when Like a Virgin came out. My mother heard me singing and wanted to know if I knew what a virgin was. Obviously, I was a good littl..."

Taking this all together, it sounds like the beginning of movie called "The Untouchable Howard" or "Howard the Eternal Virgin" or something... ; )

This summer, leading us into Penn Station...
"Howard the Untouchable Virgin"
An action packed misadventure about one deity's quest for love these crazy times.

Christina wrote: "This summer, leading us into Penn Station...
"Howard the Untouchable Virgin"
An action packed misadventure about one deity's quest for love these crazy times."

Are you making that up? If so, I expect to see you atop the NYT bestseller lists in no time.

Christina wrote: "(And for those who saw my post in a different group about "Howard be thy name," yes, church was rather confusing at a young age) "

I thought that "old rugged cross" meant someone was putting rugs on the cross.