Goodreads Authors/Readers discussion

Sorry, that is basically unreadable. You're trying too hard. Get rid of the first line, unless someone says it. Try writing it in first person.

Thanks for your brusque critique of this work, Monette. I'll chalk it up to cultural differences.

By the way, the first line is the title of the chapter.

Chalk it up to anything you want. You don't want to listen to comments, you won't go far in this business.