Go Fug Yourself Book Club discussion

I am so sorry! I have no excuse except that I absolutely forgot to start the discussion. Thank you Alicia for (metaphorically) kicking me in the head.

This is one of those months where my thoughts on the chosen book seem to veer off the standard path. In fact. I have seen this book show up on several best of 2020 lists, but for the most part it did not work for me. It was a super fast and partially entertaining read that was full of convenient coincidences and reactions and conversations no actual person would ever have and characters that were like no one you have ever known (except that they are characters everyone knows from sitcoms or movies. Think Girlfriends and Bad Moms.) So there was the 25 year old having trouble getting on the adulting train, and the mid-30's educated white professional who writes on issues with relevance only to educated affluent white ladies. White lady gives herself kudos for being evolved but hides anything that does not fit the picture of herself she wants to project. We also have girl posses who do the age and race appropriate "you go girl" thing that supposedly girl posses do.

In this book there is no interior life for anyone. There are also no exterior lives because the dialogue is terrible. I don't know anyone here any better than I do the people who I see (in non-Corona times) waiting each morning for the F train at the same time as me. We are vaguely familiar to one another and we might notice if the other disappeared, but we might not.

Everyone in this book does what they need to do and makes decisions they need to make to get us where Reid wants us. I appreciated the display of white savior complex, I appreciated the look at people who seem to have a need to be friends with the help (that is a real thing that I see all the time) but I don't feel like Reid ever did more than introduce the phenomenon. We don't know why Alix became so obsessed with Emira's approval. This is the second book I have read recently about people becoming obsessed with their babysitters after leaving New York. Unlike in this book, in the last, "Friends and Strangers", I could see what was missing in the main character's life and what hole she was trying to fill. I could see how she longed for an opportunity to make different decisions that she had made when she was younger by engaging with young people who were still making those decisions -- a vicarious do-over. In this book that was not made clear at all why Alix was obsessed with Emira. Was it just the burning need to be the white savior? If so the writer might have wanted to try harder to make Emira someone who seemed like they needed saving. A good story that IMO needed a much better writer.

I thought it was an entertaining read but ultimately just so-so as far as quality, especially with several months passed since reading it. It feels surprising to see it on best-of lists to me too!

My level of hatred for the boyfriend (whose name I already forgot) knew no bounds. I mainly felt bad for the kid - she’s definitely who I cared most about by the end.

I had a similar reaction to CDBS, it was an entertaining read, but not the best thing I've read all year. Definitely some cliches, but overall it was fine.

I also hated the boyfriend. I was so pleased she didn't end up with him. I did appreciate that she didn't have some epiphany where she figured out her life's calling. She found a job she was good at it but it didn't define her.

Agreed with everyone about the boyfriend! Brook, I also agreed with you about the end and liking that it didn't end with her finding the perfect job.

I looked back and I apparently gave it 4 stars but only because we can't do half stars. I think it was an entertaining read but I had a hard time with the way Alix was written. Bonnie, I think you're right about the motivation piece or why she was obsessed. I felt like the author was trying to force her being a "complex" character but not totally hitting the mark.

Agreed, I'm not sure how it ended up on so many Best Of lists! I thought it had a lot of holes - and for someone who was so obsessed with Emira, Alix barely made any effort to *actually* get to know her. Creeping on what's happening on someone else's phone isn't the same as building a relationship, which Alix never seemed to realize. And to be surprised at the end that Emira was working for a rival political campaign, when Alix never even asked Emira what she did when she wasn't at Alix's house! I agree with Bonnie it's interesting to see people who want to be friends with their employees, but I'm not sure how Alix could be so blind as to think they were friends when they had like, one real conversation ever. These characters infuriated me. I didn't even hate the boyfriend! He was just kind of a non-entity for me, serving only to pit the two women against each other (totally unnecessarily!).

I liked it because it read fast and was entertaining but I agree with what has been said. I wish the author had given us more as to why Alix was obsessed with Emira. At points I thought maybe she was in love with her. I, too, hated Kelley the boyfriend. I kind of felt like the reader was supposed to think Alix was the worst when he was terrible as well?

Alicia wrote: "I liked it because it read fast and was entertaining but I agree with what has been said. I wish the author had given us more as to why Alix was obsessed with Emira. At points I thought maybe she w..."

What an interesting thought, about being in love with her. I don't think it was sexual, but in many ways it was a romantic obsession of the Heathcliff and Cathy variety.

I liked the book, but it failed to develop many of the characters.

In the best of novels, you're able to develop some compassion for the villain, and that's what's missing from this. Alix was straight up a manipulator and liar. I thought the topic/discussion of White Savior Complex was interesting/important, but at the same time, as Bonnie said, these ended up being archetypes/tropes and not developed characters. I gave it 4 stars, but as Gaby said, I clearly rounded up. It was certainly diverting and a fast read. This comment brought to you by "/" apparently.

Kris wrote: "In the best of novels, you're able to develop some compassion for the villain, and that's what's missing from this. Alix was straight up a manipulator and liar. I thought the topic/discussion of Wh..."

This is a great point, I also had no compassion for Alix. She was awful. She did not have a single redeeming characteristic. I had not thought of it before you mentioned it Kris, but I think it was her irredeemability that was a primary reason I disliked the book. I like plenty of books with unlikeable characters, but I at least understand something about their lives, and something about them makes me want to read more. Often it is a sense of humor that balances out the evil, but no one in this book has a sense of humor, including the author.

In the best of novels, you're able to develop some compassion for the villain, and that's what's missing from this.

Ooh - this is also helpful for me to think about. I tend to struggle with books where there isn't at least one character I find compelling in some kind of positive way (even if they are a "villain"), and now that I think about it there really wasn't a single character in this book - except for the kid - who I really had positive feelings about.

I am a misanthrope. I didn't even really like the kid.

Bonnie G. wrote: "I am a misanthrope. I didn't even really like the kid."

Lol. Truthfully she was annoying.

I just finished and 100% agree that Kelley was the worst. At least Alix and Emira were aware that they were not handling things well.

I felt like I got Alix's motivation a little bit. She was really struggling with being displaced, with her work slowing down, and with the separation from her support structures (friends and employees). She was trying to glom onto Emira to fill the friend-hole in her life with the pre-kid vibes she missed. This was a terrible idea because she knew little about her, she was her boss, and they were in very different places in life. She was sort of aware of that, but also a person who fixates on things, and so she desperately tried to make it happen, the way she willed her career into existence.

She was unlikable and her actions crossed the line, of course, but I could see where she was starting.

I appreciated Briar for being a little weirdo. My favorite thing about the book was how the kids' actions and dialogue were sprinkled in throughout, and people would just respond or take care of their needs and then continue in their conversation or train of thought. It felt realistic.

Tricia wrote: "Bonnie G. wrote: "I am a misanthrope. I didn't even really like the kid."

Lol. Truthfully she was annoying."

So glad I am not alone!

Tricia wrote: "I liked the book, but it failed to develop many of the characters."

That was my feeling. They're all just a few notches past stock characters.

I think I understood Alix and I think she was the point of the book. The white people who feel that they are bad liberals because they don't have any non-white friends so are put in a situation with a BIPOC and rather than thinking do we have anything in common, forces a relationship just so they can say they are friends when are they really? I found that an interesting part of the book- who are we friends with and why?
Although not interesting enough to recommend it

I loved this book and it was my favorite of the year. I am biracial and was a nanny in Iceland for a woman who was just like Alix. She was fake and obsessed with my blackness. I’ve had so many white women over the years who behave like this. People who basically think that you’re going to give them some kind of street cred bc you look black but you sound just like them. I’d rather have people call me the n-word then have to deal with another fake “woke” woman. It’s far a more damaging racism than all the Richard Spencer wannabes.
I’ve also found it interesting that ever single black woman I know who has read this loves it, but white women keep criticizing it for being too basic. I find this incredibly ironic.

Devi wrote: "I loved this book and it was my favorite of the year. I am biracial and was a nanny in Iceland for a woman who was just like Alix. She was fake and obsessed with my blackness. I’ve had so many whit..."

Funny that you say this, last month I talked about this book with two friends of color, one black, one Puerto Rican/Chinese) and both Columbia MFAs, one working at the UN and one now teaching at the University I work for, and both disliked it more than I did. It was the writing quality that got them, and also was my issue. (We also all disliked Days of Distraction, but the friend who works at the UN liked it more than me, and the Ithaca based friend despised it far more than me,) D0ifferent samples. We all live in New York state, maybe geography makes a difference?

As a white lady who lives in a liberal bubble, I could not agree with you more - the toxicity of white feminism in particular is no joke, and I thought the author did a great job of capturing it. Same with the asshole boyfriend who seemed more interested in tokenizing than listening to Emira.

Agree with the above. Really enjoyed it and gave it 3.5*, rounded up to 4. It made me think a lot about white privilege. But lots of flaws.