Goodreads Authors/Readers discussion

How does this sound?
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Based upon a diary transcript and known facts, The Mathews Family Saga continues with the sequel, Dr. Increase.

When he finished his medical apprenticeship, two physicians had already established practices in New Braintree, Massachusetts. Increase has always dreamt of owning land but now can’t save money for a future purchase. He wants to marry but doesn’t have the means to support a family. His oldest sister, older brother, and an uncle have settled in the Ohio frontier, so he decides to travel to the Northwest Territory in 1798 to view its opportunities.

These relatives were among the first 48 settlers to arrive there in 1788. His uncle, Brigadier-General Rufus Putnam, has been called “The Father of Ohio” and was appointed the first Surveyor General by President Washington.

Increase recorded his thoughts in a journal, noting mileage and expenses along with people, places, and complications encountered. This was not an easy trip. Traveling hundreds of miles by horseback took weeks to accomplish, and a companion’s mare is injured traversing a difficult mountain trail. This 18th century man’s actual words provide a remarkable insight on this period of history.

The worthwhile endeavors of Increase and his relatives have been noted in the early Ohio histories. The papers of his brother, John Mathews, and uncle, Rufus Putnam, are contained within the Special Collections Library of Marietta College.

I am a newbie, but the first two paragraphs seem to be part of the story and the second two appear to be what might be contained in the book. Not sure if that makes sense.

Personally, I would do one or the other.

Think of the blurb as giving just enough information to get the reader interested.
Avoid details that aren't necessary, like the 2nd paragraph, or condense the historical info into very brief summary.
Tell what the story is enough so that the reader can decide whether it's one they want to read but not so much as to bring up concepts that, while possibly being important, aren't necessary to give the reader at this time.

Here's the blurb I wrote for my first novel:

When Abbie Price finds herself suddenly out of a job, she moves back to her home town of Juniper, Ohio, surrounded and supported by her friends and family.A series of unexplained packages pulls Abbie into a mystery that intimately touches the lives of everyone around her. With the New Year’s Nosh less than a week away, Abbie is determined to unravel the truth behind the mysterious packages and discovers herself on a journey toward acceptance, healing, and hope.

The gist of the story is there, but there aren't unnecessary details which interfere with conveying the story's hook for the readers.

Does this make sense?

Very helpful.
My blurb:
Will secrets destroy this family? Can the truth set them free?
A family saga where everyone has a secret. What will happen when their secrets and lies have to be faced? Tory is going to live iwth her birth mother but only until she is sixteen.
Erica's husband hand delivers a letter that shatters her world.
Victoria loses her husband but gains a stranger.
Can this family survive the secrets and lies they've been keeping.

Secrets and Silence
What if your biggest secret became public?

Too much, too little? What do you think?

MK wrote: "Personally, I would do one or the other. "
Thanks MK!

Mark wrote: "Think of the blurb as giving just enough information to get the reader interested.
Avoid details that aren't necessary, like the 2nd paragraph, or condense the historical info into very brief summary..."

Thanks, Mark. Because it's about my ancestors, I'm struggling a bit. I want to show why these people were important to the history of the US. I'll try reworking it based on your suggestion. Thanks again!

So I have heard from many that shorter is better. I think we all have heard that.
My question is why? Is it just attention span? When I look for a book I read what I can to see if I might be interested. A long description might help decide if I want to read it.

For me the cover, title, description are what hook me. Not the reviews

If the description is long and boring I might stop reading. But if it grabs me from the beginning and holds me there then why not longer?

Trana wrote: "Mark wrote: "Think of the blurb as giving just enough information to get the reader interested.
Avoid details that aren't necessary, like the 2nd paragraph, or condense the historical info into ve..."

You're very welcome. Perhaps you could simply add a line about the novel being based on the true story of one family's place in history or something similar, enough to let the reader know that the story is based on your roots.

What do you think of my updated version?

****
These early Americans were fundamental to the expansion of the United States after the Revolutionary War. Based upon a diary transcript and known facts, Dr. Increase is the sequel to The Mathews Family and the second novel in The Mathews Family Saga.

When Increase finished his medical apprenticeship, two physicians had already established practices in New Braintree, Massachusetts. Increase has always dreamt of owning land but now can’t save money for a future purchase. He wants to marry but doesn’t have the means to support a family. Some of his relatives have settled in the Ohio frontier, so he decides to travel to the Northwest Territory in 1798 to visit them and to view its opportunities.

Dr. Increase Mathews recorded his thoughts in a journal, noting mileage and expenses along with people, places, and complications encountered. It was not an easy trip. Traveling hundreds of miles by horseback took weeks to accomplish, and a companion’s mare is injured traversing a difficult mountain trail. This 18th century man’s actual words provide a remarkable insight on this period of history.

MK wrote: "So I have heard from many that shorter is better.
My question is why?"

Great question! Personally, I dislike very short blurbs. Most times, I won't even open the book -- But, if the blurb draws me, I will read the first chapter to check if I like it. Even with ebooks, some blurbs are lengthy. I think it's a matter of the author's preference.

How important were your ancestors to the US? What would happen if they were never here? What would not occur if they did not play a part in history.
Sort of like if Lincoln was never born or if FDR never became president or if Salk never came up with the polio vaccine.
Hopefully this helps.

Randall wrote: "How important were your ancestors to the US? What would happen if they were never here? What would not occur if they did not play a part in history."
Hmm, interesting question. While I can't say the Americans would have lost the Revolutionary War, I can say that General Rufus Putnam played a key role by building fortifications. For confirmation, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rufus_P...

I can't imagine what the US would be like if Rufus hadn't formed the Ohio Company of Associates to settle the Northwest Territory and persuaded many war veterans into participating by buying shares of his company and settling near Marietta, Ohio. These surveying teams risked their lives - John Mathews barely escaped an Indian massacre! Increase was a founding father of a town, his brother John was later a state senator and representative.

And with that 8 line paragraph you have the makings of a blurb. Now I am interested in the story. You have settling the Northwest territory ( people must have endured great hardship ) and how hard it must have been to convince those veterans.(what extraordinary lengths must he have gone to to convince war weary veterans to take a chance on him.) You have an Indian massacre where John barely escaped with his life - you could write whole chapters on this and make it exciting. If you craft it right I see the makings of a great saga here. Good luck with it!!!

Randall wrote: "And with that 8 line paragraph you have the makings of a blurb. Now I am interested in the story. You have settling the Northwest territory ( people must have endured great hardship ) and how hard ..."

Sounds like I should rewrite Book 1's blurb! LOL But it referenced much more than just this.