Mostly Bookish Stuff discussion

Feel free to ask if you need assistance with anything, no matter how trivial it may seem.
We're always here :-)

I don't know how to feel.
Like I know this is dumb but I've been feeling so down and so bad these months.
I try to say 2020 was a bad year and next year will be worse but I'm scared I'm the problem and I won't be happy.
Suicide is never an option but sometimes I feel so bad.
I failed all my exams and my parents are disappointed in me.

Lois wrote: "I don't know how to feel.
Like I know this is dumb but I've been feeling so down and so bad these months.
I try to say 2020 was a bad year and next year will be worse but I'm scared I'm the problem..."

No Lois, don't think like that😨. I may not know you personally but I can definitely tell you that YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
And you most definitely are NOT alone!

Your parents may be disappointed in you at the moment, heck I know mine would.
They actually were, I wasn't doing too well in Math myself. And I managed to pull up my grades in high school. If I can do it so can you, Lois💕 I believe in you🙂
I also know they wouldn't want you to be feeling this way.
Bad things happen sometimes, it may be difficult but all we can do is push through. This will pass.

We are here for you if you ever need to talk, Lois. 🤗 Think about all the happy moments in your life, the things you've accomplished. It'll lift your spirits. Remember, the good days will come✨

Would you like your own nook, you're welcome to create it yourself or I could do it for you?

I agree with Lia.
Don't think that getting bad grades is the end of the world. You can always try to do better next time.

And also know that anyone is free to create book nooks.

It's okay Lois, we've all been through this stuff. My mental health this quarantine was honestly bad. But i got some ways to calm myself down.
I started meditating once a day and remind myself beautiful things. I also listen to music to relax myself. I do things that i love, like reading, watching netflix and sometimes cleaning to clear my mind and avoid negative thoughts. I pray to God whenever i feel down (i am Catholic :)) & Sometimes, i open up to some of my friends and it actually eases the pain.
Right now, im having sleeping problems but i believe that i will overcome it, especially it's the holidays:>
It doesn't go away quickly tho, but always trust the process. This is effective to me so, hope this helps!

I'm loving this Folder. Your words are powerful and also calms me.❣️

Charmel wrote: "It's okay Lois, we've all been through this stuff. My mental health this quarantine was honestly bad. But i got some ways to calm myself down.
I started meditating once a day and remind myself beau..."

Yes, those are some excellent things to try :-)

Nimrat wrote: "I agree with Lia.
Don't think that getting bad grades is the end of the world. You can always try to do better next time.

And also know that anyone is free to create book nooks."

Thank You for being so understanding everyone.
This Year has been terrible for everyone and I know it's not just me.
I feel sometimes that this community is one of the best.
I've been seeing a therapist but talking here also really helped.

We're happy to help in any way we can, Lois🤗
I hope your spirits will remain high and that you never have bad days again. We're always here for you❤️

Hi Lois,

As the dinosaur of the group, if you can let me weigh in. :) Thank you for being so honest with the group.

When I was 19, I tried to take my own life. There was a sadness that lived inside of me that I couldn't get rid of. I really thought that out of all of the voices crying out to God that there was really no one more sad than I was. I justified that God will understand when I stand face to face to him.

Growing up, I was never allowed to have "negative" emotions: loneliness, sadness, disappointment. When I was depressed, I felt like there was something wrong with me. First thing I learned through years of counseling, negative emotions are 100% normal. No one ever feels happy all the time. Everyone feels lonely at times. There is nothing wrong with feeling those emotions. Once I felt free to feel those emotions, they passed so quickly because I didn't have to push them down anymore.

Second thing I learned: Correct feeling, wrong conclusion. For a year, I went to a support group called "Coping with Depression." I met a lot of people who told stories that were crazy. They would go something like this: "Jane and Jack don't want to be my friends. I am lonely therefore no one cares about me therefore no one cares if I live or die." The first two parts might be true. Jane and Jack might not want to be their friends and the person might be lonely. However, I cared about this person and I certainly cared if they lived or died so I knew that the conclusion was false. The people telling these stories seemed crazy but when I looked at the stories I was telling myself I did the same thing! Now, when I am processing my emotions I try to trace it back. OK, why do I feel that no one cares about me? Because I am lonely. Ok and is lonely a healthy emotion? Yes. Every human is lonely at times. Ok so people care about you then? Yes. If you have these strong feelings, I encourage you to ask yourself where this feeling is coming from.

Third and most difficult in my opinion: My parents' opinion of me is not my problem. My parents don't agree with how my choices and how I live my life. I have not spoken to my mother in almost 10 years. She is extremely toxic and unhealthy. She never has a positive word to say about me. If she gives me a "gift", it is because she wants to cash it in as a favor later. She doesn't respect my boundaries. She left me when I was a child and has shown up throughout the years to say negative things. She has put me and my family in danger. For years, I wanted to make her proud. The truth is I don't want to be what would make her proud. My mother doesn't care about being smart. She doesn't care if you are a liar. She only cares if you look good and are popular. And she doesn't want to change. I'm not saying that your parents are anything like my mom, but I did have to learn that my parents are going to be disappointed in me and I am completely fine with that. The only person that you have to answer to is staring you in the mirror each day.

Thankfully, I didn't die that day. I started on medication therapy, individual counseling as well as Coping With Depression support group. I would like to say that life was smooth sailing from that point on, but life is never that easy. Despite it all, I eventually became a licensed attorney and CPA (certified public accountant), own my own home, have a long-term marriage, and peace with myself. You don't have to have all of the answers today. Keep talking to us and don't give up hope. In the beginning, I started with small goals for myself. Seriously, it was "Breathe in. Breathe out." That is all you have to do right now despite what anyone else tells you. Hang in there. As someone who has been there, I promise you it will get better.

Very well written Lisa.

To lois: I, myself, had to go through years of torture. I won't bother describing it as I do not want to revive those memories but know I tried to kill myself a couple of times. I don't really talk much about it to anyone. Of course I am much better now. Better than I ever was. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and since then I am hooked up on some medicines. They have side effects but they keep me sane. It is a fair trade. You need to accept that problems happen and that you need to learn how to tackle or accept them. Easier said than done - take help if you feel its need. There is no weakness in that. I feel CBT (a therapy) will be extremely useful to you. Life is tough but as you get better, life will get easier and more fun. If you need, you can talk to me anytime. :)

I agree with everyone here.
Lois, you CAN DO IT! My words won't be enough to console you as you are going through a tough time, but trust me, it'll get better. Everything does. You are feeling depressed, and that's totally fine, it's normal. At some point, we all go through such phases. But, hope and belief in ourselves is what will get us through these phases faster. After going through all this, we come out stronger than we were before. Also, it's really important to ask for help in such times. After all, our family and friends are there for us always. It is tough to talk to others about our problems, trust me, I know. I am never able to confide in people. But you have, you have confided in us. And that's a step towards successfully overcoming what you're going through. Your parents are disappointed in you, but they are still there to listen to you. Go talk to them. It'll surely help. A therapist ifs fine too, but people who are close to us understand us better.

People will give you lots of advice right now. Do this, do that. But actually, all you need to do is breathe it all out. Let it go. Take a deep breath and let it go. Perhaps music would help too. It helps me always. Just know that it'll pass. It'll get better!
Feel free to talk anytime, I'm there, and so is everyone else :D