SciFi and Fantasy Book Club discussion

Hi everyone :) I've been working on rewriting the blurb for my dystopian sci-fi thriller, and I would really appreciate if you could take a look at it and share your feedback.

First, I'm not sure about the hook. I've got 2 versions:

1) No implant, no life. Cutting it out was probably a mistake, and the hunt for the truth can get them killed.

2) Abandoning their lives and identities, they confront the rules of the unforgiving world, but this treacherous and twisted path can get them killed.

Which one do you think is stronger? Or should I keep working on something better?

Then, here is the blurb itself:
Cay’s life was fine until this moment. Whether he’s gone insane, got stuck in a malfunctioning sim or is up against an unknown mighty enemy, he has to act now. Trying to escape the bizarre mess, he cuts his very identity out of his palm along with his implant and flees home, leaving everything he knows and loves behind.

Vietra was only trying to stop a murderer, but doing so she disobeyed the Master again. Devastated by the cruel punishment she didn’t deserve, she refuses to continue her training. Setting on a dangerous journey to finally be free, she discovers the frightening darkness within herself that threatens to push her over the edge.

Seeking new implants, they have to navigate their way through the ruthless world of deadly plants and realistic simulations, transformed by an inexplicable plague. When their fates suddenly intertwine in the criminal underworld, they get a chance to unravel the mystery of what’s happened to them, but they can’t imagine where this strange and perilous path will take them.

Mind-bending, exciting and unpredictable according to the readers' reviews, this cyberpunk thriller will take you on a ride filled with plot twists, suspense and unexpected turns of events. 'You never really know what’s coming in this one, and that’s what makes it so much fun to read!' Joshua Grant

Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism is welcome! :)

Hi, Alinia. Hook #1 was by far the stronger but I think even that can be tweaked (such as taking out the word 'probably.' . Consider something like this:

No implant, no life. Cutting it out may have been a huge mistake, but the hunt for the truth will be even worse.

In my opinion, the blurb is a little long and disjointed. For one, I would consider taking out the last paragraph entirely. And everything else can be shortened, and by doing so, strengthened. For example, pretty much just taking what you had, what do you think of this?

Cay thinks he may be going insane. Trying to escape the bizarre mess his life has become he cuts his very identity out of his palm and flees home, leaving everything he knows and loves behind.

Vietra was only trying to stop a murderer. Devastated by a cruel punishment she didn’t deserve, she sets out on a dangerous journey to free herself, she discovers a frightening darkness within that threatens to push her over the edge.

When their fates suddenly intertwine in the criminal underworld, Cay and Vietra must unravel the mystery of what’s happened to them and navigate a ruthless world of deadly plants and realistic simulations transformed by an inexplicable plague.

Thanks a lot for your input, G.R. :)

Sounds interesting, Alina!

I agree with G. R. , a simpler and less information-dense text works better as a blurb. The expression "a ruthless world of deadly plants and realistic simulations transformed by an inexplicable plague" is confusing: were the simulations transformed by a plague, or was the world? I would make the following adustments:

No implant, no identity. Cutting it out may have been a big mistake, and their hunt for the truth could prove deadly.

Cay thinks he may be going insane. Trying to escape the bizarre mess his life has become, he cuts his very identity out of his palm and leaves everything he knows and loves behind.

Vietra was only trying to stop a murderer. Devastated by a cruel punishment she didn’t deserve, she sets out on a dangerous journey to free herself, and discovers a frightening darkness within that threatens to push her over the edge.

When their fates intertwine in the criminal underworld, Cay and Vietra must unravel the mystery of what’s happened to them and navigate a ruthless world of lifelike simulations and deadly plants that has been transformed by an inexplicable plague.

(By switching the order of simulations and plants you're clarifying that the world is what was transformed, and you're not talking about a computer virus affecting the sims - unless you are, in that case it needs to be different of course.)

Hope you'll find this helpful. :-)

Eva wrote: "By switching the order of simulations and plants you're clarifying that the world is what was transformed, and you're not talking about a computer virus affecting the sims - unless you are, in that case it needs to be different of course...."

Exactly right, Eva. And I like your "could prove deadly." Much better than my "will be even worse." ;)

Thanks Eva, yes, it's very helpful :) And you're right about the confusing part, it's the world that's transformed by the plague.

Hi Alina.

Your blurb sounds a bit more like character backstories. If you could pitch the idea of your book to a publisher in two sentences, what would the premise of your book be?

Something like this:

No implant, no life. This is what Cay finds when he cuts his very identity out of his palm and flees leaving everything he loves behind. He befriends a woman named Vietra who is running from her past as well. Together they navigate their way through a plagued world, intertwining their fates in the criminal underground as they seek new implants to set them free.

Hi Andres, thanks for the input :) I've already changed and published the blurb taking into account G.R.'s and Eva's suggestions. I've been learning about writing blurbs, and I applied what I've learned to the structure of the blurb that I posted initially. I do think GR and Eva were right that it was too information-dense and confusing as to the plague part. However, according to what I've learned and as a reader, I prefer a longer blurb that gives a bit more information than what you've suggested. I know there is no one correct way to do it and people have different preferences, and in the end, completely different things can work. I'll see how the new version performs, and if it's not too good, I'll think about changing it again :)

Well, if there was a sure way to do something, everyone would be doing it, right?

Best of luck in your writing!

always say "excuse me" after you blurb.

Andres wrote: "Well, if there was a sure way to do something, everyone would be doing it, right?..."

Yes, that's true. All the best in your writing as well :)