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'Could you pick up my drycleaning?'
*Expires*

Hang in there sweetie, you can make it long enough to cook dinner.

He was setting up his artillery just before a battle, when his troops came under fire from confederate snipers. His last words to his men were "Why are you dodging like this? They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
And then the inevitable happened.
[Man discovered lying on the floor in his dining room, writhing in agony. The newcomer rushes over, and manages to catch his dying words]
'The mushroom-soup!- it's actually quite good.'
*Expires*