Support for Indie Authors discussion

I'd appreciate some comments on my first attempt at the blurb for my 7th book. I ought, by now, be able to write a good one but it's as hard as ever.

Plot: Young capable woman thinks she can easily get to Regency England (during the pandemic). Fails. Ends up in London in the 60s. Loves it. Meets a goodie and a vengeful baddie from the 21st century. She feels she's daft, confused etc. Things go wrong. Happy ever after ending.

Tear it apart, please. Here's the blurb:

For a competent young woman like Liberty, making the mistake of a lifetime could have been catastrophic. Oblivious of the looming world-wide pandemic, she sets off for a few days in Regency England. She’s done her homework – the secret is simple. Pursued by unknown voices as she dashes towards her goal, she makes a fundamental mistake. Finding herself in the Swinging Sixties, she begins to revel in her new life especially once she meets a mysterious stranger who says he knows her. Loss of memory turns out to be the least of her troubles and his. Can they survive long enough to reach the safe haven of his family history?

OR IS THIS ANY BETTER?

Liberty, thwarted from getting to know the doctor she is beginning to fall for, sets off on a journey to her favourite era – Regency England. It’s easy – she has the secret. She makes a mistake and finds herself in 1968 in London, England. Despite feeling confused and having lost her memory, she begins to revel in the life of the Swinging Sixties. All goes well until someone from her past is determined to take his revenge. However, she is rescued from the downward spiral of her life by someone else who feels he belongs in Regency England too. Happy ever after?

Anna wrote: "I'd appreciate some comments on my first attempt at the blurb for my 7th book. I ought, by now, be able to write a good one but it's as hard as ever.

Plot: Young capable woman thinks she can easil..."
Hi Anna,

IMO the second one is better..

My English teacher's pet dislike of starting a sentence with 'he' or 'she' has rubbed off on me. Rather than - She makes a mistake and finds herself in 1968 in London, England, may I suggest - A mistake lands her in the middle of London in the Swinging Sixties but leading a life of fun, fashion and hedonism can still be dangerous for a woman who has no memories of her past.

I think determined to kill her or something along those lines will be better than saying take revenge

Hope this helps!

P.S. Story sounds interesting. Good luck with publishing

Thank you, India. I am now of the opinion (not through anything you said) that both of my blurbs are the worst I've ever written!

I'm rewriting and will take into account your comments.

I agree with India - the second version is far more engaging and gives the indication that this is a time-travel story without it being explicitly stated.

Thank you, Catherine, and congratulations on writing so many books. I'm way behind.

I've finished the keywords and will return to beavering away on the blurb.

How about this? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Rip it apart please.

For career girl, Liberty Taffet, the idea of making a catastrophic mistake is unthinkable. To get away from two-timing heartbreaker, Dr Nicolo Nylander, and a rapidly collapsing new business venture being hammered by the worldwide pandemic, she sets off to visit Regency England. She knows the secret, she’s done her research – what could possibly go wrong? Landing in Swinging London in the 1960s pursued by two unknown men, and unable to remember who she is, she is befriended by Gemma who takes her under her wing. Gemma’s loveable brother is full of fun and soon Liberty is having more excitement than she ever believed possible. Yet why do two strangers keep appearing, seemingly from nowhere and what are their intentions?

Follow Liberty on her adventurous learning curve and see where she ends up.

Well, just a suggestion. :)

Starting over in a new decade is not for the faint hearted, especially when it involves time travel, but Liberty Taffet knows the secret and how to get from here to there successfully. So how did she miscalculate and land in 60's London? She wanted Regency England, gowns, balls, violins, not Go-Go boots, Soho, and the Beatles. Liberty learns to adapt-and more than that she likes it. However dark strangers pursue her, and their intentions are more than she bargained for.

Btw, I think time travel is the draw so I would put it up front.

Anna wrote: "I'd appreciate some comments on my first attempt at the blurb for my 7th book. I ought, by now, be able to write a good one but it's as hard as ever.

Plot: Young capable woman thinks she can easil..."

Taking the first option, I think you are ducking issues and being washed over with generalizations. Thus sentence 1 tells me nothing other than the MC's name. For the next three sentences, why not simply say she has a device to time travel, she aims at Regency England, but lands in 1968? I think the rest is confusing. I agree with ML, the time travel is your first selling point.

The third option has it better after landing, but again, simply say she has a memory loss, but two strangers seem somehow familiar, and not in a good way. I would not ask "what are their intentions?" Why not more simply, who are they? Then you should mention the elephant in the room: if she has such a memory loss, she presumably does not know she is a time traveller, so who is she, and why is everything both slightly familiar but totally new to her? Then why are there only two people who seem familiar but why are they ....?

Just a suggestion.

M.L. wrote: "Well, just a suggestion. :)

Starting over in a new decade is not for the faint hearted, especially when it involves time travel, but Liberty Taffet knows the secret and how to get from here to the..."

Thank you, I think you're right, I should have put some of the fun 60s stuff in.

Thank you, Ian! I'm getting the message that I need to flag up the time travel first.

Thanks to you all. I've got one sorted as starters and as inspiration trickles in further down the line, I'll hope to get a better one!