Addicted to YA discussion

1) I would read it. I'm into books about crime. I love the mystery you create surrounding the dads involvement, making me wonder what has led her to believe this.

2) some of the wording puts me off. "Soon even more victims are found" - sounds like it's dragging on, maybe something like "the next day another victim is found a couple of miles away, but they are only the beginning a very long chain of victims" or something like that. "but he's only just getting started" maybe . Also "murdered girl found" I think that maybe just a "girl is found" or "the body of a girl". Idk, murdered just seems off for some reason. Maybe also "the truth is unspeakable". Just adds repetition to emphasise the severity

I would read this however the part when it says "As police race to solve these horrible crimes, Jenny begins to wonder if her own father might be the one who committed them." is just a bit too random and it makes the summary looke a bit flawed. How does she come to that conclusion? What leaves her to believe thet it's her dad? Idk it just seems to come out of nohwere...

And I agree with the coment above, "Soon, even more victims are found." is just not really fitting and is a bit rushed, it's like something is missing before that sentance.

Hi Jen!

I would adjust to something like this.

"In Upstate New York on a muggy and hot August day, Jenny Cooper is cooling off swimming in a neighborhood lake when the body of a young girl is found nearby. This particularly warm day and discovery sets off a chain of other young girl's found murdered the same way in surrounding areas as the days that follow.

Police begin to scramble and race to solve these horrific murders before anymore young women lives are taken. As the police have their own investigations and discoveries going on, Jenny is also finding clues that point to the huge possibility that her own father, who is quite volatile, could be the killer.

Jenny sets out on her very own investigation to find out the truth for herself, no matter what it is. Jenny soons finds out that the unspeakable truth is worse than anything she could of possibly imagined.

Danielle wrote: "Hi Jen!

I would adjust to something like this.

"In Upstate New York on a muggy and hot August day, Jenny Cooper is cooling off swimming in a neighborhood lake when the body of a young girl is f..."


this sounds very interesting and nice but the words are used in the sentence one after another very often plus I think some things would sound better a little changed. Idk how to explain it but here:

In Upstate New York on a muggy and hot August day, Jenny Cooper is cooling off swimming in a neighborhood lake when the body of a young girl is found nearby. This discovery sets off a chain of other young girl's murders done the same way in surrounding areas as the days follow.

Police begin an investigation to solve these horrific murders before anymore young women lives are taken. As they have their own interrogations and discoveries going on, Jenny is finding clues that point to the possibility of her own father, who is quite volatile, being the killer.

The girl sets out on her very own to find out clues that lead to the truth, no matter what it is. Jenny soons finds out that the unspeakable truth is worse than anything she could of possibly imagined.

there, that sounds good to me but feel free to change stuff again :)

Haha! It's about teamwork :) thats why we are all here. I was trying to put into words what I was trying to say so I typed it out.

but, I love the way you changed it! Sounds great!