Goodreads Reviewers' Group discussion

Hi

A Very Unique Book Review Request

I know there may be an enormous amount of review requests but no request is like mine. My book Preventing Her Shutdown, Losing My Wife to Alzheimer´s, is an inside look of what an ongoing caregiver spouse goes through in my desperate effort to keep my wife with Alzheimer's "connected" even though she doesn´t speak. This book started out as a daily diary of my caregiving and how my wife´s behavior was dramatically changing and how I was affected and began to relate to her differently. Writing not only "alleviated" my continuous sorrow but also indirectly helped me make personal decisions and changes in how to interact with her behavioral changes. We are in our sixth year of this disease.

As an author I am certainly not an expert or an authority on Alzheimer's. I am definitely not a professional author and didn´t pretend to write an authoritative masterpiece. I never pretended to be either one of those things. I am simply an ordinary “John Doe” caregiver, husband, sharing my experiences living and caring for my wife with Alzheimer's. We have been married 44 years, 3 kids now grown up, a great dog most of those years, a typical family on our own trying to hold on to my wife and avoid her shutdown. I am an American, native from California, living with my Chilean wife in Chile for many years. We are simply trying to grow old together as long as we can. I began to realize there are probably other “amateur” caregivers like me on their own trying to take care of a loved one with the Alzheimer´s Disease and possibly could benefit from my shared personal experiences. Soon this diary turned into this book.

There are really no fixed "do this" and "do that" rules, as there are no two profile behavioral changes alike. No one has the "exact key" as to how to respond to Alzheimer's radical behavioral changes. There isn't a standard set guide to follow as to how to respond afterwards in each stage of this disease when behaviors radically change for each person differently. Even the stages of Alzheimer's vary in their characteristics. Only experiences from others can be your guide. What works for me may not work for you. Consequently, professional help doesn't work. Each family is on their own as caregivers because each profile is completely different which affects the way you react and care for this person.

I describe these dramatic changes with my wife who is in the beginning of the advanced stages. My reactions have always been intuitive in my desperate attempts to keep her “connected” with me and her family. My experiences and actions “in real time racing against the Alzheimer's clock” to keep her interacting every day, even though she no longer speaks, are detailed in my never-ending battle as her "amateur" caregiver to prevent her shutdown.

How do I connect with my wife and get her to connect with me? This is always my constant desperation as her caregiver especially because she doesn't speak. I am always afraid she will stop connecting with me, especially when I get that blank look, that "daze into no man's land. "That is the day I am trying to avoid. There are different things I do, depending on the moment and situation we are in, always taking every opportunity I can to promote interaction with her. Described in detail is how I learned to "connect" with her even though she doesn't speak.

Does she know how she was before? Does she remember her past? Then I realized "what about us", our 44 years of marriage, does she remember that past? She recognizes and knows me well but how far back? Did our marriage begin in 1979 or 2017 when she was diagnosed?

I wasn't sure where I was in her memory or how she sees me, as her friend, husband or simply a caregiver. I am still not sure how she sees me.

She doesn't speak at all. She expresses only some sounds and shows a lot of anxiety. This becomes a real challenge trying to figure out what she wants and how she feels. How do we communicate? How do I talk to her? How does she tell me what she wants or needs? We both had to learn how to interact and communicate with each other and so far we can to this day.

My desperation as a spouse caregiver 24/7 is that we are constantly “connecting” as this alleviates my greatest fear of a “shutdown”. Detailed is how everyday, every moment I can, I try to create an opportunity to “connect”. Connecting is an absolute "must" for a caregiver of Alzheimer´s.

As you can see my review request is quite different. Although I didn´t write for commercial reasons, I learned that reviews could help expose this book more to other amateur caregivers of loved ones with this disease and in this way share "intuitive" alternatives that are working for me. I am constantly updating, starting with 120 pages and now 174, as my journey is ongoing. Hopefully for many more years to come I can continue to reveal new experiences and reactions to these behavioral changes with future updates.

My blog in Goodreads shares excerpts from this book in my effort to reach out to those who can use guidance on this difficult journey.

Whoever you may be I know you would be making an incredible exception in moving this book to the front of that long line of book requests however, your review will certainly help other amateur caregivers learn more how to defend and "connect" their loved ones.

Grateful for your consideration and time. I do have a PDF available upon your request.

Best
Sammie

Preventing Her Shutdown

I would love to read and review this my email is [email protected]
My mom also had this and could not speak

Thank you for your interest.

Sammie