Challenge Corner discussion

A Black father makes amends with his gay son through letters written on his deathbed in this wise and penetrating novel of empathy and forgiveness, for fans of Ta-Nehisi Coates, Robert Jones Jr. and Alice Walker

As Jacob lies dying, he begins to write a letter to his only son, Isaac. They have not met or spoken in many years, and there are things that Isaac must know. Stories about his ancestral legacy in rural Arkansas that extend back to slavery. Secrets from Jacob's tumultuous relationship with Isaac's mother and the shame he carries from the dissolution of their family. Tragedies that informed Jacob's role as a father and his reaction to Isaac's being gay.

But most of all, Jacob must share with Isaac the unspoken truths that reside in his heart. He must give voice to the trauma that Isaac has inherited. And he must create a space for the two to find peace.

With piercing insight and profound empathy, acclaimed author Daniel Black illuminates the lived experiences of Black fathers and queer sons, offering an authentic and ultimately hopeful portrait of reckoning and reconciliation. Spare as it is sweeping, poetic as it is compulsively readable, Don't Cry for Me is a monumental novel about one family grappling with love's hard edges and the unexpected places where hope and healing take flight.

75 pages

wow, this one is so good so far
(view spoiler)[ I really appreciated the note from the author about his own father in the beginning.
Now for the story - I really like that it's set up in the letter format. It's taking really tough topics and making it just a little easier to read it.
I really like the voice and I'm really curious about the son. We know the father is dying, I wonder how long it will be his letters and if the format will change at some point (hide spoiler)]

154 pages / about 51%

(view spoiler)[ I'm still really drawn to this story and this history of this father. You can see he feels so bad for his mistakes but that his mistakes horrible affected his son and his life.

the son breaks my heart. we now see why the mom and dad got divorced. I wonder where this goes now
(hide spoiler)]

226 pages / 75%

(view spoiler)[ these stories are heartbreaking but I like that he says he's trying to be honest. but all the time he lost with his son. the ways he missed knowing him. heartbreaking .I'm glad he talked to his ex wife. I'm blown away to think she pulled him out of his depression. she's given so much to him (hide spoiler)]

and I'm done

this was so good and so heartbreaking
(view spoiler)[ I'm so sad that he got the news he was dying and never reached out to his son. I'm so sad that he had no idea who he was or how he was as an adult
that he didn't even know if he was sick too, had aids or hiv.

I do like that this is a good reminder that our parents grew up completely different than us. It doesn't excuse horrible actions, like when he beat Isaac up, but is does give it a frame of context. To know the intent behind it EVEN if it's wrong

it was hard not to love this little family and this flawed father, even if I would not have wanted him for my father (hide spoiler)]

Through Pg. 75

(view spoiler)[I listened to the beginning of the book and didn't even see the format until I was well into it, so for the most part that visual of the letters didn't increase my reading pleasure. It's always so difficult for me to read about/hear about the mistreatment of black people in history, especially knowing that in some forms it continues to this day. But I have to agree, the topics are difficult and I did like reading it better when I was able to listen and see the format on my ebook. I feel bad for his dad and the MC! (hide spoiler)]

53% Through December 17, 2003

(view spoiler)[OMG! His dad most definitely has had a forever-horrific effect on his son. He is SO sexist and wants to beat his son into being what HE wants/thinks a man should be. His poor wife aborted several babies because of his abuse? She must've been so devastated to go to that extreme to make sure not to have anymore of his children. Such a sad family situation all the way around.

I've read a lot of books that dealt with racism and black history, slavery, etc. But the one line that's really stood out for me in this book is, "We [black people] fear whites more that we fear God." That's such a strong, sad, terrible place to be and to fear anyone that much is just so sad.

Also, the part where it talks about how he spanked his son when he cried just angered me! Because to me these words from his father say it all: Everything moved your heart, and I mean everything. If he had realized his son was simply crying because it was from his HEART, why spank him and make him "be a man"? Ugh...I am a "heart-moved crier" too, so I get it! (hide spoiler)]

I'm so glad you are liking this one too! it's such a tough read but so good!

I agree. I'm not going to finish this one until tomorrow because I want to use it for another challenge that I can't finish until tomorrow. lol But it's a heartbreaker.

74% Through January 18, 2004

(view spoiler)[UGH!!! These stories are killing me! The man who died alone and with only one person at his funeral? SO sad! I like that Ray is pining for Isaac now, but way too late. Rachel dying of breast cancer and the day Isaac found out...heartbreaking. I am glad that Ray is seeing the error of his ways with Isaac but man, how sad to be seeing it now instead of as he was growing up! (hide spoiler)]

Finished

(view spoiler)[I agree with you wholeheartedly! I was so sad for his father. I can only imagine how you'd feel if you treated your child like that, even with good intentions, but later couldn't even say sorry in person or see his before you/he dies. Just heartbreaking. Ray was right about one thing, we ALL make mistakes and I am sure we've all made ones that we can't fully make up for. Just a great book, though! (hide spoiler)]

YAY!! I'm so glad you liked this one too!!

November 12- November 21: (view spoiler)[This is surely very intriguing so far. The epistolary writing style is making it even more interesting and appealing to me as a reader. I am already curious to find out why Jacob and Isaac are estranged. Jacob’s upbringing was quite a closed one, no wonder he wasn’t the father Isaac would have needed when he was around. I hope they reconcile before anything bad happens to Jacob (hide spoiler)]

I loved this one.

November 27- December 5: (view spoiler)[I really wish that Jacob changed his ways in the future because the time he is writing about now, Rachel and Isaac did not deserve any of it. I was taken aback when I read about how he hit her and even thought about doing it again later. I feel perplexed because I hadn’t prepared for this level of raw confession in the book and am unsure about how to handle it. I am still very much liking the book overall though, it’s just a difficult read (hide spoiler)]

December 7- December 22: (view spoiler)[This book is provoking so many emotions within me that I am not even sure how to feel anymore. I am so angry on behalf of Isaac because I was still holding out hope that his dad would mend his ways but he goes on to become even worse as Isaac grew up. I cannot even imagine the level of trauma Isaac must hold within himself for growing up in a home where his dad beat him simply for being himself. I can totally understand why Rachel did not want to have any more kids with Jacob. This is a disaster (hide spoiler)]

December 23 - January 26: (view spoiler)[Damn Isaac did not even know about his own mom’s health declining, that is heartbreaking. Even after all the hardships she faced over the years, the abuse and the violence on her own husband’s hands, i was sad to see her returning to him. Sure he says that he realised how much he loved her the day of her funeral but my heart won’t let me feel any sympathy for him whatsoever. He single-handedly made life a living hell for both his wife and his son. I hope Isaac finds happiness in life (hide spoiler)]

finished: (view spoiler)[Damn I tried very hard to hate Jacob until the end but one has to agree that it must be miserable to be so lonely in your very last days on earth despite having a son and to know that it was your own actions that pushed him away. I felt for him when he tried so hard to approach Isaac but could not muster up the courage to do the same. No one deserves to die alone, Jacob did not even try the treatments his doctor suggested. This book was a very, very sad one (hide spoiler)]