Play Book Tag discussion

I have two new relatives coming for Thankgiving next week. The mom says her son is definitely an aspie and she thinks she probably is too. I’m looking for a book, website or practical tips to make them feel at home. I don’t cook as much as I used to, so having a bigger crowd for the weekend is already a little stressful. I want to enlist my son to help with the 20 year old. If we have good weather there is a lot they can do. If not it’s going to be very crowded.

I think you shouldn’t worry about how to treat them. And I don’t think you need any books. Just welcome them lovingly as you would any of the rest of your guests. They don’t wish to be treated differently or special. They are just thrilled to be included and excepted for who they are and the qualities they bring. I’m sure your Thanksgiving will be lovely with all the different personalities and all of the different lovely goodies. Have a happy wonderful Thanksgiving.

From knowing a couple people in this group, I would say to be flexible. Maybe the son or mom will want to have a quiet place to go off to in order to escape the crowd. Maybe they won't want to eat or even touch some of the food. But it really varies, and of course all 20 of the people who are coming have their personality quirks too. We are just used to some of them.

What Amy and Robin have said. 1000%. You don't need to do anything special.

Although I think I would be in a tizzy at any 20 year old ended up at my house for a visit. Oh wait, that happened! My answer there - rope them in to helping cook or set table or start bringing out the holiday decorations. Have a list of local sites and activities from a nearby park with walking trails, to the local Elks Club pancake breakfast fundraiser, to Niagara Falls which I know is nearby, and even a list of movie theaters with what is playing ... the adults will fall on it too. Pull out board games and decks of cards.

Good luck. I am going to my nephew's - now thay have to worry about the 80 year old woman who loves their daughter and she loves me, too. We will go sit on the couch and talk, sing, read, color, whatever. peace, janz

As the mother of an Aspie I agree with not buying books since if you know one person with Asperger's you know... one person. Too often it's easy to make mistakes if you read generalities. My daughter 100 percent has it, but she understood figures of speech, had a sense of humour, etc. She also went to university with a full ride but can't hold a job other than one that's 4 hours a week (most Aspies can--I have an Aspie cousin who is an insurance lawyer, for example).

Yes, be flexible and don't be offended if an aspie child is blunt about not liking something, etc. I wouldn't rope an aspie child into doing anything based on my years of raising my daughter :). I'd feel the situation out as it goes; he might like helping to cook but he might hate it as well and/or prefer to be on a device or do various and sundry other things.

Also I would like to mention that it's a great idea to let all of your guests know as a group (so you're not singling anyone out) when it's 5 or 10 minutes to meal time, but you don't have to be exact with the minutes if it's not exact. Most aspie children have difficulties with transitions so this helps alleviate stress and anxiety and can allow them to mentally prepare to stop what they are doing when it's time.

Now I'm sure you wouldn't do this, but I would like to say to all that trying to help the parent of an Aspie parent usually backfires. Aspie children usually can handle only one authority figure at a time. If they ask for help, excellent, I did, but learned who to ask :)

Oh, Karen, thank you for your thoughtful, educated comments. So many of us know so little about various conditions that influence the brain. Your response was great. Thanks. peace, janz

Karin, thanks for sharing all this. I have to laugh because blunt and time-challenged describes quite a few people in my family already. I still remember the look one nephew gave me one year when I handed him a dish to take out to table. Maybe some who were labeled ADHD or CAPD several decades ago would get a different diagnosis now. I wrote my question right after I found out there would be another kid at the table. When I thought back to conversations, I realized that we all had many of the same experiences.

We just found out that my whole household was exposed to Covid this week, so we’re talking about getting together later for my mom’s birthday instead.