Goodreads Authors/Readers discussion

Not sure where this should go, but I really love sentences, and the first sentence is the most important one in your book!

Send me your first sentence+the core theme of your story. I'll tell you what's good about it, and how it could potentially be prettier :sparkle:

Here's an example:
"Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again."
-Rebecca

One of the greatest opening sentences of all time. Short, sweet, alluring. It sets the haunting tone of the novel; establishes that the story is told in retrospect; and introduces Manderley as a place, since one can go to it(in dreams, at least). It also established that the perspective character has been there before, and suggests that perhaps she cannot go there now(except in her dreams.)

The sentence is constructed to highlight the importance of Manderley, which acts as an avatar for the deceased titular character, Rebecca. Here's how:

-Manderley is the only strange word in the sentence. Every other word is fairly common, and only "again" is more than one syllable, establishing "Manderley" as the one unknown; the mystery of the book.

-The sentence is in iambic pentameter(Last night I dreamt I went to Manderly again,) but the meter breaks on "Manderly," making it stick out.

-"Last," "night," "dreamt," and "went" all end in a hard "T" sound. Then, right before "Manderley," we get the word "to" which acts as a bridge from those hard T sounds to "Manderley again." It turns the word into a kind of crescendo. It also, yet again, establishes Manderley as a dreamlike place, because it's a flowy word(m's, n's, y's) compared to the hard, single-syllable words in the sentence so far.

-"dreamt" and "went," the center of the sentence, are assonant words(they sort-of rhyme), which elevates the rhythm of the sentence, priming you for the sentences crescendo, "Manderly."

-It teases the unnamed narrator's neurotic obsession with the estate's former mistress, Rebecca, the core and driving force of the novel.

I could go on, but tl;dr this sentence sets the mood, draws you in, and subtly centers Manderley as the core part of the novel.

Reply with your opening line+the basic theme of your book(eg love, despair, envy, loneliness, grief, joy, etc) Let's try to make our opening sentences as great as this one!

The opening sentences of my adventure memoir ~~~ For the seventh time in less than four years, I stood before a Ukrainian border guard. He inspected my passport photo and compared it to my now-emaciated face.

The basic theme ~~~ striving and persevering

Really lovely, really intriguing!! It’s got a great hook and a lot of wonderful words to work with. Emaciated+face, seventh + less, before+border guard. Very nice!

The section "seventh time in less than four years" has a lot of hissing sounds--"s" "v" "th" "f" etc. (If anyone knows the real grammatical word for sounds these, lmk). So does "emaciated face."

Compare with "stood before a ukranian border guard" and "inspected my passport photo and compared it" which is full of dull stop sounds: "t" "b" "d" "g"

Consider moving the sentences around so "emaciated face" is next to "seventh time in four years" are next to each other. Consider, too, moving "ukraine" closer to "compare" to match the sharp "k" sounds.

I think the real meat in this introduction is in the comparison between your face in the photo and your face in that moment. It fits the theme, showing that although you've been Through It, you're still returning, showing your perseverance. We get a great visual with "emaciated face," but we don't get a look at the before photo for comparison. In the photo, were you cheerful? Plump? Hopeful? What changed not only physically, but emotionally since then.

It sounds really intriguing!!

(if ur okay w/ it Christine, I'm down for other people to add any other comments here too~)

many thanks, Archer. Consonance is rarely considered across the board (unless you are a poet). Alliteration is much more common for folks like me. So I appreciate your assessment of the novel Rebecca's opening line and my memoir's. That said, I cannot change a word of it now that my publisher has launched it.
I hope you find the time to read it. Confronting Power & Chaos is getting many rave reviews both in the US and abroad (Canada, UK, France and S. Africa!!!). That a blogger called me a legend -- well, I am totally gobsmacked!

Confronting Power and Chaos: The Uncharted Kaleidoscope of My Life

Here's a podcast discussion about it -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82xFs...

Cool

Maybe nobody is watching this anymore, but my favorite out of the first lines I've written is from my humorous crime caper novel Weasel Words:

It was like...

Okay, I should probably give some context. Here's the first four paragraphs:

It was like…

It was like…

He didn’t know what it was like.

Wait. Yes, he did. It was like a deep pool slumbering in the recesses of a cavern, its dark, glassy surface reflecting his image, a smoky mirror in which, if he looked long and hard enough, his future might be revealed.

Feel free to analyze. ;-)