ＯＵＴ ＯＦ ＬＵＸ discussion

Ideas:


⋆✴︎ father's death
⋆✴︎ meeting her best friend for the first time
⋆✴︎ getting together with Cal from Vali's pov
⋆✴︎ dates with Cal
⋆✴︎ break-up
⋆✴︎ infirmary work
⋆✴︎

   
   
❝   𝓐𝓿𝓪𝓵𝓲𝔂𝓪𝓱 𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓷𝓮   ❞    
   

Age: 18
January
A Month Before James' arrest/the Incident
Thorne Estate, Voxthain
CW: some rizz cat

⠀⠀⠀Two braids slipped over Aaliyah’s shoulder, blocking her view of the side of her room. Leaning forward further, they fell before her eyes, obstructing her view of the breezy curtains leading onto her balcony. With a frown, she stared down at the problem in her hands, the mathematical equation from her math teacher twisting her brain. Usually, some mathematics and most biology made sense to her, but—

⠀⠀⠀Something rustled outside her window, and Avaliyah’s stomach sunk, heart leaping into her throat. Her fingers stilled on the pen as her eyes darted to the glass. Gauzy curtains of the babiest blue hung open just enough to see a few inches of windowpane, but nothing seemed to shift or move. No shadows darted beyond the curtains, sent from the stuff of nightmares.

⠀⠀⠀Wind. Just the wind. Still, Vali licked dry lips, closing her eyes briefly, and concentrated. Her magic welled inside her, warm and comforting, the only true weapon she had. Though, honestly, it was hardly even that—she specialized in healing, in transmutation, knitting together skin and torn tissue, not in tearing that apart. But, she supposed, if it could work one way, she could transmute it the other way as well, could she not?

⠀⠀⠀No. She was fine. It’s the wind. The earlier cool rain had died down, leaving behind a chilly and breezy January night. Vines of sweet blue flowers grew on green vines, winding their way up the side of the estate. Most of the plants were medicinal, but even if they had not been, Vali still adored them--they made the estate homey and calming, while standing on her balcony overlooking the garden with its sweet fragrances of roses, lilacs, lavender...she could spend all day there, listening to birds and the breeze in the willows lining the path.

⠀⠀⠀She--thud. Icy tendrils froze inside her fingers, stomach sinking to her toes. Outside her balcony, followed by more rustling, the thud came again. No. No, no, no-- Under her bed? She could get under her bed, she could--escape the room, but then she would have no idea who was coming up her outside wall. Breaths catching in her throat, Vali grabbed her papers, only to fumble and drop them into a heap when the thud came again, closer and louder. Mouth dry, she abandoned her papers, dropping to her knees and slipping under the bed.

⠀⠀⠀Just as she was about to pull her long, midnight blue skirt with her, the tail end melting like spilled ink across her carpet, a knocking shattered the alarm bells in her head, a fist against glass.

⠀⠀⠀"Vali?"

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah's lips parted, and she stared, mind whirring as the familiar voice took a second to break through the tension in her muscles, the sweat already staining the palms of her hands. "What the--" She mumbled, trying to even each breath. Closing her eyes, Vali fisted her hand against them. A wave of frustration marred with the wavering anxiety and relief, and Vali crawled out from under the bed, her knees knocking against the edge of the bed.

⠀⠀⠀With a frown tugging at the corner of her lips, Vali gathered up her papers, set them on the edge of her bed, straightened her skirt, and marched over to the balcony. Reaching over, she pushed a curtain back, unlocked the door, pulled it open, and frowned. "What are you doing?" she demanded. "It is midnight. It is--you scared the crapout of me." A tremor echoed in Vali's voice, and she took a breath again, the most even yet.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm sorry. I thought it would be romantic, showing up on your balcony like in the stories of old." With a small grin that always served to turn Avaliyah's blood to heat, Caledonia gestured towards the balcony. "May I?"

⠀⠀⠀Pressing her lips together, Vali looked behind her after managing to tear her gaze away from her girlfriend. But damn,. A leather jacket, green T-shirt beneath that, and black cargo pants started her look, while dark brown hair remained tied in a low military-style bun at the nape of her neck. Immediately, Vali's throat went tight, fingers twitching with the need to tear off the jacket, but she curled her fingers into a fist to keep herself from doing that. And, truly, the leather jacket, was fancy and quite fitting.

⠀⠀⠀Mama was most certainly in bed this hour, but she had no idea if her brother was or not. Stifling a sigh, she stepped back. "Sure, you made it this far, didn't you? Cal--why didn't you just...message me?"

⠀Slipping inside and closing the door behind her, Cal nudged the curtain shut. Avaliyah's next breath brought her the sweet sensation of evergreen and honeysuckle, brushed in with the cold winter breeze, and she stepped closer. "You knew I scared easily.”

⠀⠀⠀Licking dry lips, a motion alone that had Avaliyah's knees going weak despite her heartbeat calming down, Cal brought her arm out from behind her back. In her hand, a bouquet of flowers arched towards Vali, shades of sapphire, powder, and sky all mixed together and tied with a glittering ribbon the shade of a night sky, dusted with silver. "Happy three years," she murmured. "I-I thought surprising you would be romantic, but I'm sorry. I should have--"

⠀⠀⠀The well of warmth burned in Vali's chest, heart expanding, her nose stinging seconds before her eyes welled, the lights in her room blurring with the lightly painted walls. "Oh--" She choked. "I didn't--expect--"

⠀⠀⠀"That's what surprises are for." With a rare smile sending a sparkle through the jade eyes Vali liked so much, Cal gently set the flowers in her hands. Vali swallowed, pressing the bouquet to her nose and inhaling the sweet scent.

⠀⠀⠀"They'e beautiful, Nia."

⠀⠀⠀"So are you."

⠀⠀⠀Heat blossomed across her skin, and Vali's dark eyes fluttered open. Over the tops of the stunning floral arrangement--all her favorites, in one of her favorite colors, nonetheless--she caught sight of her girlfriend's own chest rapidly rising and falling, sending Avaliyah's pulse roaring in her ears.

⠀⠀⠀Setting down the bouquet on the edge of her bed, atop the papers she now no longer had anywhere in her peripherals, she turned around. It had been too many days since they had had a chance to be alone, and even with the almost-heart-attack from earlier, Avaliyah found she no longer cared.

⠀⠀⠀"Happy Anniversary," she whispered back. "I-I have something for you, too, I--hold on, it's--um--Nia, may I--"

⠀⠀⠀"Yes." But before Avaliyah could think, Caledonia's calloused hand gently grasped her's, sliding their fingers with one another. She tugged, and Vali let herself be pulled forward before Cal's other hand slid around her back, lips brushed against hers. Vali slipped her arms around her in turn, gasping at the warmth radiating off her girl, the muscles hiding behind that jacket. Her knees went weak as she kissed her, a woman starved, satiating weeks of hunger, not even realizing her legs had been moving until her back hit the wall.

⠀⠀⠀"This okay?" She heard Cal's low, deep voice brush against her ear, nose overwhelmed with the scents of mint, lavender, coffee, and that hint of gunpowder, always clinging to her body like a mist.

⠀⠀⠀"Uh-huh."

⠀⠀⠀Cal's lips returned in fervor, tongue pressing against Vali's lips. Without a second of hesitation, Vali allowed her to part them, and she gasped against Cal, fingers tightening on her soldier's shoulder, pinching her jacket to keep her weak knees from failing her. Carefully, slowly, she slipped and prodded her tongue around Cal's mouth as well, her taste overwhelming all of Avaliyah's sanity and thoughts, twisting them into spun sugar, sparkling, a covered cloud around her mind.

⠀⠀⠀The heat of Cal's body, so solid and so strong, pressed against her, wrapping her in a soft blanket of security. Her shaking hands reached up, cupping Nia's strong chin, tracing the edges of her jaw and her cheekbones, even as they kissed. She knew the lines of this face like the back of her hand, every strong dip, the very thin scar, where her dark hair started. The feel of it, slippery chocolate through her fingers, as Avaliyah removed each and every pin keeping her hair contained, sending it in a wave, crashing down her shoulders.

⠀⠀⠀"Jacket off?" Vali managed to breathe between kisses, heart beating against her ribs double-time, tongue and lips swollen from the kissed and playful bites Cal had left there. "If--you want?"

⠀⠀⠀"Uh-huh." Avaliyah was left steadying herself, the room spinning, as Cal stepped away fast enough to shuck her jacket on the floor, and as she did, Avaliyah worked to peel off the cream sweater slung across her shoulders and hips. She shivered in her matching tank top, goosebumps breaking along her flesh like mushrooms sprouted in a meadow, as air prickled at her exposed skin. But oh, Lantas, she was not prepared when she looked over, exhaled.

⠀⠀⠀Every single time, seeing those muscles like a sculptor's work of art, shapely and defined--swirls of dark ink and the occasional splash of color...Avaliyah lunged, and Cal's lips found hers one more time as their hands searched one another's arms. The muscles beneath Avaliyah's palms were hard, yet so perfect, her skin smooth with the occasional raised scars slashed along her skin. Good fuck. The thought slipped from her mind, dangerous and more passionate than Vali remembered she had the ability to be, but damn, let a girl like her partner's soldier arms, okay? Even though Nia was six months away from graduation and official installation into the militia, well, she as already shaped like a soldier, and Caledonia had been training with militia soldiers since she was six.

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah liked it. A lot. Her own skin burned where Nia's strong hands gently ran across her arms, shoulders, cupping her neck and face, kissing her cheeks and lips and chin. Only when both women were breathing even harder did they pull apart, even if Avaliyah's desires took her, well...lower. But she knew quite well that even getting to this stage where they could make out like this had been hard enough for Nia. Truly, even Vali herself didn't know how she'd feel about taking it further. She knew she wanted to, and she knew Caledonia did, too, but she also knew why her girlfriend refused to. Avaliyah's reasons were nothing like that, but she'd never push Nia. Even sometimes, kisses like this had been a problem. Vali never knew if Cal would flinch at the gentlest touch. Shut down, push her aside. Have a slight panic attack.

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah thanked her lucky stars that tonight, on their three year anniversary, Cal seemed to be in a better state. She just wished so badly it was always the case, and not for her own sake, but Nia's.

⠀⠀⠀Leaning their foreheads against one another, breaths washing over one another's faces, Avaliyah smiled. "That was nice."

⠀⠀⠀"It was," Cal agreed, still sounding husky and turning Avaliyah's stomach to warm ichor. "My darling."

⠀⠀⠀My darling. Vali closed her eyes, just breathing her in, her hands on Cal's lower back as her girlfriend's rested gently at the nape of her neck. Her heart beat in her ears, and she reached up and gently placed a hand above Cal's breast, over her heart. "I can hear it."

⠀⠀⠀With a smirk, Caledonia pulled away. Seconds later, Avaliyah's feet left the ground, and she found herself looking down at Cal, whose green eyes twinkled, sending Avaliyah's heart blossoming, the depths of a lake and the width of a desert. Endless. Laughter bubbled up inside Vali's chest, bursting out of her lips as she grinned down at her girlfriend, braids slipping down around her face and tickling the woman's cheeks.

⠀⠀"Put me down," she scolded, but truly, she felt safe and secure here, tucked against Cal's chest as Cal adjusted, letting Avaliyah's head fall against her. The beat of Cal's strong heart pounding against her ear, and she allowed herself just to listen to it for a bit before speaking.

⠀⠀⠀Nerves buzzed inside her, and she frowned, looking up, as Cal moved to the bed, keeping Avaliyah in her arms. "Hey. Um. Are you okay to be here? How long--how long can you stay?"

⠀⠀⠀Even from the angle she was at, Avaliyah could see the way Caledonia's face tightened, her muscles going stiff around her for a second.

⠀⠀⠀"I--Lantas, Nia, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

⠀⠀⠀"It's fine, he's--in Mezd Kathir for the weekend. Won't be back for three days."

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah frowned, blinking once, and wiggled her way out of Caledonia's arms. Sitting down next to her, she reached for the drawer of her nightstand to pull it open. "Why?"

⠀⠀⠀"Don't know don't care. Probably trying to chum it up with their high society since he knows the rest of ours will never see him the way he wants to be seen while downing seven glasses of whiskey. Look, I-I appreciate you asking--and I'm fine, before you ask anything else, he hasn't...done anything in a few days...but can we not? For one night and one day?"

⠀⠀⠀"Cal, I'm sorry. I was just wanting to make sure you were okay here, not sneaking back home after hours only to potentially get caught." Frustration and guilt needles, small pinpricks stabbing beneath her diaphragm, and Avaliyah's hand wrapped around the ends of her braids without much thought, tugging once. "I was just worried about you."

⠀⠀⠀"Well, stop--" Cutting herself off, Cal gritted her teeth, yanking one hand through her hair.

⠀⠀⠀Despite the cut-off, Vali flinched. Stop worrying. The phrase of a lifetime that she had heard, and oh, how it had her blood burning. Still, she knew Nia's came from a very different place versus someone not understanding the anxiety that lived inside Avaliyah like an unwanted housemate. Nia's came from her own defenses, her own worries, and Avaliyah tried to remind herself of that. At least she had stopped herself.

⠀⠀⠀"I'm sorry. Just--I'm fine, okay?"

⠀⠀⠀"Alright. I'm sorry for pushing. Um. May I...get you your gift now?"

⠀⠀⠀Posture sinking a bit as her muscles loosened, Cal reached over and lightly unwrapped the braids from Avaliyah's hands. "Yes," she replied, taking her hand instead. "But take your flowers and look inside, I didn't just get you flowers."

⠀⠀⠀Surprise washed through Vali, and her lips parted as she raised her eyebrows. "Nia, you didn't have to--"

⠀⠀⠀"Just do it. Please?"

⠀⠀⠀Squeezing Cal's hand, she reached over and grasped the bouquet, bringing it towards her and looking inside. Nestled within green leaves and petals of brilliant blues laid a velvet pouch. With thin, delicate fingers, Vali plucked the pouch free, heart pounding as her mouth went dry. Breathe, she commanded herself, before she pulled on the black strings. The top of it opened, and she reached inside, gasping when the object slid out.

⠀⠀⠀Polished to perfection, a ring of gold with light blue flowers, diamonds studding their middles, sat in the palm of her hand. Two matching earrings followed suit, and Avaliyah's jaw dropped as she turned to her girlfriend. "Caledonia--these are beautiful," she whispered, voice choking as her the well cracked open inside her. "My favorite flower. Forget-me-nots."

⠀⠀⠀"Yes. And you always look so stunning in blue and gold...so sexy."

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah choked, saliva dripping down her throat as her cheeks burned. Vile, Hayden, she thought, Cal's cackle ringing in her ears. "You suck," she managed to get out, only serving to twist Cal's lips into a wicked smirk.

⠀⠀⠀"Yes. Yes I do." But the smirk softened as Cal held a hand out. "May I?"

⠀⠀⠀"I--oh. Yes." Avaliyah placed the ring in her hand, holding her own out, and oh, Luminos! How had she been so lucky to get this woman? This woman whose hands were so calloused, so scarred, so dirtied by her line of work, this woman whose soul frosted over years ago, but who melted before her? Who thawed as she so carefully slipped the ring onto Avaliyah's finger? Oh, but she was so gay for her tonight, and she inhaled, lungs quivering, desire pounding in her chest and lower as she took her newly-ringed finger and caressed the lines of Cal's jaw.

⠀⠀⠀With a gasp of her own, Caledonia's eyes fluttered close, and Vali gently ran her thumb along the woman's swollen lips. "You're so handsome, so generous, so thoughtful. Thank you for this. And thank you for you." And I'm sorry.

⠀⠀⠀The bitter fury always kickstarted when they had moments together. Sometimes it came from seeing a bruise marring Cal's face, or a cigarette burn on her collarbone or her stomach. Or a lash scar scrapped across her back. But it kickstarted in times of peace, too. Because how could someone dare be the way her father was to this woman? Vali could never wrap her head around it, and it broke her heart, adding a new crack each time. So badly, she wanted to march up to James Laughlin and slap him. But she also knew it would just bring more pain to Nia, so she never did.

⠀⠀⠀So now, seeing her dark hair hanging loose around her shoulders...while Vali liked it, Cal had shared with her it had her feeling like she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. It was always up, it was always away from her face. It shattered her now to know that she was not permitted to keep it the way she wanted to--chopped off.

Best friends. It had been enough. Friendship always was. But in that, romance had bloomed, and while Avaliyah would have been content as friends, she was nevertheless very blessed to know the taste of Caledonia Hayden on her lips. Under her hands.

⠀⠀⠀Most people didn't even get to know her.

⠀⠀"I love you," she added, and Cal's breath caught, green eyes flying open, lips parting.

⠀⠀⠀Shit. Shit shit shit why did I say that-- "I mean, I-I just--"

⠀⠀⠀For a solid second, her words caught in her throat as Cal went stalk-still, skin pale. Icy tendrils turned to water in Vali's hands and lungs, breath frozen. No, no, no--I've done it, I've wrecked it, I've wrecked this, not friendship, not girlfriends, we're--done--

⠀⠀⠀"So do I. I mean--I love you. Too."

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah paused, fingers wrapped around her hair, tugging to the point of pain shooting through her scalp. "You don't--have to say that, Cal, I didn't--"

⠀⠀⠀"Did you mean it?"

⠀⠀⠀Evergreen eyes bored into her, sharpened edges of a bottle pinning her in place. A wad of fabric stuffed in her mouth, Vali couldn't speak, couldn't move, tongue heavy as lead. "I--" Yes. Chest tight, all she could see was Cal storming out, the door slamming. Utterly lost and alone, Vali would be left to curl into herself and sob until she had nothing left. Until her heaves were all stinging saliva and acidic bile, limbs worn and weary, eyes swollen and red.

⠀⠀⠀But all her life, Nia had been lied to, beaten, not told how wonderful she was when she deserved it. Seeing her leave would be the price Vali paid to tell her the truth. "Yes."

⠀⠀⠀Silence echoed between them for a moment as the world seemed to tilt beneath her, and she gripped the covers of her bed for support, as if they could keep her steady, from toppling across the hardwood floor.

⠀⠀⠀"Why?"

⠀⠀⠀Why. The one word slipped into her ears, wriggling like a worm, getting deeper and deeper, burrowing. She snapped her head up; Cal had one leg pulled to her chest, something dark and almost empty in her eyes, dark hair framing her face, limp and lifeless. Vali's heart squeezed, and she reached over and began to take it in her hands, pull it behind Cal's shoulder and braid it back so her girl wouldn't have to feel it on her shoulders and back. Could pretend it was the way she wanted it.

⠀⠀⠀"Because you're the most determined, strong person I've ever met. I have loved you since we were children. You were my knight in shining armor, always beating away Tamrion and Alianna when they made fun of me. You stand up for people, you won that Council election by being good, and you are caring, passionate. You stand up for the children and women and poor that high society does not. You are...so strong in face of so much pain, and you deserve...so much better than life has given you. I have loved all of this about you for years, Caledonia Hayden. It just...got romantic, I guess."

⠀⠀⠀With expertise, Avaliyah intricately and sharply twisted the dark strands into a braid, tying it off with a band before gently taking one of Cal's hands into her. Moving back to her side, she stroked Cal's scarred hand, anxiety arching through her when that hand began to shake.

⠀⠀⠀"Nia--?" Glancing up, Vali's words cut off. The light sconces in her room glistened, reflections of gold in Caledonia's green eyes. Her breath caught, and she moved closer, wrapping an arm around her broad shoulders. "Hey. You can cry, it's okay." Not often did Avaliyah see her cry, and it left her skin prickling. Not because she wanted her to stop, but because it was unusual, and sometimes, she truly did not know the best way to comfort her. It made it all the worse, though, and she took a breath. "I'm sorry. If I said something, I just--"

⠀⠀⠀"No," Cal interrupted, and she turned away, steadying herself, pressing her free hand into her eyes. "Dammit, I--just--sorry. I'm sorry. For--this--"

⠀⠀⠀"For emotions? Cal, we've been over this, you don't need to apologize."

⠀⠀⠀"Well, I do, okay? Just--it--means a lot, alright? What you said, I--" She stopped, blowing out a breath, and kicked a heel against the board under Vali's bed. "Okay. Um. I just...don't--always believe that about myself. Sometimes, I-I know my worth, other days, it's...hard. And when--when your own father can't love you--"

⠀⠀⠀"He was wrong," Avaliyah whispered fiercely. "My strong girl, he is so wrong. You are the best of us nobles, you have the fiercest heart and the fiercest body, may I add. He does not deserve to be in your life, and you deserve so much better than him. I love you. Your mother and brother, your aunt and cousin love you."

⠀⠀⠀"Vali--" Before Avaliyah could ask what it was, Cal turned and pulled her close, into a hug. "I love you, too," she whispered, and Avaliyah smiled against her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her in turn. "A part of me always has. Friends, girlfriends. Love is diverse, and even before we dated, you were the only one to befriend me. You are so kind, my Nova, my shooting star. So kind, so gentle, so damn good. I don't deserve you. I'm broken and you're a gold heart. But if you'll keep having me, then I'm yours. You're the best of us, Avaliyah Thorne, the best of Voxthain. I'm so proud of you."

⠀⠀⠀Tears burned, stinging Vali's eyes, and she buried her head in Cal's muscled shoulder. "And I of you, Nia. Always."

⠀⠀⠀Avaliyah snuggled deeper. Warmth and the smell of Cal enveloped her, soothing the anxieties and worries buried deep inside the very essence of her being. In these arms, she would never have a worry again. She would never fret over her brother's teasing again, never worry over what trouble her cousin was getting himself into. Never worry about if her mother was disappointed in her. All she wished was that her father was still alive--that he could be here, to be the father Cal never had. As they shifted, however, the box in Vali's hip pressed into her skin, and she yelped, drawing back.

⠀⠀⠀"I almost forgot! Here." With a smile, she reached into her pocket and withdrew it, handing it over. "For you."

⠀⠀⠀With a small smile, Cal kissed Vali's cheek before opening the lid of the box. Her eyes went wide, and she froze and glanced up. "A--a sword pin. It's beautiful." Removing it, breath held, Vali watched as Cal held it to the light. Silver with a glittering emerald and an intricate rose on the small hilt, she had had it made for her. "Did you...design this?"

⠀⠀⠀"I did. May I?"

⠀⠀⠀"Yes. I love it, Nova. Thank you."

⠀⠀⠀"You're my knight in shining armor, Nia. And you're so strong. Stronger than you know. I love you." And with that, she pinned it on the lapel of the jacket Cal had pulled back on, before leaning over and kissing her once more. The kiss back was desperate, and yet so tender and sweet with the way her hands found Avaliyah’s back and shoulders, holding her close. It was Cal, and Avaliyah would never ask for anything else.

⠀⠀⠀Even if they did not last as girlfriends, Avaliyah knew in her heart they would always be close. People evolved, changed, and grew. Maybe they'd grow apart in that sense. But as long as she was somehow in Cal's life, she knew she'd be okay. They were one another's best friends, and she prayed nothing would ever change that.