Nothing But Reading Challenges discussion

This thread is for the discussion of Up and In by Deborah Disney.



A wonderfully wry tale about the pressure women put on themselves and one another to fit in, measure up and look glamorous while doing it. Distinctly middle class parents, Maria and Joe have committed all available income to giving their daughters Kate and Sarah the best education possible, which to them means attending the most exclusive girls school in the state. But when Kate befriends the spoilt and moody Mirabella, Maria finds herself thrust into a high society of champagne-swilling mother-istas she hasn't budgeted for. Saturday morning netball is no longer a fun mother-daughter outing, but a minefield of social politics. While the increasingly neurotic Maria struggles to negotiate the school mum hierarchy, Joe quietly battles a midlife crisis and Kate attempts to grow up as gracefully as possible (without having her life ruined by embarrassing parents). For every woman who has ever felt she may be wearing the wrong shoes, this is a book that will remind you - you're not alone.

There is a giveaway for this book open from May 15 to May 25 which you can find HERE

There is a Q&A with the author open from June 15 to June 22 which you can find HERE

Discussion Questions for after you have finished reading Up and In.

(view spoiler)[
1. Is Maria essentially more self-absorbed, or more compassionate?

2. What motivates Maria's desire for Kate to be included in activities with, and accepted by, the daughters of the beas?

3. At what point, if any, can Maria truthfully say she doesn't care what Bea thinks of her?

4. Kate comments that Maria and Bea are alike. Do these two women have any similar attributes or flaws?

5. Are Maria’s observations about the beas always fair?

6. Which character is the least likeable?

7. Is Susannah possibly on the right track about Sonya? Are people born control-freaks, or is it a triggered state?

8. Is it unreasonable for Maria to complain about all the items on her ‘list’?

9. Should Joe get to keep his Porsche?
What factors have contributed to Kate’s loss of confidence?

10. Are Kate and Sarah overscheduled, as Joe suggests?

11. Is netball in fact ‘the teamiest of team sports’?

12. Is honesty or positivity more important when providing your child with feedback about their sporting performance?

13. Is it a good idea for Kate to change netball teams?

14. Would this story have played out similarly if the characters had been soccer mums (of boys) instead of netball mums?
(hide spoiler)]

Please use spoiler tags when discussing anything that may spoil the story for those who haven't read that bit yet.

Looking forward to reading this one! See everyone on the 15th!

I'm here and can't wait!

Hi Becky the Bookworm and Carmen the Bootyshaker Temptress - loving your goodreads names. Might need to give some thought to jazzing mine up ;-) See you back here on the 15th! X

Looking forward to starting this BR, see you all on the 15th!

I'm ready! See you next week

Me too! :D

Thanks Deborah and see you soon. I can't wait!

I'm ready :)

Got my copy too!

I have mine and ready to go :)

Chapter 1 - 6
I can relate to Maria, I'm also a middle class mum with similar aged kids. I went to a public school and both my kids do too at this stage, so I haven't rubbed shoulders with many high society mother-istas. I like to think that I wouldn't get drawn into all the "keeping up with the Jones'", but you never really know until you are put in the situation.

I am looking forward to getting to know more about Joe as the book progresses.

Hi Emma, Karen, Sonia, Stacie and Renee (as well as Becky and Carmen of course!) Thanks for settling in for a buddy read of Up and In - I'm looking forward to fielding any questions you might have! I think what you say is true, Renee - I'd like to think I wouldn't make all the decisions that Maria has, but you never know until you're 'in it'.
:-)

I've just finished the first 5 chapters and urgh! I want to kill Bea. Honestly. Those kinds of people just really rub me the wrong way. She is all about herself. I can't imagine shutting out a 4/5 year old like that!!
And the way the other mums seem to take their cues from her is a little disturbing.

@Renee; I am similar in that I grew up in a working class neighbourhood with lots of immigrants and went to public schools. It certainly wasn't glamorous or competitive across families! Although I also think parenting in the 70s/80s was quite different to today. We parents try too hard probably.

I certainly related to the scene where Maria is trying to work out what to do for Kate "Mother most desperate to avoid disappointing her children award". Unfortunately that is so me. I have an almost 3 year old and a bun in the oven and I already get agitated when out at a park or something and some kid doesn't want to play with my son or becomes mean. I will admit to being a reluctant helicopter parent. I don't want to be, but it just kills me to think of anything "disappointing" happening to my kids. I work very hard to keep that in check and allow things to happen ; as it is all a learning experience for them for adulthood which unfortunately does mean disappointment, pain, hurt etc. But it is SO hard to let it happen!! :o

I started the book early this morning and I only got to Chapter 3 before all hell broke lose here with getting my youngest ready for school.
Renee I totally agree with you. There are those types of mother here too but I'm a city girl so when I moved out in the I here with my hubby and saw the way they behaved it annoyed me more than wanting to be like them. Sure I'll donated money to buy a gift for the teacher but to keep up with Jones is never going to happen. I hate it when my neighbor wants to see what renovation I'm having done because the next thing I see is them trying to do one better.
I feel Maria's pain when her daughter wasn't invited to the birthday party. It's hard to explain to a almost 5 year old about invites and the Bea was very irritating and rude as hell. Answer the damn phone message!!

I managed to get in the first three chapters last night and I am loving it. I am enjoying the writing style and am liking the main character a lot so far. Not having kids I have never had to deal with the competitive mum set, but I can imagine it might get quite vicious in some circles.

I am so glad I decided to participate in this - it's the best fun for me seeing your comments AS you are reading! Karen - your comment about our generation of parents trying too hard rings so true. I am as guilty as anyone of trying to shield my children from disappointment - I often wonder though what their generation will be like when they are 'in charge'. I wonder if the inevitable disappointments of adulthood are going to make them fall in a heap ... Fortunately for my youngest daughter, she has an older sister who is making sure she has plenty of experience with losing, criticism, rejection :-( It is sooo hard though. In an almost unbelievable example of life imitating art, my eldest daughter was recently the only girl in her netball team not invited to one of the girls' birthday parties (I even wondered if her mother took her cues from Up and In about what might p*** me off the most) - Anyway, as sad as I was for her, it has actually been a good opportunity to teach her that other people's bad behaviour shouldn't change your behaviour - ie stay true to who you are and don't stoop to their level ... as tempting as that often may be. Anyway, thanks for all of your comments - I'm really looking forward to hearing any other thoughts you have as you go along! X

I just dropped the kids off at school, didn't get called in to work today, so decided to read a few chapters...... Ooops, I just finished Chapter 16 - I'd better take a break and read something else for a bit until you girls catch up, or I will be discussing it with myself!

Chapter 7 to 16
I loved the flashback in chapter 8 to 3 months after Kate was born.
(view spoiler)[ Spanks! I love them. My mum called them "step ins" when I was a kid, I don't know where that name came from? I can just see Maris sliding into that silky dress but it not fitting because of her boobs - I had the same issue after I had kids, I had to go up a couple of sizes in dresses because of my boobs. Then when Kate cried.... Oh that was funny! Karen, you have that to look forward to again soon!

And the scene trying to get the giant pram into the boutique store. I really hoped the sales assistant would come and help her, but I knew she wouldn't. It was like a scene from Pretty Woman, but with a pram. I had to have a giant 3 wheel jogging pram too, because I never jog! I don't know how many times I had to back it up and try again to get around the aisle in shops! (hide spoiler)]

The cost breakdown in Chapter 9 made me stop and think - it's so easy for things to add up. (view spoiler)[ Even on a tight budget it all adds up. I went to a ball with my hubby when we first moved to Darwin, the tickets were $50 each, a cheap $100 suit, an op shopped $20 designer dress, taxi's, babysitters, drinks after, a little play in the casino.... it all adds up. It was all worth it that night though, because I did make contacts and get a job :) (hide spoiler)]

Chapter 11 - parking the car (view spoiler)[ Oh I can relate to that! I hate parallel parking when someone is watching, even with the reversing camera, it's still stressful in the SUV (hide spoiler)]

Chapter 13
(view spoiler)[ Eeek - how mortifying to be asked if you are pregnant when you're not! (hide spoiler)]

Chapter 15
(view spoiler)[ The dog promise ..... I didn't want a dog - I didn't want to have to look after it, but hubby insisted and said he would do it all. Guess who had to do all the obedience training...? He does feed her and run her, and I have bonded and love her now. But she can be a real pain as she will jump over the 6 foot fence so has to be on a cable run outside. I wonder if Maria will cave in and let them have a dog, or if Joe will just get one anyway?

I can understand Joe wanting to change careers if he hates his job. My hubby and I have both had a few career changes so far, and we still have another 20+ years left to work. (hide spoiler)]

Renee wrote: "I just dropped the kids off at school, didn't get called in to work today, so decided to read a few chapters...... Ooops, I just finished Chapter 16 - I'd better take a break and read something els..."

Your Chapter 13 spoiler happens to me more often than I'd like to admit :(

So I'm not a mom but so far reading this book, I've had many flashbacks to junior high/high school! These women remind me of the "queen bees" (which makes Bea's name so appropriate) I had to deal with eons ago. I find myself wanting to reach into my Kindle and inflict violence on most of them!

Renee wrote: "I just dropped the kids off at school, didn't get called in to work today, so decided to read a few chapters...... Ooops, I just finished Chapter 16 - I'd better take a break and read something els..."

Also, your Chapter 15 comment on switching careers...I'm back in school now to do that very same thing! I can completely relate to wanting to change!

Deborah wrote: "....(I even wondered if her mother took her cues from Up and In about what might p*** me off the most) ...."


Oh no! That is terrible (and kind of hillarious) ;)
I'm glad you're enjoying everyone's comments. Must be so interesting (and probably a little scary) as a writer to get "live" feedback like this. :o
And I should say.,... thanks for the "X" at the end of your comment. Now I know that, at least for the moment, we are still on the Deborah List... teehee

I hate these women!!!

LOL chapter 20

(view spoiler)[So Maria just made a list for Joe of all the things she does around the house. I have made that very same list for my husband (also named Joe). It didn't go many places but I'm just glad I'm not the only one! (hide spoiler)]

That's so funny, Karen - I have a friend I have made completely paranoid with the whole 'X' thing since she read Up and In ... and I must admit I've made myself think about it now more than I should :-/ And Stacie, I think a lot of us are married to a Joe (by any other name, he's still Joe) ... My Joe is called Adam ;-)

I finished the book. I liked it Deborah! Thanks for talking with us. I plan to write a review both here and NetGalley and my blog if I can get over my block/frustration with HTML.

Thanks, Stacie, that's lovely of you! And what's your blog called - I'll have to go check it out! Btw, sorry I missed your earlier comments about Up and In transporting you back to high school - so many mums describe having children at school as feeling like you are back at school yourself, so that was a sensation I was trying to capture. Have a great day, Stacie, and enjoy whatever is next on the reading pile X

Here it is Deborah. I need to get back to doing it.

http://www.thesebookaremyfriends.com/

Stacie Mass D-Struction wrote: "Here it is Deborah. I need to get back to doing it.

http://www.thesebookaremyfriends.com/"

Coolio - I just signed up to follow via google (tried via twitter but couldn't make it work). Elly in Love looks like it's worth a look!

I know I should be doing a blog, but facebook makes it all too easy (most of the time). Here's where you can find my posts and next book updates, if you're interested:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Debora...

Stacie Mass D-Struction wrote: ".I'm back in school now to do that very same thing! I can completely relate to wanting to change! ..."

What are you studying Stacie?

I just completes a qualification to do the job I'm already doing :)



Pixie Bow Tie

Chapter 17 - 26
I'm so easily caught up in the story, so many things I relate to.

(view spoiler)[
I've made that mental list of what I do compared to hubby around the house too. And the milk glasses! They pile up on hubbys bedside table for a few days before he puts them in the sink. Either milk or half drunk cups of tea - I took four out the other day because I couldn't stand it and there was mould growing! (hide spoiler)]

I don't like Bea - but she can be quite charismatic like her daughter, so I can see how people could get sucked in.

Ok, so I had to move house today so what with preparing to move and actually moving I haven't had much chance to read. Anywho, I'm lagging behind a bit but will be back in the saddle tomorrow and should hopefully get some more chapters in after the big unpack tomorrow.

That's so funny, Renee!! I love it when I hear about things I have concocted in the world between my ears actually happening out in the real world. And Emma, I can totally relate - we have just listed our house for sale and I am meant to be spit-polishing right now in prep for Open for Inspection but I keep getting distracted by a book (She's Having Her Baby - funny read) ... and facebook ... and emails ...

Finished
Fun read. So many little anecdotal things I could relate to.

(view spoiler)[
That last bit just took off! I had some embezzlement suspicions, but it turned out to be a bit of a twist on that, with a similar result though.

It all wrapped up well. I was glad that Maria grew a bit and realised that her attitudes were affecting her children. I loved that final text at the end.
(hide spoiler)]

I started today, I have been very busy at work and wanted to finish an other book first. I like it so far. Will comment as I get further in the book. I have the day off tomorrow and have time to read.

Hi Everyone! I started this a couple days early and then, so sorry, but Orange is the New Black season 3 came out and I was in Netflix land for a couple days! LOL

I am 30% done. Hope to finish up this week!

Hi Imke and Lia - lovely to meet you!

Sorry I've been MIA but real life gets in the way of my reading/fantasy time LOL I'm about 30% into the story but I have to say I'm really liking this book. I see a lot of what goes around here. Oh and love the cover. It really suits the book.

I think I am about 70% of the way through and I am loving the book. The Beas are truly awful and I really hope they get their comeuppance. I really like Joe, he seems like a decent guy and (view spoiler)[I sort of feel sorry for him that Maria isn't being supportive of him when he is obviously unhappy. I understand how hard it is to truly hate your job and I have always moved on if I felt that way about mine. Considering how much money Maria has spent trying to keep up with the Beas in the past I think she is being a bit selfish with Joe's wants and needs and I am interested to see how their relationship all plays out (hide spoiler)].

Emma wrote: "I think I am about 70% of the way through and I am loving the book. The Beas are truly awful and I really hope they get their comeuppance. I really like Joe, he seems like a decent guy and [spoil..."
Thanks Emma - it's really satisfying to me that you are able to identify Maria's flaws - one of the hardest things for me in writing her character was to get a balance between her being likeable enough that my readers would be able to stand the sound of her voice, and yet still show her as going through this period of well ... not being her best self. I am so happy to hear you are enjoying it. X

☼♎ Carmen the Bootyshaker Temptress ☼♎ wrote: "Sorry I've been MIA but real life gets in the way of my reading/fantasy time LOL I'm about 30% into the story but I have to say I'm really liking this book. I see a lot of what goes around here. Oh..." Thanks Carmen the Bootyshaker Temptress! Oh and I love the cover too - the publisher put this to me as the first possibility and I was really thrilled with it, so we didn't even have to consider other options. They did give me a few different colours schemes and fonts but this one was a clear winner for me. X

Renee wrote: "
I loved the flashback in chapter 8 to 3 months after Kate was born.(view spoiler)[
I can just see Maris sliding into that silky dress but it not fitting because of her boobs - I had the same issue after I had kids, I had to go up a couple of sizes in dresses because of my boobs. Then when Kate cried.... Oh that was funny! Karen, you have that to look forward to again soon!..." (hide spoiler)]

haha, yes I remember doing that after my son was born. He was a few months old and so I figured my old stuff would fit me... and it did except around the chest... lol It was so annoying to have all these beautiful tops and dresses I'd been looking forward to wearing and none of them went past my neck as I struggled to get them on over my head! At least I know for this time to not even try for a long while!! :D

Chapters 6-11
Sorry I'm a bit behind because our BOM this month is HUGE and taking my reading time, but I managed to sneak in these chapters this morning
(view spoiler)[ I am finding the characters believable, sadly...! Many many years ago I went to work at the head office of a skincare company and I didn't realise that the kind of company draws people that are image and beauty obsessed. It was impossible to keep up with them so I just didn't try. Some of them were just like the Bea List ladies. Life's too short people!!
I'm cringing at Maria colouring her hair. I just know it is going to be horribly embaressing.... or maybe the wake up call she needs to not worry about them all anymore? Be more like Nic? (hide spoiler)]

Finished

What a great ending (view spoiler)[I loved the fact that some of the women got their comeuppance at the end and I have to say that Maria was a lot more gracious about it than I would have been by feeling compassion for them. If they had just been snubbing Maria then I would probably have been able to feel sorry about how things turned out for some of the Beas, but these were grown women who basically bullied a nine year old girl to get at Maria. Not cool Jan. However, I loved the lesson that you can't judge people's lives by the image they put out. None of us know what us going on in the lives of others behind the scenes and the best thing you can do is live your own life in your own way. I think Maria's realisation of that at the end was great and it felt like she finally emerged from the Bea haze she had been lost in for so long. Also, thought the text at the end was a great way to finish. (hide spoiler)]

Well it was a good choice Deborah. :)

Can anyone tell me how to do that 'view spoiler' thingy? I was about to reply to a couple of these posts and then realised I'd be doing my own spoiler with what I was about to write :-/

;0
Sure, just type
< spoiler >
without any spaces, and then your text, and then
< / spoiler >
without any spaces at the end
:D

Sorry I'm so far behind!! I have been crazy with work and family came for a few days.

Chapters 1-8

I dislike people like Bea who are so snobby and self absorbed. I love the flashbacks so far especially in chapter 8 since as a mother I can relate to how that felt.

(First time I have participated in a discussion of a book)

Victoria wrote: "Sorry I'm so far behind!! I have been crazy with work and family came for a few days.

Chapters 1-8

I dislike people like Bea who are so snobby and self absorbed. I love the flashbacks so far ..."

Hi Victoria - so lovely to meet you! Thanks for reading Up and In and I am so excited this is your first participation in a buddy read! Mine too :-) And don't worry about being a bit behind - I love getting to see everyone's feedback so much I am happy to keep checking in with you until you're all finished. X