Kids/Teens Book Club discussion

Ok, here is an exercise when one person writes a hook to their story, then the next person reviews it, then writes their own, ect ect...

FOR EXAMPLE:

Person 1) Robert was walking to the shops when the trouble began.

Person 2) I think its slightly interesting, like: whats the trouble? But i thought in a whole it was a little boring and stereo-typical.
My hook: The moon night was silent, but that's what made it so scary. The house was a normal house, in a normal neighbor hood in a normal town. But thats what made it so scary.
And when the man came, and stood at the edge of the street, looking over the houses, it was his weirdness, that really began the horror that would not end for many, many decades.

Person 3: I thought it was a little long, and you should ahve used another word, not 'scary' but otherwise i loved it and would like to keep reading. Heres my hook: blahbfkdsogjdsogejfklsdfl]p[e;'drpf;


ect ect...

I was not always insane just a little demented as a kid not until I saw hell.I am a Half-Vampire and I am Nature's perfect killer.

I really liked it!
Very attention grabbing, nice grammar (which i always important in a hook) and id like to read some more and see where thats going!

My Hook:
My name is Esmerelda.
I was born in the year of 1630, sixty one years before the Legendary Salem Witch Hunts began.
I died in that Witch Hunt.

Oooh! Creepy! It's like her ghost is telling the story! It makes me wonder why she was accused of being a witch and if she really was one.

My Hook:
It's hard, if you've ever had siblings, you know what I'm talking about. And it's even harder if your name is Stellarina Louise Carrington.

Oh I like it it gives you information but also makes you wonder whats going to happen.


What would happen if heaven and hell fought and the living were caught in between.I am humanitys last hope and I am a mere prepubesant child.

Hmm. Would a child use the word prepubescent? This can sometimes sound like the author is trying to hard. OR, it could mean that you have a character that isn't typical. :)


(I think I've posted this in another topic. This is just the beginning; the whole hook is about a paragraph)

Once upon a time. Such a strange way to begin a story.

um, great, makes me want to read more. Better if it's from a first person's point of view.

mine:
I didn't think I could make such a mistake, but I actually did it. And it's all too late.

I really like it. THe only thing i think could make it better (just my opinion on your story) is if this person was already in 'the 4th corner' that way we want to know exactly what it is. That way it is more mysterious and fictitious.


MY HOOK: The day is not distant.
I see it in black and white.
Why, oh why? did I go to the train Station that night.

Jordan wrote: "Hmm. Would a child use the word prepubescent? This can sometimes sound like the author is trying to hard. OR, it could mean that you have a character that isn't typical. :)


(I think I've posted t..."

Well he has to stop the two afterlifes from fighting (hes a decieving child) and he has to be smart right to stop a war like this

Ooh, I love spy stories. ^_^ That was good hook.

Here's one for a story idea I have that's in development right now. xD :

They told me that if I went through the indigo door, all of my wildest dreams would come true.
But I forgot that nightmares are dreams, too.

Sweet. A bit um, what's the word, too narrative, perhaps? It's interesting, also maybe a tad cliched, from what I can tell from the hook. But still, probably something I would pick up. 3.5/5

My Hook: My pencil traced the paper, carefully forming each letter as neatly as possible. I could see my hand slightly shake as each word appeared tauntingly before my eyes. As I neared the end of the page, my breathing became more difficult and rasping. My heart was thudding at the thought of finishing this letter, this suicide note.

Eeep. Definitely gets your attention...not sure if I would continue to read, though. Not because of the hook, which is good, but the subject...

Mine:


I am dead and buried, ill and dying, alive and thriving. Maybe I should explain.

oh dark

I have seen demons but I am sane I am a Raven but I am a Person I have no limit of magic. and I am the cause of round about 14569 things deaths. I have seen things that would make you kill yourself just from the thought of thoose things happening to you.I am a Raven well my name is Raven I have taken the title of Raven because well it just sounds cool.Sue Me!!!!!!!!

Umm... A little odd. I wasnt to sure of the ending line.
I think instead of writing the 14569 things, just write a large number.
Perhaps a lot more punctation could be used as well.




He got down on one knee, taking my hand in his.
I looked him in his emerald green eyes, and his mouth curled up into a stunning smile.
"Ellen Lavelle" he began in his silky voice. It sent shivers down my spine as tears of happiness oozed from my eyes.
"Will you make me the happiest man alive?" he asked with a beautiful smile. THe sun shone off his bronze hair, and as i nodded with joy, agreeing to be his bride, it was the happiest moment of my life.
It was also the worst decision I would ever make.

Freaky! In a good way though! I would definitely want to read more!


My hook:

Most children would've stood up shouting that it wasn't fair and that the Mayor should change his decision. But not Ali. Ali accepted how things were, she knew how to cope. She had been coping both physical and mental pain for fourteen years, so why not longer?

Ali Norman just needed to face the facts. The facts right now show that she will be sacrificed to the Sea God, whether she likes it or not.

((Do hooks have to start in the very beginning of a story?))

Nice job. :)


My hook:

A person saved my life once, without even trying. I fell in love with that person, without meaning to. Now they told me that person was going to die, and there was nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.

As usual, Jillian your work is amazing! Though I think the hook itself is too wordy, but if its part of a novel, then it's perfectly fine! :D

Mine:

Her eyes bored into me, so mesmerizing, so intense… Her thoughts chanted in my head.

Save me…save me…save me and I shall reward you beyond your imagination… I used all my energy and shoved her out of my head.

She looks at me simply again, those eyes, God, those eyes. I met them and she was there again. Speaking again, speaking so that only I could hear her pleading voice.

Why, Brendan? Help me…you shall not regr–– I knew how to deal with this. I started reciting the Gettysburg Address in my head, this drove her away.

Then, I made a split second decision. I've had enough. I looked at the distant setting sun, focusing on it. As long as I wasn't drawn to her eyes, I was okay.

I fought the drowsy atmosphere around me, and stood up shakily, refusing to look at her. Somehow, I found my legs and could work them. Before she could stop me, I scampered away like a coward. I heard her screech of fury. Her screech for me to stop. I didn't stop. I may be gullible, but I'm not stupid.

I ran away from that monster.

I think it was really good! I agree with how you critiqued Jillian's, a bit too wordy for a hook, but okay if it was an actual excerpt. It sounds really good! :)

My hook:
The day I woke up, I thought it would be a fantastic year. I had no idea of what I was, what I was able to do. I only knew that my name was Zoe Elizabeth Saeger, that I was thirteen years old, that today was my birthday, that school started in a dew days, and that I would have a fantastic year.

But I wasn't Zoe Elizabeth Saeger. And I wouldn't have a fantastic year.