Terminalcoffee discussion

What would be in your perfect vending machine? Here are the rules...(although I don't know why I bother with the goddamn rules in these types of threads, Kevin or somebody is gonna say something like "my vending machine has a two and a half foot Italian in the back who makes scrambled eggs and puts them on a plate when I hit G4":):

1. Your vending machine is near your place of employment in a lounge that has a microwave and refrigerator.
2. Your food has to be packaged. No bananas or whatever. You don't want those in a vending machine. Gross.
3. The vending machine can be refrigerated (e.g. sells cold things) and can hold both liquids and solid food.
4. I guess your vending machine doesn't have to have food. It can have other things as well.

What do you think? What's in your perfect vending machine?

Lol. Kevin totally would say that. And then he'd get in the bathtub and eat salami and make a big ol' mess.

Can I have something else besides a microwave in my office lounge? I really hate microwaved food. Even a hot plate would be preferable. I'd at least do what I do now and use an electric kettle to heat water to cook the majority of this stuff.


1. I want those mini packages of instant oatmeal. Brown sugar and cinnamon flavor.
2. Ramen noodles. Tons of ramen. The kind that comes with a big flat bowl and not only seasonings but packets of oil and spices. Nools (I think) knows what I mean.

3. Snickers

4. 3 Muskateers

5. Trail mix.

6. Bags of triscuit crackers.

7. Fruit stripe gum.

8. Laffy taffy

9. Pretzles

10. salt water taffy

11. Those chewy candies that are shaped like fruit and covered with sugar.

12. that salty goodness with things like cereal and pretzles and crutons and such

13. Pringles

14. dried fruit shit like bananas and mangoes and peaches. That stuff is gold when you're starving

15. bags of chocolate covered almonds

and in the cold section

16.
ginsing green tea with honey

17. unsweetened lipton tea with lemon

18. unsweetened lipton tea without lemon

19. chocolate milk

20. plain soda water. or agua "con gas" if this office is located in Europe.

and in the lotion/toiletries section:

21.
floss

22.
deodorant

23.
nivea lotion

24.
hair elastics

25.
cigarettes and a lighter (for true stressful emergencies. don't judge.)

26. Hell, as long as smokes go in there, a little bottle of bourbon.

No, no, no, Barb. Clearly there isn't enough oxygen in your glass tomb. You can't just say "my kitchen" and get a big ol' sandwich. That's not part of the rules.

Fail.

Into the tub with Kevin you go.

so no hookers making bowls of cereal right?

Ooh, you're right. I have an electric kettle I keep in the student lounge that I can't live without.

I assert that microwaved water tastes different than electric kettle boiled water.

I have to think on this one some but I know I'd want those little bottles of mouthwash you can take on airplanes. I LOVE those little bottles.

only if it is under like 4 ounces. otherwise you have to swig it right in the TSA security line and keep it in your mouth until you feel your breath getting skanky

Right, the little four ounce ones. I got one a couple weeks ago in Chicago at a Walgreens, swigged it in the parking lot, and spit it out, grossing my friend Bob out in the process.

i think i would need some kind of burrito's or something spicy. no salmon patties though. they ruin a microwave

Mine would have to have Co' Cola in it because my hospital is Pepsi-oriented and I do not care for Pepsi.

pepsi rots.

and you are from the south mary. you shop at piggly wiggly and push a buggy right?

No Piggly Wigglys (Wigglies? that doesn't look right) in Virginia, sadly.

sorry. co'cola is def a south thing (that i think is fun) and i thought maybe you were from AL / GA area

i was in Blacksburg last week. VA is pretty in the spring

Kevin "El Liso Grande" wrote: "only if it is under like 4 ounces. otherwise you have to swig it right in the TSA security line and keep it in your mouth until you feel your breath getting skanky"

How does your breath get skanky? Does it put on fishnet tights and go out clubbing?

i dunno. you never had skanky breath? what about a wonky eye?

Totally wonky. Like when it gets all twitchy? Yep.

I'm annoyed by the vending machine at work. It's been ruined by an attempt to have "healthy choices" in it, which means not only Baked Lays (yuck), but Baked Barbecue Lays (yuck squared!). Yeah, that's not going to satisfy my junk food cravings...

My perfect vending machine would have:
1. Swiss chocolate, dark
2. those little bottles of San Pelligrino, the Aranciata and Limonata flavors
3. Peanut M&Ms
4. Ruffles potato chips
5. shortbread cookies
6. chocolate covered espresso beans
7. Reese's peanut butter cups (love those!)
8. Yoplait yogurt, strawberry, cherry, and blueberry
9. Brie
10. Mini baguettes

And if RA hadn't specified no bananas, it would SO have bananas.

Jackie's machine kicked my machine's ass.

I would have said oatmeal packets, too, Sally, but I didn't want to copy. Brown sugar cinnamon is my favorite flavor. :)

uhhh. that is not a vending machine. that is R2D2

I need to borrow the tiny Italian chef to make pasta in my vending machine. For some reason I crave pasta when I'm at work--fresh hot al dente rotini with nothing on it but a little butter and a dusting of Parmesan cheese.

Ok, Bun, Barb, and Mary have now all failed this thread, Kevin style.

Kevin = thread killa

Damn....knew I shouldn't have mentioned the pasta. Or was it the tiny Italian chef that screwed me?

That you have to ask...

*shakes head sadly*

aren't bananas prepackaged by nature? i want bananas! apples, that would be gross.

1. teabags of all kinds, i want to be surprised
2. coca cola, in a bottle not a can, i don't like the taste of cans
3. (bananas) <----- RA shield, invisible
4. peanut m&m's
5. extra dark chocolate-y chocolate
6. extra dark chocolate-y chocolate with nuts
7. extra dark chocolate-y chocolate with nuts and raisins
8. floss
9. peppermints
10. peanutbutter
11. dark chocolate sprinkles
12. bottled beer (brand, hertog jan)
13. mouthwash
14. sally's brand of ramen noodles
15. prepackaged fruit salad, has to have pine apple and watermelon and grapes
16. oatmeal cookies
17. black liquorice, not the salty kind
18. pens

pens?

hot pizza, aspirin, tums, beer on tap.

Sally wrote: "pens?"

i always need more pens.

My sister gave me a pencil bag for Christmas. Now I never lose my pens because I love placing them in there when I'm finished with them. I'm such a dorkus.

Sally wrote: "My sister gave me a pencil bag for Christmas. Now I never lose my pens because I love placing them in there when I'm finished with them. I'm such a dorkus."

Do you have a pocket protector too?

No, no I don't. But I weigh nearly 200 lbs and do big heaving groans when I get up off any sitting contraption.

Mary wrote: "No Piggly Wigglys (Wigglies? that doesn't look right) in Virginia, sadly."

When we worked in Clarksdale Mississippi for a few months, one of the nurses took me aside in the Piggly Wiggly and said that really, Ma'am, this is where all the black folks shop. The white folks shop at X Grocery down the road. I of course, continued to shop at the Piggly Wiggly and attend Catholic mass with the black folks. Believe me, the service was livelier.

Hmmm...the rules said packaged food only?
1. Dark chocolate.
2. Gum. Just in case.
3. Tato Skins (I loved them when I was a kid, but I've only seen them once since, in a vending machine)
4. Goetze's Caramel Creams (the only thing I've ever bought from a vending machine)
5. Surf Snacks organic sour gummy worms
6. Ice cream bars. Maybe the Good Humor toasted almond one?
7. Natty Bo
8. Carrot sticks in a bag?
9. Cheese?

Please note that I would walk by this machine, stare at it longingly, acknowledge that I was not carrying any change, and then proceed to repeat that process every day for a year.

Hahaha! Me too. Vending machines are like foreign lands to me. I never ever ever have enough cash/change on me to buy stuff from them.

i am in an airport now in sow's ear mississippi and am thirsty and all i have is twenties and the pop machine takes like $1.37 for a coke.

I'm sure it is at least 2.00.

If you are thirsty you should drink water. Coke dehydrates.

same problem here. and those days i do have enough change i don't know what to choose because it will be a while before i have enough change again. after five minutes i then choose something and eat it, but i'm not really happy with it because i'm still thinking about all the other things i could have chosen but didn't. then even if i have enough change i don't buy from the vending machine because i know no matter what i choose i will still be sad because i didn't choose something else. vending machines should not be that frustrating.

19. carrot sticks

yeah prob is. i could drink a water i suppose. or just go to the drinking fountain. (that's bubblah for those of you following along in boston)

Vodka. Preferably chilled. Even more preferred: Grey Goose vodka.

Oh, and some peanuts. Peanuts and vodka go together quite nicely.

That's why you put the Captain in with it Barb.

I am drinking diet coke right now. And I'm wondering if my lips taste like ass.

I'm eating a banana, that I had to bring from home because the vending machine doesn't sell them.

But, I am NOT eating M&M's, because I have no quarters, just nickels, dimes and pennies, which the gumball machine doesn't take.

Darn it, darn it, darn it!

RA, Can you ask Mrs RA about the taste of your lips?

Jackie, the banana is better for you in the long run.

I'm not sure I want to say "Do my lips taste like ass?" to her. She might have questions.

Just kiss her, and then say "how do my lips taste?"

Sally, I eat the M&Ms WITH the banana.
Okay, here's the thing. I HAVE quarters, three of them, sitting on my computer. But they are special quarters with Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, and American Samoa designs on the backs. I can't spend them!

And RA: hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Yes, I could see that being an awkward conversation. :)

Now I'm eating chocolate covered espresso beans I had stashed in my desk. Yum!

Oh, I hope I can sleep later...