Terminalcoffee discussion

That is sad.

Um...since Lindsay seems to have posted this all over the place, in every group, I'm tempted to spam it. I don't know. Maybe she sees this as some sort of tribute. Oh, guess it can't hurt to leave it up.

You did catch that she was 11 right?

Well, just in case...

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, Lindsay.

Nah, I didn't catch that, Jimmy. What should we do?

I don't think she really offended anyone, and obviously the loss of her cat is affecting her(my condolences Lindsay) but I thought we had established an age limit, didn't some other girl get removed because she was 13. Just being selfish in not wanting to self edit what I might type.

Maybe she won't come back.

Barb (Lady of the Glass Box) wrote: "She might the very next day ... you never know."

You're killing me, Barb.

I wanted to put this in the "Mary have you seen this?" thread but I couldn't find it. So it goes here, in this very appropriately titled thread.

Enjoy:



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.




This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

[image error]

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww




From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

You people are breaking my hearts that you're not all agog with love for this.

oh really? no wonder.

fuck that I spent 2389 hours linking them to my email account. DUH!

Well, pm me your email if you want me to forward the hilarity to you then.

Sally, I didn't see pictures, but the email exchange had me laughing so hard... tears! :) That was hilarious!!!

I'd love to recycle this. I'd give you credit for introducing me to it, of course.

Sally, this absolutely made me snort my tea (I'll bet it's even better with pix). Thank you. (I'll bill you for my keyboard if it doesn't air out by tomorrow) :D

here's a version with pictures: http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html

hilarious!

I LOVE David Thorne! He's one of the funniest pranksters alive.

Oh thank you Janine!

It IS hilarious!!! And now with pictures (thanks, Janine), it's friggin over-the-top GINORMOUS hilarity!!!

EVERYONE NEEDS TO OPEN THE LINK @ JANINE'S MESSAGE 18!!!!

It's funny. You can thank me later for making this a mandatory read. :)

These are the two David Thorne prank e-mails you ABSOLUTELY MUST READ RIGHT NOW:

Blockbuster Employee of the Month, in which he protests having to pay late fees for films he watched and hated.

"Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight" - I'm not even going to attempt to describe how hilarious this is. You'll have to take my word for it.

I was slightly amused by the second one until I got to the last 5 posts. OMG, hilarious!!!

Plus, you're only, like, 12. This is an adult group (allegedly.) Shouldn't you be in bed right now, or something?

Can someone please evict the incredibly rude child?

Lindsay wrote: "EVERY ONE PLEASE GET THIS STUPEDNESS OF MY CATS DEATH NOTICE!"

I'm sorry, but this may be the funniest post I have seen in a long time. I TOTALLY get the stupidness of your cat's death notice, Lindsay!

Has anyone ever seen the Aziz Ansari bit where he gets on facebook and harasses his fourteen year old cousin by joining his cousin's AP History study group?

Lindsay is booted. Thanks, Buns and Mary, for your civility. Who would invite her to the group?

All you goddamn gramar teachers...heh...

:: Lindsay was very entertaining.... RA did you invite her to the "gramar" thread?

I gotta give credit to Lindsay for changing the title of this thread to "Gus you suck balls."

I've never sucked balls before, so that seemed somewhat odd that I'm accused of sucking balls.

And, for what it's worth, the ball sucker here is Sally, for posting David Thorne's lost cat e-mail thread.

(I'm kidding Sally. I know you don't suck balls. Right? Don't let me make an assumption here...)

So to recap Bun and Mary remained civil, Lindsay got booted, Gus does not suck balls, and the jury is out on Sally. What a great start to this day!

Oh, that was Lindsay who changed the title? I figured it was Heidi, picking on you for something...

I assumed it was Sally or RA who changed the title. Ha!

Bun, you and Mary were great in your responses to Lindsay. I kind of wish we hadn't booted her just yet. I thought her posts were intensely amusing. WHY IS GUS THE ONLY ONE GETTING CREDIT FOR SUCKING?!!

Actually my favorite post of Thorne's is the Simon's Pie Chart one. I frightened my coworker reading that one.

OMG this thread totally gave me the hiccups I was laughing so hard.

I think this is my new favorite thread.

I guess I am the ball sucker here, for bringing the stupidness to Lindsay's death notice thread. I just figured it would languish for the rest of time so I wanted to jazz it up a bit. Guess I sucked too hard and burst a vessel or something.

Sally wrote: "I just figured it would languish for the rest of time so I wanted to jazz it up a bit. Guess I sucked too hard and burst a vessel or something."


I'm glad you jazzed it up, Sally. I was avoiding this thread like the plague before you posted in it.

...the jury's still out on Sally.

Holy shit, coffee just got splattered all over my monitor.

Sally, I love you for going there. Ball sucker.

That one just totally went right over my head until you pointed it out, Gus. Wow.

speaking of dead cats (are we still speaking of dead cats? probably not) elmo died a month ago. he was a great foster mother for the younger cats, but he didn't look out and was killed by a mower. here's a picture of him with a bloodshot eye:

Ohhh, that takes the fun out of the thread. :(

He is cute, though.

Yeah, back to sad.
Janine, you ballsucker.

Sally wrote: "Yeah, back to sad.
Janine, you ballsucker."

ah, i see we're back to sucking balls again.

Barb (Lady of the Glass Box) wrote: "Lets see if I can perk it back up with a picture of a cat, drawn by an adorable 4 y/o.

"

HOOOOMG! That's so cute and cheerful!!! You should frame that, Barb.

you could always keep the picture. very cute drawing!

maybe he has a nice bow on his tail.

But she's smiling.

She's smiling, so it's consensual.

Either that or she's laughing at him.

I think she's laughing at him.

gross.

OR she could be propositioning HIM.